Knowing and Walking
by Zion Angel
Summary: As all seems to be falling apart, everything comes together. It is only with faith and love that the One will be discovered. The story of the One and his Love through the first film. FINISHED.
1. Heartbreak

Title is a work in progress. Might keep it, might not. I hadn't been planning on posting this until I finished chapter three, but given how quickly I seem to be able to write on my new laptop... And anyway, I'm sure you'd all be used to my slow updates by now. But I'll do my very best to post each chapter ASAP. Cross my heart and hope to die. Oodles of love, people.

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter One

Heartbreak

---

They fell away from their clashing swords, circling each other, waiting for another opening. Ghost tore away a scrap of fabric from his sleeve and let it fall to the floor. She did not care that it was only the third time he had done that after a full twenty minutes of sparring, nor did she care that he had already cut away her left pant leg from the knee down, among many other things. She was just grateful to be doing something so reliable for a change.

Trinity really did love Ghost. He was one of the few people she knew she could always count on. In the eleven years they had known each other, he had never once abandoned her in a time of need, not on duty or home in Zion. She knew that if she ever found herself in trouble, he would be there to help her out of it. Sometimes she swore he could sense when she needed him, even through endless miles of sewers when they had not seen or spoken to each other in weeks. It had been exactly her thought when he radioed the Neb, out of the blue, and asked if she was up for a blind fight.

Sensing the opening, Trinity took the initiative and rushed towards him again.

Focus. That was his gift right now. Blind sword fights required every bit of concentration either person could conjure up. A second of inattentiveness by either fighter could jeopardize the life of an ally, even here in the Construct. Ghost's gift was an excuse not to think about _him_.

Most soldiers could learn to fight blindfolded, and could do it with a fair amount of skill, but only the best of them could learn to blind fight with swords. It took years to learn, and even when they did, there was always risk involved, always the chance that they might slip up and harm, or be harmed, so complete concentration was always needed. The entire goal of the exercise was control and focus - two things that were in such short supply in her life lately.

Trinity grew bolder and more confident in her moves. She sidestepped him as he attacked, and slashed his right sleeve. She ducked beneath him as he tried to turn back, and cut his side. She was falling into the rhythm of their movements. A moment later, she somehow moved her sword in such a way that she ripped his clear from his hands and sent it flying into the air. She flipped over him and caught it, landing clear across the dojo. She pulled the blindfold away from one eye, and saw him doing the same. "Thanks for bringing me in here." She threw it back to him, and they resumed fighting stances.

She wasn't quite sure how she lost her focus. Her best guess was that thanking Ghost reminded her of just what she needed to be distracted from, brought him into her mind, at least subconsciously. But she wasn't quite sure. Her fighting faltered after that. Between the three or four strikes she made against him over the next few moments, he managed to make a good twenty, pushing her towards a corner in the process. She jumped over him again, so she could land far away, and give herself time to regain her composure, but he attacked again while she was above him. Her landing was far from flawless, and when her feet touched the ground, a searing pain flashed through her left shoulder. Something hot began running down her arm, and she realized that he had cut her.

"Trinity!" he called, running over. His voice was fearful, panicked. "Trinity, are you all right?"

She slowly removed the blindfold and stared down at her arm. Her blood was dripping down the blade of the sword now. It wasn't a very deep cut, and there was a relatively small amount of blood, but he made a fuss over it. Twice he tried to look at her arm, and twice she pulled away. He tried to pull her arm towards him again, and she snapped. "I'm _fine_," she finally yelled, practically jumping back. He stared at her, confusion and concern written all over his face, and it took her several seconds to realize that now it was not about her arm, but about the fact that she was breathing very heavily.

__

Shit.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, stepping away from him. "I must just be distracted about something. I'll talk to you later." She spoke the release code for the program before he could say anything. She stared at the ceiling of the core, feeling the dull pain creeping into her shoulder, mind all but blank. Finally, she reached around and unplugged herself, sat up and pushed the sleeves of her two sweaters up. There was no bruising in her arm, at least not yet. She let the fabric fall down again, and shook her head, laughing in apparent defeat. She swung her feet over the edge of the chair and stood. When she looked up, Switch was standing behind the operator's console. Her eyes captured Trinity's gaze, and it was as if the sword had gone through her heart.

---

Morpheus sat back in his chair, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He seemed to be enamored in the document on the computer screen, but she was sure that wasn't it.

"You're going to have to tell them sooner or later," Trinity muttered. "They haven't believed you about him from the start. Granted, they still won't believe you when you tell them, but..."

He sighed and leaned forward onto his forearms. "That's the problem. I'm worried that if the rest of the crew doesn't believe that he's the One -"

"Morpheus, you can't unplug him," she stated flatly.

"I know you don't want him hurt, Trinity, that's why, -"

"_You_ don't want him hurt." He looked over his shoulder at her, and she met his eyes squarely. "I never said I believed you."

"Regardless of your believe me or not, Trinity, this will be -"

"Morpheus, you will _kill_ him," she said forcefully, walking in front of him. His eyes remained fixed on the floor. "You _cannot_ unplug him. You know the chances of him surviving even one day after you tell him the truth are a thousand to one, and that's only if he even lives long enough for you to tell him in the first place." He still did not look at her. "Believe you or not, I still know how much this means to you. Are you really willing to risk his life?" she asked angrily. He did look up at her, then. "What the hell am I saying?" She said after a frozen minute. She stood up straight and turned, pacing. "Of course you are. You were with all the others."

"Trinity -"

"You risked them, you _lost_ them, but no, you didn't stop, once they were dead, you figured out that they were just like everybody else, then you _really_ found your precious One," she said cynically.

"Trinity, that isn't -"

"Remind me to thank Niobe the next time I see her," she said, stopping in the far corner of the cabin, glaring at him. "She's probably the only reason you didn't kill me, too." She met his eyes, and found that he was glaring right back at her. They stood in the angry stillness in the room until her temper had ebbed enough for her to speak rationally. "Look. Whether he lives or dies, what makes you so sure he won't be like all the others? How is he different enough to make you certain?"

"Why don't you want him unplugged?" Her glare faltered. "You've never cared about whether we pulled out anyone else before. Why didn't you worry about the others as much as you worry about Neo?"

The answer came to her without thinking. "The others were young enough," she lied, confident stature returning. "And I wasn't nearly as worried that anything would happen to them because of you."

"That's why we have to be very cautious with him." He held her gaze tightly, emphasizing his point. He walked past her to the door, and left.

Why _didn't_ she want him unplugged? She knew the painful answer almost before she was done asking the question. _You don't want to get even more attached. You don't want to see him die._ Because, whether he was the One or not, he would die. There simply was no way around it. She left Morpheus' quarters and followed him to the mess hall, lagging far behind. Her slow walk was disheartened, and her eyes were fixated on the floor in front of her. She did not even realize that she was not alone until her arm was grabbed roughly, and she was dragged down a side hall.

"You plan on a telling me what that was?" Switch probed.

"What?"

"Last night," she barked. She moved closer to Trinity, backing her into the wall. "Neither of you have ever been able to actually draw blood since you first started learning. And if I recall correctly, even then it wasn't a very common thing to have happen." Her eyes narrowed, and she advanced even closer to her. "So what the hell happened last night?"

Trinity's defensiveness kicked in again, and she pushed Switch away roughly. "It's called an accident." She glared, and passed by her. "They actually happen sometimes. I was distracted." She hurried the rest of the way to the mess hall, and started fixing her dinner immediately. She would be spared the rest of this conversation if they weren't alone.

"Seriously?" she heard Mouse ask eagerly.

"Don't get so excited," Apoc said solemnly.

She turned around to find the rest of the crew seated around the table, with Morpheus standing at the far end. Except for Mouse, and maybe Tank, they all looked solemn, quiet. Switch found them this way when she entered. "What?"

"He says Neo's the One," Mouse said excitedly.

Apoc didn't deflate his enthusiasm this time, but turned to Trinity instead. "Did you know about this?"

She tried to avoid it, but Switch caught her eye an held it for a moment. "Not much longer than you have."

Dozer shook his head. "Morpheus, you can't honestly be thinking of doing this again."

"Don't bother," Trinity interjected, sitting down across from him with her dinner. "I've already tried to talk him out of it."

He sighed. "Should I even bother asking if you're any more sure about this one than you were about the others?"

She glanced up at Morpheus before he spoke. "Tell us the truth," was her wordless message.

"I am," he said confidently.

---

It didn't surprise her that hearing Morpheus say he was certain about Neo only made things worse for her. Nothing really surprised her by then.

The best thing she could think to compare Neo to was a drug, the latest concoction some punk whipped up in his quarters in Zion. Whenever she wasn't absorbed with him, watching or thinking about him, she was terrified of him. Terrified of her feelings for him. But he was addictive, and, somehow, she was more afraid of losing the way she felt when she watched him than she was of becoming more captivated by him. She was only afraid when she wasn't with him. So, she took more and more shifts, let them last longer and longer, even more than when they had first discovered him. Without fail, she regretted her decision not more than five minutes after she finally left the core, but, somehow, she could never stop herself from going back. Like right now. Tank's shift to watch him was due to start any minute, but she had no intention of leaving any time soon.

There was not even a slight footstep to warn her, but suddenly, she was spun around in her chair, and found Switch standing with one hand on either armrest. "This isn't just about your arm, you haven't been yourself for months."

"Back off," she hissed. She forced her way out of the chair, but only made it a few paces before Switch blocked her path again.

"For starters, the Trinity I know could have come up with something a hell of a lot better than that bullshit line about being distracted."

"Get out of my way," she said as she pushed her to the side.

"You're going to have to tell me sooner or later and you know it!"

She spun around and met Switch head on. "People actually change, did you ever think about that?"

"_Not_ like that, _not_ that fast!"

She did not even take the time to glare, she simply turned again, heading straight for the ladder to the lower deck. "What exactly are these drastic changes you've noticed?"

She almost made it, but Switch stepped between her and the ladder at the last moment. "You stopped playing cards with us after dinner. You haven't been sparring as much and when you do you're not as good as you could be. You can't get your work done on time. You spend all your time watching the Matrix. I can't remember the last non-work-related conversation you carried on with someone. For god's sake, Trinity, you haven't laughed or smiled in three fucking months!"

"That's a change?" she asked cynically, trying to pass.

Switch braced her arm against a pipe, blocking the path again. "You're hardly a ray of sunshine, Trinity, but we can usually get you to crack a smile or two at dinner."

She gave up and headed for the ladder at the other end of the Core.

"Harper!" She didn't respond. Switch followed and grabbed her forearm, and Trinity snapped. She spun around, fist raised and aimed straight for her face. She managed to catch the fist before it impacted, but Trinity twisted out of the grasp and instinctively dropped to the floor, sweeping her legs at Switch's ankles. She jumped, and before she even had a chance to stand up again, Tank was between them, pushing them away from each other.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She didn't answer, just glared at Switch and quickly descended the ladder.

---

The days that followed were nothing short of hell. Switch confronted her every chance she got, cornering her in the hallways, when she was repairing something in a deserted part of the ship. Trinity tried her best to avoid her, but it did no good. She was able to leave on a few occasions, but more often she was forced to defend herself again and again. She was running out of things to say. Several nights after the first encounter, Switch spent ten minutes pounding on her cabin door. Even though Trinity wouldn't answer, she did not stop until Morpheus came out to ask what was going on.

"There is something seriously wrong with her," came Switch's muffled voice through the door. "Do something about it, she won't talk to me." After that, she backed off, but, knowing her, it was only so that she could try a more subdued, rational approach later.

Morpheus did try talking to her, twice. He was easier to handle. Unlike Switch, she had no trouble completely blowing him off, when necessary. The first of their conversations lasted not more than a minute, and was little more than Trinity telling him, more or less, to piss off. The next time, he was able to keep her calm, make her stay and explain herself, even if it did take some doing. He even managed to make her admit that something was wrong.

"It's my problem," she said flatly. "I'll deal with it myself."

He leaned in toward her. "Trinity," he said sympathetically. "You know I normally don't mind letting you work out your problems on your own, but this... whatever it is, it _has_ been affecting you, significantly, more than I think any of us realize. And by default what affects you affects the rest of the crew."

She turned her head away and her eyes fell shut. She had finally figured out why she didn't want anyone else to know what was going on - it meant that any hope of a way out was shattered into a million tiny pieces.

"I would love to let you keep to yourself on this one," he explained slowly. "But unless something changes soon, I won't be able to." He left then. Before the door could close, she heard someone else come in. She knew instinctively that it was Switch. A quick glance confirmed it.

She paced back and forth a few times before stopping, and finally speaking. "You know you have to tell me sooner or later."

"That's the thing, actually." She stood up, and headed for the open door. "I don't."

---

It was getting bad. When she went to watch him, she had stopped caring that she would regret it later. She was early for her shift, as usual. It wasn't her shift, really, but she was still early.

She materialized in the small storage room, plugged in her laptop, and waited for it to boot up. Just days before, Morpheus had ordered surveillance of Neo from within the Matrix. That was where Cypher was, in a car across the street from his apartment building. She knew he was being a slacker - he couldn't learn shit sitting outside his window - but she said nothing.

When the laptop warmed up, she set to work hacking into his computer. She sifted through his most recent files. Some office work, though there was very little of it, a few programs he was going to sell to private customers, and some work for himself. She had know about his files on the Matrix for some time. They detailed everything he knew about Morpheus, the Resistance, the Matrix, everything. They had grown in the last several weeks, mostly thanks to her own guidance, which she had more or less managed to hide from him. She scanned through the most recent additions, then opened a second screen to follow his current actions online. He was in a chat room. Watching a chat room, more accurately; he hadn't announced his presence. She watched the conversation as well for several minutes, until an idea struck her.

---

Some full-of-himself punk was online, bragging. Neo just leaned back in his chair with his half-empty beer bottle and watched.

SuperStatic: i swear i figured it out this time

FOS4: U said that before, u don't know any more than the rest of us.

He was actually kind of pissing Neo off. Arrogant little brat acting like he was the king of the universe. He obviously didn't know as much about the Matrix as he said he did, otherwise he'd know he wasn't the only person to be dead positive they had it figured out.

TimaXe: what's your new theory?

SuperStatic: it's kind of a euphemism for the government

JACKSON: That the best you can come up with?

FOS4: that's lame! somebody else told me that a week ago

SuperStatic: shut up and let me finish!

quark: I heard that 2

Neo might have been inclined to join the conversation and share his wisdom in the past. But he had learned so much lately, and he really liked the idea of knowing so much more than so many of the other hackers searching for answers. Didn't really matter though. It was just a hobby for them. For him, it was his life.

SuperStatic: its cuz the gov controls us and oppresses us. that's why u always hear people talking about fighting it

FOS4: i told u it was lame

SuperStatic: like u could do better

TimaXe: i've heard much better theories

SuperStatic: but it makes sense! that's why nobody knows what it is cuz its a euphemism

They descended into a petty argument then. It was a pity that there were so few serious Searchers out there, so few people he could have a serious discussion with. Most people interested in the Matrix had just heard about it in a chat room. Their interest in it rarely lasted more than a few months. Neo had met hundreds of people who had heard about it, but only a few dozen felt the way he did, only a few had made the connection between that and the Matrix, knew that the truths behind both were somehow connected.

The conversation was going nowhere. Not like it ever did. He was about ready to sign off.

User logon: RedQueen.

Something stopped him from logging off, made him wait to see what this newcomer had to say.

RedQueen: I can tell you amateurs for a fact that you aren't even close.

FOS4: who the hell are u?

RedQueen: Someone who knows a lot more than you do.

TimaXe: how do u know your theory is right?

RedQueen: Believe me, I know. And it's not a theory.

JACKSON: Ever meet Morpheus?

RedQueen: I know him very well, in fact.

Neo's fingers were flying over the keyboard, frantically entering the codes and commands needed to track this hacker. Not only did she at least claim to know for a fact what the Matrix was, but she - what the hell? Before he could even really get going, he ran into one of the best defense systems he had ever seen, and he was willing to bet there would be more beyond this one. He flipped back to the chat room.

RedQueen: I've met plenty of people whose knowledge of the Matrix is several times what all of you know added together.

SuperStatic: but i bet there's a lot of people who know less than we do.

RedQueen: Considerably less. But, again, there are those who know a lot more.

Their quickly deflated egos created a long pause in which no one said anything.

RedQueen: Why don't you tell them what you know, Neo?

TimaXe: who?

Stunned, Neo immediately hit the keys for the shortcut exit commands. He may not have been a world renowned hacker, but he could hide his presence in a chat room. It wasn't as if someone could go in and weed out any lurkers. They would have to know he was watching already, hack into his computer, watch him as he worked.

Shit.

---

Trinity smirked. What hacker hadn't at one point or another had someone else hack them? But, then, she knew him well enough by now. She expected his reaction.

She checked the clock in the corner of the screen. Cypher still had time left in his shift. She shouldn't relieve him, and it wasn't as if there was anything to relieve him of. Sitting outside his apartment wasn't exactly difficult. But there wasn't really any reason to leave him out there for another ten minuets if she was already watching Neo. She pulled her phone from her coat pocket and hit the speed dial.

"Yeah?"

"Is everything in place?"

"You weren't supposed to relieve me..."

"I know, but I felt like taking a shift." Her tone dared him to push it any further.

"You like him, don't you?" he taunted, not the least bit intimidated. "You like watching him."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said in exasperation. She wasn't sure how convincing she sounded.

"We're gonna kill him. You understand that?" He had been badgering the crew with this point since they found out Neo was going to be unplugged. She agreed, but she had been trying to hide it - more from herself than anyone else. "He's going to die just like all the others."

"Morpheus believes he's the One."

"Do _you_?"

Did she? She still couldn't even give herself a solid answer. "It doesn't matter what I believe," she finally said, quietly.

"You don't, do you?"

She settled for glaring at a mark on the wall. She didn't appreciate anyone telling her what she did or did not believe when she wasn't even sure herself. "If you have something to say, I suggest you say it to Morpheus,." she retorted coldly.

"I intend to, believe me. Someone has to."

Son of a bitch. He had no right to say it, but she stopped herself from retaliating. She opened her mouth to tell him he was off duty, when she heard a nearly inaudible beep come through the phone line. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Are you sure this line is clean?"

"Yeah, course I'm sure."

__

Hang up. "I'd better go." She snapped the phone shut without another word. _Calm down_, she told herself repeatedly. _Calm down. They wouldn't have enough time to detect you and fully trace the call. This location has never been compromised before. You're fine, you're fine._

She forced herself to return to her work, and within a few minutes she was almost completely at ease.

---

By the time she heard anything, it was too late. There was only one way in and out of this room, and if she used it now, she would be seen, followed. She didn't have a gun on her, she couldn't risk that. She didn't have time to set up an automatic call to the hardline. Even if she did, or if the next person had come out for their shift, the sound of a ringing phone would send them running in. She would be shot before she could get out. But it didn't really matter. If they were there, chances were that the hardline had already been cut. She'd have to get out of this the old-fashioned way. She took the precious few seconds she knew she had left to calm down, center herself. Get into her prime.

She heard four sets of footsteps positioning themselves outside the door. She had been in worse situations.

The ancient door nearly shattered off its hinges when the cop kicked it in. "Freeze! Police!"

She was still. Perfectly, inhumanly still.

"Hands on your head!" shouted a second cop. "Do it! Do it now!"

Slowly, she lifted her hands from the keyboard, making sure they could all see, and placed them on the back of her head, fingertips barely touching. Just as gradually, she slid her chair back, and stood.

"Stay right there." He opened a pouch on his belt, and she heard the chains of handcuffs coming out. She focused every fragment of her mind on his footsteps and breathing. She had one chance. One step, two, three. Halfway there... four, five steps... almost there. _Wait_. Another step, just one more... _Wait_...

Now.

She spun as quick as lighting, grabbing his wrist, out to put the cuffs on, and brought her other hand up beneath his arm with tremendous force. His bone snapped like a twig. Her arm pulled back and slammed forward again, breaking his nose. Before he could even fall, she jumped straight up and kicked him square in the chest. He went flying across the room, right into another cop. The third cop seemed to have the best reflexes - he raised his gun and fired. His gun followed her, even as she ran across the wall. The final cop was slower than any of the others; it was easy for her to run in front of him, use him as a human shield as she emptied six rounds into the other cop. Easy to knock unconscious, too.

"Shit," she muttered, when she was the only one left standing. She wasted no time retrieving two of their guns and replacing the magazines. "Please let someone be there," she whispered as she snatched the phone from the desk and dialed the ship.

"Operator."

"Morpheus!" _Thank God_. "The line was traced, I don't know how -"

"I know. They cut the hardline, you're going to have to get to another exit."

"Are there any Agents?" she asked frantically, staring out into the hallway.

"Yes."

"Goddamn it."

"You have to focus, Trinity. There is a phone at Wells and Lake."

Wells and Lake. She remembered that exit, payphone on the corner. It was just a few buildings down.

Morpheus seemed to sense her anxiety. "You can _make it_."

"All right," she said, determined.

"Go."

She barely took the time to shut off the phone, and darted into the hallway. Down the hall, she saw an agent trailed by more cops as the elevator doors opened. She turned and ran the other way. A few bends and turns, and she practically smashed open the door to the fire escape, only to find an Agent staring up at her from three stories below. Fine. It would be safer and quicker to jump rooftops anyway. She took the ladders three and four steps at a time, knowing that the Agent, at least, would be doing the same. She ran flat out when she reached the roof. The first jump was only five feet, and she cleared it easily. The roof of the next building was peaks of glass, but it didn't give her much trouble, and it slowed the cops down enough.

The next gap to jump was a large one, but so determined was she that she cleared it without trouble, even though she had done nothing of the sort in weeks. She rolled when she landed, and ran behind a crumbling wall of brick. She heard a loud thud as the Agent landed, and the quiet click of his gun. She peeked around and saw him just as he stood. She pulled her head back and searched around her, frantically looking for a way out.

There. All the way across the rooftop she was on, and across a narrow gap. A tiny window. It was big enough for her, but just barely. Hit or miss. But it was her only option. She bolted from he hiding place and ran, almost faster than she ever had. At the last moment, she jumped headlong, and barely made it into the tiny window. There were stairs, and she turned over as she rolled down them. She snatched the cops' guns from her belt when she landed, aiming them instantly at the window.

Time slowed, and the only movement she saw was the swinging a lamp at the top of the stairs. _Phone, phone, phone_. She was petrified. "Get up Trinity, just get up. _Get up_!" She willed herself to stand, and ran out of the building to the payphone. As she rounded the corner, a massive truck screeched to a halt.

The phone rang, its shrill sound the gunshot that starts a race.

She ran, and pressed the phone to her ear just as the truck reached the booth. For several agonizing seconds, she wasn't sure if she had made it.

"Trinity," she heard as a warm hand was placed on her shoulder. The cold metal spike slid out of her head plug. "Trinity, are you all right?"

She was shaking as she sat up and put her face in her hands. Morpheus rubbed small, soothing circles in her back. "I'm fine," she finally whispered. He helped her out of her chair, took her to the ladder to the lower decks. She insisted that she was fine, and he let her go the rest of the way on her own. The Neb's hallways now seemed longer than ever before.

She passed by Switch and Apoc's cabin. She stared at the scratches in the door for several minutes. She had been right: Trinity _did_ have to tell her sooner or later. _No time like the present_, she thought as she knocked on the door. Switch answered after a second knock. Her look was pissed when she opened the door, but she softened immediately when she saw Trinity looking so tired and distraught. She closed the door partially, and after a moment reemerged with her boots on. She followed Trinity to her cabin in silence.

They sat on opposite sides of the bed. Switch waited very patiently for Trinity to speak. She opened her mouth at least a dozen times, but no words were able to come out.

"Is it about Neo?" Switch asked gently.

"Yes."

"Is it about him being the One?"

She paused, weighing her answer. "Sort of."

Switch nodded. "But you were acting strangely before you knew about that."

Trinity sighed heavily. She looked like she was about to cry. She shook her head, and slumped back against the wall. "I'm in love with him," she finally whimpered.

"_What_?"

She nodded, and then she did start to cry. Switch crawled across the bed and wrapped her arms tightly around her friend. Now wasn't the time for questions. She situated them more comfortably on the bed, and stroked Trinity's hair as she quietly cried into her shoulder. Switch remained that way until long after her tears subsided.

"You know," Trinity said quietly, "the Oracle said this would happen."

"She did?"

"Yeah." She wiped her eyes, and continued. "When I went to see her, she told me that I would fall in love with the One. I thought she was insane," she laughed. "I didn't believe her. For the most part I completely forgot about it."

They lapsed into silence for a while, with Trinity still sniffling every now and then. "You want to tell me what happened?" Switch ventured quietly.

She sighed and rested her head in the crook between Switch's neck and shoulder. "Nothing was wrong until Morpheus asked me for a preliminary report," she whispered. "The night that I finished it I had a dream about him. He kissed me. I wasn't really worried about it at first. But then I kept having the same dreams over and over. Then he was starting to say something to me in one of them, but he stopped. He said I wouldn't want him to tell me then. Eventually, I just said that I loved him." Her words were becoming strained, and Switch wiped new tears form her cheeks. "I swear, I tried everything to convince myself that I didn't, but... Once I remembered what the Oracle had said, I even tried to tell myself that I couldn't be in love with Neo because I was supposed to love the One."

"Even though you didn't believe her?"

"Yeah. Took a while to put two and two together. Completely pathetic," she muttered, lying down on the cot.

"You're not pathetic, Trin," she soothed, lying down beside her. "You're just scared."

"Pathetic, like I said."

"What are you so afraid of?" Nearly a minute passed, yet she received no response. "Trinity?" she probed, sitting up on one elbow so she could see her friend's face. "Trinity, why are you so afraid of being in love with him?"

"Oh, come on, Switch. You know me better than anyone. Did you honestly think I would ever react any other way?"

"You didn't answer me," she replied, calmly. "What do you think's going to happen? Because I have news for you: it won't be the end of your life." She expected that she would have had something to say back, under other circumstances, but now she only buried her face in the pillow, cutting herself off from the world. "Trinity, are you aware of the fact that I'm in love with Apoc, or have you not been paying attention the last seven years?"

"I know," she muttered quietly.

"Has my life spiraled downward into hell? Am I completely miserable?"

"No..."

"Have I lost my entire sense of self? Am I Apoc's little brainwashed bitch?"

"No." _Get to the point_.

"Damn straight. I don't want to throw a bunch of cliches at you, but falling in love is not the end of the world. And if I recall correctly, you once told me that when Apoc and I got serious you had never seen me happier."

She didn't say anything this time. She just draped an arm over her eyes, trying to block out everything. This wasn't doing her any good. Maybe Switch had been lucky enough to find someone she could love who wouldn't limit her in any way. But that was Switch and her life. They may have been best friends for the last seventeen years, but they were completely different people. Nothing said that loving Neo wouldn't change her for the worse.

"Trin?"

"What?"

"You want to know what the Oracle told me?" she asked, wrapping her arms around Trinity's waist. "She told me that someone I loved very much would end up in a very difficult situation one day, and I would help them." She sat up, and pulled the blanket over them. "So don't worry about it, and get some sleep. Okay?"

"Okay," she whispered back, smiling, just a little.


	2. The End of Days

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Two

The End of Days

---

Cypher was the first one in the mess hall the next morning. Good thing he was alone, too, or else the rest of the crew might have gotten suspicious of him. It would take him a few minutes to start looking casual again. It was only a matter of time, now. He'd proven himself to the Agents, given them Trinity. Not only that, but with her out of the way, Morpheus would be a much easier target.

In a few weeks, a month or two max, he'd be out of this hell hole. He wouldn't even remember all the shit he'd gone through over the last nine years.

---

"Trinity." Morpheus pulled her down a side hall only moments after she had left her cabin. His look was very serious.

"What?" She asked quickly. "What happened?"

He folded his arms and proceeded carefully. "Something happened last night while you were inside. When the Agents traced your phone call, they also traced your computer connection. They know we've been watching Neo."

_No._ "So we can't unplug him now," she stated flatly, her voice quiet, yet angered.

"Not necessarily."

---

_What the hell is _she _doing here?_ Cypher's mind screamed as Trinity followed Morpheus into the mess hall. She should have been wrapped in her fucking _death shroud_ in the cargo hold, not standing here in front of him like she did every morning. How the hell had she gotten out? She'd had no guns, there was only one way in and out of the hotel room, and the Agents were smart enough to cut the Hardline. She should have been dead before she even knew what had happened. She'd had _no way out_.

He forced himself to tear his eyes away when he saw the look she gave him, no doubt because he was giving her an equally strange look.

It wasn't his fault that she'd gotten away, he told himself. He'd held up his end of the bargain. He had no control over what she did after he jacked out. He had proven himself. They would still help him. They had to.

As soon as the rest of the crew had filtered in and was sitting down, Morpheus called their attention and explained that the Agents were now aware of Neo. Nearly every face at the table seemed disappointed.

"What are we going to do now?" Mouse asked quietly.

"We wait," Morpheus replied simply.

"Until...?"

"As long as it takes. They'll keep a close eye on him for a while, but sooner or later, they'll stop. Once they think we've lost interest in him as we normally would, they'll leave him alone."

"But they're still going to keep tabs on him..."

"That's why we plan his extraction in detail and execute it quickly."

"So that's your best plan, then?" Cypher muttered.

"Do you have a better one?" Trinity snapped, shooting a cold glare across the table.

He didn't look at anyone. "You'll kill him," he repeated, putting his bowl in the sink and heading out the door. "He's not worth it.

---

His age had made the Agents particularly suspicious. They hadn't taken their eyes off of him. His computer was bugged, his phone line was tapped, both in his apartment and in his tiny cubicle. They had even set an invisible surveillance program to follow him. Morpheus considered it very lucky that they stopped short of bugging him, but she knew that it didn't matter. If they followed him in the Matrix, they would be spotted by the surveillance software. If she hacked into his computer, they would trace her location in the Matrix or the Neb's position, or they might simply work around her and try to cut her off. At this point, all the crew could do was monitor him from the Neb until the close scrutiny was eased.

She had silently blamed herself for several days, believing that she was at fault because they caught him on her watch. Switch had had a hard time convincing her otherwise, and Trinity wasn't totally sure if she had succeeded. After just a few weeks, she had started to think that he would never be unplugged at all. Surveillance had not lightened in the least. They couldn't do a damn thing with him, or else they would never make the Agents believe that they had lost interest. Ridiculous as it was, she was staring to think that maybe Morpheus wasn't as certain about, or as committed to Neo as she thought, and really would abandon him. It was only after several weeks, after he became even more interested, that she finally stopped worrying.

Another month passed, and they continued watching him from the Core of the ship, learning whatever they could. It was mostly small details at that point, but they knew form experience that they would find within the mass of seemingly useless information at least one crucial fact. Besides that, they went about their usual duties on the ship, and waited.

Finally Morpheus conceded that the Agents would not abandon him any tine soon, and put in for an extended leave in Zion. They departed for the city in lest than a week. He told them to relax when they arrived. He said that it would be their last chance at a carefree leave for a very long time.

---

"Why haven't you reported him?" Trinity asked, interrupting him in the middle of one of their few meetings in Zion.

"What?"

She looked up to meet him face to face, eyes displaying clear anger and disappointment. "You haven't had us meet with the Council, or Lock or any of the other commanders. You haven't asked me to file a report, you haven't filed one yourself. You haven't _reported _him, Morpheus. Why not?"

He sighed heavily and looked away. She could tell that he had been expecting her to bring this up sooner or later, but it didn't seem to have made him any better prepared. "Trinity," he began slowly, choosing his words carefully. "You know the councilors as well as I do, you know how they would have reacted."

"Why, because of his age? You could have lied about that. They wouldn't have checked."

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "They would have done everything in their power to keep us from unplugging him."

"And when we do?" she prodded, refusing to let him off the hook. "We can't hide him from them forever."

"His age won't matter once we can prove he's the One."

"What if he isn't?"

"He is."

Trinity's eyes fixated on point in the far wall as she drifted out of the conversation. How had her life come down to this? Not very long ago it had been so simple, so easy to control. "What makes you so sure it's him, Morpheus? Honestly?" she asked in a hushed voice. "If you manage to keep him alive for more than a few days, how do you know he'll be the One when he wakes up? And even if he _is_..." She shook her head slowly, and her hands compulsively clenched into fists.

"You just have to trust me, Trinity."

His tone made her snap. "I don't have to trust one goddamn thing you say, Morpheus, especially when you make it this difficult." She glared at him through the long silence, even after he looked away.

Finally, he said, "I think we should continue this some other time."

She sighed as she stood. "I hope you know what you're doing."

In her anger, Trinity rushed home, away from the world. She quickly maneuvered around small crowds that got in her way, doing her best not to collide with anyone else. In the elevator, she stayed just inside the door, back turned to the rest of the compartment.

"Trinity!" greeted a smiling Ghost as the doors slid open on her level. "I was just looking for you."

Her tense shoulders relaxed slightly as she made room for him to slip in beside her. "When did you get in?"

"About an hour ago. I came to see if you wanted to have dinner with me."

"That, Dear Brother," she said, hugging him in gratitude, "is the best suggestion I've heard all week."

---

"You seem tense. What's been going on?"

"My life has completely gone to hell," she stated bluntly. Her lips turned up in a small smile at his blatant concern, which was more comforting than she had remembered. "You don't want to know." They were quiet when the food came, and thanked their waiter. She sighed and picked up her fork. "I think I'm finally starting to realize why Niobe left Morpheus."

They ate for several minutes, and Ghost waited patiently for her to explain.

"He thinks he's found the One."

Ghost let out a quiet laugh. "Again? What does that make this, the fifth time?"

"Sixth." She continued eating more slowly, speaking between bites. "I don't know why he thinks it's this man, though."

"Why? What's wrong with him?"

"He's too old, for one. Several years too old. He feels the Matrix very strongly, but the things I've seen him do haven't been more than a little out of the ordinary."

"So why does Morpheus think it's him?"

She shook her head very slowly. "I don't know," she finally admitted.

"Could you talk to him?" Ghost asked gently, trying to help her find a way out a situation that was obviously causing her torment. "I'm sure you could convince him that he's wrong, or at least not to do this."

"That is complete and utter bullshit and you know it," she stated simply. "Niobe tried that five times. She didn't succeed once, and she was fucking him. What chance do I have?"

"Maybe the Council -"

"The Council has no idea that he even exists. Morpheus hasn't reported him and doesn't intend to."

"You could report him," he suggested.

The smug look in her eyes disappeared instantly, and she looked like a deer caught in headlights. She turned her head down and closed her eyes, not speaking a word in response to his suggestion.

"Do _you_ think he's the One?"

She shrugged. "I honestly don't know," she whispered. She sighed heavily and was silent until they were almost done eating. "I don't know," she finally muttered, shaking her head.

As she ran her fingers through her hair, Ghost found himself at a loss for words. He could always seem to think of _something_ to say to her, to comfort her, but now, for some reason, words failed him.

"It's going to kill him," she whispered almost silently.

"You don't know that," he responded nearly as quietly, not understanding why she would think such a thing, or what was so special about this man that made the thought so unbearable.

_Yes, I do_, a far off part of her mind reminded her. _That's the problem. I do_.

Their plates were taken away, and they paid their bill, again in silence. "You want to go get a drink?" he asked as they stepped outside. As she grinned a little and nodded, he thought that maybe he hadn't completely lost his touch.

---

She insisted on a club in the fourth level. All the clubs on the eighteenth level, where they normally went, were, by unwritten rule, only for military and their families. There would have been too many people she knew there, she said, too many people who would have inevitably wanted to talk to her. She didn't want that tonight. Ghost took the liberty of waiting in the fairly long line to get their drinks, and Trinity just found a secluded couch to sit on.

"Trinity, hey," someone called, their voice drifting over the music. She groaned inwardly as Choi came to sit by her. "Mind if I wait here until the rest of the guys show up?"

"No, go ahead," she muttered. She hoped he only intended to take up space, but he pulled her into smalltalk.

"You okay?" he asked after a while. "You seem a little more... out of it than usual."

"I'm fine," she said automatically, looking to Ghost, who was still waiting. It was particularly busy tonight.

"No, come on, come on, tell me," Choi pressed, nudging her a little.

"Oh," Trinity finally conceded, shaking her head. "Just some guy Morpheus wants to unplug. The whole thing's been giving me a perpetual migraine."

"Yeah? Who?"

"Thomas Anderson. Hacker name's Neo."

He laughed, though she didn't know why. Dujour came back with their drinks, and he draped his arm over her shoulder as she handed him his glass. "I went to high school with a guy named Thomas Anderson."

Trinity didn't want to jump to conclusions, but she listened very carefully, hoping. "What was he like?"

"Kind of a loner," he said casually, half of his attention diverted to Dujour. "I think me and a couple other guys were about the only friends he had. We had a couple classes together freshman year, he was helping us out."

"What happened to him?" she probed, just as he seemed to be drifting away.

"Dunno. Went to different colleges, I got unplugged after a couple of months."

"What was the name of your school? Where was it?"

"Why?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as Dujour pulled him up to meet with a small group that had just arrived.

"I think we're talking about the same person," she said seriously. "I want to be sure."

"Owen Patterson High. It was in central Chicago." He turned to leave, but Trinity stood quickly and grabbed his arm. He motioned for Dujour to go on without him.

"Look," she said, getting close and lowering her voice, even though no one would ever hear in the loud club. "The way things are shaping up its going to be hell unplugging him. You knew him, you think you'd mind helping us out a little?"

"Sure, no problem." She nodded in thanks, and with that he went to join back up with the others.

Suddenly, Trinity was exhausted. She weaved her way through the crowd to the bar, where Ghost was just giving their order. She put a hand on his shoulder, and nodded to the exit when he turned. He followed her out without saying another word to the bartender.

---

Despite her exhaustion, she was unable to get more than a few hours of sleep. She soon gave up the losing battle, turned on her computer and set to work. Her basic plan was simple enough: have Choi re-acquaint himself with Neo and warm him up to the truth, or at least provide an opportunity for a first meeting before unplugging him.

Choi wasn't her primary concern, he had already promised to help. She was far more worried about Morpheus. Throughout the long elevator ride to the Military Quarters the next day, her fingers tapped incessantly against the edge of her data pad. By now, Morpheus was almost paranoid of nearly everyone who was not on the Nebuchadnezzar's crew, particularly military personnel. He seemed to have convinced himself that if anyone else found out, he would be ousted to the council, and lose his chance. Deep down, she knew that introducing another soldier, and by default a whole new crew, into the situation would not sit well with him.

Her pace from the elevator to his apartment was brisk, and she knocked on his door twice, just as quickly. When her fingers began tapping the data pad in her hand again, she realized how anxious she was, and yet how thrilled that they were finally making some progress and that an end was finally coming into view. Her hand clutched the battered piece of technology tightly, and she forced it to stay still. She was much less hurried when Morpheus opened the door and invited her in, as she set her bag down on the desk and sat at one of the two chairs. She said nothing and refused eye contact, and he quickly took the hint and sat down.

"You have no right to do this," she said slowly, but very firmly. "He is _too old_ and you know it. You cannot possibly be sure of him. Regardless of what you may have seen him do or whatever sense you might have about him, it is impossible for you to be sure. You know that, whether you like it or not." She almost felt as if she was speaking to herself, the way she had started drifting back and forth between believing and not. "But I won't ask you again how it is that you're so certain he's the One, because you obviously can't give me any kind of reasonable answer."

"Trinity -"

Her hand went up to silence him. She could hear in his voice that he would either ask why she had come, or make some sarcastic remark about saying something he didn't already know.

"Regardless of what you think now, how you think you'll act, sooner or later your eyes _will_ get a hell of a lot bigger than your mouth and you will forget that whether he's the One or not, he's human. All you'll be able to see is his potential, and you will take stupid risks and _you will get him killed_."

"Trinity," he said, clearly trying hard to remain patient, "I realize that you think -"

"I _know_, Morpheus. So do you. However..." she took a deep breath, and continued. "I will help you with this _provided that_ I am given equal weight with regards to his unplugging, training, and every other decision he cannot make for himself."

He crossed his arms tightly. "I think that's a bit unreasonable, Trinity."

"No, it isn't. You will let the _possibility_ that he is the One cloud your judgment and you will take stupid risks."

_So will you_, whispered some tiny, far off part of her brain. _No I won't_, her rational mind replied more strongly. _I'll protect him_.

His arms were still folded tightly as he sat back and closed his eyes. Over the next several minutes, they loosened, and he finally sat up again. "Fair enough," he conceded.

"Good." She picked her data pad up from her lap and turned it on. "In that case, I may have found a way to make contacting him a little easier."

---

It was kind of a cruel irony, really: he went to that goddamn gas station more now than when he actually had a car. But it sort of figured, he thought as he went in. It was on his way home from the bus stop, and since he _didn't_ have a car anymore, he couldn't bring home enough food for a week or two in his trunk. He had to stop here just about every other day to stock up. He also noticed, when he took a box of cereal from the shelf, that his nutritional habits had also taken a nose dive when he lost the car.

As he walked to the glass-encased freezers for milk and a six-pack, he noticed a particularly strange looking woman staring at him from across the store. Black hair, weird jewelry, leather skirt and top. He would have expected to see someone like her in some run down old club, not a convenience store. He got the milk and beer, but when he turned around, she was standing right in front of him.

"Shit," he said under his breath, startled. He bend down to pick up the cereal he had dropped, and said in annoyance, "Don't do that, lady."

"Do I know you from somewhere?" She asked almost flirtatiously as she looked at his face closely.

"I doubt it." He was sure that he never _had_ met her before, but he really didn't care either way.

"No, I swear I've seen your face before."

"I seriously doubt that."

"No, no, I don't forget a face -"

"Look, lady," he muttered as he grabbed a can of soup from the counter and entered the short line. "I had a really bad day at work, I don't know you, and I'd really like to go home." He saw her smirk out of the corner of his eye, and she left. He sighed and tried to rub the tension out of his neck, willing the line to move faster. He paid attention to little more than his wallet when he made it to the register.

"Cap'n Crunch, huh? What is it with you and kiddie cereals?" At first, he thought it was the checkout guy, but he saw that he looked as bored and careless as he had felt all day. "But I guess it's a step up from Lucky Charms," said the voice again, and to his left he saw a man holding the box, examining it. Behind him stood the woman, still smirking. He handed the box back to the cashier. "Right, Tommy-Boy?" He smiled in a weird, condescending sort of way.

Tom grabbed the bag and walked past the two, trying to hide a grin. "This from a guy who had to be talked out of dinosaur sheets and rocket ship PJ's when he was thirteen."

"Yeah," he admitted. "But one of us grew out of our childish habits and one of us didn't."

Tom followed him out to his car and deposited the bags on the hood. three other people were waiting in the back seat. "What the hell are you doing here, Choi?" he asked as he hugged him briefly.

"Moved back a couple of months ago. You wanna go get a drink or something?"

"Uh..." He checked his watch - later than he thought, and he was fairly exhausted. "I have work tomorrow, and stuff to do tonight."

Choi nodded. "As I recall you had a job and 'stuff to do' in high school." He pulled an arm over Tom's shoulder and took him around to the passenger door. The woman was already sitting in the center of the sedan's front seat. "Didn't stop you then. Come on."

---

"Why do you drag me into these things?" Switch muttered as she sat down with their drinks. "Choi has been doing the exact same thing for two weeks, and you're the one who thinks he needs babysitting, and while I agree that he's a complete moron and probably should be watched while dealing with the potential One, I don't understand why I'm needed."

"Standard procedure for backup."

"And while I'm all for you getting over this confusion stage with Neo, kidding yourself isn't the way you want to go about it."

"Who made you my shrink?"

"Oracle," she said cooly as she put her boots up on the table. Neo, Choi, and several others sat two booths away, within earshot of the two women. They listened closely to their pointless walk down memory lane, which had gone on endlessly since they had met again. "Is this all he's been doing for the last month?"

"Neo is very sensitive about the Matrix, you know everyone is," Trinity explained, as if she had done so a dozen times before and was sick of it. "He wouldn't believe just anyone who said they knew something, Choi has to get him to trust him." She kept her eyes focused on Neo's table, effectively halting any further question on the subject.

"Oh, God," Choi laughed. "You remember that sorry-ass band we had for like three months?"

Neo almost doubled over in laughter, and a small grin appeared on Trinity's lips at the sight. "Wasn't that about the time we were doing pot or something?"

"What's so funny?" Dujour asked.

"What's so funny," Neo said, cracking up again, "was that none of us could play an instrument or sing worth shit, and we never actually _did _anything worth shit either."

"I think we were high when we tried to think up a name, too, 'cause I don't remember it but I know it was crap," Choi added, mockingly thoughtful.

"Wyld Stallyns. And we were definitely high," Neo corrected, shaking his head a little, "because we spelled it with Y's."

"Harper," Switch began evenly. "Would you mind explaining to me how the fuck you ended up falling for that geek?" She was grateful to see that this got at least a small laugh out of her friend. "I only ask because I love you and I'm wondering what you see in someone so scrawny and pathetic."

Trinity grinned again, but it was a sad grin, and once she opened her eyes she agin stared across the room at Neo, eyes dark.

"Hey. What's wrong." Switch nudged her when she did not speak. "C'mon, I thought you were holding up a lot better, what's wrong?"

Trinity sighed, staring down at her drink, then closing her eyes for a moment. Finally she shook her head and opened them slightly. "I don't know."

"Well you must have some idea of -"

"About _him_. I don't know about Neo."

"What do you mean?" Trinity did not answer, and Switch was startled when she realized what she must be talking about. "About him being the One?" Trinity nodded, almost invisibly. "You don't think he is? But the Oracle -"

"I _know_ what she said, Switch." The emotional exhaustion was palpable in her voice, compounded by the fact that she could not seem to find a way to explain this, even to herself. "But Neo has yet to give me any reason to believe her. He hasn't done anything particularly out of the ordinary. And it's not just about what I feel for him," she added quickly, anticipating the other woman's rationale. "Being the One is being the One, regardless of what she told me, regardless of whether or not he's connected to me."

She was able to wrap her mind around her emotions enough to explain them, in some irrational way or another. "Sometimes I know he's the One, sometimes I don't. Half the time I have absolutely no idea at all."

"You're not scared, are you?" Switch asked kindly. "C'mon, Trin, I thought we were getting past this." Trinity said nothing, having returned to staring at Neo, so she simply took her hand and squeezed it gently. "For whatever good it'll do... Stop worrying. You'll be fine, I'll make sure of it."

Both were quiet after that, Trinity in particular opting to simply watch Neo until they paid their bill and left. The two women did the same, and followed behind them as they left the bar.

"Hey, Tom," Choi interrupted after a few more minutes. "You still good with computers?"

"Yeah," he replied, cautiously. "I work as a programmer. Why?"

"Well, I find myself having some issues with a few credit card companies. They're not being particularly friendly about it. Thought you might be able to help an old friend out."

"I don't know..." Even from their distance, Trinity could see his uncertainty. "I don't generally like to get into things that involve a lot of money."

"Hey, c'mon," Choi pushed as they reached the parking lot. "If you're really that good, you can cover it up."

Neo was quiet as he considered it, but he must have looked as though he would say no.

"Look, it's important. I'll pay you. How's two grand sound?"

As they reached the car, he finally made up his mind. "Okay. But look, if you get caught -"

"Never met you," Choi finished as they got into the car. "I know the drill."

---

It was an odd little paradox that Neo found himself in: He needed Choi there to scout out the credit company mainframes, get his card number and all that. But there was so much hacking to do in between, and Choi got bored so easily. And when he was bored, he was annoying. Tapping things, going through old books. Any and all conceivably noisy things that only served to distract Neo and slow him down more, making Choi even more bored...

"Mind if I have a beer?" he asked as he returned from the kitchen, already opening a bottle. Neo didn't bother to answer. He sifted through folders of papers in a bookshelf near the desk as he drank, absently reading a few sentences of each page in an apparent attempt to find something interesting. "Hey, Tom. What do you know about this Matrix thing, man?"

Neo turned in the chair to see what he was talking about. He had pulled out a folder containing some old articles about Morpheus, as well as things he had printed off about the Matrix. "Oh, uh..." he started, snatching the folder away and replacing all of the papers. "That's nothing. Not important." He shoved it away into a desk drawer, and tried to act nonchalant.

"What the hell's up with that thing, man?" he laughed. "That's what everybody else did when I asked them about it."

"What everybody else?" Neo tried to act uninterested, not wanting to get his own hopes up. But it was habit, the need to know.

"All the people I know who know about that thing. They're all possessive about whatever they know, hardly tell me anything. What the hell is that thing?"

"Well..." He turned to look at him over his shoulder, carefully weighing what he should tell Choi and what Choi could tell him. "Most likely theory I know is that it's some sort of computer program."

"Please, this whole damn world is nothing_ but_ programs, anything more specific?"

Neo turned back to the computer. "No offense, but why do you care?"

"Don't," he replied simply. "But nobody will give me a straight answer on it. Makes me wonder. They all kept feeding me some line about how you have to really want to know to find out."

Common thing to be said, he realized. What a real Searcher, someone who knew for sure would have said. Kind of thing he would say. "That's it, or..?"

"Some philosophical bullshit I don't get. Something about it being everywhere, everything, invisible prison. Don't have a fucking clue what the hell they were talking about. You?"

"I don't know," he said finally. "Maybe." He turned back to the computer and continued working as he considered this new information.

---

There followed for Neo a sort of revelation, what he knew must be only a prologue to an even greater one. The doubt, the disinterest that had haunted him for over a year seemed to suddenly fall away, to leave him in peace as he resumed his search. It seemed as if new information appeared everywhere he looked, that within the oldest articles lay some clue he had missed every time before. And though the answer eluded him still, there was no longer any doubt in his mind that he would find the ultimate truth. For Neo, it was an awakening.

For the captain of the Nebuchadnezzar, it was a guarantee of a red pill.

---

For most of the crew, the past six days had been a time to rest, relax, dance and enjoy halfway-decent food and sleep. For Morpheus, it was a time of preparation, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the One while flying under the council's radar.

For Trinity, though, it was torment. There was no denying it anymore. No stalling, no more hoping that it might all go away, that she might once again be granted inner peace, that she may simply continue her life as a soldier. She decided, then, that it was best for her to try to live out the last normal days of her life in Zion. _Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die_.

Despite its constant torture of late, life still seemed to protect Trinity, as the Logos docked not two days before she and the crew were set to depart.

"We need to time these things better," she said with a smile that night. "We keep almost missing each other."

"Why are you leaving so soon?" Ghost asked as they sat with their drinks after dinner.

She hesitated, though she didn't know why. She knew she could trust him. "We're unplugging Neo as soon as we get back up."

In Ghost's silence, she knew that he was questioning her. Wondering why she had not put a halt to this insanity months ago. But he _was_ silent, because he trusted her as well. "You're going to go through with it, then?" She nodded. "I don't mean to pry, Trinity, but why do you believe him?"

"What?" She expected it, but it put her on edge nonetheles. They were open books to each other, and for once, she didn't like it. She could see in his face that her reaction had made him suspicious.

"Morpheus says he's the One. You believe him. Why?"

She stared at him blankly, as if she didn't understand the question. She turned away, searching for some answer to give him, opening her mouth several times. Nothing came out.

"Look, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but... you've been acting so strangely for such a long time. You're on edge all the time, you gat angry and snap at people so easily, and... How can I not worry about you, Trin?" He smiled gently.

This time she did not wait. She knew she had nothing to say. "I think I need to go home. Thanks for the drinks." She simply stood and pulled on her jacket. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" And left without looking back.

---

The bottom of the Well, the lowest levels of Zion, held the gardens. The floor, where the entrance to the Temple was, was covered in soft grass, grown as it all was with sun lamps. Trinity lay here for an hour or more after lights out. She made the mist - no one really knew where it came from - the clouds, and the lights in front of each Zionite's door the stars.

Reveling in the simple calm.

When she finally became tired, she rose, and entered the elevator. She was alone, leaning against the back wall as she rode up. Four, perhaps five levels before hers, the elevator doors slid open. She did not pay attention, until she was jerked out of a half-sleep as the doors closed again.

"Have you completely lost it?" Niobe asked, calmly but as menacing as ever.

"What?" What was she talking about?

"You're his _second-in-command_. That carries certain responsibilities -"

Oh. That.

"- which include doing what's best for your ship and the Resistance -" Trinity stood right in front of the doors to make a quick exit. "- and unplugging a thirty-year-old coppertop sure as hell doesn't qualify!"

The doors slid open on her level, and she glared back at Niobe as she slipped through.

"He will -"

"Kill him, get us all killed?" she asked over her shoulder as she made her way to her room. "Is that in general or just without you there keeping Morpheus in line?" She received a silent glare in return. "You've been screwing Lock too long, you seem to have forgotten just how big the gap between rules and reality really is. You stopped trusting us." She reached the door, and inserted the key.

"I've never trusted Morpheus where the One is concerned."

"No shit. Figured you'd at least trust me, though. You do realize there's seven other people on that ship, don't you?" She closed the door, and leaned against it until she heard Niobe's footsteps retreating. She slumped in the chair, rubbing the muscles around her head plug. She finally stood from the chair, picked up her phone, and dialed.

"Trinity, hi," Ghost answered warmly. "You feeling any better? ...Trinity?"

Quietly, she asked, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What? What do you -"

"You told _Niobe_? I told you about Neo in_ confidence_, Ghost, why did you tell her?" She paced the room, anger growing. "You knew what she'd do, you knew she'd corner me, she just did."

"I'm sorry, Trin... It came up, I wasn't thinking -" But she knew him better than that.

"If nothing else Ghost, you could at least tell me the truth about it. You may very well have ruined all of this, if she tells the council." She stopped as she came to the phone cradle again. "You know her better than I do these days, Dear Brother," she hissed. "Why don't you tell me what she'll do?"

Silence, and she hung up.

---

Morpheus entered the cockpit after depositing his belongings in his cabin, and helped Trinity prepare for takeoff. He was brimming with excitement that she was sure he could barely contain from the military personnel outside.

"Niobe knows," she murmured, compelled to tell him.

"About?" he asked absently.

"About Neo." Morpheus stopped, and looked up at her. "I told Ghost and he told her." Neither spoke as they heard the rest of the crew board downstairs. "I'm sorry. Really thought he'd keep his mouth shut."

"How long ago did he tell her?"

"Night before last," she answered, looking at the controls, out the windshield, anywhere but at his face.

"No. If she was going to do anything about it, she would have by now." He resumed the preparation routines. "It's alright, Trinity. You couldn't have known. And nothing came of it anyway."

Finally, the Nebuchadnezzar took off. _I almost wish it had_.


	3. The Red Pill

Here's the thing of it: if I didn't write out _any_ movie scenes it would be weird. But I don't want the majority of the story to be from the movie, even if I add stuff in the way of thoughts and stuff. Let me know if this chapter feels like overkill. But I'll probably end up altering it anyway.

And... didn't _anyone_ notice the Bill and Ted joke in the last chapter? I've been SAVING that joke, people!

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Three

The Red Pill

---

"You're late, what's going on?"

"Sorry," Choi said absently. "Ran into a couple Agents. But we're good. Everything set up?"

"Almost," she answered into the headset. "Just make sure DuJour keeps her tattoo." _And lay off the jokes, will you?_

"Will do. See you on the inside."

Trinity tapped the key to end the call, and returned her attention to hacking Neo's computer. She was just there, and when she saw Choi and his team pull up to the parking lot behind Neo's apartment, she cleared the screen.

---

He had fallen asleep again. He always seemed to be doing that - staying in front of his computer when he should be sleeping. Always woke up with a sore neck or something. He really... why wasn't his computer on?

He looked up, but noticed that the screen _was_ on, a few words in the top corner. He blinked to clear his eyes. _Wake up, Neo_. What?

He sat up, thinking that when he looked closer, he would be able to read the words as they truly were. Instead, the words were the same. He stared blankly at the screen. As the screen went black again, he thought for a moment that he had been dreaming, until the words returned. Words were typed, one letter at a time across his screen.

_The Matrix has you_...

"What the hell?" He typed "Ctrl X" on the keyboard, but nothing happened. Instead, another message was typed out, faster this time. _Follow the white rabbit_. He unconsciously repeated the words to the empty room. He pressed "Esc" this time, twice, but it didn't work. A fourth message appeared all at once: _Knock, knock, Neo_.

Two loud knocks sounded at his door, startling his attention from the computer. "Who is it?" he called tentatively.

"It's Choi."

He looked back at the screen, now completely blank. Had he been dreaming, just now? "Yeah. Yeah..." He stumbled towards the door, glancing at the clock, and opened it a few inches. He stared at Choi, DuJour, and three of their friends through his daze. "You're two hours late," he said flatly.

"I know. It's her fault." He nodded his head towards the woman clinging to his arm.

His mind started to wake up enough to work in real time. "You got the money?"

Choi reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a thin stack of bills. "Two grand," as he handed Neo the money.

"Hold on," he heard himself say as he took it and closed the door. From the bookshelf three feet from the door he took his hollowed out old Baudrillard. He sifted through the disks within, putting the money inside and replacing the book when he found the right one. He returned to the door, opening it further this time, and gave him the disk.

"Hallelujah!" He turned it over in his hand. "You're my savior man. My own personal Jesus Christ."

"You get caught using that -" he repeated, remembering to cover his own back.

"Yeah, I know. This never happened," he said, handing the disk off to one of the men behind him. "You don't exist."

"Right..." he nodded absently, still somewhat dazed.

"Somethin' wrong, man?" Was it that obvious? "You look a little whiter than usual."

"I, uh... my computer..." He looked back into his apartment at his desk, and laughed at himself a little as he turned back. "You ever have that feeling..." he began, searching for the words to explain his mind. "...where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?" DuJour seemed as if she was trying to hold back giggles at his words.

"Mmhmm, all the time. It's called mescaline." DuJour nearly burst out laughing. "It's the only way to fly."

Neo looked down at the floor, trying to swallow away his dry mouth. Choi didn't understand.

"Hey," he went on, seeming to ignore Neo's state. "It just sounds to me like you might need to _unplug_, man. You know? Little R and R. Hey, what do you think, DuJour?" he asked, leaning closer to her, but keeping his eyes on Neo. "Should we take him with us?"

She gave him a quick once-over, and smirked. "Definitely."

"No, I can't, I have, uh," he racked his brain for an excuse, "work tomorrow." It was true, but he really didn't give a shit about that. Just didn't want to go. Never liked clubs, to many people. Didn't know what to do if he ever got approached by anyone.

"Come on, it'll be fun," DuJour said, speaking more words than she ever seemed to have spoken before. She returned to clinging to Choi, however, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I promise."

He sighed, already working up another excuse in his mind, something about a big project that was due - but as his eyes moved from the floor to their faces, they caught on something. A tattoo, barely visible in the shadows of the hallway, of a white rabbit. "Yeah, sure," he said immediately, automatically. "I'll go."

---

Trinity had the headset off as soon as Neo had spoken the words, and handed it off to Tank. He put it on, and followed her to her chair to plug her in. As her mind moved into her virtual body, she was filled with both terror and elation.

Her bike was left in the far end of the parking lot. She slipped past the back alley entrance bouncer without a word of protest from anyone. Her top, most likely. She moved quickly through the rooms until she spotted DuJour and the rest of her crew. She caught Trinity's eye as she passed, and discreetly pointed to the next room.

As she entered this room, her nerves seemed to get the best of her. Nails bit into her palms as she attempted to stop her hands from shaking. But as she caught sight of him, standing in a doorway with a beer, away from everyone else, she suddenly could not understand why she was so afraid. No matter how uncomfortable or out of place he must have felt, must have been, he was perfectly serene. Completely unthreatening.

She had planned out what she was going to say to him, how she was going to act. As she took the first step towards him, she decided to throw that all away. Best to work this as she went.

With each step, her nervousness fell away, until the only thing she felt through the calm was excitement.

He must have heard her, somehow, because he turned his head in her direction. She unconsciously altered her stance and walk, trying to make herself as attractive as possible.

"Hello, Neo."

She saw it there, the way he looked her over as he half-turned away again. "How do you know that name?" he asked, palpable fear in his voice.

"I know a lot about you." She tried to sound kind, to try to make him understand that she was not a threat. "I've been wanting to meet you for a long time."

---

He turned towards her a little more. A few minutes ago, half of his mind had gotten the idea that he would not be leaving this place alive. Maybe he had gotten ahead of himself. "Who are you?" He hoped he sounded less worried.

"My name is Trinity."

"Trinity...?" She sounded like she expected him to know her. Hacker alias, obviously, and he did know of a Trinity, but... wait - "_The_ Trinity?" he demanded, staring in awe. Then he suddenly forced himself to act natural, to avoid embarrassment if he was wrong, and to not seem like such a dork if he was right. But he was sure he wasn't doing such a great job. "That cracked the IRS D-base?"

Her eyes fell to the ground as she began to speak. Bad memories, maybe. "That was a long time ago."

—

"Jesus..." He muttered, turning away.

"What?" she asked, grinning at his priceless reaction.

"I just thought, um..." He wasn't really looking at her, trying to hide his embarrassment and shyness, no doubt. She wished he wouldn't - she couldn't see his eyes that way. She was looking forward to that. "You were a guy."

_Yes, I'm sure that's it_. She could hear him call himself an idiot in his mind as soon as he spoke the words. "Most guys do." she smirked.

He was quiet, working through his embarrassment. "Did... did you want to go somewhere and talk?" he inquired, very, very tentatively.

"No." She said, pushing the feeling of disappointment - and the fear it brought back - away. "It's safe here and I don't have much time."

His eyes suddenly widened as a realization came to him suddenly. "That was you on my computer..." He finally faced her completely. "How did you do that?"

---

"Right now," she began taking a few steps towards him, "all I can tell you is that you're in danger. I brought you here to warn you."

"Of what?" What the hell was she talking about? He hadn't done anything to be warned about... at least nothing that he hadn't covered up.

"They're watching you, Neo," she told him gravely, seriously.

_Shit_. "Who is?" he asked slowly.

"Please just listen." He thought he could detect a hint of worry in her words, and see it in her eyes - they were looking right into his.

She again took steps towards him. But this time, she did not stop. All of a sudden, he had no idea what to do with himself as she came so close that she pressed against him lightly, and her face moved to be beside his. He just automatically unfolded his arms and straightened up against the wall. He must have put the beer down somewhere, because it wasn't in his hand anymore and he hadn't heard anything break on the floor. _Well_, he thought over his racing heart, hoping that she could not hear it, and that his excitement was not obvious to her. _This is certainly new. Oh, wait... she's saying something_.

She spoke directly into his ear, made him shiver. "I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing. I know why you hardly sleep..." She spoke in such low tones, and her skin and eyelashes were brushing up against his cheek. He wished he could kiss her, would have if he'd had more courage, if she wasn't someone he obviously needed. All he could see on the side of his vision was her hair, slicked back, and her neck. Her skin was more pale than he would have thought healthy, almost as pale as his. But staring down at her neck, her shoulders - unbelievably sexy, perfect, like they were made just for that strapless leather top - he almost didn't mind that he couldn't move enough to see her face. Well, that, and her voice was so intoxicating... "Why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit at your computer. You're looking for him."

---

"I know because I was once looking for the same thing." Never had she been more grateful for the ability the Matrix gave free minds to heighten a sensation, as if it were all that there was. She was pressed against him just hard enough to feel his heartbeat, she focused on it, lost herself in it, just for a moment. "And when he found me..." Hard to focus on her words now, to continue to speak, to not kiss him right then and there. She would have, if she'd had more courage, if she didn't have a job to do. "He told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer." She only spoke the words to him. She did not recall any of these things in her mind. Really, she was thinking of nothing but him. _Hope he remembers all this later_

"It's the _question_ that drives us, Neo." _Us_. They were alike, connected. "It's the question that brought you here." She paused, and almost lost herself for a moment, almost stopped speaking altogether. "You know the question, just as I did."

---

He almost lost himself for a moment, almost stopped thinking altogether. "What is the Matrix?" he finally stuttered out.

"The answer is out there, Neo." Oh, that voice. He loved the way she said his name. "It's looking for you. And it will _find you_." Her lashes brushed against his skin again as she pulled back, finding his eyes once again. He couldn't quite tell if they were blue or green... "If you _want_ it to."

---

She held his eyes as she pulled away from him, memorizing them, to keep in her mind.. Even long after she turned and walked away, she could feel him staring at her.

God, she loved this man.

---

Back in reality, Trinity's preliminary report to Morpheus was automatic, details. _I think he'll trust us enough_. Then she went back to her cabin, though she didn't remember anything from walking down the ladder to closing the door behind her. She pulled off her boots and clothes in a daze, and as she was slipping her nightshirt over her head, she felt that her cheeks were very warm and flushed.

As it always was, some of her elation was replaced by fear and self-loathing for her actions, but not nearly as much this time. She was practically able to ignore it.

She had _met him_. She had met _Neo_, the man she had fallen completely in love with. She had spoken with him face to face, felt him, listened to his words. The thought did not even enter her mind that it hadn't been real. And there was no mistaking his actions, not for someone who could read people like she could. He was attracted to her. She didn't care why, that he hadn't been with a woman in the entire time they had been watching him, probably for much longer. That wasn't it. The way he reacted to her, his body language, was unmistakable.

She lay down on the bed and pulled the covers over up. Her hand came to rest on her stomach, trying to soothe away the butterflies she still felt. She closed her eyes, imagined that it was _his_ hand. Her face had been within only a fraction of an inch of his, even brushing against his skin a few times. Her body had been pressed up against his. The memory made her heart quicken again. Made her hand slip below the waist of her pants and underwear.

In her mind, it was still Neo's hand. Neo's hand that rubbed, circled and pressed against her. Neo's hand that made her writhe on the bed in pleasure.

It was Neo who made her back arch and her lips part in a silent cry as her orgasm spread through her body.

---

Neo stopped just outside the entrance to his floor, peeking his head in and scanning the room. Seeing only the heads of fellow employees above the cubicle walls, he deemed it safe to make his way to his desk, keeping his eyes out for silk ties, or maybe a bad combover. He thought he was safe when he was able to slip into his cubicle without anyone calling his name. Then he sat in his chair and spun to the computer screen, where a post-it said simply, "See me in my office. -Rhineheart"

The window washers were outside the office when the secretary sent Neo in. They held his attention as his boss continued typing. By now, he had come to expect Rhineheart to act as if he wasn't there.

He had also learned to sense, almost, when to start paying attention. He turned just in time.

"You have a problem with authority, Mr. Anderson. You believe that you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously you are mistaken."

Neo tuned it out, now, sort of. Tried to pretend that he didn't care, really. He just hated the fact that the Matrix, this feeling took up so much of his life and effectively destroyed the rest of it. He wondered if Trinity had told him the truth.

"This company is one of the top software companies in the world..." Rhineheart's voice faded away as increasing dread and the sound of the squeegees on the windowpane took his attention again. He had pushed his luck pretty far, especially lately. He wasn't sure how much farther it could go without breaking.

He automatically snapped back into the conversation. "The time has come to make a choice, Mr. Anderson."

_Shit_.

"Either you choose to be at your desk on time, from this day forward... or you choose to find yourself another job. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Mr. Rhineheart," he said automatically, fear churning his stomach. "Perfectly clear." He stumbled out of the office, the time it took to go back to his desk blurring in his mind. If Trinity had been lying to him, he was seriously, seriously fucked.

He sat and wallowed at his desk for a long time, staring at the blank computer screen. Someone finally called his name, came into his cubicle. He signed something, opened the envelope. The shrill ring of the phone that fell into his hand brought him back to full awareness. He stared, answered, and slowly brought it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, Neo," said a deep voice. "Do you know who this is?"

She hadn't been lying. "Morpheus?"

"Yes. I've been looking for you Neo."

_Holy. Fucking. Shit_. It was really happening. Years upon years of searching, running his ass in circles all over the whole goddamn digital world, and now, _finally_ -

"I don't know if you're ready to see what I have to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time." Oh, yeah. Great. "They're coming for you, Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do."

_Who_ was watching him? They kept saying that, but who? And why? Had the cops caught him for something small, or was it the feds for something big? "Who's coming for me?" he asked, calmly, determined to get an answer.

"Stand up and see for yourself."

Not the answer he was looking for. "What, right _now_?"

"Yes. Now." He was already half way out of his chair when Morpheus continued, "Do it _slowly_. The elevator."

Little more than his eyes ventured above the wall, and the lower half of his vision was filled with the top of the cabinet. Across the room, hanging below the green exit sign, stood seven or eight men facing a woman. Mostly cops, but the three in front - she pointed directly at his cubicle - wore precise black suits and sunglasses.

The feds. Something big.

"Oh, shit!" He nearly fell back into his cubicle.

"Yes." He almost sounded as if he was laughing at Neo.

"What do they want from me?" Like a child, like anyone running on adrenaline who couldn't think straight, he tried to find a place, any place to hide, and settled for kneeling in the corner between the cabinet and the wall.

"I don't know, but if you don't want to find out I suggest you get out of there."

_Don't sound so fucking calm_! "How?"

"I can guide you -" As if he had expected the question. "- but you must do exactly as I say."

He got up a little, tried to see, but got back down as soon as he realized that they would see _him_ if he did. "Okay."

"The cubicle across from you is empty."

"But - but what if they -"

"Go, _now_!"

He ran blindly, legs moving of their own accord. He crouched behind the wall, the footsteps of four men echoing loudly in his ears as they turned the corner just behind him and stopped abruptly. Stay here, Morpheus told him... just for a moment.

Barely saw one of the government men turn back the other way.

When I tell you - he came out of his fear-daze a little - go to the end of the row, "to the office at the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can."

"Now -" Cop, back turned outside of the cubicle -_other way, other way_. He ran and ran, past a few people, crouching as he went - still running down the narrow space between the cubicles and the wall to the corner office - "Good. Now, outside there is a scaffold."

He scanned the windows quickly, barely saw it outside, hidden by the wall on the right. How did he know all this?

"We don't have time, Neo." He stood in the room, safe for the time being, breathing heavily. "To the left there's a window, go to it." His actions were automatic. "Open it." He did. "You can use the scaffold to get to the roof."

"No _way_! No way!" Not gonna happen, no fucking way he was going out there, "This is crazy!" This was thirty-one floors up, he wouldn't - couldn't make -

"There are two ways out of this building." His voice commanded silence, stillness, and attention. "One is that scaffold, the other is in their custody." Real nice fucking choice. "You take a chance either way. I leave it to you."

He hung up. "This is insane." What the hell was he supposed to do now? "Why is this happening to me? I'm nobody." Not like he could really go with the cops, he'd definitely be screwed that way. "I didn't do anything." He'd have to take the scaffold. "I'm gonna die."

He finally got out onto the ledge, slowly, left leg, then right. He was compelled to look over to see just how far up thirty-one stories was, and he did without thinking. He instantly recoiled back to the window. "Shit!" But no choice.

He took the few steps toward the corner of the glass before his fear could stop him. There was a protrusion a few feet beyond that, extending beyond the ledge. He clung to it, clutching the phone in his hand. And the scaffold was just there, just out of reach. And again, unable to stop himself, his eyes fell again to the street below. A wind gust suddenly shook him, and the phone fell to the ground, and he clung to the building.

His salvation.

Just there. Just out of reach.

"I can't do this..." And he was crawling back to the open window.

Eight men were waiting for him inside.

---

A dark, narrow alley provided a perfect view of the corner office. She saw him, waiting, silently urging him on. But she could see the fear on his face from where she waited. She wasn't completely surprised when he turned back. She thought of calling Morpheus, but he would have known already. She simply waited forty or fifty seconds, and drove around to the front entrance. Another minute or so, and they came out. One Agent on each of his arms. He seemed so confused and unsure of what to do.

Trinity was able to do nothing but watch them shove him into the back seat of their sedan in her rearview mirror.

"Shit." Less for the fact that one of the Agents turned to see her, more as a release of all her tension, frustration and anger.

She pulled away from the curb and drove the seven blocks to the exit. She woke to the exposed wires and partially rusted metal of the core. Through the mass of confusion in her mind, she was able to pull out the faint desire to simply break down and cry.

It was Morpheus who came over to unplug her. As he walked back, she hear him say to her quietly, as if he could read her mind, "We'll get him out."

---

All he did anymore was wait. Waiting, waiting, waiting. For at least an hour, now, sitting in this empty room. Doing it on purpose, obviously, make him sweat. Worked pretty well. Especially considering that there was absolutely nothing here but two chairs, one of which he sat in, a table, and the little camera up in the corner. And the damn thing kept moving, back and forth and back and forth. Why? What did they think, that someone was going to come in out of view of the camera and -

The door opened without warning, no steps outside. The same three government men came in, he straightened in his chair automatically. Two moved behind him - brief paranoid flash of his own execution - and the third closed the door, slammed a thick folder on the desk, and sat in the other chair. He paused, and undid the folder's string, taking his time. More mental torture. His file, obviously. Everything about him. Stats, photos, full list of everything he'd ever done with a computer, from the looks of it. He was seriously fucked.

"As you can see," the agent across from him began, "we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson." He said it with such contempt. Mechanically, to an extreme he wouldn't expect even from a federal agent. Like this was what his best attempt at normal sounded like. "It seems that you've been living two lives. In one life, you are Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a social security number, you pay your taxes, and you -" He looked up, as if he didn't expect this from him. "-help your landlady carry out her garbage."

That wasn't who he was, in any life, except maybe a dead one.

"The other life is lived in computers -" But that wasn't much of a life either, until last night. "where you go by the hacker alias 'Neo' and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for."

Deeper and deeper into a massive pit of shit.

"One of these lives has a future -" _I hope so_. "- and one of them does not." The agent closed the file, and pushed it aside.

Neo shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be, Mr. Anderson. You're here because... we need your help."

He took off his sunglasses as if that was supposed to create trust. Neo only stared at him, emotionless. "We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual. A man who calls himself 'Morpheus.' Whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. The fact is that he is wanted for acts of terrorism -"

_For what he knows_.

"- in more countries than any other man in the world. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive."

_The most knowledgeable man alive_.

"My colleagues," he continued, leaning forward, "believe that I an wasting my time with you but I believe you want to do the right thing. It is obvious that you are an intelligent man, Mr. Anderson, and that you are interested in the future. That is why I believe you are ready to put your past mistakes behind you and continue with your life." He relaxed back into his chair again. "We are willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. And all that we are asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice."

_Yeah_, he thought, some small bit of confidence seeping into him, arrogance with it as it always did for him. _There's a hard choice_. "Yeah," he said quietly, acting on his confidence before it vanished. "Wow, that sounds like a really good deal." Convincing enough, apparently, the agent nodded with some satisfaction. "But I think I got a better one: how about... I give you the finger -" The agent made a barely audible sound as he did. "- and you give me my phone call?"

"Mr. Anderson..." Sunglasses back on. "You disappoint me."

"You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap! I know my rights. I _want_ my _phone call_!"

"Tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?"

First came confusion and dread as he tried to think of what that could mean, made worse by the government agent's ominous look and tone. He glanced at the others, then there was a bizarre pins-and-needles feeling around his mouth like his lips was melting - except that they really _were_ melting. After that it was sheer terror as jumped from the chair and screamed - as much as he could, since he didn't have a mouth anymore. He backed into the corner, having nowhere else to go, vainly fighting the men as they forced him down onto the table and tore open his shirt. Then the first was back, saying he was going to help whether he liked it or not. Neo stopped wrestling as he saw him pull something out of a case from his pocket. It, too, melted, and became some horribly mutated little thing that dropped, and crawled across his torso to his navel. It began to climb in, feeling like some slow, spiked bullet.

He struggled against the men more strongly, and he finally broke away, clawing frantically at his stomach -

---

- only to get caught up in his bed sheets and t-shirt. He pulled it up, examining more closely. A look around the apartment calmed him more, and he fell back to the bed. Just a nightmare.

He jumped at the piercing ring of the phone. Maybe not a nightmare.

Morpheus spoke as soon as he put the phone to his ear. "This line is tapped, so I must be brief. They got to you first, but they underestimated how important you are. If they knew what I know, you would probably be dead."

Neo hated the dark, even tone of his voice. "What are you talking about? What... what is happening to me?"

"You are the _One_, Neo. You see, you may have spent the last few years looking for me but I've spent my entire _life_ looking for you."

How the hell had all of this happened? Why did the whole world suddenly seem to be after him?

"Now, do you still want to meet?"

"Yes."

"Then go to the Adams Street bridge."

This was not where the Matrix was supposed to lead him.

---

She waited alone in the back seat as they drove from the hotel to the bridge. She was acting less nervous than she would have expected, only fidgeting with the edge of her coat. The few times Switch glanced back at her, she smiled as much as she could. When the car approached the corner on which Neo waited, she realized that she was so calm because she was becoming protective of him. When she opened the door and told him to get in, he seemed to be able to see it, too, that they - she - meant no harm.

She wished things didn't have to be this way. It would certainly cancel out what he had seen a moment before. He froze when he saw Switch's gun. "What the hell is this?"

"Its necessary, Neo," Trinity explained, praying that she could convince him. "For our protection."

"From _what_?"

"From you." Not going so well. But what else was there to say?

He stared at her incredulously, until Switch demanded that he take off his shirt. He then gave her the very same look.

"Stop the car."

_Don't do this, Switch, he's not like that, he'll run if you do this_.

"Listen to me, Coppertop. We don't have time for twenty questions. Right now, there's only one rule: our way, -" She briefly held a smile that was almost reassuring. "or the highway." And then it was gone.

He turned to Trinity again, for reassurance, protection, an explanation, anything - and suddenly she could not find a single word to say.

Seeing that she had no answers for him, he turned away and opened the car door. "Fine."

"Please Neo," she reached for his arm, holding him back. "You have to trust me."

"Why?"

"Because you have been down there, Neo," she explained in a low voice. "You know that road." She struck a cord, there. He stared out past the rain to the empty road, a saddened look passing over his face. She had him, and spoke again in an even quieter voice. "And I know that's not where you want to be."

After a moment, he slowly closed the door. He met her eyes again, entrusting his fate to her alone. The car continued on.

She told Apoc to turn on th lights, then told Neo to pull up his shirt. He did so hesitantly, asking what it was that she picked up from the floor of the car. "We think you're bugged," she responded flatly. He stared back at her, though she did not notice, with an equally blank face as she placed the device over his navel.

---

"Try and relax," she told him, just as three claw-like devices sprang from the machine onto his stomach. She was fidgeting with it, staring at a small screen he couldn't see, and muttering to herself.

"It's on the move." He realized that the other woman was still holding the gun on him.

"Come on, you shit..." Trinity muttered.

"You're gonna lose it!"

"No, I'm not," she insisted with a strained calm. "Clear."

He was given only a split second to wonder exactly what the fuck she meant by "clear." Should've known, though. As soon as the electricity was finished coursing through him, Trinity took the machine away and removed a glass case from the side.

Inside was the same tiny machine from his nightmare, coated in blood. "Jesus Christ, that thing is _real_?"

She didn't respond, just opened the window and dumped the machine into the rain.

---

The next thing he knew, they stepped out into the rain and then into an abandoned hotel. Trinity took him up countless flights of stairs - he didn't even try to count them in the first place. She finally stopped before a set of double doors on the top floor.

"This is it." Neo stared pensively at the door. "Let me give you one piece of advice: Be honest." She said it so simply that it provided at least some small measure of comfort. As if she could read his mind and see how nervous and afraid he was, and she was telling him that he was worrying to much. "He knows more than you can imagine." Trinity turned to open the door, and Neo automatically followed her into the dreary room.

Cobwebs covered the faded, peeling wallpaper. A thick layer of dust covered every piece of furniture, with the only exception being the two read leather armchairs adjacent to the fireplace. Before the grimy window stood a man with his back to them. He turned as they entered, smiling eerily.

"At last." Neo was surprised at how close he allowed himself to come so close to this man, especially since he had all but forgotten about Trinity's presence. "Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus."

He very consciously held out his hand, without any fear. "It's an honor to meet you."

"No," Morpheus countered, shaking his hand. "The honor is mine. Please, come." He gestured to the red chairs and guided Neo to them. "Sit."

He nodded to Trinity as soon as Neo sat down, and she continued into the next room. A tiny part of his nerves came back.

"I imagine," he began again as he returned from closing the door, "that right now you must be feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole, hm?"

He struggled to find his voice. "You could say that."

"I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up." He stood placidly beside the chair, clasping his hands behind his back. "Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?"

Where had that come from? "No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life." The answer cam automatically - he had explained it to himself enough times.

"I know exactly what you mean." He sat, turning a small mirrored case in his hand.

Neo found himself very out of place. He had been searching for this man for years, hoping against hope to meet him. But this wasn't at all what he had imagined. What did his beliefs have to do with anything?

"Let me tell you why you are here. You have come because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your whole life, felt that something is wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

How could he possibly know all of this? It took several seconds for him to remember Trinity's words. "The Matrix?" he finally responded after he snapped out of his stupor.

"Do you want to know what it is?" He asked it in such a way that he warned against any passing interest. Neo had to be certain that he truly wanted to know. He could see it in his stare, in spite of the black mirror glasses he wore.

So he nodded ever so slightly.

"The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work. When you go to church. When you pay your taxes." He smirked, almost, but then became utterly serious. "It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."

He leaned farther forward, intrigued. "What truth?"

"That you are a slave, Neo." The calmness with which he said it made Neo shiver. "Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind." He sighed ruefully. "Unfortunately, no one can be... _told_ what the Matrix is." He opened the small silver case he had been holding. "You have to see it for yourself."

His voice was dark, and as he took some small object from the case and leaned forward, Neo instinctively leaned back out of growing dread.

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back." He held something in each hand, and revealed what was in the left. "If you take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe." He opened his right hand. "But if you take the red pill, and you stay in wonderland. And I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes."

Neo could see his reflection in Morpheus' glasses. Each lense held his own face, but only one hand. One pill. Two different paths his life could take. The only two that were left for him.

The choice was surprisingly simple to make, even given his circumstances. Morpheus was right - he _had_ felt this way for his entire life, and it _was_ driving him insane. It wasn't as if he had anything worth staying here for. He hated every aspect of his life, from his apartment to his routine, his loneliness, his job - especially his job. The only real contact he had with his family was the card his parents always sent on his birthday, and the one card he sent for his whole family on Christmas. What would he really lose if he picked red? More importantly, what would he gain if he picked blue?

He reached over to the red pill.

"Remember," Morpheus interjected, startling him. "All I offer is the truth, nothing more."

But even this did not deter him.

---

---

Seriously people, if I don't get at least a fake laugh out of that joke, all hell will break loose.


	4. Awakening

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Four

Awakening

---

Trinity again passed by the double doors leading to the next room. She sighed in relief as she heard two sets of footsteps approaching. She quickly moved back to her laptop, glancing at Neo as he entered behind Morpheus. She felt a touch of pain as she saw the sheer confusion and fear that covered his face.

"Apoc, are we online?" Morpheus took the cell phone from Cypher, and led Neo to the chair at the back of the room. "Time is always against us," he remarked absently. "Please, take a seat there."

Switch took his coat before he sat down automatically, his confusion preventing him from doing much else. Trinity took his arm and attached a small wire, then another on his neck and behind his ear. She did not even realized that her left hand was resting gently on his shoulder, a subconscious effort to both comfort him and take advantage of their closeness.

He seemed to her to be compelled to speak, but simultaneously at a loss for words. Finally, quietly, he whispered, "You did all this?"

"Mmhmm." She even found herself smiling at him, just a few inches from his face as she made the final adjustments.

"The pill you took is part of a trace program," Morpheus continued. "It disrupts your input/output carrier signals so we can pinpoint your location."

"What does that mean?" he asked emotionlessly.

Trinity cringed inwardly as Cypher's blunt voice spoke out, "It means hold on to your seatbelt, Dorothy. 'Cause Kansas is goin' bye-bye."

Trinity clenched her fists reflexively, taking the smirk Switch threw her as a reminder not to mutilate the bastard on the spot. Neo simply waited for whatever was about to happen, trying to calm his visible nerves. The pill seemed to be kicking in - his eyes were fixated on the ground, he seemed drowsy, and confused.

Trinity forced herself to continue with the setup of the program, occasionally glancing back at him in worry. But not more than a moment later, she barely glanced up, and froze. Beside the chair in which Neo sat was a full length, cracked mirror. As he turned to seek out his reflection, the glass melted back into form, from the edges to the center, until it was perfectly restored. Neo spun around to the rest of the group. "Did you...?" He let the sentence fade off

All were staring. Strange, otherwise unexplainable things always happened when someone took the red pill. It sent the person into a waking-dream state, dissolving an inhibitions about what was and was not possible. Slight telekinesis was common, but Trinity had never seen anything like this.

Morpheus alone was not too shocked to speak; Morpheus alone was not surprised. "Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real?"

Neo wasn't listening, really. He tentatively held out two fingers, touching the glass, then immediately pulling away when his fingers sank in, sticking to it, bending it as he moved.

"What if you were unable to wake from that dream?"

He tugged a bit harder, and the mercury on his hands separated from the mirror, creating wide ripples that warped his image.

"How would you know the difference between the dream world... and the real world?"

Neo stared as the liquid silver grew, spreading over his hand slowly. "This can't be..."

"Be what?" Morpheus asked, and Neo glanced at him, seeming to hear him for the first time. "Be real?"

The silver was spreading more quickly along his arm now, and with Neo's ensuing panic, the rest of the crew's attention snapped back to their respective tasks.

"It's going into replication -"

"Apoc?"

"Still nothin'."

"It's cold," she heard Neo mutter. "It's cold!"

Morpheus touched one button on his cell phone. "Tank, we're going to need a signal soon."

_I got a fibrillation - Apoc, location - Almost there - _

The silver crawled higher. His vital readings on Trinity's computer suddenly spiked, alarms sounding. "He's going into arrest!" She yelled at the collective crew, anything to speed them up. She never took her eyes off of him.

"Lock!" Apoc yelled. "I got him!"

"Now, Tank, now!"

Neo's RSI disappeared just as he began to scream. Trinity was the first to the phone when it began to ring.

---

They all came out. Dozer was already flying to Neo's location. Tank went to the back of the Neb, waiting to retrieve him. The others dispersed to one of the two locations, but Trinity stayed in the core, staring at the screen that showed her their location in relation to his. They were closing in quickly, but it just wasn't quick enough.

Finally, the red center dot - the Neb - and the yellow dot above it - Neo's location - came together. The next thing she knew, she was at the far end of the Neb, setting the three search lights onto Neo's sinking form in the water below. The next moments spanned yet another eternity, as the crane sought out his body, brought him up and into the ship, and laid him out on the floor in the center of them all. Trinity felt as though her heart was about to stop, until Tank and Dozer put the blanket around him and picked him up. He was breathing, and conscious.

She stood behind him. He did not see her. All he could have seen, before inevitably passing out, was Morpheus, standing above him. "Welcome to the real world."

---

To the crew, they unplugged him in the early afternoon. Trinity spent the rest of it standing just outside the infirmary, watching through the tiny window as Dozer did everything necessary to keep Neo alive.

He amazed her, once again, in every possible way.

Neo had picked the red pill. She knew he would, he had no good reason to choose blue, and every reason to choose red. But, as all soldiers quickly learned, no matter how certain she was about something, objectiveness, disbelief, and doubt - these were a cushion however slight, that was always crucial, for it might make the difference between life and death - in one form or another - if, God forbid she was wrong. She let out a heavy, sigh of relief as she realized that she did not have to carry these doubts with her anymore.

Neo was alive, against all odds. Despite his old age, which may as well have been a hundred years, at this point. Despite nearly drowning because of his horribly atrophied muscles. Despite what all previous experience in the last century of fighting had taught them, he was indeed alive. The very thought that he might have died physically clenched her heart painfully, and she paced the hall outside of the infirmary. She forced her now shallow breathing to deepen, trying desperately to put the thought out of her mind.

"Hey," Dozer said, startling her as he opened the infirmary door. "Could you watch him for a few minutes while I update Morpheus?"

She nodded slowly. "How is he?" she asked as Dozer began down the hall.

He sighed, glancing back into the window, then at Trinity. "Could be worse... I give him a sixty-five percent chance if he makes it until morning. Seventy-five if he makes it through dinner tomorrow. Maybe even eighty, if he's lucky." He turned back, and did not see when Trinity swallowed back a sob.

She folded her arms to stop their shaking, and slowly made her way to Neo's bedside. She could only stand there, staring at his lifeless form, as the pangs of fear pained her heart once again. Was it true? Was it really so possible that he would die, even after making it this far against all odds? Was life really so cruel to her? She slowly closed the last few feet to the operating table, not even realizing that she had moved until she was already there. She watched as his chest slowly rose and fell, disturbed to see his ribs so clearly beneath his pale skin.

No. He couldn't die. He wouldn't. She didn't have any idea how she knew this, but in watching him, both in this moment and for the endless months prior, she saw strength. Maybe, just maybe, it would be enough.

The time seemed endless, and Trinity was lulled into a more calm state by the steady rise and fall of his chest. The sudden urge gripped her to reach out and touch him. She gave in without a second thought, and gently took his hand. He was real, she thought as she gently squeezed. _You're real_. She had known this intuitively all along, having watched his code and encountered him within the Matrix. Even so, it was simply the Matrix, a false thing. Part of her subconscious, she now realized, had always feared and believed that he was just a fabrication, something false that had been created for a reason she had failed to guess. But he wasn't. _You're real_. _Not another lie_.

Neo's eyes barely opened at the pressure of Trinity's hand. They seemed to find her face, though she was sure he would never remember this. Nonetheless, she found herself smiling, very slightly, very gently. Just as his eyes closed again, the corners of his mouth curled up in response. _Real_.

Some time later, Morpheus entered and stood across the table from her. He, too, studied Neo, then smiled proudly. "We've done it, Trinity. We've found him."

_Not now. Not right now. Don't make me think about that now. _Nonetheless, she could not help but whisper, "I hope you're right." Because she did.

"I don't have to hope. I _know_ it."

She heard Neo take a shaky breath as he came out of consciousness again. "Am I dead?" he asked, sounding very much like the answer was yes.

But Morpheus just smiled again. "Far from it."

---

Neo's reconstruction took nearly two weeks. Aside from Dozer and Morpheus, Trinity contributed the most. She had barely slept the first two nights after he was pulled from the sewers, until he showed clear signs of gaining strength, and Dozer reassured her that he would be fine.

Even after that, she still worried about him. Dozer had said that such advanced muscular atrophy was sometimes incurable, and organs sometimes failed after so many years of artificial support. It was nine days before they were certain that he would be able to function normally in the real world.

When she was not helping to rebuild his muscles or seal his plugs, she would often just sit in the infirmary, watching him. With the exception of the few times Switch brought her a drink, she would always pretend to monitor his vitals to avoid further questioning about why, once again, she took so many watch shifts over him.

---

The first - and only - thing he saw when he opened his eyes was old, dark metal, large bolts placed every few inches. Everything was made of it, from the ceiling and walls to the dresser and desk. At the tugging in his arm, he turned to find a black needle inserted deep into his forearm. He looked around the tiny room again, confused by the unfamiliar, futuristic technology.

He carefully pulled out the needle, wincing as it went on and on, and finally came out, at least three inches long. He tossed it aside, and ran his fingers over the metal circle in his forearm. He turned his head slightly, and again noticed a strange tugging at the back of his neck. Very slowly, he lifted his hand to his neck, afraid of what he might find there. He had barely touched the warm metal when the door creaked loudly, making him jump. Morpheus stepped inside, and Neo began his questioning immediately.

"Morpheus, what happened to me? What is this place?"

"More important that 'what,'" he began, sounding far too wise, "is 'when.'"

"When?" What the hell did that matter?

"You believe it's the year 1999, when in fact it's closer to 2199."

Neo stared, his face completely devoid of any expression.

"I can't tell you exactly what year it is, because... we honestly don't know. There's nothing I can say that will explain it for you, Neo. Come with me. See for yourself." Morpheus stood in the doorway for a moment longer, then turned and began walking. After a moment's hesitation, Neo stood and followed, wrapping the bed's blanket around his shoulders.

Morpheus led him through many twisting hallways, then up a tall ladder. "This is my ship. The _Nebuchadnezzar_. It's a hovercraft. This is the main deck." He smiled somewhat once Neo stepped away from the ladder. A few feet into the room, there was a bank of computer monitors suspended from the ceiling. A young boy he did not recognize suddenly stopped his work and stared.

A plaque on the wall caught his eye - _Mark III, No. 11Nebuchadnezzar, Made in the USA, Year 2069_.

2069.

"This is the Core," the older man continued, "where we broadcast our pirate signal and hack into the Matrix." He looked up, and Neo's eyes followed to a catwalk above their heads. The blonde woman who had held the gun in his face glanced at them as she came down. "Most of my crew you already know."

Trinity. She stood as he passed, taking off the welding helmet and running a hand through her hair. He didn't realize that he stared.

"This is Apoc -" Driver of the car. "- Switch, -" Gun lady. "- and Cypher." Kansas-is-goin'-bye-bye guy. Apoc smiled, Cypher said "Hey," and Switch looked at him like he was something she had just scraped off of her shoe. "The ones you don't know - Tank, and his big brother Dozer." Both men smiled at him. "The little one behind you is Mouse." The boy from the consoles when they walked in.

Morpheus walked up to him and put his hands on Neo's shoulders. "You wanted to know what the Matrix is, Neo?"

He nodded drowsily.

"Trinity." She guided him to one of several chairs stationed in a circle in the center of the room. She took his blanket, then closed clamps over his boots once he sat down. Surprisingly - but comfortingly - she laid her hand over his gently, almost as if it were an accident, that she had simply put her hand down and it landed there. But Neo somehow knew that wasn't it.

"Try and relax," Morpheus coaxed as he gently pressed Neo back. "This will feel a little weird."

And suddenly all he could feel was a blinding, excruciating pain that ran from the base of his neck through his entire skull.

---

But then he opened his eyes, and everything stopped. Even the world around him had become completely blank. He spun around, looking for something, but there was absolutely nothing in the expanse of white.

"This -" Neo snapped back around and found Morpheus, who could only have appeared from thin air. "- is the Construct. It's our loading program. We can load anything, from clothing to equipment, weapons, training simulations... anything we need."

As he finished speaking, his proof appeared - two old, red leather armchairs and an equally old television set. "Right now, we're inside a computer program?"

"Is it really so hard to believe? Your clothes are different, the plugs in your arms and head are gone. Your hair has changed." Neo pushed up his sleeve, and felt the back of his head. Sure enough, everything was as it should have been. "Your appearance now is what we call 'Residual Self Image.' It is the mental projection of your digital self."

He cautiously approached the chair closest to him, slowly running his hands over the high back. Had he not known any better, he would have believed it to be real without question. The red leather was smooth and cool, just as he had always known leather to be. It gave slightly under the pressure of his hand. There were no discrepancies, nothing to suggest it was only an imitation. But how could that be? "This isn't real?"

"What is 'real?'" Morpheus prompted. "How do you define 'real?' If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain." He reached down to the end table between the two chairs and picked up the remote control. "This is the world that you know." He sat down, and switched on the TV. It showed images of large cities - Chicago, New York, LA. "The world as it was at the end of the 20th century."

_The world that IS_, his mind screamed, trying to make some sense out of everything, to maintain some semblance of order and familiarity.

"It exists now only as part of a neural interactive simulation that we call the Matrix."

He looked to Morpheus, but the mirrored glasses blocked all emotion, all evidence of whether he really spoke the truth. Was that the reality of the Matrix, what he had searched so long to find? A virtual reality? The man's earlier words, as he was offering the two pills, came back to Neo - _It is everywhere, it is all around us_. But that was impossible - wasn't it?

He shut the TV off. "You've been living in a dream world, Neo. This is the world as it exists today." Another click of the remote, and suddenly it was the white world that changed, falling down into a dead expanse, not even a blade of grass in the ground - only a ruined city in the distance, and foreboding clouds moving quickly across the sky.

"Welcome to the desert of the real." Thunder rumbled in the sky above. "We have only bits and pieces of information, but what we know for certain is that some point in the early 21st century, all of mankind was united in celebration. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to AI."

"AI? You mean artificial intelligence?"

"A singular consciousness that spawned an entire race of machines."

What the hell was he talking about? That wasn't possible - it wasn't. This man was telling insane lies.

"We don't know who struck first, but we know that it was us who scorched the sky." He gestured to the rolling black clouds in the sky. They were like no other clouds Neo had ever seen. "At the time they were dependent on solar power and it was believed that they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun."

Through his confusion and disbelief, Neo could hear something in Morpheus' voice. Not sadness or anger, but something else he couldn't quite discern... disappointment, maybe?

"Throughout human history we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony."

Everything around them changed - the barren world was erased. Now, they stood among machines that slightly resembled trees, but instead of branches, each had half a dozen or so red sacs. Neo could see all too clearly that within each sac there was a tiny baby human. Nearly transparent spider-like things crawled over the entire structure, tending to each child. He felt nauseous, and clutched the back of the chair tightly.

"The human body generates more bio-electricity than a 120 volt battery, and over 25,000 BTUs of body heat," Morpheus explained. But Neo was so shocked that he barely paid attention, and the question of what this had to do with anything did not even enter his mind. "Combined with a form of fusion, the machines had found all the energy they would ever need."

He jumped when a giant claw came from apparently nowhere and simply plucked one of the pods from its place on the structure. It then traveled up the tube, and suddenly, pods were being picked everywhere.

"There are fields, Neo. Endless fields..." They began to move up, so that they could see. A field of black spotted with red pods in perfectly placed rows. And even as they continued to move upward, Neo could not see the end of it. Above them hovered machines with many tentacles, blurs of red moving up through them into a massive storage drum on the end of each. "...where human beings are no longer born... we are grown. For the longest time, I wouldn't believe it, and then I saw the fields with my own eyes."

It changed again, this time to a larger pod, like the one he had woken up in - the memory of it came back to him suddenly, vividly, and again he felt as if he would pass out. Inside this pod was a baby, hooked up to the many tubes. The red liquid began to fill the pod. "I watched them liquefy the dead so they could be fed intravenously to the living. And standing there, facing the pure horrifying precision of it, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth."

It pulled back, and suddenly they were in the white emptiness again, and the awful images were simply pictures on the televison.

"What is the Matrix? Control." He turned the TV off. "The Matrix is a computer-generated dreamworld. Built to keep us under control, in order to change a human being into this." He held up his hand, holding a simple Duracell battery.

Neo had not moved since the beginning, and still stood behind the chair, clutching it until his knuckles turned white. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. There was no way that any of this was real - it was science fiction. "No." Now, more than ever before in his life, he was certain that he was about to wake up. "I don't believe it. It's not possible." He was sure he would pass out.

"I didn't say it would be easy, Neo. I just said it would be the truth." His words did not carry nearly enough sympathy or comfort.

"Stop!" He backpeddled, desperately and pointlessly searching for a door, anything to get away. "I want out! Let me out! I want out!"

---

Suddenly, he was on his back staring at dark metal and faces in his peripheral vision. Hands far stronger than he held him down, pushed his head back.

"Easy, Neo, easy!"

"Get this thing out of me!" They pulled the spike from his neck, and he leapt from the chair the moment it was free. "Don't touch me! Stay a away from me!" His vision blurred, and his legs were no longer strong enough to hold him up.

_I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it_. His mind was screaming it like a mantra - if he could just say it enough, he knew he would wake up to his alarm, late for work again. It had to.

He could barely make out everyone around him, motionless with no idea of what to do. He was sure they were saying something again, but he couldn't hear what it was. In his last moment of consciousness, he threw up, and gratefully fell to the floor.

---

Trinity turned to glance at Dozer's face when he entered the dining hall. He was tired, looked worried and weary - but not mournful, as if something terrible had happened.

"How is he?" She was careful to keep her voice stable, to continue pouring her dinner calmly.

"He should be fine," he answered with a sigh. "He just couldn't get his head around so much all at once."

"But why would that happen?" Mouse asked eagerly. "Why did he pass out like that?"

"That usually happens when we unplug people his age. Honestly, I'm surprised he's not dead."

Trinity's breath caught in her throat, and she squeezed her cup tightly. As she took her seat at the table, her hands were still shaking, and she hid them under the table for a moment. Switch, who sat to her left, must have noticed - she reached down and squeezed her hand gently.

Mouse grinned almost idiotically. "So he has to be the One, then. If he's okay after that, right?"

"Don't get so eager," Switch warned him. "That doesn't prove anything, just that he's lucky."

Mouse didn't listen. "But he couldn't have died if he _was_, " he turned to Dozer, still grinning, "and you said he should have. So -"

"It doesn't matter," Switch insisted strongly. "Anyone could survive, One or not. He's lucky."

"And there's still plenty more opportunities," Cypher mumbled sarcastically. "Morpheus hasn't even told him he's the One yet."

Trinity glared at him from the side of her vision, wanting very much to take her emotions out on him.

"That he _thinks_ he's the One," Apoc corrected.

"C'mon, if Morpheus says that Neo's the One, then -"

"What he says doesn't matter, Mouse."

"But I thought the Oracle said -"

"Don't go into that. We've all been here a lot longer than you have, we've all seen this play out before."

"The Oracle doesn't decide who gets to be the One," Switch added, briefly meeting eyes with Trinity, "and neither does Morpheus, no matter what she told him."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he's _not_, I mean _someone_ has to be, maybe it really is him."

"No one talks about this either way," Trinity stated suddenly. Her tone did not possess a single note of jest nor room for questioning. Regardless, every face at the table was turned toward her in confusion. She clarified, even though anger flared in her mind at having to. "It doesn't matter whether he is or not, because it will not be discussed, especially in front of him."

"What do you mean? Why?"

"What do you care?" Cypher scoffed, drawing a glare from her.

"Morpheus is going to put enough pressure on him as it is. He doesn't need any more. It would get him killed. No one talks about it. That's an order." She turned her head down and continued eating her dinner. Her whole persona radiating the message hat she would not speak another word on the subject. Fortunately for themselves, no one else spoke of it, either.

---

Neo woke only to see a dark metal wall only inches of his face. It took a moment before he remembered where she was, and he sighed quietly when he did. He sat in the silence, contemplating his situation - not exactly what he had expected when he took the red pill. He had simply traded a life of depression for one of horror.

Somehow he figured that they wouldn't have left him alone. He turned back a bit, and was fairly certain that he saw a figure in his peripheral vision. "I can't go back, can I?"

"No," said Morpheus remorsefully. "But if you could... would you really want to?"

He didn't even have to think. He had always sought the truth, and he was grateful to have found it - no matter how awful.

"I owe you an apology. We have a rule: we never free a mind once it's reached a certain age. It's dangerous, the mind has trouble letting go. I've seen it before and I'm sorry."

He stared at one of a thousand tiny dents in the wall, wishing that he would simply go away and leave him alone. He didn't need to know how difficult it would be - he could guess it well enough from the past hour alone. His mouth hovered slightly open, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"I did what I did because... I had to."

_What_? Neo tilted his head up slightly, straining his weak muscles.

"When the Matrix was first built," he began solemnly, "there was a man born inside who had the ability to change whatever he wanted... to remake the Matrix as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, taught us the truth. As long as the Matrix exists, the human race will never be free. After he died, the Oracle prophesied his return, and that his coming would hail the destruction of the Matrix. End the war. Bring freedom to our people. That is why there are those of us who have spent our entire lives searching the Matrix, looking for him." His voice was strained with emotion - he was one of those people. "I did what I did because... I believe that search is over."

He forced his muscles to pull him over onto his back. He wasn't so great at reading faces, but he had to look. To his shock and horror, Morpheus seemed sincere.

"Get some rest. You're going to need it."

"For what?" Neo demanded as he turned the door handle.

"Your training." He grinned, and left.

He didn't even try to sleep that night.

Nothing made any sense at all. He kept turning things over in his mind again and again, but still came up with nothing. Maybe he was over-thinking everything, or he just needed time to process it, he didn't know - but this just wasn't possible. No matter how he tried to rationalize it, he still arrived at the same conclusion every time. Regardless, the memory still lurked in the back of his mind - Morpheus himself hadn't believed it at first, either. And he, apparently, had been proven wrong. That was what terrified him. Somehow, even though he couldn't reconcile this new "truth" with reality, it all seemed to fit. The feeling that followed him throughout his life, countless inexplicable, impossible things he had seen throughout his life.

Neo tended not to care what the rest of the world did - he could probably count the people whose actions he _did _care about on one hand. So he found himself that much more baffled at the supposed course of events that had led to the creation of the Matrix. He knew that the world as a whole could do some truly idiotic things, but this he could not believe. How long had this war been going? Decades, at least, and the storm that had been created still blocked the sky, and would no doubt continue for years to come. How awful could the war have been if that had been deemed the best solution - permanently eliminate all life simply for the sake of destroying something they were careless in creating? The selfishness and short-sightedness of it appalled him.

Ultimately, he ended up sitting against the back wall, thinking no words, just contemplating this feeling. It was a different feeling. Finally, he understood what it was - the underlying sense of wrongness, the knowledge that everything around him was false, had disappeared. What he felt now was only the truth.


	5. To Fall, and To Fly

I am aware that this chapter is egregiously late. I would simply like everyone to know that it is totally, completely, entirely, 1000 percent Dan Brown's fault.

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Five

To Fall, and To Fly

---

For just a split second before, she was sure, she felt butterflies of anticipation and excitement in her stomach.

"Morpheus is fightin' Neo!"

Trinity had dropped her cards and jumped to her feet before he even finished the sentence, and was moving before anyone else. She suspected that it was fear and her protective nature as much as anything else. She had been infuriated when, the night before, Morpheus told her that his training was to start in the morning. He had finally convinced her that he would not push Neo harder than he could take, and would go easy the first day. But still, she was afraid. He may have become strong and healthy physically, but psychologically... he still straddled the fence. The Truth had not yet fully settled in. He could still, as Cypher so sickeningly liked to put it, "pop." Nonetheless, she found herself excited. The battle was the true test of any Resistance soldier, where merit was proved and respect earned. Maybe, in this first fight, he would shatter all of their expectations... and give _her_ a solid reason to Believe. She wanted that, she realized, as terrifying as the thought was.

She ran to the bank of monitors as soon as her feet touched the floor of the Core. As one screen came into view, she saw Morpheus catch Neo with some fancy footwork, and send him flying to his back. At the edge of her vision, she saw his real body shudder, and she cringed. She was pleased, however, to see that he quickly stood up and attacked Morpheus once again. Decent, especially for his first time - until he was sent sprawling, this time on his stomach. He slammed a fist against the floor in anger, then turned back and rolled just in time to avoid Morpheus' knee in his spine. As before, he was back up on his feet and fighting, but within seconds was on the floor yet again.

_Shit_ - but she immediately killed the thought. _It's his first time, he's doing well_. _He's not just going to wake up and be the One_. And she forced her attention back to the virtual dojo.

Neo flipped Morpheus. Morpheus flipped Neo. Morpheus tried to sweep Neo's legs out from under him, but Neo flipped over, and ran for the adjacent support beam. _No, no_, she thought, knowing with all too certain dread what he was about to attempt. _Don't try anything fancy. Simple is effective._ He, of course, could not hear her, and ran up the thick wooden post, and as he reached the top, flipped in a wide arc across the dojo. _Dammit, Neo_ -

The instant he landed, a strong kick sent him flying back into another support beam.

Morpheus stood calm and relaxed as the younger man lay panting on the floor. "How did I beat you?" he asked, not quite rhetorically, his voice floating quietly through the speakers.

Trinity squeezed her own arms tighter in anticipation of the answer. She knew along what lines it would run - those of an unfree mind. "You... you're too fast." The words sounded shrilly in her ears like nails on a chalkboard. _First day, Trinity, first day_. Still, she wished she could close her ears as easily as she could close her eyes. Do you really believe that my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place? You think that's air you're breathing now? Silence.

"Again."

And her eyes snapped back open. The slightest bit of tension seeped out of her shoulders. _First day, first lesson_: _It is all a lie_.

Both were more deliberate this time; Neo especially was more cautious, more determined to succeed. Trinity found herself immobilized, the hope that he could make her Believe rushing back. The Core was silent as the group of seven waited. In an instant, fists were literally flying, the computers straining to create a coherent image on the screen.

"Jesus Christ, he's fast!" Mouse exclaimed, reminding Trinity that she was not alone. Switch and Apoc were probably both staring intently at the screens. Dozer, medic first and foremost, would be concerned, though slightly excited. Cypher would either be smirking at her or frowning. Mouse's expression was an easy guess, and Tank was no doubt wearing a huge, unapologetic grin. "Take a look at his neuro-kinetics, they're way above normal!"

Trinity's heart accelerated and nearly stopped at the same time. Reality's oldest two-day-old, it seemed, was also its most naturally gifted. _Could it really be possible_? A reason to Believe.

A punch was stopped a single inch from Neo's face. "What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. Don't think you are - _know_ you are."

Trinity's mind flashed to her own first fight. She could clearly remember her own determination, how her anger at being thrown down fueled her drive not to let it happen again. How she had become tired, and her humiliation at being beaten, even though she knew it would happen. But mostly, his words now reminded her of his words then. "No matter how many limitations your physical body may carry, your mind carries only the limitations you allow."

"Come on! Stop _trying_ to hit me and hit me!" Faster and faster until the images on the screens became still images lasting a fraction of a second before being replace with another, showing the men in an entirely different place and pose. Suddenly it all stopped, began working properly again. This time, it was Neo's fist an inch away from his opponent's face.

"I know what you're trying to do..."

_Oh, my God_... Trinity's mind was spinning. She had seen many new recruits over the years, all trained by Morpheus. In all of her memory, only she had ever been able to achieve such a feat in fighting this captain on the first shot. Until this very moment in time.

The Jump Program. Did he just request it? Apparently so, as the dojo disappeared and skyscrapers were suddenly rushing up beneath their feet. She looked around at her crewmembers. Each looked almost as nervous as she felt. Almost.

"Free your mind." He jumped. With only a few feet for a running start, he soared in a high arch, landing perfectly on the other side. The crack of the cement resounded through the Core. They could barely hear Neo muttering something. He was nervous - fighting was one thing, but jumping a fifty foot span fifty stories up was a whole different ball game.

"What if he makes it?" Mouse spurted out, making no attempt to mask his excitement.

"No one's ever made the first jump," Tank reminded him.

"I know, I know... But what if he does?" Such hope in his voice.

"He won't."

_Don't say that, Apoc, don't say it, don't say it dontsayit. He's the One_. Even now, she could not keep her mind made up about it for more than a few days, and she hated herself every time it switched back to a different answer, yes or no, because in no time at all it would have decided differently. But maybe, just maybe, in a moment... her decision would be solidified forever. _He's the One, I know it. He can make it_. "Come on."

Neo stood as far back as he could on the roof, which was intentionally designed to give him very little room. He stood in a starting position, rubbing his hands together, still mumbling, and suddenly took off, flinging himself from the ledge.

The moment his feet left the ledge, she knew he wouldn't make it. All of her hopes came crashing down even harder than Neo did. And unlike him, they were not given even the slight luxury of a cushioned bounce. She could not bear to keep her eyes on the screen. Suddenly, she could not even bear to be in this room, now so thick with disappointment. Groans of anguish erupted as she turned and headed for the cockpit as quickly and quietly as possible.

"What does that mean?" Mouse asked, panicked, desperate for an answer.

"It doesn't mean anything." Somehow Trinity knew that the remark was intended to follow _her_, would have been spoken regardless of the young boy's question.

In the cockpit, she left the lights off, and nearly fell back into her chair staring into her own dead, pained eyes in the windshield reflection. She slumped back against the chair, her mind far too jumbled at the moment to extract any coherent thoughts. There were only emotions - pain, anger, deep sadness, confusion.

What had happened? He was doing so well, _so_ well, he had chosen red, he had survived his unplugging and his reconstruction had turned out all but flawless, and despite his initial reaction he seemed to be able to wrap his head around the Truth, and he was fighting so well...

Suddenly, completely without warning and as she had not done in eons, she was overwhelmed by the urge to cry. She clasped her hands to her face, trying to forcibly steady her breath, but it did not work. The tears were pushing their way out, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. She pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees, weeping as quietly as she could in the hopes that no one would hear her.

_Oh, God, Neo, I was so sure_...

---

He hadn't seen Trinity when they pulled him out of the simulations. Maybe she hadn't seen...? Unlikely, he knew, as she was the only one who _wasn't_ there, but there was still a small chance she had missed his humiliation. He wasn't entirely sure why, but the thought of her seeing him fall flat on his face was mortifying.

He continued to beat himself up mentally as he stumbled back to his room. Logically he knew, it wasn't that surprising that he fell. "Free your mind." Fear, doubt and disbelief must be let go. He didn't totally understand much of anything about the Matrix yet, but he pretty much figured all that superhuman stuff they all seemed to be able to do was something like some sci-fi fantasy movie. The hero doesn't learn to control his newfound abilities until he is mentally calm, and comes to understand some strange Zen-like philosophy. Neo had achieved neither of these benchmarks, so a fall seemed like a logical conclusion. And hell, he was pretty sure he had only done so well in the dojo because it was just so fucking _cool_. It had been disappointing and embarrassing, but he could wish, right?

As he made his way down the hall he paused, trying to remember which door was his. Thinking very hard, he managed to remember, and reached out to turn the wheel. As it opened, he looked around again. Which room was _hers_? He did not know, and presently had no way of finding out, so he slipped into his tiny cabin. As he closed the door, the exhaustion Tank had predicted that morning washed over him. He barely had the strength to pull off his boots and tug one end of the blanket over his body before he collapsed, falling asleep as soon as his eyes were shut.

---

Trinity must have cried for fifteen or twenty minutes. Thankfully in that time, no one had come up to the cockpit, and knowing her crew, that meant that none of them had heard. She sat there for much longer, her heart having forced her to do away with these emotions by wallowing in them, something she had never enjoyed doing. She stayed up there for over an hour, she guessed, until she was finally certain that she had regained control and would not humiliate herself in front of everyone the moment she stepped into the mess hall.

She stood, staring into the windshield reflection as she did her best to straighten out her messy hair and clothes. It was too dark to see her eyes in the reflection, and she prayed that they were not still red and puffy. She finally stood there, staring into the dark tunnels surrounding the ship, she realized that she had nothing else to do, and would have to return to the crew sooner or later, so she forced herself down the ladder.

When she arrived in the mess, she found Switch, Apoc and Tank playing cards once again, Cypher and Mouse still eating dinner, and Morpheus and Dozer speaking quietly, most likely about Neo's current condition. Neo himself was nowhere to be seen, obviously locked in his cabin sound asleep.

Pulling a bowl and spoon from the cupboard, she found herself, as expected, worried. She filled the bowl with her dinner, mulling over the ills that lay ahead for him. His sparring match and fall were no doubt painful and had probably left bruises. His muscles, though no longer atrophied, would become sore even from the little exercise he had gotten that day. And between hours of downloading programs into his brain, the lingering sting of the truth, and attempting to free his already burdened mind, he would, without a doubt, be fighting off a headache for the next several days.

As she returned to her bowl with a glass of water, an idea struck her. It would be, if nothing else, a small remedy, and a reminder that they - or _she_, at least - would keep an eye on her. But not now. He would not be waking up from hunger for a while longer, and she selfishly wanted to wait until there were fewer people in the mess hall to witness the act.

---

Only Switch, Apoc, Mouse and Dozer remained in the mess hall. She managed to slip out with the tray of food even without Switch noticing. As she slipped past them into the hallway, walking as quietly as humanly possible, the all-business soldier in Trinity told her how absolutely absurd this all was. She was doting over a newborn as if he possessed any real hope of surviving in this world. She was getting herself attached - _I'm already plenty attached, this can't possibly make it any worse_. Her mind ran through a number of reasons for why her actions were completely idiotic. It was only her resolve to comfort, care for and protect Neo that stopped her from turning back, despite the onslaught from her rational mind. But as she reached Neo's door, a new, different thought rang through her mind, freezing her with her hand raised to knock at his door.

_You're only hurting yourself more_.

She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth tightly as she forced herself not to retreat back to the mess. Her nails bit into her palm. _Just give him his dinner and leave_. Taking a deep, controlled breath, she again raised her fist and lightly tapped on the door. Silence. Still sleeping.

Propping the tray against her hipbone, Trinity turned the wheel slowly and opened the door, cringing at the squeaking sound. As expected, he lay passed out on the bed. He was on his stomach, one bare foot and an arm hanging over the side. Any trepidation she felt dissolved instantly, and she was drawn towards him like a magnet. She set the tray down on the floor just across from his face, where he was sure to see it when he woke up.

She couldn't help it - she did not leave immediately, but rather remained kneeling by his face, watching him sleep. His face was completely calm, despite everything, and she sighed in relief. For the time being, at least, there was one place where he could find peace. And it was such a beautiful face, too. It seemed to her an odd but fitting description, and she found herself wishing that she could stay here for hours, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he slept.

She was at that moment gripped by terror at her urge to stroke his face, kiss him, even crawl into the bed right beside him. She immediately averted her eyes and headed for the open door. Her hand was just on the wheel when something stopped her, and she glanced back at him, barely covered by the blanket. She returned, somewhat unwillingly, to his side. She carefully put his leg back on the bed, tucked his hand under the pillow, and readjusted the blanket so that it covered his entire body, and did the same with the folded blanket at the foot of his bed. Her task done, she forced herself back out of his room, still afraid, but as always thrilled by being so close to him.

This small high, unfortunately, dropped as she spotted Cypher, waiting for her outside. _Shit_. She had absolutely no desire to deal with him now. Something simply wasn't right about him, but she couldn't place it. For months now, something had been different. He had become more cynical and depressing, but it went beyond that, somehow, like he had something up his sleeve, but she didn't know what. Trinity could read people like a book, and her mind had been screaming that she was not to trust this man.

"I don't remember you ever bringing _me_ dinner." It was almost more than a simple observation, almost an accusation.

_You weren't a thirty-year-old newborn who had just gotten the shit kicked out of him on his second day in Reality. I wasn't in love with you._ He knew. Maybe not that she was truly in love with him, but he could tell that she was more than just worried about him.

"There is something about him," he mused, running a finger down Neo's door, "isn't there?"

"Don't tell me you're a Believer now?" She wished he would stop bullshitting her and go away, leave her in peace.

He stared at the door, past it almost, slowly tapping his fingers against the metal. He was taunting her, and she clenched her hands around her folded arms. He shouldn't be pushing his luck - Neo's presence still affected her on every level, and her self control wasn't what it used to be. She was liable to punch him if he said one wrong word.

"I just can't help wondering, if Morpheus is so sure, why doesn't he take him to see the Oracle?"

_Leave, Trinity. It won't do you any good to beat him up in the hallway._ "Morpheus will take him when he's ready." She forced herself to turn and walk away, more successfully than she expected she would. _One foot in front of the other, into your room and close the door_.

---

Neo stepped through the door of the mess hall, grateful for a break in his training.

"Well," Tank smiled from his place at the table with Mouse, "speak of the devil, here's the man of the hour himself. Sit down, I'll get you lunch."

"Thanks," he replied, a little surprised. Tanks hospitality, especially for someone who lived in this world, was almost unnerving to Neo. He always seemed to be lending a hand, not just to Neo, but to everyone on the crew.

"So really, Neo," Mouse interjected through a mouth full of goo. Four and a half days of consciousness on the Nebuchadnezzar, and he still couldn't get over how revolting that stuff was - he only ate it when he was starving. "How's your training going? Tank's being vague."

"It's none of your business."

"No, it's fine, it's, um..." How _was_ it going? He felt like he was doing okay, but what did he know? "It's definitely been a little easier than I was expecting."

Mouse rolled his eyes impatiently, grumbling, "Oh, yeah that's so much better. Seriously, gimme something specific. What have you been working on?"

This young man, Neo had quickly learned, could be rather annoying. Any thought that entered his head unapologetically exited his mouth. It made moments like this awkward, especially when you wanted to be alone. But, other than that, he seemed like a good kid, so Neo usually humored him. "Swords this morning, other traditional weapons yesterday, staffs, things like that."

Tank returned with a tray and water, and set them before Neo. He reluctantly pulled them towards him.

"You holding up okay? Getting used to Reality pretty well?"

"Yeah, it's okay." He pushed his 'food' around in the tin bowl. "Most of it, anyway." This earned him a laugh from the operator. The mess hall then fell quiet as the other two men continued eating, and to Neo, at least, the silence felt awkward. He somehow sensed that he had interrupted a conversation that they did not wish to continue in front of him. He suddenly felt compelled to fill the silence. "So, um..." he began hesitantly, fishing for the right words. "What do you guys normally do around here, you know, when you're not training people?"

Mouse's muttered reply was instantaneous, full of irritation: "Fix things."

"The Neb's an old ship," Tank elaborated. "and it was thrown together in a hurry to begin with, so there's always something falling apart we've gotta fix." This sentiment was not the least comforting to Neo, and it must have been written all over his face. "Don't worry, its structurally sound, she's perfect as long as we stay on top of everything."

A myriad of different questions came to mind now, some that had been bothering him for days, some that he had only thought of that moment. "How often do you go into the Matrix? What all do you normally do in there?"

"Couple times a week, mostly on intel-gathering, recon-type stuff. Not as many big important dangerous missions as you probably think." Tank finished the last of his lunch, eyed Neo's untouched food, and stood to rinse his bowl.

On the edge of his vision, he saw someone enter the room. It was that woman with the white-blond hair, the one who had held a gun to his face in the Matrix, and almost scared him away completely. In general, really, she scared him. Switch, that was her name. Without looking at anyone else, she quickly fixed her own lunch and took a seat at the far end of the table.

"Actually gets really boring really fast around here," Mouse chimed in again, and began rambling as he was apt to do. "I mean, there's only so much programming to be done, most of what we need has already been made, don't usually need much updating. Most of the programs you end up writing aren't really things you need, just a new backdrop for an old training sim or something that's just for the hell of it... " He trailed off, staring into space. A slightly goofy, slightly sinister grin spread across his face as he seemed to change his mind. "Actually, no, I take that back, programming's a great pass-time."

"Little Rodent programs prostitutes for his own amusement," Switch mumbled cynically.

"Yeah, this from one of the only two people on ship who gets laid regularly. Ow!" He shifted closer to Tank, farther from the woman who had kicked him and was now giving him an evil look.

"Because I can get an _actual human being_ to be genuinely interested, not just a mindless robot bimbo who's programmed to be."

"Anyway," Tank interrupted quickly, seeming to know where the conversation was going. "Yeah, gets pretty boring sometimes, we play cards a lot. Between everyone in the fleet over the last hundred years we've probably made up about a thousand different games."

Hiding a grin from the still-glaring Switch and Mouse, Neo continued, "What, you don't download movies out of the Matrix or something?"

"No, we do." He grabbed the young boys's head, forcibly turning it to face forward again, away from his adversary. "But we mostly stick with music, we don't watch movies all that often, gets you off guard when you shouldn't be."

"Speaking of which -" Neo jumped as Trinity entered and headed straight for the sink. All-business, no-nonsense as she so often seemed to be. "Tank, I'm going in tonight, just real quick in and out. Nine o'clock. And Neo," she continued, barely glancing at him, "Dozer wants to see you as soon as you're done, just a check up."

As she turned and left as quickly as she had come in, Neo found his eyes trailing after her until she was out of sight, lingering on the closed door for a moment. He didn't quite realize what he had been doing until he turned back, only to find Tank and Mouse smirking, and Switch glaring quietly.

"That was quick."

"Leave him alone, Mouse," Tank laughed. "Don't worry, most of the guys who know Trinity had a thing for her at some point."

Was it that obvious? He instantly felt his face heat up and began blathering profusely. "No, no, I don't - she's just -"

Tank couldn't stop laughing. "Relax, she'll scare it right outta ya soon enough."

He glanced to the closed door - more discreetly this time - then turned his head down to stare at the table. Neo had only known Trinity for a few days, true, and had encountered her only a few brief times during that period, but... There was something magnetic about her, and he couldn't help but feel attracted to her, and not just physically. She was amazing, yes, with her strong, toned physique, soft features, beautiful, crystal blue eyes. But it was more than that. She could be intimidating at times, but he had quickly seen the softer side of her - in the club the night they met, as she convinced him to stay with them in the car the night after, during quiet moments over the past few days. He couldn't quite put his finger on what attracted him so much, but he always savored whatever time he spent with her, shy though he was around her.

He didn't doubt Tank's claims - who _wouldn't_ fall for Trinity? - he hoped he was wrong on the other counts. He didn't _want_ to lose the way he felt about her. Tank said it was a simple crush - but it didn't feel that way. Nor did it feel like some coping mechanism after having his entire world literally yanked out from under him. Granted, he was no expert on whether any particular romantic emotion was genuine or not, but his gut instinct told him that this one was.

"What, um..." he ventured hesitantly, not sure how to go on without making it even more obvious how attracted he was to her. "What's her story, anyway?"

"Eat your food," Tank chided, and Neo looked down to his bowl, still full. "She was unplugged... what, Switch, twelve, thirteen years ago?" The woman nodded slightly. "When she was sixteen. Switch and Trin've known each other for a long time. When'd you meet?"

She seemed reluctant to speak, preferring to listen, for some reason. "We were ten."

"She's one of our best soldiers."

"Please," Mouse grumbled. "She's _the_ best in the fleet." He turned to Neo, who was beginning to recognize the look that signaled a long monologue. "Cats have fewer lives than that woman. You know about the Agents, right?" Neo furrowed his brow and shook his head. "Programs, super-soldier secret police for the machines. Men in black, big guns. They'll kill you on sight, no hesitating. Well, Trinity's survived more encounters with 'em than anyone else in history, bar none."

"There's no official count, so we don't really -"

"Oh, please, everyone knows it's true, so do you, you're her operator. Rescued more people from agents than anyone else, too," he said, matter-of-factly. "Seriously, she'll kick your ass to hell and back blindfolded, one hand tied behind her back without even breaking a sweat."

"Exhibit A for my previous claim that every guy Trin knows has a thing for her," Tank said nonchalantly.

"I don't have a thing for her, she just kicks ass. And I mean, God _help you_ if you ever piss that woman off." Neo suddenly found himself wondering if there was some strange gland in the boy's body that produced caffeine. "That whole 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' thing? Yeah, that came from her. So don't ever do it, you'll never see the light of day again."

Switch rolled her eyes, smirking slightly. "He never _has _seen the light of day."

"Semantics. Seriously, she'll kill ya."

Somehow, this seemed to make her even _more_ attractive to Neo. This apparent strength of hers. Although he was severely lacking the quality in himself, he had always sought it in others, especially the few women he had become serious with in his life. Clearly, it wasn't the kind of thing you would want to get in the way of, but, he figured, that could be arranged. He would simply have to be careful with her, respect her boundaries when he was with her.

The thought, so natural and automatic, immediately struck a terrible cord in his rational mind. When he was _with her_? He wasn't _with her_, as his mind so cruelly had to go and point out. Nor, it continued, would he likely _ever_ have that luxury. Women like Trinity, he knew from experience, being strong, sure, confident and self-sufficient, rarely fell in love with men like Neo, shy, cautious, and inept. A small wave of misery washed over him at the realization. Shortly following was a wave of confusion - he had only known this woman for a week. Why did he care so much, so soon?

As he slowly ate, he considered this. She was beautiful, kind, strong... and that 'something,' that thing that you couldn't name or explain but knew existed. Logically, he knew that none of these things _should_ be enough to make him feel this way so quickly. Accepting this, for the time-being, as something he could not understand, his thoughts turned to an aspect of her personality that had been troubling him.

"Is she always so..." What was the right word? Cold simply wasn't true, aloof didn't fit, nor did distant. He had seen Trinity interact with the crew.

"Ice Queen Trinity?" Mouse provided. Not the words Neo would have chosen, but he assumed they expressed the same sentiment.

"She is not," Switch asserted forcefully, defensively. A slight glare out of the corner of her eye was there and then gone in an instant.

"Always is with me," he grumbled.

"That's only because you deserve it."

"She's not, Neo," Tank said sympathetically. "She really is nice once you get to know her. She just kind of tends to shut down around people she doesn't know. But once she starts to trust you, she'll warm right up."

Comforting news. He had to admit, some small part of him (foolishly) pictured the two of them together. Although he was probably better off facing reality, this new information gave his doomed fantasy a little bit of hope. Perhaps he would do just that - gain her trust.

He finished up his lunch quickly, and headed off to see Dozer.

---

Switch sat alone in the mess when Trinity arrived. She ate in silence, her portable computer resting beside her, waiting to be used. She glanced up as Trinity arrived, looking suddenly pensive. Trinity frowned, but said nothing as she poured her dinner. She took a seat beside her friend, still silent, but she repeatedly glanced at her as they ate. Switch was contemplating, presumably over whether or not to speak up, to reveal whatever was swirling around in her head. Finally, she seemed to decide that she should indeed do so.

"You know... he was asking about you today."

She did not need to ask which 'he' she was talking about. "What did he say?" she ventured timidly.

Switch sighed. "Just asked, Mouse started rambling on about your agent record, and stuff... Flattering, if nothing else. Made you sound pretty intimidating, but it didn't seem to phase him."

Trinity did not look up, poking quietly at the food in her bowl.

Switch also hesitated, unsure if she should reveal this next part although Trinity had probably noticed it herself already. "I... I think he's starting to like you." The other woman's shoulders tightened, and she clutched at her spork. "You didn't see, but he was staring at you when you came in at lunch."

Trinity sighed heavily. She was afraid of this happening. She had fallen hopelessly in love with the man, a fact that she reluctantly accepted. Even after all that she had been through, all of Switch's help and guidance, she still sometimes wished her feelings away. Wished that, at the very least, she could push them far enough away so that she didn't have to deal with them, as she had become so good at in her many years with the Resistance. But she had tried this many times already, and always failed miserably. If Neo began to harbor feelings for her as well, no matter how shallow or fleeting they may be, it only made things harder for Trinity.

The Oracle's prophecy to her was written in big bold letters across every corner of her mind. If he grew to feel the same way, she would only love him more. The more she loved him, the more it would rip her heart to shreds when the prophecy came to pass. _When you tell him you love him_ -

As though he had heard her thoughts, the door squeaked open at that very moment, and he entered. When he saw the two women sitting side-by-side at the table, he seemed to want to turn and run. He managed not to let his nerves get the better of him, though, or perhaps the fear of looking like a complete idiot was simply greater. He stood frozen for a moment before forcing himself forward, leaving the door open. He quickly averted his eyes from them as he retrieved his dinner. Switch, already finished with her own food, caught Trinity's eyes with a comforting glance before standing to rinse her bowl. When all three were seated, Neo and Trinity eating, Switch working on her computer, the silence that descended over them was not entirely uncomfortable, but not calm, either. It drew itself out for only a minute however, until Switch, searching her computer, became more than a little pissed off.

"You've got to be kidding me..." she muttered angrily. Trinity glanced at the program on the screen - it was clearly not one of hers. She stood in a huff and headed for the door. "Miserable Rodent used my computer."

The pair glanced at each other, now alone. Trinity felt her heart beat faster and faster. But somehow, Neo seemed to gather up his courage faster than she did.

---

_Say something. Anything. No! Not anything, not something stupid._ She wouldn't trust him if he never spoke to her. _Say something, dammit!_ "Why does she call him that?" _What, that's the best thing you can fucking think of, Anderson!_ Well. Too late now. Best run with it. "She means Mouse, right? She called him that earlier, too."

"She, um..." Trinity grinned a little. "She calls him that when she's mad at him or wants to annoy him." She seemed... no, she couldn't be. What did she have to be nervous about? "Her real brother in the Matrix is about the same age and acts a lot like Mouse. His name was Billy, she used to call him Billy Goat. Seems to like annoying animal nicknames. They were always at each other's throats, but she really does miss him. She's kind of adopted Mouse."

The brief silence that followed was awkward, but was not quite so bad. "Tank said you two knew each other before you were unplugged...?" He hoped she did not think he was prying.

"Yeah, my best friend. But she was unplugged a few years after me."

Okay. It was a start. He had found out more about her best friend than he did about her - _Moron, couldn't think of a better question._ - but she had opened up, if only just a little. It would take time.

The sound of arguing floated in from the hallway, getting closer. Mouse, being chased by Switch, from the sound of it. Sure enough, the pair entered, along with Dozer, Apoc and Cypher, and Switch snatched up her computer and stood behind Mouse as he retrieved a bowl, relentless. "Take it off! I don't need your whore's lingerie taking up my hard drive!"

"Okay, okay, I will -"

"No, now!"

Trinity seemed to bite back a laugh, and leaned across the table towards Neo. He did the same. "Mouse has actually been unplugged for almost three years," she whispered.

_Three_? "But, his hair -"

She nodded, smirking. "He keeps it short and is careful not to gain much weight, so he always looks like he was just unplugged. Girls in Zion think newborns are adorable."

He grinned and continued eating, hoping that the same was true of a certain beautiful, blue-eyed woman on the Nebuchadnezzar.


	6. Mind and Heart

I really shouldn't be posting this now. It only took me five days to finish, and I've been sitting on it. I wanted to use it as a buffer, since I probably won't be able to write as fast now that school's back in session (year round schedule sucks). But I really want to post it, don't ask me why. So I am.

Perhaps I should make one thing clear to everyone: I am a shameless, unapologetic review junkie. So hows about feeding a girl's little addiction, huh: ) Especially since I was so nice and posted after just 13 days. : )

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Six

Mind and Heart

---

His mind was taking this whole thing a little too seriously, Neo decided as he stood beside Morpheus on the street corner. They had been inside the Matrix less than two minutes, and yet everything was truly _wrong_. The buildings were too perfect, their lines to parallel, bricks too exactly placed. All of the colors were dull, repressive. Every single person in sight was wearing either black or white, including the huddled mass of people across the street from them, waiting for the light to turn. Had it really been this bad only a few weeks ago, when he was still plugged in? Or was his mind just over-exaggerating the contrast between reality and this illusion, the way a dim light seemed bright to someone who had just woken up?

Before Neo had even noticed, and without really even looking themselves, Morpheus and the crowd stepped into the street, on a collision course with one another, Neo jumping ahead to keep up. Somehow the older man melted through the crowd, passing between rushing people without being touched. This must also have to do with 'freeing your mind,' he decided, because as he followed, people seemed to be going out of their way just to bump into him. He stumbled along, trying to keep close enough to hear.

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy..."

Was he seeing things? There was not a speck of originality or personality to any of the people passing him on the streets. He couldn't pick one of these faces out of a crowd to save his life. Everyone looked the same, from the height to the clothes to the hair. A slightly ironic twist, he had already counted three sets of twins, a pair of nuns, a pair of sailors, and countless pairs of people he wouldn't be able to tell apart any farther away than thirty feet. Maybe he really _hadn't_ been sleeping enough, he thought as he tried to return his attention to Morpheus' speech. Something about carpenters...

"The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still part of that system, and that makes them our enemy."

He turned to stare at two passing women, but only got the backs of their heads. These people's faces were all a dime a dozen, but he was certain that he had seen them back at the beginning, waiting at the crosswalk. _You're losing it, Anderson._ He forced himself to turn his attention back to the path ahead, and - _Oh, now wait one fucking minute!_ He had definitely, _definitely_, seen those two sailors just a minute ago, no doubt about it. Same two guys. But he was forced to continue following Morpheus. _Uh... people don't want to be unplugged, got it_.

"And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it."

His eye was instantly drawn to her in the crowd, even through the bodies obstructing her from view. It was the color of her dress, the one thing, for miles, it seemed, that wasn't black grey or green. She sauntered past him in her red cocktail dress, pale blond hair bouncing as she smiled seductively at him. He was compelled to watch her pass, though he didn't quite know why. She also watched him as they separated, a sexy glint in her eye.

"Were you listening to me, Neo?"

_Oh, shit_. Why was it that his attention always drifted when his boss was around? More importantly, how did they _always_ seem to notice? He snapped back to attention.

"Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?"

_Double shit_. "I was -" But he wasn't given time for an excuse.

"Look again."

As he turned, his vision was suddenly filled with nothing but the barrel of a gun, held by the man who had interrogated him when he was arrested.

"Freeze it," Morpheus shouted to the sky as Neo instinctively dropped to the ground.

Each person - five others here that he had seen before - slowed and froze in mid step in sync with each other. As Neo stood straight again, he saw that even the birds and water fountain were frozen in time.

"This isn't the Matrix?"

"No." Okay. Maybe he wasn't losing it after all. "It's another training program designed to teach you one thing: If you are not one of us, you are one of _them_."

The stark image of the bug 'They' had planted in his stomach flashed through his mind. "What are they?"

"Sentient programs." As he explained, Neo realized that this must be one of the Agents Mouse had told him about. Super-soldier secret police, who could, apparently, take over the body of anyone in the Matrix. "Inside the Matrix, they are everyone, and they are no one."

As much as he wanted to move, to step out of the path of the Agent's gun, even though it was probably harmless, he was compelled to stand his ground. There was something about this, here, that struck something in him. He would not say that it was familiar, though. 'Familiar' implied that he had seen the image in the past. This arrangement, Neo staring down the barrel of _this_ Agent's gun, somehow, seemed to be something that had yet to come to pass. It disturbed him as much as it confused him.

"We have survived by hiding from them, and by running from them. But they are the gatekeepers. They are guarding all the doors, they are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later, _someone_ is going to have to fight them."

"_Someone_?" Morpheus had made no attempt to hide the implication in his voice.

"I won't lie to you, Neo." In the man's mirrored glasses, he could see two conflicting images. In the right, he saw himself alone. In the left, his own image, with the gun aimed straight for his head. "Every single man or woman who has stood their ground,_everyone_ who has fought an Agent has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed."

"Why?" Why indeed. Why was Morpheus so certain he was their savior, their One?

"I've seen an Agent punch through a concrete wall, men have emptied entire clips at them and hit _nothing_ but air. But their strength and their speed are still based on a world that is built on rules, and because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be."

He stared back nervously at the gun. He couldn't possibly mean... Jumping between rooftops or learning a dozen styles of kung-fu in as many seconds was one thing, but this... Impossible. "What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?"

Morpheus smiled enigmatically. "No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're _ready_..." The grin widened. "You won't have to."

_What?_

Morpheus' ringing phone cut into the thought, and when it was answered, he could barely make out Tank's voice on the other line. "We got trouble."

---

As he woke in the real world, it was Trinity's soft hand on his forehead. The warmth provided a much needed contrast to the coldness of the spike being pulled from his skull. As soon as he sat up, he could tell she was nervous. Slightly frantic as she undid the clamps around his feet, she hurriedly pulled him along as she headed to the cockpit. It really must be bad, if Trinity was visibly afraid. The rest of the crew was gathering around Tank's console as she pushed him up the ladder.

The ship shook, banking slightly to the left, and he realized that they were flying, fast. What the hell was wrong? Trinity gently brushed past him as they entered, scanning data on a screen mounted to the wall. Satisfied, she turned around, eyes fixating on a point between Morpheus and Dozer's chairs. Following her gaze, Neo found a holographic map of their area. It was quickly replaced by a grotesque mechanical creature, not unlike the one that had been planted in his stomach.

"Shit! Squiddies sweepin' in quick," Dozer muttered, flying even faster and more recklessly.

"Squiddie?" he quietly whispered to Trinity, not wanting to bother the two pilots.

"Sentinel." Her eyes did not move from the image even as she turned her head to speak to him. "Killing machine designed for one thing."

"Search and destroy." The way Dozer said it, it almost sounded like a game.

The ship entered a massive cavern, and was carefully maneuvered into a small niche, landing with a loud, resounding thud. As Morpheus spoke to Tank on the intercom, the ship silenced and the cockpit shut down, everything going black. "Power off-line. EMP armed and ready." Morpheus nodded in approval.

"EMP?" Again to Trinity, though this time it was more because her voice, though agitated herself, was calming. It pulled some of his fear away.

"Electromagnetic pulse." This time she did look at him, her eyes barely visible in the darkness. "Disables any electrical system in the blast radius. Only weapon we have against the machines." With such a bleak horror facing them constantly, among many others, Neo suddenly found it a wonder that the human race had survived. He could not help but think that they probably owed it to the courage of people like Trinity.

As he turned back to the windshield, Neo realized briefly that this was the first time he had been up here, and, amazingly enough, the first time he had ever seen anything outside of the ship. He wasn't quite sure what he had imagined their environment to be like, or what he should have imagined, but he found himself staring out into dark tunnels.

"Where are we?"

"They're old service and waste systems." Her voice had grown quieter. Were it not for the otherwise silent surroundings, he would not have heard her.

"Sewers?"

"There used to be cities that spanned hundreds of miles," she explained, a hint of nostalgic sadness in her voice. "Now these sewers are all that's left of them."

"Quiet!" Morpheus scolded, and just in time. Mere seconds after the words left his mouth, the mechanical squid drifted down into the cavern before them. All four tensed simultaneously. Neo stared in fascinated horror as it flew in a wide arc, searching.

He jumped and nearly screamed as a second sentinel, one that they hadn't even known was there, appeared at the edge of their tiny alcove. It crawled around the edge, and he hoped for a moment that it would simply continue on, but it stopped, hovering, and from its claw extended a dish-shaped appendage. He assumed it was a microphone, and forced his mouth closed, clenching his teeth tightly. They waited, no one moving, or barely even breathing. Neo hoped that the machine could not hear his heart pounding as loudly as he could.

Finally, when his lungs began to burn from holding his breath so long, the squid retracted the microphone, and moved on. He sighed heavily, and saw Trinity glance at him from the corner of her eye. He could tell that she was as relieved as he was.

They waited several minutes in continued silence, though the time seemed nowhere near as long as the time it took the sentinel to decide that they did not exist. Then Morpheus ordered the engines back online. They took off, Dozer flying even more rapidly than before. As they leveled out into a tunnel branching out from the bottom of the cavern, he felt soft fingers interlace with his own. He had not even realized how cold it had gotten until he felt the heat of Trinity's hand.

"You okay?" she asked softly, genuinely concerned.

Though he was instantly scolding himself for doing so, he waited a moment to respond, glancing around the cockpit as if unsure of the answer. He savored the feel of her hand in his, her skin against his skin. So warm. He unconsciously ran his thumb across hers. "Um... yeah," he finally replied, knowing he couldn't draw it out forever. She smiled gently, her ice-blue eyes many times warmer than her hand. Maybe this was for her own peace of mind, to calm herself as well as Neo. She squeezed his hand, and stared back out the windshield.

There was a clock in the cockpit, and he checked it. It was nearly three minutes before she let his hand go.

---

Trinity had only been able to spare a few minutes today, and she was far from pleased with what she saw. Nearly every day since Neo's training had begun, Trinity reported to the Core, for a little while at least, to monitor his progress. Today followed a pattern that had set in about a week ago - he was improving less and less with each day. Watching him from behind the Operator's chair now, she could barely see a difference in his skill from yesterday. He had been learning and becoming better by leaps and bounds those first few days, but now he hardly seemed like the same man. At this point, he was far behind his expected skill level. He had hit a plateau far too early. Of course, she knew that this was not Neo's fault.

Things with Morpheus, it seemed, were shaping up exactly as she had predicted.

Frowning, and already choosing her words for the impending conversation, Trinity turned and headed to the mess for dinner.

Fifteen minutes later, Neo walked in, looking far less tired and challenged then he should have. Morpheus, who did not exuded the presence of a proper teacher nearly as much has he should, patted him on the shoulder, and began to continue down the hall to his cabin.

"Morpheus?" she called out, catching him in mid-step. "I'd like to speak with you privately, please."

"Of course," he replied, his tone suggesting that he had not noticed hers. "Come by my office when you're finished eating." Six minutes later, she was knocking on his door. She opened and closed the door silently when he invited her in. "What's the problem, Trinity?"

She could see as soon as he looked at her that her face gave the topic of conversation away. So she decided to jump in head-first. "You're being too easy on him."

"Trinity," he sighed.

"You are," she insisted. "He's barely improved at all in the last several days. He was getting exponentially better when you first started training him."

"It's complicated, Trinity." Morpheus wasn't looking her in the eye.

She wasn't about to let him off, and pushed further. "Why? Because you _think_ he's the One?" The exact choice of words was made with extreme care. "Is that why you're going easier on him than you did on me? Because you are. You never would have let me get away with some of the things he does. You'd be providing a _much _greater challenge. So either you're going easy on him, or your age is starting to catch up to you. I know it's not the latter, so..."

He shook his head, still avoiding her eyes. But he was starting to realize that she had a point. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know," she admitted honestly. "I'm guessing you probably barely even realize you're doing it. Now, I'm no psychologist, but I'd bet you're doing it so he'll live up to your expectations, even if it's artificially." He folded his arms and scowled quietly at the floor. She was hitting the buttons. This was not something he wanted to be true about himself. Trinity sighed heavily, an old, deep anger creeping up within her. "I told you Morpheus. I told you before that you would do this. You've let his _potential_ cloud your judgment. Going easy on him might make you _seem_ right in the short run, but it only hurts him in the long run. He'll _die _if you don't start training him properly."

He was quiet for a long time, not liking the implications of this. But, ultimately, he knew she was right. "All right," he conceded finally, after several long moments of silence. "More challenging training, first thing in the morning."

Trinity hesitated, but only for the most fleeting of instants. "Let me train him."

He finally looked at her, staring into her eyes forcefully, and immediately replied, "I'm sorry, Trinity, but no."

_No? What?_ Forcing down the knee-jerk instinct to spout off a few choice expletives interlaced with, essentially, _What the hell is wrong with your head_, Trinity cocked her head to the side. She knew he could see the anger mixed in with the confusion. "And why not?"

"I'll train him properly. I'll challenge him, he'll -"

"_Why not_, Morpheus?"

"_Trinity_. I'll take care of it."

Her decision to train Neo herself was instant. His head wasn't in the right place, and the same thing was, at the moment, in question about his heart. No harm would come to Neo over this. At least, not if she had any control over it. She did, after all, have the legal authority to step in wherever Morpheus was unable to fulfil his duties as captain.

But of course, she did not let any of this out of her mind when she spoke, feigning resignation. "All right. All right, fine." She turned towards the door, hand pausing on the wheel. "But I'm going to hold you to that promise." He smiled weakly as she left.

She closed the door with an exasperated sigh, and set off to find Tank.

---

"Hey, Neo." Someone was shaking him, and he groggily tried to turn his head towards the voice. "Neo, wake up." Blinking his eyes, he could barely make out Tank's face in the darkness. What was he doing here? "Time to get up."

It took great effort to prop himself up on his elbows and search out the alarm clock mounted into the wall. It was just after five in the morning. "No it's not." He flopped back down on the mattress and pulled the blanket over his head.

Tank laughed, and pulled it away. "No, come on. Get up. Morpheus wants to start your training early today." He picked up Neo's boots and set them on the edge of the bed. "Up."

"Why?"

"Didn't say. Just said to get you up and jacked in early." Neo didn't move. "Get up now or I'm turning on the lights."

He groaned. "Fine, fine." He hated having any lights on when he first woke up. So he reluctantly sat up, buckled up his boots, and allowed himself to be led to the mess hall. After a short breakfast, they went up to the Core.

"Morpheus will be out in a minute, he's doing some important captain thing." With that, he closed his eyes and reopened them to the Construct dojo.

---

"He's in, you can come down," Tank called out. Trinity rose from her chair and quickly descended from the cockpit into the Core. She couldn't help the excited grin that crossed her face. If nothing else, this would be very... interesting.

"You should wear something a little different," Tank suggested innocently as she finished setting up and sat back in her chair.

"What?"

"You know, something a little sexier than normal." She gaped openly at him as he plugged her in. What the hell kind of suggestion was that? He held up his hands in defense, quickly adding, "Look, he thinks you're hot, all I'm saying is... a little extra distraction." She rolled her eyes as he loaded her in.

Somewhere in the transition from one world to the next, she realized that he was right - the more distractions, the more effective her training. Deep down, though, she could sense another motivation - the same one that had prompted her to wear that strapless leather top to the club when they first met. And really, why shouldn't she want him to think her attractive?

As planned, she appeared in the program standing behind Neo, who stood staring into space in the center of the room, waiting. She quickly glanced down at her own attire - all black, as usual, but the yoga pants were a bit tighter, rode a bit lower on her hips, and the tank top left a bit more showing than usual, at the top and the bottom. Satisfied, she turned her attention back to Neo.

He still stood facing the opposite wall, completely oblivious to her presence. _As it should be_. She took a few cautious steps forward, completely silent, at least to his untrained ears. Picking up speed, she moved to stand just behind him, then attacked. He fought back, of course, but she had him, and he was sprawled on his back within seconds.

"Lesson one," Trinity announced seriously, "never let your guard down. Always know what's going on around you." She came up beside him, and found him glaring at her, as incredulous as he was angry.

"You..." he stuttered out, trying frantically to get his bearings. "You snuck up on me! I wasn't even supposed to fight _you_!" He tried to sit up, but with a foot to his chest, she pinned him down.

"If you want to live, remember this above all else: as long as you have a spike in your brain, you pay attention to everything. Never let your guard down. Especially when you're fighting me." She released him, and sauntered confidently to the center of the dojo, as he had been, with her back to him. "Get up." She heard him rise slowly, fighting off pain from her attack. He began to walk around to face her.

"That's still not fair, you know," he grumbled, slightly less angry. He continued to walk around her, coming closer and closer to her right side. Clueless, careless. He showed no concern for his own safety. "You snuck up on me, and I didn't even hear you -"

Trinity shook her head and sighed. As he came to be just beside her, she blind-sided him, her entire shin impacting him from shoulder to shoulder across his collarbones. The breath was knocked out of him as he landed on the floor once again. "Bit slow on the uptake, are we?" There was not the slightest bit of humor in her voice, and even less in her mind.

"That wasn't fair!" he insisted yet again. Couldn't he think of some other protest?

Her foot found its way to his chest again, this time applying much more pressure. "You think the Agents are going to play fair?" She pressed harder as he tried to get up, catching his eyes and demanding an answer. "Do you?" He shook his head almost imperceptibly. "If they see you, they will shoot you, Neo, whether you see them or not. They won't wait for you to get your gun for a fair fight. You _must_ know who is around you, who could become one of them. You _must_ know if someone _does_ become one of them." Her increasing weight on his chest was making him more nervous by the second. She shifted, _standing_ on his chest now, and he was shocked to find her as light as a feather. "You will have a split second of an advantage, and that's it. You have to take it." She waited, staring intently into his eyes, but he did nothing. She was not being that vague. Her gaze changed, became tinted with her slight disappointment. Finally he seemed to get it, but, unfortunately, his move to kick her off of him was too slow. She gracefully flipped off, landing far away. This was going to be a _very_ long day.

---

"Why are you doing this?" he demanded. Why, indeed? This was a new side of her, a side that scared him. Neo could feel his own defensiveness and introversion kicking in. As was often the case, it came out as cockiness. "Morpheus has already -"

"Newsflash, Neo." He had only ever heard this tone a few brief, intermittent times since he had met her. He imagined she only ever used it when she was giving some asshole superior officer a piece of her mind, or when she was staring down an Agent. "Morpheus is going easy on you, even for a beginner. He's convinced you're the One, and it's screwing with his judgment. I will be handling your primary training from now on."

He stood up straighter, feigned confidence, subconsciously hoping to intimidate her. "C'mon... What does it matter? Morpheus trained you, you can't be much better than him."

She cocked her head to one side. "I hear Mouse has been bragging about me to you. You wanna rethink that last statement?" Neo faltered. What was there to say to that? She probably _was_ a better fighter than Morpheus.

There was only silence as she fixed him with an intense, scrutinizing gaze. Her eyes were like glue - he _wanted_ to turn away from their icy, intimidating glare, but he couldn't move a muscle. Eons later, she spoke, still not moving her eyes. "Tank?" A black scarf suddenly appeared in the air above their heads, floating down halfway between them. She casually held up a hand, and the scarf flew to it. Neo's jaw dropped. The crew had told him that telekinesis was possible in the virtual world, but this was the first he had ever seen of it. She turned and walked back to the center of the floor.

"You're _kidding_, right? You can't be serious..."

But she had already tied it around her eyes. "As a heart attack."

An unexpected, though not totally irrelevant thought gripped him then, and he prayed she would not notice. The blindfold, the tight black clothes showing off her every curve, her pale skin over her perfectly toned back and arms... An interesting fantasy was sure to come of this. _There you go again, Anderson, acting like she's yours. As if she'd ever have any interest_.

"Neo," she called impatiently, "when someone is training, it tends to help if that person makes some effort to fight his teacher."

He dragged his mind out of the gutter and back into the simulation. Steeling himself, still certain that he would break a bone if she fought him blindfolded, he forced himself over to her, and attacked.

Trinity must have been right about Morpheus, he figured, because in that first hour or so of sparring, she kicked his ass six ways from Sunday.

---

Although Switch's original intent had been to find Trinity and convince her not to skip breakfast, as she sometimes did, she found herself blowing off the morning meal to watch the eventful match with Tank. She stayed quiet, mentally applauding Trinity for this step, even though her motives would obviously be a mix of Neo's best interest, along with her own. Tank, on the other hand, did not even try to keep from cracking up every time Neo landed flat on his ass.

"What the hell are you doing!" Mouse screeched from behind them, startling them. He stared frantically at the screens, running a few small circles as he tried to decide whether to tell the others or yell at Switch and Tank for not doing just that. "You can't just - you have to - you've gotta tell people - Jesus _Christ_, what the fuck is _wrong _with you people!" He dashed frantically down the ladder, acting very much like his namesake. They could hear him announcing the fight for all the ship to hear. Although it was only seven in the morning, within a minute, Mouse and the four remaining crewmen were huddled around the monitors. Glancing around, Switch could see that everyone but Morpheus was thrilled.

---

An untrained eye wouldn't have seen it, but Trinity did. It was becoming less and less easy to beat him. Come lunchtime, he might very well be able to give her a run for her money.

"Trinity," came a voice from nowhere. It was Morpheus, and he did not sound pleased. "What are you doing?"

She skirted away from Neo to give her captain more attention. "Training Neo, what's it look like?"

"I told you _I_ would be handling that." Most definitely not pleased.

"You'll please forgive me if my faith in you isn't up to normal standards." Hearing a whisper of footsteps and wind approaching from her left, she quickly moved to block and subsequently counter-attack Neo, who had seized on her moment of distraction. "Better," she remarked after fending him off and putting some distance between them.

"I gave you a direct order, Trinity." Morpheus was trying to keep the anger and frustration in his voice concealed enough so that only she would hear, but it probably wasn't working.

"You didn't _order_ me to or not to do anything, Morpheus, and even if you did, it shouldn't surprise you that I disobeyed. And I trust you haven't forgotten our arrangement. You remember?" She was met with silence. It seemed that his agreement to give her equal say in everything concerning Neo had not slipped his mind. "That's what I thought. Now if you'll excuse me."

They continued sparring throughout the day, and she was very pleased to see Neo improving. By the end of the day, he had beaten her, if only just barely, in two of their many fights.

---

Trinity sat beside Morpheus in silence, speaking only when necessary as they flew the Neb to a new location. This was done only in accordance with safety protocol, as both had been avoiding each other since she had begun training Neo two days before. He avoided her because he did not like having his authority undermined. She avoided him to spare herself the task of explaining everything again.

So she was surprised when, after they landed and were shutting down the engines, he spoke up. "Trinity." She knew instantly that she would not like it. She rarely heard that tone, but it was distinct. She didn't look at him. "I don't know what's going on with you and Neo, I know it's more than you just being protective. I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not you want to tell me. But there's something very important I need you to do." She leaned back in her chair, gripping the armrests tightly to brace herself against what she knew was ultimately coming. "I know you don't believe that Neo is the One, and I don't ask that you do. Regardless, his safety is paramount."

"Morpheus -"

"Trinity. If anything happens to me, here or in the Matrix, Neo is your top priority. Do whatever you have to do to protect him. No matter what."

Arguing was futile. She would jump at the opportunity to fight for a cause she believed in, but something told her that she would not be able to talk him out of this one. She shook her head slowly, then pushed the chair back more forcefully than was necessary. "Fine." She left in a huff, still refusing to look at his face.

---

_Agent!_ She didn't know where it could have come from - there hadn't _been_ anyone around them! They ran, all three of them, Neo, Morpheus and herself. Ran and ran and ran for that hardline. It was just _there_, not a hundred feet in front of them, but they were running forever. Finally they reached it, and Morpheus picked up the phone first.

_Free your mind, Neo!_ he shouted happily as he pressed it to his ear and began to dissolve. _Free your mind and you'll be the One!_

What? _Morpheus!_ But he was already gone, his mind sent back to the real world. Trinity pushed Neo forward to the phone, but just as she reached out to it, it exploded in gunfire. She turned to find the Agent running towards them, and stepped in front of Neo to protect him, as she had promised herself she would.

_Free your heart, Trinity_. She spun, and found the Oracle to her left, smiling enigmatically as usual. What was she doing here, now? _Free your heart and he'll be the One_.

_I can't_, she whispered involuntarily. _I can't do it_. Turning back, she found the Agent approaching quickly, just feet away.

_But I need you, Trinity,_ Neo whispered to her urgently. She stared at him, feeling tears well up in her eyes. But she could say nothing. She could only pull out her gun and aim it straight for the Agent -

- But what was an arm extended in battle became one reaching out in horror to the screens in the Core, and she cried out as the falling green symbols showed Neo dying, shot and ripped apart by the Agent. She didn't save him. _I could have!_ she screamed as she fell to the floor, weeping, unable to tear her eyes from the code. _I could have saved him!_

The Oracle was there again, somehow, and she lifted Trinity's head and wiped the tears from her cheeks. _Free your heart and he'll be the One_.

---

Trinity nearly jumped out of her bed. Her pillow and blanket fell to the floor as she searched around her room frantically. It was exactly as it had always been. She was alone. But the panic clung to her in her drowsy state, and she fumbled out of her sheets, not even putting her boots on as she reached for the door. She did not care that it squeaked when she opened it, nor that her footsteps were too loud as she ran down the corridor. She only cared about him. Finding his door, she quickly twisted the handle, again ignoring the high screech. Unable to see in the dim light of hall, she ran to his bedside and kneeled down, her hand finding its way to his chest. It was warm, rising and falling slowly. She sighed in relief, her hand moving up to caress his neck. Now fully awake, she realized the absurdity of what she was doing. As quickly as she had come in, she left, closing the door much more quietly this time.

Back in her room, she sat on the bed with the light off, cradling her head in her hands. She stayed that way for quite some time, thinking everything and nothing all at once. She finally turned wearily to the clock, and found that it was 5:30. No point in going back to sleep, she was sure she wouldn't be able to anyway. The thought of just going to the mess or the Core and starting another monotonous day was torture. She thought a minute, settled on a plan and put on her boots.

Treading quietly, she made her way to Switch's cabin and knocked softly. Apoc answered, squinting against the slightly brighter light of the hallway. "Hey. What do you need?"

"Could you ask Switch if she wants to go get some coffee?"

---

"So what's wrong?" Switch probed gently as she drove the black sedan through the mid-morning traffic of New York City.

"It's just..." She searched for the right words, if any existed, to explain everything that was going on in her head. "I'm getting in over my head here. It's just starting to be too much." They drove in silence until they reached a small coffee shop across the street from Central Park. As they waited in the short line, Trinity leaned over to Switch and whispered, "Morpheus made me promise, the other night, that if anything happened, I would put Neo's safety above everything else." She folded her arms tightly, fidgeting as Switch ordered their coffees. "He's gonna do something stupid, I know it."

They left shortly thereafter, heading across the street to the park. By sheer luck, they found themselves at an old concrete bench with a perfect view, the same place where they had spent many afternoons all those years ago, when they were both still plugged in.

"Maybe he's just covering his back, just in case."

She shook her head slowly, sadly. "No. Something's going to happen, I can just feel it."

Both women sat in silence for several long minutes, watching children and dogs chasing birds as they sipped their coffee. "Your remember that coffee shop you used to work at?" Switch asked gently. Trinity nodded absently. "Starbucks took it over about six months after you left." She had hoped it would get a laugh out of her friend, and it did, but a very small, almost sad one. More nostalgia that she didn't need. Another quiet minute passed before she decided to cut to the chase and get to what was really bothering Trinity. "You really have no idea what to do about him, do you?"

"No."

"Trinity... why don't you just _tell him_? You of all people should be able to tell that he likes you, too. Hell, give it another week and he'll be head-over-heels in love with you, if he isn't already."

Trinity sighed heavily, tapping a finger against the lid of her coffee. "It's not that simple, Switch."

"_Why not_? Trinity, I've told you this already. Being in love isn't as bad as you think, it's not _bad_ at all!"

Her head hung low, eyes tightly shut against the world. _There's so much more to this, Switch_. Finally, she spoke up. "Beds on the ship are too small as it is, I'm not exactly thrilled by the prospect of giving up half of it." It had a metaphor to it, she realized, unintended but potent nonetheless.

"Yeah. But it's a hell of a lot warmer than sleeping alone." It seemed that she had picked up on the dual meaning, as well. "I think this is the one and only thing you've ever been afraid of."

"I've been scared of things before."

"Scared is staring down the barrel of an Agent's gun. Different than being afraid, you're afraid. You've hated things before, you've wished they would go away and you've done everything you could to _make_ them go away... but you've never been afraid of them. You're afraid of this, Trin, but I can't for the life of me figure out why."

"It's complicated."

"_Why_?" She was trying to be sympathetic, but her frustration was beginning to show. "What's so complicated about loving Neo?"

"Because it will kill him, Switch."

The pain in her friend's voice nearly broke her heart. "What do you mean?"

"The Oracle," Trinity sighed. She was on the verge of tears, and she didn't quite trust herself to keep it together. "She said..."

"What?"

She sighed heavily, her voice quivering as she spoke. "She said that when I tell Neo I love him, he'll die."

There was silence for several minutes. Their half-finished coffees cooled as they were forgotten. "If or when?" Switch finally ventured. Trinity looked up at her with confusion. "'If' you tell him you love him or 'when' you tell him you love him?"

Trinity concentrated hard, thinking back to that day, twelve years earlier. She finally shrugged, muttering, "I don't remember. What does it matter anyway?"

"I don't know," she admitted, desperately searching for something comforting to say. "Maybe she'll be wrong... I mean, I'm sure she must have been wrong before..."

"Maybe." She drank some more coffee, even though it was now lukewarm. There was a deep depression in her eyes that seemed unshakable. "But you'll forgive me if I don't cling to that hope."

---

---

ZionAngel sits in front of her computer, twiddling her thumbs as she eagerly awaits reviews - be they good, bad, or ugly. She hopes her adoring fans will get the hint. : )


	7. Better to Have Loved and Lost

It occurs to me that I have made Neo incredibly horny when it comes to Trinity. I do not know why I have done this. As for what's up with the Oracle telling Trin that Neo would die... if you've read _Death and Rebirth_, go back and read the chapter (11, I believe) with Trin's visit to the Oracle. Think carefully, see if you can guess, and then wait for me to get to that part of the movie, and see if you figured it out. : )

Once again, the review junkie humbly begs that you feed her addiction, especially considering the fact that she got something like 120 hits on the last chapter and all of FOUR reviews, even though she _explicitly_ asked for lots of them... Please? Makes cute sad puppy face that no one with a shred of decency could resist.

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Seven

Better to Have Loved and Lost...

—

As he saw her, the familiar nervousness and uncertainty took over him. But it was quickly followed by excitement and a thrill that was becoming more and more common as time progressed. She glanced up at him as he entered the mess hall, and he could swear he saw the slightest hint of a smile on her face. He sheepishly grinned back and continued past her to the counter.

Their relationship - however foggy the lines that defined it - had become decidedly more open over the past two or three weeks. He had taken Tank's advice to heart, and was doing everything in his power to make her trust him. He helped her out where he could, tried his best not to be intimidating, asked her little questions now and then. They had even had several full-blown conversations. And her training... God help him, it had only made him more attracted to her. There was no bullshitting with her, and it had not taken him long to realize that Morpheus really had been holding out on him. Trinity never gave him a moment to rest, always demanding more from him, but never more than he could give. As tough as she was, she was carefully guiding him, always _helping_ him to be better. In retrospect, he was sure that that first morning, nine days ago, was when he had truly fallen for her, as masochistic as that probably was.

He took a deep breath, reminding himself of how successful his attempted conversations had been with her in the past, and took his seat across from her.

It took him a few minutes to work up the nerve to ask his question, but as soon as he had just enough, he jumped at the opportunity. "Hey, um... I was wondering something. About the machines."

She looked up at him, and he instantly felt that the question that had been bothering him for weeks was stupid. But somehow, he knew she would still answer. "Hm?"

"How... how are we supposed to beat them, exactly? I mean, those sentinels... I mean, if that's just the start of it, how can you expect to win?"

Trinity smiled sadly at him, as much at the answer to his question, he assumed, as to Neo's own naivete. "I don't."

He sat in stunned silence, waiting for her to elaborate, explain. When she did not, he ventured on, "But... Morpheus... he wants to defeat them and free everyone in the Matrix." This new revelation confused him beyond reason.

Trinity sighed heavily, seeming to search for the proper words to explain her meaning. "Morpheus. For freeing so many minds, I'm still surprised that he doesn't spend as much time in reality as the rest of us." She noted Neo's furrowed brow. "Don't get me wrong, he's a great leader and fighter, and I trust him with my life, but... He is very unrealistic. Very idealistic. The end that Morpheus would prefer for the war isn't feasible."

"But..." That didn't make any sense. "He's seems so sure about it. That's what he's been working towards."

"I know. That's the thing about him - once he gets his heart set on something, starts believing in it... that's it. No going back."

Neo still wasn't entirely certain. How could a person devote his life to a cause so completely, fight for it with every fiber of his being, and yet have someone so very close to him who was equally convinced that his goal was all but impossible? His eyes searched hers for an explanation, some rhyme or reason.

"There's six billion people in the Matrix, Neo," she explained patiently, setting down her spork to give him her undivided attention. "Zion can only support a tiny fraction of a percent of that, and the surface is uninhabitable. Even if it was, building the cities we'd need, the infrastructure would take decades if not a century or more. They'd either be stuck in the Matrix for that time or they'd die off by the tens of millions. Building underground cities would take even longer. And both of those plans would only work if we had any hope at all of destroying all of the machines."

He waited, eating small bites of his food as he studied her, trying to comprehend her words. He processed them for a long time, but could not come up with a solution. "So what are you fighting for, exactly? How is this supposed to end?" Surely no war, whatever it was fought for, was worth fighting forever.

"Well..." There was something in her eyes, beyond the sadness and longing for a world she had never truly known. There was, just for a fleeting moment, hidden deep in those blue orbs, the slightest bit of hope. Like Pandora's box, he mused. "We can't undo what we did to the sky. Scientists have been working on it for years, but they have yet to figure anything out. So, for the foreseeable future, unfortunately, we rely on each other to survive. One dies, so does the other. The only thing any of us can really hope for is that, one day, they let us free everyone who wants out of the Matrix, no more no less, and leave it at that. No more fighting."

This seemed reasonable enough. The machines needed their bioelectricity to keep running, the humans would die without the life support provided to them by the machines, and the Matrix to keep them happy. The thought was almost sickening, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that there was truly no other way. To destroy the machines was to destroy almost every last member of the human race. But if this were so, he wondered, if it truly was only a matter of simple logic as Neo thought, why was there such resistance to it on both sides? From the machines especially, whom he was led to believe were creatures who knew nothing _but_ logic.

"Well... why do we have to fight them to do it? Why can't we... I don't know, negotiate with them? Come to some sort of agreement." Trinity smiled sadly again. He wished he could go sit beside her, wrap his arms around her and make the horrible reality of the world go away and leave her alone. "It's not such an unreasonable thing to ask."

"We've tried it before," she sighed. "Back when the war first started, and we didn't have the advantage we thought we would. Couple other times. Never worked."

"Why not?"

"When has any conflict ever been as simple as both sides swallowing their pride and doing what's right for themselves?" She smiled a little, though not in such a way that made him feel embarrassed by his own childlike innocence. "The machines don't _want_ to free us, just like most of us don't want to let them survive. They won't let us go because, if in their position, we wouldn't let them go. We created them, Neo. We're their parents, they're our children. Everything they are, they learned from us, for better or worse." She turned away from him, pushing her food around before continuing to eat. Both became comfortably quiet.

Several minutes later, Trinity finished her meal. As she stood and went to the sink to clean it out, she spoke to him over her shoulder. "Honestly, in Zion, that's the politically correct viewpoint. They are what they are because we made them that way, taught them those things or forced them into it. We created our own enemy. But... like anything else, politically correct doesn't exactly equal common opinion and belief." She turned to face him, leaning back against the counter top. She studied him carefully, and quickly came to a decision about something. "Finish up your dinner, I want to show you something."

Intrigued, he ate the remaining goop quickly, and followed her up to the Core. Sitting down in the operator's chair, she thumbed through a set of disks in a small drawer beneath the console. She chose one that was larger than the rest, with a small box-shaped end that protruded from the computer when she inserted it. He stood behind her as she loaded the program, much closer than he needed to be. He inched closer, and it took all of his self control not to wrap his arms around her shoulders and gently kiss the soft skin of her neck. He stepped back just as she stood from the chair. She didn't seem to have noticed.

She led him to the two closest chairs, and they both began setting up. As she plugged him in, he savored the feel of her hand on his forehead. But it was over all too quickly as she loaded him into the Construct, joining him a moment later. "Run program."

They were suddenly plunged into blackness, followed immediately by patterns of red, orange and yellow squares rushing past them as the program loaded. It finally settled on a Buddhist-looking arrangement within this pattern, something like a giant lotus flower, an elaborately dressed woman in each petal, and one in the center. "Welcome to the Zion Historical Archives," said a feminine, though obviously mechanical voice. "Please select file."

"Second Renaissance," instructed Trinity, "through the creation of the Matrix. Especially the B1-66ER trial."

"Accessing file."

"What did Morpheus tell you about the start of the war?" she asked as they waited. Her look to him was slightly concerned. "Did he tell you that we didn't know who attacked first?"

"Yeah..."

She nodded, turning her eyes to the non-existent ground. "Figured as much. It's true, but," she gestured to the women in the lotus blossom, "as you'll see, there's a big difference between firing the first shot and starting the war." She pointed in front of them, to an emerging viewing screen so large it was almost as if they were actually inside the images they were beginning to see. "It's interactive, you can pause it, go back, ask them to access a different file. It's not the complete archives, but it has all of the major events of the war in fair detail, so you can ask them to go into more detail about specific things." She turned to him, and smiled for a brief moment. "Be sure to put the disk back in the drawer when you're done. And don't stay in here all night, your body may be sleeping, but your mind isn't." She stepped back, waving a little as she said, "Exit program," and disappeared.

He grinned a little at the place she no longer occupied, knowing that she was at least a little bit concerned about him. He turned to face forward again, just as the images started to flow. "In the Beginning, there was Man, and for a time, it was good..."

---

He decided the moment he woke up that, when a woman like Trinity shows concern for you and gives you advice, it is best to take that advice. He, of course, had not done this, and now found himself barely able to push through his exhaustion enough to sit up, put on his boots, and go eat 'breakfast.' As he dragged his feet through the hallway, Neo loathed the fact that, despite doing so well in combat training - which was nothing _but _mental strength - he showed almost none when it came to convincing himself to continue forward and not turn around and go back to sleep. It took him far too long to reach the mess hall, and far too much effort to push open the door.

In his own groggy state, he did not notice the states of Trinity, Switch, Apoc and Tank, who, for some reason were all sitting on the same side of the table, backs to the door. He slowly retrieved his food, and stumbled back to the table. Only then did he realize that the four crewmen were snickering behind their hands, barely touching their meals.

Neo set down his tray, asking, "What's going on?" Trinity, who was closest to him, pulled him down to sit by the sleeve. "What?"

She turned to him now, a finger to her smiling lips. "Just wait." She was trying desperately not to laugh, and only partially succeeding. Every now and then, the slightest tremor of suppressed laughter would shake her form. He sat mesmerized by the sight, forcing himself into a fully conscious state in order to enjoy this rare moment.

Dozer came in a few minutes later, sporting a frown as he got his food and sat down. He pushed it around, poked at it and took a few bites before saying anything. "My three-year-old children are more mature than the four of you," he sighed in exasperation.

Tank could not suppress a laugh. "You're just mad because you weren't in on it." Dozer rolled his eyes.

Neo was still clueless, and rather curious as to what exactly was going on. For the moment, though, he was far too intrigued by Trinity, far too interested in burning the image of her smile onto his mind's eye to find out what they had done. And he thought she was beautiful before... She was staring down at her dish, and seemed to realize something. She pointed to Neo's bowl, and spoke without wiping the grin from her face. "Eat." A laugh came out with the word. It was _almost_ as wonderful a sound as her voice. "Before it goes bad." She picked up her spork and managed to get a few spoonfuls into her mouth.

He finally realized that he wasn't moving, and forced himself... okay, his arms - one arm, only needed one arm... bottom half of his arm, that's really all he needed - to move, to pick up the spork and eat. He didn't even have to take his eyes off of her. Over the next two minutes, as he tried with some success to eat, listening to suppressed laughs over the silence, he considered his possible future if this kept up. He might turn into one of those people who pined away for someone they knew they couldn't have for their whole lives and ultimately suffered for it. Like some depressing old novel he would have read in high school. Bad option - those guys usually wound up dead by the end of the story. He cringed at the possibility. There was a crazed, broken heart ending in suicide. There was death by old age, decades gone by, suffering through unrequited love. There was the possibility that Trinity was spoken for, that she had someone back in Zion, or on another ship. That this person would find out about Neo's feelings for her, drag him into some dark corner of the last city, knock him over the head and leave him for dead. He didn't imagine that one was very likely; he'd never heard anyone mention Trinity having a lover, and she didn't act as though she did. _That, or you just don't want to accept that she might_.

The screeching door caught his attention, and Morpheus entered, unusually rigid and silent, staring straight ahead as he moved. The room was suddenly absolutely silent, with Dozer and the four amused crewmen staring at him as he pulled out a bowl, spork and cup, and got his breakfast. Trinity, he noticed, was holding her breath, covering her mouth with her hand. The tremors were back, barely detectable, but constant now. He turned back to Morpheus. He seemed... downright _pissed_. He set his things on a tray and turned towards the door, still not looking at any of them.

"Veeery funny," he grumbled, drawing out the words as he left. As the door was shut behind him, the mess hall was plunged into hysterical laughter.

Neo had lost all interest in why. Everything else for him froze as he watched this beautiful woman that he loved - yes, _loved_, this very moment had solidified that forever - doubled over in unadulterated laughter, filled with mirth and joy as he had never seen before.

---

For the most part, Trinity ignored Cypher, working at the Operator's station as she worked in the back of the Core, silently reprogramming a computer. Most likely, he did not even know that she was there. And she preferred it that way, honestly. That uneasy feeling she had grown to associate with his presence had not dissipated, and she now spent as much time away from him as possible. She was still at a loss for why he was acting so strangely, what was wrong with him. She wondered what he was doing out here this late in the evening, when everyone but the two of them, it seemed, were asleep. She did not think about it, though, and ignored him altogether as she worked.

So silent was her presence that, when Neo came up the ladder from the lower levels, he did not see her, either. He simply walked past her, apparently getting the feel for walking silently over the metal floors. Her task finished, she could not help but think how alike they were. Both quiet, somewhat lacking in social skills. Despite their difficult beginnings, both had quickly come to accept the Truth. Both good fighters. She realized that she was staring, her eyes trailing after him as he moved across the room. Spurred forward by the twinge of fear she still could not eradicated, she snatched up all of her things from around her. Over the weeks, it had become not so much a fear of loving Neo, as a fear of _losing_ Neo that crippled her. She hated to think what his death would do to her. Losing other friends and fellow soldiers had been hard enough in the past, when they were people she did not want to give her whole heart and soul to. Never had she cared for anyone as she cared for Neo. Although she could not bring her mind to imagine what it would feel like, she had little doubt that his death would mean hers as well.

She could not help but wonder, as he approached Cypher and stood behind him, why the Oracle would tell her this. Why life would_ do_ this. Give her Neo, then rip him away before she could truly be in love _with_ him. Why was life so goddamn_ cruel_?

How could he even be the One if he died? She had never really believed in the Prophecy, never really believed that there was a single individual out there somewhere who could wave his hand and magically end the war. Regardless, this made no sense. He couldn't help them at all if he was dead. For a moment, she thought, again, that maybe he was in fact, not the One, just another poor soul Morpheus had unplugged; but that didn't make sense either. If it was not him, and the Oracle was correct, the true One would still face the same fate.

She sighed, trying to shake away her impending headache as she made her way towards the ladder, unable to completely suppress her thoughts. _The One is not the One if he is dead_.

"Whoa!" She spun around at Cypher's yell, barely able to see the two men through the spaces between the monitors. "Neo... You scared the bejeezus outta me."

"Sorry..."

Trinity turned back and continued to the lower levels. In the future, months, maybe weeks later, Neo would tell her of that night, of what was said by both men. Though the initial horror would fade, she would never truly be able to forgive herself, knowing that, had she stayed in the Core just two minutes longer, she may have been able to save her friends' lives.

—

"It's okay," Cypher muttered as he hit one button beside a screen, and all but three of them went black.

Neo frowned a little at this - he knew he was still "the new guy" around here, but he had hoped that by now he had earned enough trust that people wouldn't turn of computer screens whenever he showed up, especially the ones he didn't know how to read. He fished for something to say, something to get rid of the slight awkwardness, and his eyes fell on the three screens of falling green symbols. "Is that..." he began, hesitating because he already knew the answer.

But Cypher bit anyway. "The Matrix? Yeah."

Might as well take the ball and run with it. "Do you always look at it encoded?"

"Well, you have to..." He said something about there being too much information, how you got used to it, all things Neo had already surmised on his own. He didn't know why, but of all eight crew members on the Nebuchadnezzar, he felt the least comfortable around Cypher. He was just so introverted, and not in the shy way, like Neo was. "All I see is blond, brunette, readhead." He gestured to each screen and trailed off. He couldn't read the code, but somehow, he suspected that was not what he was really looking at. "Hey, you, uh..." he looked around, as if to make sure they were really alone. "You want a drink?"

"Sure." He had to build up a tolerance in the real world sooner or later. Cypher pulled a large jug from under the computer and poured the liquid into a cup.

"You know, I know what you're thinking," he mused as he handed Neo his cup. "'Cause right now, I'm thinkin' the same thing. Actually, I've been thinkin' it ever since I got here." He sighed, staring almost longingly at the screens. "Why, oh_ why_ didn't I take the _blue_ pill?"

Yes, Neo had indeed considered that very question many times in the last few weeks, but he always came back to the same reasons. He laughed a little at Cypher's joke, but it took him only a fraction of a second to realize that he was the only one doing so. He stared at the man for a moment, not sure what to think. _He couldn't_... Morpheus had told him, and several others had confirmed, that sometimes, people regretted their choices. Missed their families, their lavish, carefree lives, their money and the precious food that could only be found within the Matrix. If Cypher really was one of those individuals, Neo felt sorry for him, but at the same time, almost admired him for sticking with it because he knew it was the right thing.

He decided to forget it, and took a drink from his cup. He instantly began coughing violently.

Cypher patted him heavily on the back. "Good shit, huh? Dozer makes it." Neo was just barely able to catch his breath and force himself to be still. "Good for two things: degreasing engines and killing brain cells." Neo stared at his cup with distaste, but did not hesitate to drink more. "Did he tell you why he did it?" Cypher continued after a moment of silence. Neo glanced up at him, not understanding. "Why you're _here_?"

Oh. That. Yeah, he had been told, far too quickly and bluntly for his own liking. The man couldn't have waited twenty-four hours at the very least?

"Gee-zus! What a mindjob." No shit. "So you're here to save the world... What do you _say_ to something like that?"

_I really hope I don't let you down and get everyone killed in the process_. But he remained silent for a long time.

Finally, Cypher sighed, scanning the room again. When he seemed to have decided that they were alone, he spoke, voice just above a whisper. "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here. Now, don't tell him I told you this, but you're not the first guy Morpheus thought was the One."

Neo nearly dropped his cup in shock. He stared at the other man for several seconds before he could convince his mouth to work again. "Really?"

Cypher nodded, stroking his goatee. "Yep." He repositioned himself on the chair, resting his feet on the console near the floor. "You bet your ass. Keeps him going. I think it keeps a lot of people going."

Neo had not been the least bit sure of himself at first, or ever, really. But, on Morpheus' word, some part of him seemed to believe. And now all of that had suddenly gone flying out the window. "How... how many others were there?"

"Five, that I know of."

"What happened to them?"

"Dead. All dead, except for one." He held up a single finger to emphasize his point, and Neo suddenly wondered how much of this engine degreaser he'd had to drink that night. "Only one of 'em came out of their first encounter with an Agent alive. Care to guess who it was?" He grinned sideways at Neo, who didn't have a clue. Cypher rolled his eyes and turned back to the screens. "The Neb's own resident Ice Queen."

"Trinity?" Cypher nodded, almost looking as though he was laughing to himself.

Morpheus had thought _Trinity_ was the One? Neo was suddenly swimming in an insurmountable ocean of doubt. Trinity, despite her training and insistence that he was improving tremendously, was still better than him at... well, everything. Fighting, weapons, strategy, keeping her cool. He couldn't do even one tenth of what she could do with telekinesis, and whatever other powers the Matrix bestowed on a free mind. He could not imagine himself ever being as good as her at any of these things. If Morpheus had thought that this incredible woman was the One, and had been wrong, what chance did Neo stand? There was no possible way that he could be the One.

"I was only around for the two he pulled out after her, but from what I hear, he got them all amped up believing in bullshit. I was standing right where you are now when I watched both of them take on an Agent and die. From what I've been told, Trin's only alive 'cause she didn't buy into any of his shit. Don't ask me why, kicking ass like she does, you'd think she would." He took another long drink, and turned back to Neo. "Little piece of advice. You see an Agent, you do what we do. Run. You run your ass off."

_Leave_. He had to get out of there, he didn't know if it was this sudden revelation about Trinity, his own doubt, the man's cold, brutal view on reality. He just had to be anywhere but in that room. "Thanks for the drink." He gave the cup back without finishing the alcohol, turned, and left.

"Sweet dreams."

---

Apparently, even when he was nowhere near her, Cypher seemed hell-bent on tormenting Trinity. Now, as she tried to get ready for bed, tried to coax her mind into sleep, she could not be rid of him. That night, many weeks ago when he had cornered her outside of Neo's room, would not stop replaying in her mind.

_I just can't help wondering, if Morpheus is so sure, why doesn't he take him to see the Oracle?_

_Morpheus will take him when he's ready._

And that was just it - she was fairly certain that he _was_ ready. He'd grown so much in the last few weeks, in every conceivable way. He had surpassed all of their expectations already, just by living so long. In the century-long war, she had never heard of anyone over the age of 30 who had lived more than a week, if they were not so atrophied that they drowned in the sewers. His initial reaction to the Truth had been only slightly more dramatic than that of your average coppertop, and he had adjusted quite well.

And... Morpheus had told him, about why he was unplugged, she knew. He had told her so later that same evening. None of them, not even Neo himself, spoke of it, partly on her order, as she recalled. She was not sure how he felt about it, and had never been able to work up the courage to talk to him about it, but it was clearly not hindering or bothering him terribly. She had watched him for many months - he was not nearly _that_ good at hiding his emotions. In some strange, inexplicable way that could only be understood by one who felt it too, he seemed to have come to know _himself_, to understand himself and truly meet himself as he never had before, finding an inner strength he had not known existed.

If he was not ready to see the Oracle now, he never would be.

Finally, she gave up trying to sleep and pulled her boots and sweaters back on. She silently made her way down the hall - the rest of the crew was asleep by now, but chances were, her captain would not be. She quietly knocked on his door, and after a moment, it squeaked open. Looking almost as if he had expected to see her, he motioned her into his cabin, and shut the door behind her.

She stood awkwardly in front of his dresser for a moment, arms folded tightly as her eyes darted around the room. She knew what she had come here to say, and yet could not find the words. Finally, something came to her - not the words she would have hoped for, but they would do. "When, um... when were you planning on taking Neo to see the Oracle?"

She glanced up, then away just as quickly. But in that instant, she had seen the surprise and hesitation on his face. He didn't know why she was asking, and seemed apprehensive, as though he thought this was some sort of trick question. "I actually spoke with one of her priestesses just yesterday," he said quietly. "She's agreed to see him in a few days."

"When?"

"The fourteenth."

Trinity nodded slowly. She didn't have anything else to say, really. She should have told him not to get his hopes up, that he probably wasn't the One, but she knew she couldn't tell him something she herself didn't completely believe. "All right. Thank you." She took a quick step towards the door.

"Wait, Trinity..."

She turned, but it appeared that he couldn't find his words, either. "Look, Morpheus, I'm done trying to convince you that he's not the One. I stopped that a long time ago. I was just curious. Good night." She let herself out before he could stop her again.

She returned to her cabin, but was still plagued by her insomnia. Thirteen years, and it had never left her. For one reason or another, it stayed with her through thick and thin. Tonight, it was her fear. Of everything, really. She had come to realize that it was not only Neo, or his death, that she was afraid of, but also what he might do to her. How he might change her, for the worse. Part of her, though, was glad to hear Morpheus' news. As much as she didn't want to know, she was sick and tired of this limbo. She could not be with him, she could not be rid of him. She was stuck in the middle, and even if it resulted in something horrible - which she had no doubt that it would - she wanted the Oracle to deliver her prophecy and let her out. Maybe then she could at least try and deal with everything, and get on with her life, wherever it may go from there.

She felt a few tears welling up in her eyes, and she did not question why. She knew full well that "getting on with her life" might mean Neo's death. _When you tell him you love him, he will die_.

The tears began to flow as she came to a horrible realization, a tiny subtlety in the wording of it that made a huge difference in what would happen, and it terrified her. If she told him she loved him, he would not simply die. He would die because of a willful choice she had made, knowing all the potential ramifications. _If I tell him I love him, I will _kill_ him_.

---

Neo had quickly learned that the Neb was never truly warm. Being underground, the sewers usually hovered around fifty degrees. With the heater, which he honestly thought wasn't worth shit, the ship was typically in the mid sixties. Still, that was cold for him, and he hated it. He'd lived his whole life in Chicago, for God's sake, he should be used to it. Apoc had told him it was because his body had never _really_ felt such cold and it would take him a long time to get used to it.

Today was the worst he had felt yet. Even with three sweaters and a hat, he was freezing. And this had been designated his day off - no training. He couldn't even jack in and at least pretend it wasn't cold. So after a morning of trying every other conceivably possible way of staying warm, he finally got desperate and headed for the engine room.

Even before he opened the door, the noise began to bother him. The walls in that room were fairly well soundproofed, so the sound didn't carry through the ship_ too_ much. But actually being inside was a whole other story, he remembered grimly as he went in and sat down. Warm, yes, but it echoed with hisses, clicks and low, constant rumbles. But as he sat on a large pipe, rubbing his hands together to hurry the heat back into them, he heard something else. Irregular banging and squeaks, and, he could have sworn, quiet, muttered curses.

He stood, venturing farther into the room. "Hello?"

The unusual sounds stopped instantly, and he rounded a large piece of equipment just as Trinity was pulling herself out from under some monstrous part of the engine. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her. The first thing that caught his attention was the look of intense concentration on her face, the fierce determination in her eyes. But his attention was quickly drawn to other... more _enticing_ aspects of her appearance. She was only wearing a tank top and pants, no boots or sweater. He was fairly certain that he had never seen her without long sleeves, at least not in the real world. Somehow, the sight of the tiny black plugs in her arms did not make him recoil, as his own had done for so long. They were simply _part_ of her, and he could not be repulsed by that.

His eyes moved on to her collarbones, up her neck, and back down again. She ran a hand through her hair, and he could see small droplets of sweat on her forehead, chest and arms, along with faint smudges of engine grease. He swallowed hard when he noticed how she was sitting. One leg bent in front of her, shoulders back, chest pushed forward slightly. It didn't help that her shirt was so low cut and... very, very tight. He tried to force his eyes away, but he could not stop them from tracing the curve of her breasts before complying.

Another interesting fantasy was sure to come of this incident, too.

"What are you doing down here, Neo?"

Fuck. Even her _voice_ was sexier, somehow. "I was just - I got cold, so..."

He saw her nod out of the corner of his eye. "We're pretty close to the surface right now. Colder than usual."

Neo nodded, and only looked back when she lay back down, and would not be looking at his face. Unfortunately, this only provided him with an even more sensuous view of her as she pulled herself back under the engine a little. Now the tank top just accentuated her flat stomach... and emphasized her breasts even more. This time, he did not _want_ to pull his eyes away. "So, um... What are _you_ doing down here?" he asked, instantly feeling stupid.

She sighed heavily and glared at the machinery above her. "Trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with this thing. She's flying, but something's not right. Acting weird."

So persistent. So caring towards her home, as if it were part of her family. "You, um... you need some help?"

---

It was there again, creeping back up on Trinity as she propped herself up on her elbows to look at him. That drug-like quality. It would disappear as soon as he left her, just minutes after she was out of his presence. The fear grew less and less terrifying with each day, as she felt them growing closer and closer together. She had never imagined that she would allow herself to be this open with him, this close to a man she had not been able to stop herself from falling in love with. She sighed as she reflected on how hopelessly addicted she had become to him. Despite the shrinking though still palpable fear, she loved every moment they were together. She could not get enough of him.

"You know anything about mechanics?" He suddenly looked embarrassed, muttering something as his eyes darted around. She grinned a little, and said, "Figured. I'd have thought that Tank would have uploaded the operations programs by now." He hung his head in defeat, obviously thinking that her words meant "no."

In a flash, Trinity realized that Switch had been right. She could see it in his disappointment now, and she had seen the fixated gaze he sent her way a minute ago, and the many glances in past weeks he didn't know she could interpret. His actions, his blatant attempts to gain her trust and confidence.

He really was falling in love with her.

She tightly shut her eyes against the emotions, trying to fight them back. She was afraid, incredibly so. The end of it was fast approaching, and she had no delusions about finding some way out of it. Five days from now, she would loose what they had now. They weren't _together_, exactly, but there was something. That attraction, that hidden love that she could feel nonetheless. That would be gone. In her desperation to stave it off, to wait just a few days more, she somehow came to the decision that she would savor her every moment with Neo _now_, while she still had the chance.

Just as he was turning away in defeat, thinking she had turned down his offer, she spoke up. "Come on. I could use the help."

He sported a huge, boyish grin on his face as he took off his hat and sweater, and came to lay beside her. As he did so, the awful thought occurred to her - that her emotions were growing too much, becoming too strong to be sated by just confiding in Switch. She realized that she might not posses the self control necessary to be able to stop herself from telling him, no matter the consequences.

---

He didn't wind up doing much - just handing her tools, holding things out of her way. Neo felt fairly useless, but was resolute to stay as long as she would have him. They were there for perhaps an hour, speaking occasionally through the otherwise comfortable silence. In that time, they frequently brushed arms, or were flat-out pressed against each other for several seconds or even minutes. It seemed to him that she was often doing it on purpose, but he chided himself for the wishful thinking.

Finally, whatever was wrong seemed to have been fixed, and she smiled beside him. As she sat up, he surprised her by standing first, and offering her a hand up. She hesitated, then took it with a very small smile of thanks, noting the reversal of their usual roles.

"Thanks for the help."

"You're welcome, Trinity." He loved the way her name sounded, felt when he spoke it. Unfortunately, he was not as quick to reach the ladder, and was forced to stay below for several long, painful seconds. The last thing he needed right now was to be staring at her... well... best not to think of that now.

After eventually following her up, he could not help but grin sheepishly at her, hoping it would illicit another smile. Amazingly, he succeeded. "Thanks, Neo." She turned, and he watched her saunter down the hall without looking back. It was only when she followed the bend at the far end that he realized where she was going. The showers. It made sense, after all, after having spent so long in the engine room, she had gotten so hot, and sweaty, and... He _really_ needed to go to his room now.

When he got there and closed the door, he remembered that little fantasy he was sure would come of that day. But now there were _two_. He wondered which would be better, sweating or showering... It did not take him long to figure out a compromise, a way to take the two heavenly images and combine them to be greater than the sum of their parts. _Sexy sweating Trinity, and _then_ sexy showering Trinity_.


	8. Than Never to Have Loved at All

Late. I'm aware. But I wanted to keep up my habit of not posting a chapter until I had finished the one after it, and let's face it, chapter 9 was a bitch. Not to mention me having unusual amounts of work and being unusually tired, and not being able to stay up till dawn on weekends. And my muse, sadly, is a real bitch when you try to make her work normal hours. She rarely produces anything good outside of the 10 pm - 5 am range. So blame her.

As always (pouts) reviews are much appreciated.

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Eight

... Than Never to Have Loved at All

---

She was the first to breakfast that morning. She had only slept a few hours at the very end of the night, and even that was only because she had been sleep deprived for days and was exhausted. Today was it. No more denying or praying or pretending it would go away. In a few hours, they would be taking Neo into the Matrix to see the Oracle.

She wasn't eating, and only had a cup of water in front of her in case someone came in, so that they wouldn't see her sitting alone, staring morosely at the dented table in front of her.

She truly did not even realize that Switch had come in, too, until a bowl and spork were silently set down in front of her. She had not told her best friend what was scheduled to happen that day, but when their eyes met for just a moment, she knew Switch could tell something was wrong. Kindly, she did not ask, but rather sat down with Apoc, talking quietly as they ate. Trinity, in turn, picked up the utensil with shaking hands, and slowly spooned food into her mouth.

For the few minutes that the three of them were alone, she could not help but be transfixed by Switch and Apoc, sitting close together even though there was plenty of room to spread out. There could be no doubt to anyone with eyes, ears and half a dozen working brain cells that the two were deeply in love. She had always known it, but had only started paying close attention in the most recent weeks. They didn't always express themselves blatantly, with caresses or kisses, or constantly whispering "I love you" to each other. But there were always little things. A glance, a smile, a brief touch when they were close. And they were always together, side by side, and it had become such a habit that they didn't even have to try. They would sit or stand next to each other at every opportunity without even realizing it. Their chairs were even side by side in the Core.

She had know Switch for almost eighteen years now. The only person who knew Switch better than Trinity was Switch herself. In retrospect, she could clearly see that love had changed her friend. She truly was better off for it.

Trinity remained shut off from the world as the rest of the crew slowly filtered in for breakfast. She realized that she had barely touched hers. She forced herself to eat as Dozer, Mouse, Tank, Neo, and finally Cypher entered the room. Her eyes were fixated on the plate as each retrieved their breakfast and sat down. Tank, as he often did with the crew's newborns, brought Neo his food.

"Here you go, Buddy, breakfast of champions." He always seemed to say something like that.

"If you close your eyes, it almost feels like you're eating runny eggs." She couldn't help but listen to the conversation, and part of her hated them all bitterly for being so casual when she was in such pain, consumed by such overwhelming fear.

"Yeah, or a big ol' bowl of snot." She could almost feel the repulsion seeping off of Neo as he let the goop fall back into the bowl, his appetite suddenly gone. She became aware of the fact that Mouse was sitting between her and Neo, and she was simultaneously grateful and saddened. These were the last hours before everything changed forever - part of her wanted to spend them by his side. But, for some reason, she could not bring herself to look at him, not even a glance.

"You know what it reminds me of? Tastee Wheat. Did you ever eat Tastee Wheat?"

"No, but technically, neither did you." There was some comfort in the typical banter between Switch and Mouse.

"But that's exactly my point. Exactly!" She was nostalgic for them, her crew, even though they were sitting right there with her. A dread crept into the pit of her stomach, but not that of Neo's seeing the Oracle. This felt ever so slightly different. "Because you have to wonder. I mean, how do the machines really know what Tastee Wheat tasted like, huh? Maybe they got it wrong." She could imagine Neo's reaction - he'd be trying to eat, and then, when Mouse showed no sign of letting up, he'd give him an irritated look. "Maybe what I think Tastee Wheat tasted like actually tasted like... oatmeal, or tuna fish. And you know, it makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken for example, well maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything. And maybe -"

"Shut up Mouse."

"It's a single-celled protein combined with synthetic aminos, vitamins and minerals," Dozer piped in from his place to her right. "Everything the body needs."

"It doesn't have everything the body _needs_." Mouse simply could not keep his mouth shut. He sat up straight again and turned back to Neo. "So, I hear you've run through the Agent training program. You know, I wrote that program."

"Here it comes." Trinity could just see Switch and Apoc smirking in her peripheral vision.

"So what did you think of her?" Here it came, indeed. She knew what he was about to say, and her hand reflexively tightened around her spork.

"Of who?"

"The woman in the red dress." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I designed her. She, um... well, she doesn't really talk very much, but, if you'd like to meet her -" As his voice lowered, her anger heightened. "- I could arrange a much more personalized milieu."

_Jealous. One way or another, he'll be out of your life - your heart - by tonight, get a hold of yourself. _She didn't know why the irrational anger surfaced. He hadn't accepted the proposition - he seemed downright annoyed by the suggestion. Mouse did the same thing with every new male crewmember. She shouldn't -

Trinity realized with a start that she had dreamed of him last night. She froze, the spork halfway between her bowl and mouth. Her apartment in Zion, candles, synthetic wine... her bed. She tried to push the image from her mind, of her and Neo fused together as they moved on top of the blanket. She failed miserably.

"Digital pimp, hard at work."

"Pay no attention to these _hypocrites_, Neo. To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human." The words were meant for Neo. But for all intents and purposes, Trinity was the only one who heard them, and they were like an Agent's bullet straight through her heart.

"There's a sleazy excuse."

Just as every kind of pain tore through her soul, just as all of the unresolved confusion he stirred up seemed ready to drown her, the door opened behind her. Looking up over her shoulder, she found Morpheus. "Dozer, when you're done, bring the ship up to broadcast depth." This was it. No turning back. "We're going in. Taking Neo to see her."

Trinity's fear and anxiety became so intense and acute that they created a physical pain in her chest - like acid burning through her breastbone. She immediately turned back around, and her eyes landed on Cypher, who was watching her. He seemed resigned, almost, and though she did not intend to, her gaze turned smug - _I told you so_.

"See who?" Neo ventured hesitantly as Morpheus retreated. Her eyes moved to him of their own accord.

"The Oracle."

By the time she had realized what she was doing, she had already rinsed out her nearly empty bowl, and was nearly running down the length of the ship. When she finally stopped, she was in the back of the cargo hold at the very bottom of the Neb. It was as close to truly alone as she could get.

She felt certain that she would cry, and she did, but it was not the fearful, breathless weeping she had expected. For several minutes, she simply cried. When she stopped, an eerie calm had come over her, not eliminating the fear and sadness she carried, but rather controlling them, taking away their power to debilitate her. Although it was strange, she was grateful to once again have control over her own emotions, however artificial that control was.

As she stood, brushing her legs off as she regained her composure, she felt the engines hum to life, and the ship jolt slightly as it lifted off of the ground.

---

She heard only a slight knock at the door before it opened. Switch peered around the door to find Trinity on the bed. She left the door open as she sat down next to her. Nothing was said as Trinity slipped her arms and head through an extra sweater, and for several seconds afterward.

"Are you okay, Trin?"

She ran a hand through her hair, then tugged at a loose thread on her sleeve. The calm that had settled over her had eased her worries further, but they still swam around in the back of her mind. "As much as I'll ever be."

She could feel the other woman's eyes on her, but she did not look up. "You're still not sure about him."

"No." The past days had been the worst yet. It seemed that not a minute went by that she didn't change her mind. The only times she was even remotely certain, went any real length of time believing, was when she was with him. When they were together, talking, training, or just eating dinner in silence, she could not help but love him. Some half a dozen times since she learned he would see the Oracle, she had nearly pulled him aside and admitted her love right then and there. She figured she might as well - she didn't know what would happen, to either one of them, she could at least have a few days, or even only a few hours in love _with_ him. But every time, she stopped herself, made some excuse and promptly retreated to her room. "I just want to get this whole thing over with."

Switch carefully found her hand, and covered it with her own. She seemed to sense that any more contact would upset her at that point. "Well," she gently squeezed, running a thumb over her palm. "Whatever she tells him, I'll get you through it." She looked up, eyes slightly guarded as she studied her friend's face. "I'll be right there next to you when you wake up, okay?"

A movement in the hallway caught her eye. She looked just in time to see Cypher move out of sight. She caught his face, though, and he was nervous. Had he been listening? She stared at the empty space in the hall, her distrust of him coming back sharply. It had become as staple of their encounters for months now, and part of her was beginning to think that she was making it all up. Rationally, though, she knew that was unlikely.

"Okay, Trinity?"

"Yeah," she whispered absently. She returned her attention to Switch. "When I wake up." She stood, making her way to the door. Her hand was on the frame, pulling it open further so she could pass through, when she suddenly turned around. "Hey... thanks." She couldn't help but step back to Switch and hug her tightly, unable to think of any other way to truly express her gratitude. "I don't know what I would've done without you."

As Switch made her way up to the Core, Trinity went the opposite direction, down the hall to Neo's room. She tapped lightly on the door and it opened a crack several seconds later. He peered out at her, hiding behind the door as if he were expecting whoever it was to come in shooting, though he eased up considerably when he saw her. He was scared - it was written all over his face, in his slouched posture. He pulled the door open wider, timidly inviting her in.

She didn't enter. As it was, she was shoving her nails into her palms to keep from reaching out and cupping his face, kissing away his fear. "Time to go."

He immediately averted his eyes, turning back into his cabin. "Yeah..."

She cringed. She hadn't needed to do that. He had interpreted her tone, her clenched fists and her posture as coldness. And when he was already so shaken anyway. She forced her hands to open, relaxed her stance, and took a deep, calming breath. By the time Neo reemerged with an extra sweater over the first, her face bore a hint of a smile, and she did her best to exude a comforting presence. "Come on." She held his eyes just long enough, and saw him relax, too, if only a little bit.

"Hey, Trinity..." he began, pulling the door closed behind him. "I have a question." She glanced back in response, slowing enough for him to catch up. He almost seemed afraid to even ask the question. "I asked them - Tank, and everybody - who Morpheus was taking me to see, and... they said she, um..." He faltered, eyes turning to her for help. "They're not serious...?"

What to tell him? No (I don't love you, you're not the One) or yes (I love you more than anything, and I'll kill you)? She sighed, searching for a few vague words that she knew for certain would not be a lie. "She's not called the Oracle for nothing." She turned back to him cautiously as she reached the ladder, and was again fighting to keep her distance from him. He seemed to understand the implications of their upcoming journey as much as she did. "Hey, don't worry about it." _Hypocrite_. "You probably won't have a clue what she's talking about today. In fact, there's a fair chance you'll go the rest of your life and die before you understand whatever she throws at you."

He seemed to think she was kidding, but when he laughed a little, the tension in his shoulders easing up, she decided not to correct him. Just smiled back a little, and continued up into the Core.

Upstairs, Dozer was already starting to plug them in. Morpheus was already inside, and Mouse was next. Switch and Apoc carefully examined the monitors, re-familiarizing themselves with this old hardline location. Cypher was not in yet, strangely, but rather was just coming back from the utility and storage rooms at the back of the Core. Trinity watched him as he found his chair, noting how careful he was to avoid anyone else's eyes.

"Hey," she whispered to Switch as Dozer plugged him in. "Have you noticed anything strange about Cypher?"

"No more than usual." She pulled the touch-screens for her chair down to eye level, and began setting up. "Cypher's Cypher. He's never been normal or social." She wasn't paying much attention, while Trinity was still staring back at the man's still form.

"No, I mean worse than he normally is. He's been getting more and more reclusive and... paranoid, for months now." Something in her voice must have caught her friend's attention, because she paused and looked up. "I don't trust him."

Switch nodded slowly, speaking quietly, even though no one who could hear would care what she said. "I'll keep an eye on him. Tell you if I see anything suspicions."

She nodded in thanks, then moved back to her own chair. On her way, she came to Neo, who was reclining, waiting for Dozer to plug him in. She reached him just a second sooner, and nodded the medic on to the next person. Although they had separated only a few moments earlier, the fear and anticipation had already returned to his eyes. "Hey," she whispered quietly as she hovered above him. She smiled as kindly as she could, and for a moment, she could see it - fleeting proof that he loved her. Trinity forced herself to keep her calm demeanor. "Just relax," she soothed as she gently pressed his head down onto the chair, sliding the plug in as carefully as she could. Before she could stop herself, she ran her hand down the side of his face. Incredibly, she did not flinch and jerk away. She simply touched a button, and Neo's eyes fell shut as he moved into the dream world.

---

As they descended the hotel staircase, Trinity was amazed - the inexplicable calm was still there, still shielding her as well as it could. She passed through the dark, dusty corridors as if in a dream. Though the strong fear remained, she was able to control it, force it just below the surface.

Cypher was the first to step out into the digital sunlight. She was next, far too acutely aware of Neo, following behind her. As they walked to the car, she could not help but glance back at him, sighing in relief as she saw that he was not as nervous now. As she turned back, her eyes met with Switch, and she grinned. She would have been completely lost without this woman. Even now, she could see the fear in Trinity that no one else ever could, and even now, she could feel her love and comfort. She would be completely beside herself if anything ever happened to her.

Both women turned away simultaneously, Switch taking up her post with Apoc, Trinity sliding into the car beside Neo.

---

For the first few minutes, they traveled in silence. Cypher, who drove, was characteristically quiet. Morpheus made little attempt to subdue his eagerness. Trinity - this beautiful, incredible woman that he loved, without whom he surely would have had a panic attack by now - rarely looked at him, opting instead to look out the window. He wondered what she thought - did _she_ believe he was the One? In all this time, he had never been able to figure that out. Most of the others were easy to guess. Morpheus was a no-brainer, Cypher seemed to think everything about the One was a load of bullshit. Tank and Mouse were so giddy about the entire thing. Dozer and Apoc had apparently not really decided yet, but were open to the possibility. Switch seemed as though she _should _be skeptical about it, but, for some reason, was not entirely doubtful. But Trinity... she remained a mystery to him.

At any given time, he was just as likely to think she believed as he was that she didn't. It went back and forth, with her. When she trained him, he felt as though she had unshakable faith in him, that she could see the power of the One within him, and was slowly drawing it out. When they talked, sometimes her little grins held some kind of indescribable faith, like she simply _knew_. But sometimes it was different. He couldn't quite explain it, but he simply sensed that she did not believe. He wondered if she believed right now. Somehow, he did not care what the others thought. He didn't trust their judgement. For some reason, she was the only one he would ever trust to know, deep down in her heart, what he was.

He wished she would tell him. If he wasn't, he could stop worrying now. If he was, he could start coming to terms with it now.

Mere seconds later, as if she had herd his thoughts, she turned to him. Her smile was small, but warm. "You okay?"

"I... I don't know." He could not seem to express everything he felt right then, or even a small portion of it.

"You shouldn't worry so much." Even Trinity herself seemed surprised at how calm she was. "You can't change what she'll tell you. Doesn't do you any good to worry right now." It was as if she spoke the words to soothe both of them.

_Take off your sunglasses. Let me see your eyes. Please, Trinity._ "Do you think she really knows?" She nodded almost imperceptibly, her glasses staying where they were on her face. Maybe she couldn't read his mind after all. "I guess... I guess I just haven't gotten my head around this whole thing as well as I thought."

"Yeah, I know. Me neither."

He wondered what that meant. Silence descended over them again. He turned away from her, staring back out the window, but whipped his head back around as her hand wove its way into his, burying itself between his fingers. He stared at their hands, then at Trinity herself, then back at their hands. He remembered the night, several weeks ago, when she had done this same thing in the cockpit after the sentinels. He studied the feeling of her skin against his, and realized, as wonderful as it was, that it was not the same. "None of this is real," he whispered, so quietly he could barely hear the words himself. "Nothing here is real, nothing... completely meaningless."

He turned to stare out the window, pulling his hand away. She seemed to understand, but pulled it back. He was grateful. Even if it was not real, even if it reminded him of his thirty-some years of captivity in this dream world, it did comfort him. Her thumb gently caressed his knuckles, and he squeezed tightly, silence spreading out before them with the road.

"God," he blurted suddenly, staring at the familiar landmarks on the sidewalk.

"What?"

"I used to eat there!" He pointed out the window, and turned to her. She stared at him, surprised by his outburst, and he was suddenly embarrassed. She had watched him extensively before they pulled him out. She had probably spotted the placed before he had. "Really good noodles," he faltered. She smirked, seemingly holding back a laugh, and he turned away bashfully. "I have all these memories from my life," he recovered quickly, again voicing his earlier revelation. "None of them happened." He sighed heavily, and turned back to her. "What does that mean?"

"That the Matrix cannot tell you who you are." She sounded far too certain for his liking, even if she _had_ been given over a decade more to come to terms with this.

"But an Oracle can?" he shot back.

"That's different." She was quiet a moment, and he thought she would not give him any more help on the subject. "No." She squeezed his hand gently. "It's not true, Neo, what you said." He loved the way she said his name. "It's not real. But it's not meaningless, either." He stared up at her, feeling as though he could see her eyes, see _into_ them, even through the dark glass covering them. He felt her open up, somehow, as she leaned towards him ever so slightly, dropping her voice. "Back when I was still plugged in, I came to realize that everything about the world that I knew - businesses, movies, everything about my way of life - it was all self-sustaining. One thing only existed because a second thing was there to make it necessary, and that thing could only exist if the first did. Take away one part, the rest will crumble. It could all disappear and life would simply go on without it." She smirked a little as she thought of the memory. "That made me pretty depressed and morbid for a long time. But... once I got unplugged, I started to realize that people built their lives around that system, made something for themselves. It didn't have to exist, but it did, so people made the most out of it."

"I don't understand." She grinned, as though she knew that already.

"Everything here, when you get to the bottom line, is just ones and zeros." (Neo could not help but flash on the irony of her choice of words - a single One, and endless, powerless masses.) "But it's part of people's lives, it means something to them. And if it meant something to you, then it's as real as anything."

He nodded, understanding her well enough.

"Did you go to her?" he asked as the thought struck him.

---

She knew it had to come up sooner or later. She knew that there was no point in lying about it. "Yes," she sighed. _Don't ask me, don't _-

"What did she tell you?"

Again. Again, nearly every barrier and inhibition that kept her love a secret slipped away. She loved him, he loved her. Every molecule in her body screamed, telling her that she had every reason to profess her love, and no reason not to. She turned to him, smiling softly. "She told me -" But with her hand halfway up to her face to remove her glasses, she froze. She _should_ be able to tell him, but one inhibition still remained, and the Oracles words, as they always did, rang loudly through her mind. Her mouth closed as she turned away, peeling her hand from his.

She could feel his pain, as he stared, gaping at her. She knew how it must have seemed to him - that she had rejected him, shut him out when he needed her most. He probably thought that he had crossed a line, and she was angry at him for asking such a personal question. But above all, he would be confused, lost and once again afraid after she abruptly shoved him away, taking away the only protection he had.

She was grateful when they arrived at the Oracle's building when they did, because she would not have been able to endure another instant here, with him. Not like this.

---

_Trinity_... What had happened? She had opened up so much, and then... nothing. Cold and stoic. Why?

"Neo, we're here." Morpheus opened his door, and stepped out of the car. "Come with me."

Neo barely heard him, his eyes still fixed on her. She was so stiff all of a sudden, and so quiet he wasn't even sure if she was still breathing. "Trinity, what -"

His own door opened, cutting him off. "Neo."

"You should go." She made no movements, and he finally decided that she was not going to. Reluctantly, he stepped out of the car, shutting the door behind him. His eyes stayed with her as long as they could, staring over his shoulder as the older man led him into the building. As they entered and he lost sight of her, he wished she was the one taking him in. Whether she believed in him or not, she took care of him. She did not put any pressure on him. As they passed a blind man in the hallway - who, strangely, nodded to Morpheus as though he could see him - he prayed that he had not blown it, not made a complete ass of himself. _Its none of your business what the Oracle told Trinity_. The doors slid shut with a screech, and they began their ascent. _Relax_, he told himself as he leaned against the wall. _She's just a little upset, she'll get over it_. As he pushed the thought to the side, it was replaced again with his distress.

"So is this the same Oracle that made the... Prophecy?" The word sounded so heavy and ominous. He didn't like it, but what else was there to call it?

"Yes, she's very old, she's been with us since the beginning."

"The beginning?" There were so many 'beginnings' to choose from.

"Of the Resistance." He turned back over his shoulder only slightly when he spoke, and when he did, Neo was met only with his own reflection in the rimless, mirrored lenses. He suddenly realized that he was the only one who wasn't wearing sunglasses today. He always felt strange and overly-confident in them, and never wore them. But all of a sudden he wished he had. Morpheus' - and everyone else's - intense scrutiny hit him full force, and he somehow felt that, if his eyes were hidden, it would not be so bad. He felt vulnerable.

"And she knows what? Everything?" Even as the words left his mouth, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

But Morpheus simply smiled, his face as enigmatic as his words: "She would say she knows enough."

_Real helpful, thanks_. "And she's never wrong?" It seemed only slightly odd to him that he prayed that she often was, even though she had not yet spoken a single word to him.

He sighed as if Neo were an impatient child who did not understand the simplest of explanations to the simplest of concepts. "Try not to think of it in terms of right and wrong. She is a guide, Neo. She can help you to find the path."

"She helped you?"

"Yes," he responded enthusiastically.

"And what did she tell you?" He decided that he had already asked far to many questions that day - redundant ones, too.

As the elevator doors slid open, an enthusiastic, proud and overjoyed smile spread over his face. "That I would find the One."

Neo sighed, and followed him out the door. _Fucking great_.

---

_It's not real_, Trinity told herself, forcing her heart rate to even out and her head to clear. But it did her no good - the digital 'air' was stuffy. Fumbling too quickly for the handle, she pushed the door open. Her shield was gone - completely demolished, leaving her engulfed in her fear as never before. She paced outside of the car, her arms folded impossibly tightly across her chest.

Part of her had wished she had gone upstairs with Neo, taken him to see the Oracle herself, but she had instantly known that was a terrible idea. She would have broken down and told him everything. And she simply couldn't do that. Now, a much stronger part of her was pulling at her legs, trying to make them run and carry her to the nearest exit, then back to the cabin, or whatever dark, hidden part of the ship she came across first, and melt away into the rusted walls forever. She became more and more amazed that she didn't do just that with each passing moment. Maybe it was her ingrained sense of duty, or the inevitable questions and humiliation that would follow such a display. Maybe, despite her fear, she still wanted to be there when Neo came out.

"What's wrong with you?"

Trinity jumped and turned back to the car, where Cypher was staring at her over the roof. She scowled at him, muttering, "Nothing."

"C'mon," he continued almost mockingly. "Something's wrong. Not worried about what she's gonna tell him, are we?"

"None of your goddamn business." She glared at him as menacingly as she could, willing her loathing for him to penetrate her sunglasses. But it was the other way around - his taunting skepticism cut through her like a knife, and it was only a few short seconds before she was forced to turn and walk away.

"Fine," Cypher's mocking laugh followed her as she moved away, heading for a place around the corner where she could wait for Neo and Morpheus to come back. "Be that way."

---

They had not yet taken ten steps down the hallway when Neo stopped abruptly. "Morpheus, I don't think this is such a good idea."

The older man stopped much more calmly and turned halfway, all the while maintaining his regal stance. "Why?" he asked, as if he had been expecting this.

Neo fidgeted with the edges of his sleeves, eyes darting around to anything but Morpheus. He wasn't sure where the sudden insecurity had come from, but, to some extent, he knew it was because, until now, he had been able to believe whatever he had wanted. He could believe he was the One, he could not believe, or he could remain uncertain. But now, someone who was supposed to know "enough" was going to tell him for sure - one way or the other. Although the concept of destiny never sat well with him, whenever it came to mind, he had always seen it as something that was not set in stone, and that any given moment could be changed until it had already passed. Even though he did not believe, the very reputation of this woman would give her words the power to influence him, as much as he hated it. He was about to say just this, but his respect for Morpheus and his faith censored his words. "Look... I've never believed in this stuff, I never will, what's the point? Whatever she tells me, I won't believe it."

He shook his head, trademark faith and pride crossing his face. "Belief isn't about reason or logic, Neo. It's about knowing something in your heart in a way you can't explain, you simply feel -"

"Stop it," Neo snapped, cutting him off. "Cut the philosophical crap for once, Morpheus, I just found out that everything I've ever known was a lie."

He sighed, studying Neo calmly for a moment. "What _do_ you believe in?"

Instantly, his mind was filled with Trinity. He didn't know why, how he could believe in a person as opposed to an idea, but he thought of her nonetheless. He wanted to shout,_ I don't believe in anything anymore_, but as the seconds ticked by, he knew, thankfully, that it would not be true. "I don't know," he lied quietly. "But it's sure as hell not this."

He spoke softly as he turned back in the direction of their destination, continuing on. "I _do_ believe in you, Neo."

Anger flared in him at arrogance of the statement. Some of it he knew to simply be fear coming across as anger - but at the same time, a great deal of it was genuine. "What about the five before me?" Morpheus tensed and stopped, much more suddenly this time. "Did you believe in them, too?"

For a minute, he neither spoke nor moved, keeping his back to Neo. Finally, he sighed heavily, head hanging low as he spoke quietly. "I believed... I _misunderstood_ what the Oracle told me. I thought that all I had to do was point my finger and anoint whoever I chose." He slowly turned to him, head still turned toward the ground. "I was wrong, Neo. Terribly wrong. Not a day or night goes by that I do not think of them." He believed this wholeheartedly, and it caused some of his anger to dissipate. "After the fifth, I lost my way. I doubted everything the Oracle had said. I doubted _myself_. And then I saw you, Neo, and my world changed." Neo swallowed hard. His conviction radiated out around him, and Neo could almost feel it seeping into himself. "I know you doubt yourself, but you _are_ the One, Neo. I know this beyond words or explanation or logic, but it is the Truth. And you will come to see that, too. Maybe not today, but someday. Until that time, all I ask is that you trust me."

He stood his ground, waiting for Neo's response. Somehow, amazingly, Morpheus seemed to have convinced him, more than he had ever been convinced. He felt himself nod, once, and as the older man smiled and continued their journey down the hall, he felt himself follow.


	9. Mindgames

Okay. This chapter was a pain in the ass to write, and I haven't really edited it. Granted, as I'm still on break, I _should_ be able to stay up until 5:00 a.m. to do that, but alas, I'm going out with the family tomorrow and need my beauty sleep. I plan on editing it and reposting, so keep an eye out for that if you're interested. I realize that it's got a lot of stuff from the movie in it as is, which is part of what editing will take care of, but with the way I've written the story so far, the important parts from the movie _need_ to be in there. So, I tried to add to it in the way of thoughts and stuff, and little extra bits of my own creation. I hope you like it, and even if you don't... please review! I realize begging is very unbecoming, really, just three reviews after over150 hits? I know my chapters are long, but nobody needs to come back to it 50 times to read. It doesn't have to be some deep analytical critique or anything...

...please? (Makes sad puppy face again) The review junkie will love you forever. :)

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Nine

Mindgames

—

"The Oracle will see you now."

He had almost forgotten where he was. Though not embarrassed, he suddenly felt very much like a child as he stared up at the priestess. Sitting cross-legged on the floor with the bald ten-year-old in a toga, surrounded by other children. In a slight daze, he turned back to find the spoon immaculately straight and shining, bearing no scars from ins mind's assault. The young boy smiled shyly.

"Thanks," Neo told him as he stood, appreciative both of the distraction and an oddly simplistic lesson in telekinesis. Although it was not the most elaborate thing he had done thus far, it was, bar none, the easiest. With merely the mental image of the twisted utensil, and the knowledge that it was nothing more than a strand of code, the spoon bent before he even realized he had commanded it to do so. He held the spoon down to the boy, but he remained motionless with his hands on his knees, smirking slightly. Neo caught on after just a split second, much faster than normal, and with almost no need for concentration, the utensil gently floated down to him. Neo smiled, and followed the priestess as she led him away.

The woman gestured him down a short hallway, and with every step his anxiety rose. But the moment he stepped under the wooden beads draped in the doorway, nearly all of his fear evaporated. He hadn't really noticed up to this point, so caught up in his emotions, but this was the _last_ thing he had expected to see. The kitchen was outfitted with green tile, orange cabinets and appliances older than his grandparent's had been, and the living room had been very much the same, with its worn carpet and equally ancient furniture. No eccentric relics, jeweled clothing and headdresses - and where the hell were they? A housing project on the far edge of Chicago? He'd half expected to wind up in the hills of Greece, traveling down to a hidden cave filled with incense and chanting priests.

"I know you're Neo," the elderly woman bent over the oven said to him. "Be right with you."

Neo had to bite back a laugh. _This_ was the all-knowing wise-woman who had been terrifying him all day? Why hadn't anyone told him about this? "You're the Oracle?"

"Bingo!" She held up a finger at his triumphant and brilliant deduction. She rose up and retrieved an oven mitt, adding, "Not quite what you were expecting, right?" Neo could only stare, dumbfounded. "Almost done. Smell good, don't they?"

"Yeah." There would be hell to pay for the crew - every last one of them - when he jacked out. Even Trinity, it seemed, would be getting a piece of his mind. All of them, with their silent reverence and fear of the woman, shooting him nervous yet excited glances at every turn throughout the morning. They all seemed to worship her, blind faith making them believe any word she was ever rumored to have spoken. For all he knew, this "Oracle" was the grandmother of half the children back in the living room, cheating everyone in the Resistance with her false prophecies.

"I gotta say," she continued with a laughing tone as she transferred the cookies to a plate, "I always love seeing you non-believers. Always a treat."

Neo stared at her back as she set the spatula down in the cookie sheet. That one was a lucky guess... it had to be, given the tone he had used when he spoke to her. Right?

"I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway."

Then again, maybe his nerves weren't _totally_ calm. He hadn't really expected that he _would_ sit down when he got there, no matter how long the duration of their conversation. Somehow, it seemed as though it would signal an acceptance of - and belief in - whatever she said to him. Never mind the fact that she had no right to insinuate that she had knew more about what he had decided to do than he did himself - the real issue was, how _would_ she know? Of course, only one possibility came to his mind. He quickly forced it away - there had to be a logical explanation.

"And don't worry about the vase."

"What vase?" he jumped, startled out of his thoughts. He searched th room somewhat frantically - he didn't remember seeing any vase, here or back in the living room, and he certainly hadn't done anything to worry about -

Without warning, as his nervously tensed body turned to the left, the intricately painted, tall antique fell to the floor, spilling water and flowers across the tile. _Shit_.

"That vase."

"I'm sorry -" he stuttered uncertainly, not sure what to do - try to clean it up like an idiot, leave it...?

"I said don't worry about it," she repeated kindly, giving him a gentle smile that relaxed him considerably. "I'll get one of my kids to fix it."

His eyes turned to the shattered ceramic briefly, and the question left his lips almost before it had entered his mind: "How did you know?"

"Oh..." That wasn't a particularly good sound to hear. He felt his heart beat quicken instantly, anticipating, knowing for _certain_ that she was about to say - "What's _really_ going to back your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?" Or perhaps he didn't.

She pulled a pack of cigarettes and a box of matches from the drawer. Neo stared down at the debris, at the stand upon which it had rested just a few moments ago - so small and near to the wall, though the flowers were large and took up a fair amount of space. It was an easy target. _Mindgames, Anderson_, he tried to remind himself. _Mindgames. She made you look. Ha, ha._ But then, a little part of intellect prodded, isn't that exactly the point?

The Oracle's smile widened further as she put down the matches and came to the table. "You're cuter than I thought." She glanced him over briefly as she took her seat, nodding. "I can see why she likes you."

Had he just heard her right? _Why she likes you_? Although she was smiling, she was completely serious. What 'she' could she possibly be talking about? There were only two women onboard the Nebuchadnezzar, and as for the number of women he had really _known_ more than as an acquaintance for the past several years... no. Still just two. And Switch, from what he could gather, was happily involved with Apoc, so that only left... _Don't get your hopes up_. "Who?"

"Not too bright, though."

He held his breath for several seconds, but no name followed, and he let it out in exasperation. Not Trinity. If she really was an Oracle, if she could really tell his future, she probably knew his present thoughts. If she did, he reasoned, her words would suggest that his prediction was somehow wrong. Even as this logic seeped into his mind, he could not bring himself to fully fight off the prayer that this, too, was another mindgame.

Dropping the topic, she suddenly became serious, though not quite solemn as she steered the conversation back in its original direction. "You know why Morpheus brought you to see me." He nodded. "So. What do you think? Do you think you're the One?"

Ironically, this was actually the first time Neo had been asked that question, by himself or anyone else. It was always what everyone around him believed. "Honestly, I don't know."

The elderly woman seemed to expect this answer, and gestured to a point above his head. "You know what that means?" she asked as Neo turned to look. A decorative wooden plaque hung above the doorway. _Temet Nosce_. "It's Latin. Means 'Know Thyself.'" How appropriate, and how awful that the very thought of it seemed utterly impossible. "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret."

Neo somehow sensed that this was not the moment he had been waiting for. He granted her his attention nonetheless.

"Being the One is... just like being in love." This struck a cord with him. Indeed, it seemed that the only thing that he knew was real now, beyond the shadow of a doubt, was his love for Trinity. "No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones."

It sounded good enough, but he wondered why she had chosen that particular analogy - surely there must be many others just as appropriate. Perhaps she was, if not psychic, at least more intuitive than he thought. But he was beginning to get impatient. _So what's your verdict_?

As soon as the thought ended, she was setting down her cigarette raising the large glasses hanging around her neck to her eyes. "Well... I'd better have a look at you." Her surprisingly strong hands found their way to the sides of his face, resting over his jaw bone. "Open your mouth, say 'ah.'" The request was so absolutely absurd, and he was so nervous that he complied without thinking, instantly feeling like a complete moron. Now he _knew_ she was screwing with him. She looked in his mouth, eyes, turned his head from side to side, and finally took his hands into her own, studying the lines of his palms. "Okay... now I'm supposed to say, 'Hm. That's interesting, but...' then you say..."

"...but what?" _But I'm not going to like this_.

"But, you already know what I'm going to tell you."

"I'm not the One." It wasn't a matter of feeling it. He felt nothing one way or the other. It was simply a matter of interpreting her actions - obvious.

"Sorry, kid." She held his eyes intently, as if to make him pay extra close attention to her words. "You've got the gift... but it looks like you're waiting for something."

He couldn't help but look at his hands as well, as if "_I am not the One_" would be written across them. He sighed, thinking of the many people that this news would disappoint. "What?"

"Your next life, maybe. Who knows? That's the way these things go."

Neo could feel the edges of his world beginning to crumble. It was only a matter of time, he knew, before everything collapsed on him. It felt as though his entire persona, everything that he was in this strange new world, was built on the basis of his being the One. His training, the special treatment he knew he was given, the very fact that he had been freed in the first place. All for nothing. Despite the anxiety building within him at the prospect of breaking the news to Morpheus and the others, he could not help but laugh.

"What's funny?"

_As if you don't know_. "Morpheus. He..." Neo thought of his intended words for a moment, and was frightened to find that they were actually true. "He almost had me convinced."

"I know," she said darkly, instantly putting Neo on edge. "Poor Morpheus... without him, we're lost."

He reflexively tensed and stood straighter as she returned to the table. "What do you mean - 'without him'?"

She took a long, slow drag on her cigarette be fore she asked hesitantly, "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Somehow, he could tell that she already knew the answer - for some reason she just wanted to let him give his consent. So he nodded slowly.

"Morpheus believes in you, Neo." Yes, he knew that much already, but so what? "And no one, not you, not even _me_ could convince him otherwise. He believes it so blindly, that he's going to sacrifice his life to save yours."

His first instinct was denial, his conscious desperately trying to convince his unconscious that no one believed anything so strongly, that Morpheus was smarter than that, that Neo himself had been trained well enough to keep himself out of such a situation. But even without the dictum of logic, he knew that all of this was untrue.

"And you're going to have to make a choice. In the one hand, you'll have Morpheus' life. And in the other hand, you'll have your own. One of you is going to die," she said strongly. She was determined to leave no room for disbelief. "Which one will be up to you."

There it was. His world collapsing around him, burying him in the rubble of his former hope, happiness, and security. It was a strange sensation. He could not wrap his mind around the concept of the choice laid out before him, yet he comprehended it completely, felt it cutting through his heart without mercy.

"I'm sorry, Kiddo, I really am. You have a good soul. And I hate giving good people bad news."

He barely heard the words, but he wanted to hate _her _nonetheless. Hate her for telling him this so abruptly, nonchalantly. Hate her for telling him at all.

"Oh, don't worry about it." And he hated her even more for suddenly changing the subject and bringing back her cheerful manner. "As soon as you step outside that door, you'll start feeling better. You'll remember that you don't believe in any of this fate crap. You're in control of your own life. Remember?"

Neo clung to this small shred of hope, even though he did not feel that way at the moment. _Mindgames_, he reminded himself, trying to force himself to believe it was true. (The irony of it was not lost on him.) The Oracle stood, and held the plate of fresh cookies before him. "Take a cookie," she urged with a smile. "I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain." He doubted this was true, but chose one from the top of the pile anyway. "Good luck, Kiddo." And with that, she ushered him out the door.

He stared longingly at the children waiting in the living room, feeling both envy and pity for whatever they were to be told. He reached the hallway just inside the front door, finding Morpheus where he had left him. Neo said nothing, but the older man smiled proudly as he heard the footsteps. How could he possibly tell him? How could he possibly deliver the news that would utterly destroy him?

"What was said," he interrupted, standing to face Neo, "was for _you_, and for you alone." He pulled out his sunglasses, replaced them on his face, and turned for the door.

_Then again,_ he remembered sadly, absently taking a bite of the cookie_, he'd never believe it anyway_.

---

From her seat atop a wooden crate, she could see the front door of the building clearly. As the door slid open to let out Morpheus, followed by Neo, she realized where she was, how it would look if she were found here. She jumped to her feet before she even realized what she was doing, and ran for the car. Glancing over her shoulder, she could see that neither of the men would be able to tell that she had ever been anywhere else, and she sighed in relief. She leaned casually against the door and forced her breath to slow, taking on a calm facade. As they turned the corner and came closer, Trinity tried to catch a glimpse of Neo's downcast face. When he raised his head - only to avoid tripping over some discarded boxes - his expression was confusing. She had hoped to try and discern what the Oracle had told him, to put an end to her torturous speculation, as any truth would be better than none at all. But she could tell only that he was very, very upset, and that did not help her. Try as she might, she could not decide if his trepidation came from a having the weight of the world set upon his shoulders, or from the prospect of letting down Morpheus and the rest of them. From what little she could tell, it almost seemed as if it was both.

She quickly turned away just as he sought her out, and she prayed he hadn't noticed. Morpheus reached the car first, trying half-heartedly to contain a smile as he nodded to her, then stepped into the car. She remained where she was, staring straight ahead. On the far edge of her vision, she could see Neo slow, watching her intently. She clenched her teeth hard, forcing herself not to meet his gaze, even as she hated herself for doing so. The haunting dream returned to her in a flash - staring down an attacking Agent, that damn old fortune-teller telling her to let it all go and love him. She couldn't. _But I need you, Trinity_... She couldn't then, and she still couldn't now.

Neo's door shut behind her, and she forced herself to move so that they would not become suspicious. She pulled open her own door, stepped in, and closed it again, all without taking her gaze away form a patch of graffiti on the wall outside. She couldn't look at him, although part of her wanted to. This, however, was her weaker part, and she sat rigidly in her seat, arms folded across her lap in such a way that he would not be able to reach them. Trinity clung desperately to her composure as she felt his eyes searing into her. She knew all to well what he wanted - just to see her face, maybe speak with her briefly. Derive whatever comfort he could when he so desperately needed it.

She felt weak now, though unlike before, it was not because she loved him. It was because she could_not_ love him.

---

About halfway through the car ride, he gave up on hoping she would turn his way. He hated himself for not speaking up and asking to talk to her himself. He knew Trinity was upset with him (but he was beginning to suspect it was something more than just asking her about her experience with the Oracle), but she would have talked to him, take his hand gently, if he had asked her to. But he could not bring himself to say anything. It was more than just his shyness; it was the whole emotionally exhausting and stressful day. After everything, he found himself silent in the back of the sedan, wallowing in his pain and fear and sadness.

A while later, Neo found himself staring at her again. He wondered if this feeling was why she wouldn't speak to him - if she had received an equally horrifying prediction from the Oracle, and he had brought up carefully buried memories. But he pushed his musings away, let them _be_ pushed away by everything else, and leaned back against the seat, watching the cars and people and buildings pass by in silence.

It was not until they had returned to the old hotel, or warehouse or wherever it was they had come from, after lethargically stepping out of the car that anyone spoke. He shied away from Cypher, who gave him some cynical, frightening, almost comically bad grin. Cypher and Morpheus went ahead, and Trinity followed behind him. Sometime after they entered the building, after everyone was a fair distance ahead of them, miraculously, his hand was taken in hers. No words could have expressed his gratitude when Trinity squeezed gently, whispering as she pulled him along, "Whatever she told you... you'll be okay."

At this point, though, he was fairly certain that even Trinity could not convince him of that. Somehow, as they ascended the winding staircase, he could sense that his life was soon to be plagued by sadness, danger and horrible things. He found it darkly funny, then, when a stray black cat passed through the hall across from the stairs. Bad luck, right?

---

It had been an unusually difficult afternoon for him. In all his years, he could not remember a single incident where he had been so tempted to isolate and translate the code passing between the two of them, to hear what they were saying. But Tank knew that the conversation was private, and resisted the urge.

However, the more he watched Neo now, as they drove in silence back to the exit and slowly made their way up to the thirteenth floor, the more he was beginning to suspect that she had told him something bad. He'd watched enough Redpills take this journey, and personally knew Neo well enough to know that something was wrong. He slouched as he walked, speaking to no one and avoiding eye contact whenever possible. Tank sighed as he began setting up the hardline, deciding that the man would need a good stiff drink when he came out.

"Hey, Dozer, got any moonshine left?" he called over his shoulder as he worked, laughing quietly. "I think Superman's gonna -" He stopped short, his eyes darting up to the corner of the far left screen.

"What'd you say? Tank?"

Had he seen something just now, or was his mind playing tricks? He could have sworn he saw a strand of code change abruptly, do something it should not have. For a few seconds, he began thinking it was nothing and was about to go back to the hardline, but then it happened again, and again and again, random lines of code appearing and disappearing of their own accord, until the screens were nothing but jumbled chaos. "_Shit_ - Dozer, we've got Agents!" It was only seconds before his brother stood beside him, staring at the screens with equal intensity, and many more before the code cleared and began to flow normally again. Tank zoomed out to see the entire building and everything surrounding it quickly reading the symbols to see what they had changed. "Oh, my god..." He froze for only a moment before his hands automatically dialed Mouse's phone, speaking frantically, "They cut the hardline! It's a trap, get out!" But it was too late.

---

Trinity led the way, keeping a quick pace as they moved through the nearly black sewers. It was all that she could do with so many horrors pressing in around her - keep trudging on, same as always. Even though this was anything but 'the same as always.' The truth was, she felt almost nothing - somehow, she had managed to bury it all just beneath the surface, carefully holding it there with whatever strength she miraculously maintained.

She was aware of Neo, a few steps behind her. He, too, was silent, but much less in control of his emotions than she. He repeatedly increased his pace, coming up almost beside her as if about to speak, but each time, he slowed again, falling back.

"Trinity -" he blurted suddenly, startling the rest of them. "How could you do that?"

Her response of silence came not so much from contempt at his accusation, nor from feeling no pain because of it; rather, it was quilt. She swallowed hard as she attempted to keep her emotions at bay.

"They're going to _kill_ him, Trinity."

_If they haven't already_. Her nails bit into her palms, sending slight shivers up her arms in the cool air. _Please, Neo, just let me be_.

But he persisted, matching her step for step with newfound boldness. "You knew that they'd kill him, and you just handed him over, Trinity, like you don't give a shit about -"

In an instant - before she even realized what had happened or what she was doing - the surface broke, and all of the pain and fear engulfed her. Moving so quickly even she did not see the motion, she had his arm twisted behind his back, pinning him against the wall. "Morpheus is my _father_, Neo! I would_never_ abandon him!" He tried to pull away, put she twisted his arm further into his back, holding it there with all the strength she could muster. "I _had_ to leave him there, do you know why? Because he made me swear to him that I would. He made me _swear _that I would protect you!"

"Trinity -" Switch was pulling her back, her hands gently prying Trinity's away from Neo. She only then began to comprehend what she was doing, and she staggered back, trying to breathe. After several long moments, she managed to whisper, "Don't make me regret keeping my promise."

---

Despite the darkness, he could see a glimpse of her face before she turned on her heel and continued on, her tense walk faster than before. She was terrified. Not for herself, or him. He imagined she was filled with as much fear as he was regret. Neo tried to speak up, to apologize, but he couldn't. He was too embarrassed and ashamed, she was too vulnerable right now. Switch followed Trinity, and Apoc led him off as well. He remembered what the man had said to him, just a few minutes ago. _I hope the Oracle gave you some good news_.

He could feel himself slowly beginning to grasp the true severity of th situation, beyond the shallow knowledge that Morpheus was not with them, but with the enemy, another captured and one dead. He had never imagined himself - or anyone for that matter, even in movies - being in such peril. This was different from being chewed out at work, or arrested for hacking. This was life or death, had already moved far beyond that...

As they walked on beneath the streets - a few blocks that felt like a thousand miles - Neo was weighed down by a growing sense of dread. He had gotten angry at Trinity for not protecting Morpheus - but what kind of hypocrite did that make him? He hadn't done anything, either. And the Oracle had told him, not even an hour ago, that he would have to choose between saving his own life and saving Morpheus.

Had he missed his chance already?

---

She shouldn't have snapped at him, regretted it even though she'd possessed no control over her actions at the time. He was upset, too, grasping for some comprehension or sense of reason as to how everything had suddenly gone straight to hell. Mouse dead, Cypher captured, and Morpheus...

Out of the sewers, following a narrow, deserted alley, she pulled out her phone. "Tank, it's me."

"You guys okay?"

"We're fine. What -"

"Is Morpheus alive?"

She glanced over her shoulder at him, annoyed by his impatience - she was getting to _that_ - but more afraid of the answer than anything else. She repeated his question into the phone.

"Yes, they're moving him. I don't know where to yet."

_Thank God_. She had hoped for as much, that, as a captain, they would try to extract information. She wasn't quite sure if she would have hoped for the same, given less stressful circumstances. It would have saved them all a lot of trouble if he was dead already. He wouldn't have had to suffer through the Agents' torture; the crew wouldn't have had to suffer through the gruesome task of unplugging him - killing him - themselves, after watching him held captive with the knowledge that there was nothing that could be done to save him. It would hurt for him to be dead now. But it would hurt slightly less. "He's alive," she said, to no one in particular. She continued quickly in an attempt to stave off the anguish. "We need an exit."

"You're not far from Cypher -"

"Cypher?" _How did he get away_?

"I know. I sent him to Franklin and Eerie."

Trinity slammed the phone shut harder than was necessary, and shoved it back into her pocket. She sighed as she ran a shaky hand through her hair. She sped up to keep a few steps ahead of the other three - still couldn't let anyone see a weakness, even after all these years.

"What about Cypher?" Apoc asked quietly.

"He got away from the cops. Betting out ahead of us." Fro a few moments, they fell into silence, but again she could sense Neo fidgeting behind her.

"What are we gonna do?"

"The exit's just a few blocks away. Agents don't know where we are, so as long as we stay out of sight we're okay." The words came out in an automatic monotone, an answer to a question she knew he had not asked.

"I meant about Morpheus."

But not another word was spoken until they reached the building.

---

She remembered Franklin and Eerie; abandoned repair shop in an old part of Chicago. Whoever had once owned it, years ago, left without even taking anything away, and, with the exception of the Resistance, it had remained untouched since. Trinity herself had used the exit a few times in the past. She wasn't a superstitious person by any means, but now, as she kicked the rusty doorknob to send the door flying back, she couldn't help but think of how every single time she had used this exit in the past - every last one - was after some horrible tragedy, and that the streak of bad luck would follow into the real world. Somehow, it seemed that her most horrible missions were connected to this dark, dusty shop. As she moved through the building, the images that passed by too slowly reminded her of those missions. She knew, as she saw them, that if she ever did again, they would bring back memories of _this_mission, of _this_ moment, of the edges of her world slowly beginning to crumble.

Nonetheless, when she heard the first ring of the phone - so far, yet so very, very close - she could not think of a more wonderful sound she would rather hear.

Trinity reached backwards for Neo, somehow finding his hand without even looking, and pulled him along after her. She tugged him bast the dusty boxes of metal and glass, and let his hand drop again as soon as they reached the old rotary phone. She stood across from him as if guarding it. "You first Neo."

He stood there in a shocked daze for just a moment too long, before, in a hurry to get them all to sure safety, she snatched up the ringing earpiece herself and shoved it towards him. This seemed to snap him out of it, and he clutched it tightly to his ear.

And he stood there still, straining to hear the "sound" he had grown to associate with a return to Reality. But nothing - his RSI remained where it was before them, solid and strong. A split-second more of silence passed, and Trinity realized that there was truly nothing happening. "Neo?"

"I don't know, it just went dead -" She snatched the phone away from him, setting it to her own ear for just a split second before hanging up. "Did the Agents find us?" he frantically whispered, as though they would come running in, guns waving if they heard him.

Trinity absently shook her head as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Probably a hardline malfunction. We just need another exit." She paced behind the counter, willing everything to simply flow down through her and fall away into the ground with every step. As the second ring sounded in her ear, some part of her vaguely recalled that Ghost had taught her that.

"He's not answering?"

She glanced up at Apoc, but said nothing. It had only been three - four rings. It didn't matter that he couldn't be more than a few feet from the console, and needed only to push a single button to answer. He was probably standing beside Neo, waiting to pull him out. _But Dozer does that_, her mind protested before she could stop herself. _And he can hear the ring in the headset_.

Six rings. "Come on, Tank..." She walked faster. Try though she did, she could not stop herself from feeling a new fear grow my the microsecond. She could not come up with an explanation for why he wouldn't answer. Eight -

"Hello, Trinity."

"Cypher! Where's Tank?" _What's going on_?

His voice was saturated with loathing as he began to speak, as though the something about her sickened him. She had the unnerving sense that he pressed up against her, far too close to her face, even though he was out in the real world. "You know..." he began slowly, drawing the words out in such a way that her body tensed with each syllable. "For a long time, I thought I was... in love with you. You're a beautiful woman, Trinity." Something was horribly wrong. Her senses were going wild, screaming that he had done something. She suddenly remembered with awful clarity the way he had been acting for months now: introverted, cynical, rude - "Too bad things had to turn out this way."

In an instant, everything snapped into place, stopping Trinity dead in her tracks. "You killed them..."

"I'm tired, Trinity." His voice dripped with disdain and fury, controlled only by something she knew well - the calm that came over a soldier in the midst of battle. "I'm tired of this war. Tired of fighting..."

_This isn't happening_... _This is a dream, all a terrible nightmare, and I'll wake up, and_... But it was a lie.

"...I'm tired of that jack-off and all of his bullshit." Her attention snapped back to the moment. "Surprise, asshole!" he yelled, though not to her.

How could Cypher be angry at _him_? How could he blame _Morpheus_? _He_ was the one who had chosen the damn red pill. Morpheus didn't make reality this way - he didn't make Cypher hate it.

"Bet you never saw this comin'. Didja? God, I wish I could be there, when they break you. I wish I could walk in just when it happens, so right then you'd know it was me." His voice was one of brutal satisfaction, and she knew he was smiling sadistically at the thought.

_Fucking son of a bitch_... "You gave them Morpheus." The finality, the true weight of this betrayal stabbed her like a knife in the heart.

"He lied to us, Trinity," he countered, anger growing and flooding into his voice. "He tricked us! If you'da told us the truth, we would have told you to shove that red pill right up your ass!"

_Stall him_. Her mind had finally grasped that the four of them were in danger, that they needed to get_out_ of the Matrix. "That is not true Cypher, he set us free. He got us out." She was wholly unfamiliar with this kind of panic - frantically searching around her for anything that could help, even though none of it was real; thinking up ways to get them out, like using another cell to make the exit call themselves, only to realize that they were unviable, they would take too long.

"Free? You call _this_ free?"

_Think, Trinity_! Her eyes darted between Switch and Apoc, even Neo, but the blank, frightened looks on their faces told her that they didn't have any ideas, either. _Oh, God_. They were trapped.

"All I do is what he tells me to do. If I gotta choose between that and the Matrix... I choose the Matrix."

"The Matrix isn't real!" she snapped, the anger and fear flooding her voice, followed by a desperate but useless attempt to maintain her composure. She very nearly couldn't believe what she was hearing, what was happening. She'd heard the stories, of course, she knew the clinical, textbook scenario of what happened when reality was rejected. She had even known redpills who later went mad because they could not take it. But she had never pictured it coming into her own life.

"Oh, I disagree Trinity." His ominous voice made her blood run cold. What was he going to do? What was he going to do that she had no power to stop? "I think the Matrix can be more real than this world. All I do is pull the plug here, but there, you have to watch Apoc die."

She had nearly forgotten the others were even there. _No_... She spun to face him, catching the eyes of his angry, determined, yet very afraid face. Somehow, he knew.

"Trinity -" _Trinity, I'm afraid. Trinity, make sure that asshole gets what he deserves. Trinity, you can do this, somehow_. But she would never know the end. His neck snapped back, and he fell in a heap onto the floor. She was barely able to comprehend Switch's scream as she ran to her lover's dead body.

"Welcome to the Real World, huh baby?" the far-away voice taunted.

"You..." Her head was spinning, she couldn't get a firm grasp on any one thought or piece of the moment. "But you're _out_, Cypher, you can't go back -"

"Oh, no that's what you think. They're gonna reinsert my body and when I wake up, I won't remember a goddamn thing. Don't suppose you'd wanna come with me, huh? Run off to Vegas, get a nice little million-dollar house on our own private island?"

"You son of a bitch -"

"Yeah, figured you'd say that." He sighed angrily. "By the way, if you have anything terribly important to say to Switch, I suggest you say it now."

"Oh, no..." _Not Switch, don't kill Switch, I love her, I still need her, Cypher you can't_ - "Please don't..."

Somehow, like her lover only seconds before her, Switch seemed to know what was coming. Trinity couldn't quite describe her face, what she was feeling in those last moments, despite knowing her for so long and being so good at reading people. In retrospect, she knew Switch probably didn't quite know herself, knew only the one consuming though in her mind. "Not like this." She shook her head, looking Trinity straight in the eye. "Not like this." She, too, fell back onto the floor, dead.

"Too late."

---

"I can't imagine what it must be like for you, Trinity."

The voice was far away, hazy. He knew the words, but could barely understand what they meant. Forcing his eyes open, he found even the soft light of the core to be bright and searing. He focused as the voice continued, able to think and understand more clearly now.

"To be the greatest fighter this war has ever seen. To be the woman who has been called an _angel_ for the lives she's saved -" He recognized the voice now - Cypher. Talking to... Trinity, was it? But what was he talking about? Tank pushed himself up onto his elbows, and the sharp, searing pain in his side woke him completely, bringing everything back. "And to have to stand there, completely helpless, as your best friend in the world dies."

_Shit_. Holding his breath as he pushed up, he fought through the pain to grasp the laser cannon, and forced himself onto his feet.

---

"Goddamn you, Cypher!" It wasn't enough, couldn't adequately express her hatred of him for all that he had taken away from her. But it was all the strength she could muster. She could not think. All she knew at that moment was overwhelming pain and sorrow, infinitely worse than any she had ever felt before in her life. The only expression of emotion she wanted was to break down and cry until it all went away. But this was impossible.

"Don't hate me, Trinity. I'm just the messenger. And right now, I'm gonna prove it to you." Trinity froze in terror, remembering that there was still one other person with her. "If Morpheus was right, then there's no way I can pull this plug. I mean, if Neo is the One, then there'd have to be some kind of a miracle to stop me. Right? I mean, how can he be the One, if he's dead?"

There was nothing left. Nothing but pain, and the dread and regret of knowing that she was about to watch Neo, the one thing she loved more than all others in the universe, die.

"You never did answer me before, if you bought into Morpheus' bullshit. Come on, all I want is a little yes or no. Look into his eyes." She did. "Those big pretty eyes." Deep chocolate brown, full of fear, and yet still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. "And tell me. _Yes_ or _no_?"

Trinity's entire life did not flash through her mind. Only the parts with him. The Oracle had told her, and she had not wanted to believe. Years later, she began watching him in his life as Thomas Anderson. She fell in love with the man who stayed up in front of the computer until he could not force his eyes to remain open any longer, the man who secretly called himself Neo. Morpheus told her he was the One. She had not wanted to believe. He came into her life, so close that she could touch him, his real body. She had not wanted to believe. She made excuse after excuse after excuse - "He shows no abnormal abilities." "He's too old." "The One does not exist." She had not wanted to believe. But now she saw through everything. And it all came back to those haunting words from the woman who set it all in motion.

"When you tell him you love him, he will die."

_You knew. You've known all along. You've know it since the moment you laid eyes on him. You've know it since the moment you were born. Neo is the One, because you love him with all your heart._ All that time, she had not _wanted_ him to be the One. Because if he wasn't, it meant that she did not really love him. It meant she was not weak, that she would never be controlled or held down. It meant she would not have to live through the Oracle's prophecy. But there was only the truth now. The truth was, she would drop the phone, tell him she loved him, kiss him - and he would be killed in her arms.

When she told him she loved him, he would die.


	10. Savior

So. I wrote this chapter, and it's pretty short, and then I wrote the next chapter. I was originally thinking the two were too long to post as one, and too short to post as two. So I was going to take a page from Syd's book and do a double posting. But then chapter 11 became one of my longest ones ever, so part of me feels that I should post them separately. But, really, the end of the next chapter is a good place to leave off, so I won't feel guilty if the following chapters take a while. So I guess I'll be nice and give you both at once. ;)

Anyway. Neither of these chapters have been edited, as it's 3:00 in the morning and I just finished chapter 11 five minutes ago. But I'll get around to it.

Reviews are loved and appreciated!

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Ten

Savior

---

He stared and stared at the phone, hands clutching his coat ever-tighter as he listened to the pounding of the blood in his ears. He knew it shouldn't be taking so long, that, by all means, either Trinity or Tank should have been able to get back to the terminal and place another call by now. His mind filled with images of Cypher, deciding that he wanted to kill them personally and tricking them out of the Matrix. He was flashing through images of Cypher's hands around Trinity's throat just as the phone rang again. Debating for only a moment - if it _was_ Cypher, he would die either way - he slowly lifted the receiver to his ear.

He snapped open his eyes as soon as he felt himself slide back into reality. There was nothing but dark grey metal above his head, no face that he could see. He panicked until he felt a hand shift on his chest. He knew the gentle touch, and felt the final relief when her stricken face moved into his field of vision. Her sorrowful, tired eyes meeting his broke his heart.

But instead of pulling the plug from his neck, she looked to the bank of monitors, glanced at Neo, and back again as she considered something. "Have you given him the code-reading program yet?" A pause, and she continued, "Do it now."

A moment later, Neo's mind was flooded with information in that old, familiar way, and he forced himself to calmly accept it. Not even a split second passed between the end of the onslaught and the spike being removed from his head as she quickly helped him into a sitting position. She spoke quickly as she unclamped his feet. "I need to take care of Tank. I need you to watch Morpheus for a few minutes." It was such a strange and unfamiliar sound, to hear her admit outright a need of any kind. "Alright?"

He glanced at their bleeding operator, just standing from his seat. "I -"

"All you have to do is let me know if anything happens." He could tell by the look on her face that the one on his was uncertain and nervous. "Neo, _please_..."

The desperation made him nod automatically. She was handling everything so much better than anyone else could ever be expected to. He could certainly handle such a simple task. "Yeah, I'll watch him. You go."

Tank was led away, clutching the wound in his side. The resounding silence Neo was left in seemed to whisper with the ghosts of the dead surrounding him.

---

Every bone and muscle in her body was fighting to turn back, to run to whatever safe haven she could find, or at least to simply stop. With her arm supporting Tank around his shoulders, it almost felt as though he was leading _her _back to the Core, rather than vice versa. Nevertheless, as they reached the ladder, she gently urged him forward, grimacing herself as he winced going up.

He took one step after the other, up to the core, but Trinity remained stationary. The dead bodies of her four crewmembers were still seared into her mind, and the thought of standing beside them, wrapping them in their death shrouds, feeling the whispers of spirits around them for God only knew how long... It felt stupid and superstitious to think of such a thing, but ghosts _did_ linger after the bodies had perished. She had experienced it before, and without fail, it made her blood run cold. She did not know if she could handle it this time, with this crew.

Tank had nearly reached the top rung of the ladder. Her fists were clenching and releasing repeatedly, the only part of her body that was actually moving. _Come on, Trinity, just go up_. Nothing. Tank was off of the ladder by now. She knew she was telling her body to move, she could feel her brain sending the signal to her legs, but somewhere along the way, her emotions stopped it. _Go up_.

"Trinity?"

_Go up!_ Suddenly, one hand was clutching the cold metal of the ladder, and the next thing she knew, she was forcing her body up before her fear took over again. Her eyes remained fixed on the floor as she entered the room, avoiding the sight of the bodies as much as possible.

But, to her shock, when she glanced up, she saw only Morpheus in the chairs, and no bodies on the floor around them. She searched the room almost frantically before her eyes fell on the alcove at the back of the core, stopping her short. The four bodies lay impeccably wrapped in white blankets, arranged in a neat row, largest to smallest. She stared for several seconds, trying to make her mind understand.

Slowly, her eyes turned back to the operator's station, falling on Neo as he helped Tank into the chair. Had he done this himself? She didn't think him physically strong enough, nor would she have expected him to take the initiative to wrap them himself. She thought he would be the type to help only under hers or Tank's guidance, for fear of doing it wrong. And of herself, she expected that she should be upset, not to have taken part in the small, miserable but import ritual, as she had been in the past, but now... With the injured man securely in the chair, Neo looked now to Trinity, catching her eye. Her own eyes fell shut, suddenly shy after what he had done. _Neo_, she thought sadly, almost as a prayer. _Thank you_. Crewmen of the past were different. Wrapping these four, after everything else that had happened, she knew would break her.

She took a few more moments to compose herself - as much as she could, anyway. She began to take a step forward, but stopped suddenly. Beyond the chairs at on the left side of the core, behind a doorway, she could just see a man's boots and legs on the floor, uncovered. Cypher - Neo must have known better than to put his body with the others, but was uncertain beyond that point, and had thus deposited him just out of sight.

The rage she felt toward him was not the usual kind - she would not quite call it an emotion. What she felt now was far more primal - an instinctive, animal drive she was not used to. The true hatred she felt was in fact very minimal, if not nonexistent - all she knew was the desire to kill him, to take her revenge regardless of the fact that he was already dead.

Moving almost automatically, she went to the small emergency kit in the back wall, and fumbled around until she found a knife.

---

"I don't know exactly what they've been doing, just asking him things and..." Neo paused for a moment, eyeing Tank's bandage under the torn sweater. "They look like interrogation techniques, I guess."

"He tell them anything?" the operator asked, his speech slurred slightly from the fading effects of the sedative.

"No, not a word." Somewhere in the ship, not too far away, a door opened with a faint squeak, and he glanced up to find that Trinity was missing, and wondered faintly what she could be doing. But he did not pursue the issue, and returned his attention to Tank and the screens. He looked worn and beaten down by more than just the pain and sedatives. His eyes were tired and his jaw was tightly clenched - an attempt, Neo was quite certain, to keep it together, and hold off his mourning for a while longer.

The door thudded closed. He lifted his eyes just in time to see Trinity reenter the Core with brisk, tense strides. "How's Morpheus doing?" she barked hastily. As Tank relayed the information, Neo just caught a glimpse as she hastily wiped her hands on her shirt. When she let them fall back to her sides, the fabric was tinted with blood.

He looked at her eyes carefully, fairly certain he knew what she had just done. They were filled with that intense but carefully controlled fury that seemed unique to Trinity, but it did not hide the rest. Looking carefully, he could see a pain and sadness that ran far deeper than the anger.

He wanted to go to her, wrap his arms tightly around her and let his love seep from his body into hers for whatever comfort it would offer. But she wouldn't have accepted that now, in her state. Her emotional solitude was as necessary as it was difficult. Still...

He could not expect anything from her now, when she was so vulnerable, if indeed he could have _ever _expected anything. _Drop it, Anderson_. For all he knew, she may not have even heard him amongst the stress and adrenaline. _You said it, it's over. If she wants to say something, she'll say it when she's ready_.

---

The calm that had soothed her this morning came over her once again, keeping her emotions at bay - she knew of their presence, but did not truly feel them. Even so, it took a great effort to keep her composure and not break down then and there. She realized, with a bit of guilt, that she had never cared about the deaths of anyone else the way she cared about these four lying before her. Even those who died aboard the Nebuchadnezzar during her first years only gained her very general sorrow, the same that was granted to those she had never even met. She had never felt for any others what she felt for the crew she had woken to this morning. And now, half of them were dead. With the possible exception of trying to accept her love for Neo, this was the most difficult thing she had ever been faced with during the course of her entire life.

That bastard had been right about her - the Angel of the Fleet, who could save anyone but the people closest to her.

The train of thoughts soon led her back to Neo. Discreetly, she stared at him over her shoulder. Tank was explaining exactly what they were doing to Morpheus. His back was turned to her, and unfortunately, she could not see his face. Or, more importantly, she could not see his eyes. She had met his eyes before, but back in the repair shop, when Cypher had asked her if she Believed, was the first time she had ever truly looked _into_ them. Then, she was totally unguarded, all of her usual barriers nonexistent. It was the first time she had ever let herself see him completely, and the first time she had let Neo see _her _completely. Those eyes, in that moment, were what finally pushed her over the edge, and made her finally accept and embrace her love for him. She no longer fought it, and thus wished desperately to look into his eyes again. Trinity's mind proceeded on through the memory of the repair shop, what Neo had said to her... She quickly turned back to her fallen comrades, fear clenching her chest again. _You can give it but you can't take it_.

She sighed quietly, staring at the four bodies. Four loved ones dead, possibly another. Was this the price of finding the One? How many more would they have to lose to keep him, to let him realize himself for what he was and could do? Hatred swelled in Trinity again, but this time towards herself, as she felt the tiny thought fleet across the dark corners of her mind that, perhaps, even this price for Neo would not be too high.

"Trinity." Tank tried to pull her out of her trance and into the conversation he was having with Neo. She should have been a part of it from the beginning, but... "Zion's more important that me, or you... or even Morpheus."

_Tell me something I don't know_, she thought angrily, leaving only half of her attention with the two men.

Neo turned to her, briefly, desperately, trying to think of something as much as she. "Well there has to be something we can do."

"There is," Tank replied decisively, and almost before he spoke, Trinity knew what he would say. "We pull the plug."

This brought her to full attention instantly. "You're gonna _kill_ him? _Kill _Morpheus?" She knew it was standard procedure, that it was the only sure way. But she had already lost four of her crewmen, and instinct drove her to prevent the loss of another.

"We don't have any other choice," he replied somberly.

"We can get him out!" She realized after the words came out just how frantic she sounded, and she consciously fought for calm.

"They've thought of that, Trinity," he reminded her in a solemn, quiet voice. "He's being guarded by three agents and a small army, even you can't beat that yourself."

"I'll get help." She shot a split-second glance at Neo, but instantly thought better of it - he was the One, no doubt, but he hadn't come to _know_ this yet, and even after everything they had put him through, his training was limited.

"It's not possible, Trinity," he interjected before she could go on. "No one in the fleet would be stupid enough to try it, even for Morpheus."

She shook her head, quickly running a hand through her hair. She knew she was grasping at straws, but she could not -_ would_ not - allow herself to stop trying. "Come on, Tank, there has to be something -"

"You _can't save everyone_, Trinity!"

This quieted her immediately, and she tried and failed several times to say something in protest. But she knew there was nothing _to_ say, because he was right. Her eyes shifted back and forth between Tank and Neo before ultimately falling to the floor in defeat.

Several moments later, Tank spoke again, this time much more quietly. "Do you want to do it, or should I?"

She said nothing, just closed her eyes tightly, remaining otherwise immobile from the pain beginning to push through her emotional wall. Tank understood.

---

Trinity took a deep, shaking breath before lifting her head just slightly. As she stared longingly at their Captain, Neo was almost certain that he could make out a quiver in her lip.

Tank moved in the side of his vison, removing the fingerless glove from his right hand. As he lifted the hand to Morpheus' forehead, Neo realized with a shock that they meant to do this _now_. Was this all that such a great man was to be granted - a terribly brief eulogy before his life was ended? Was there nothing more, some sort of... But he realized that, with only three left alive, on a ship in the middle of nowhere, there _was_ nothing else to do.

"Morpheus..."

His eyes found Trinity again, drowning in sorrow. He had failed her. He had failed all of them by being too blind to take the opportunity he had been warned about. If he had only taken Morpheus' place back in the hotel, if he had somehow gotten the man to leave with the rest of them, none of this would have happened. Morpheus would have made sure that Cypher was not separated from the group, eliminating his chance to jack out before the rest and kill them.

"You were more than a leader to us..."

Of course, in that situation, Cypher probably would have kept low and simply waited for another opportunity to hand them over. In the long run, had Neo taken the opportunity, it would likely just have resulted in Morpheus being captured and killed later, and that selfish bastard would have been the only one left standing. Neo's sacrifice would have been pointless. So then... why would the Oracle have told him this?

"You were a father."

Neo's heart nearly stopped. She _wouldn't_ have. There was no way Morpheus would have survived, no matter what had happened in that hotel. She was never referring to that at all.

"We'll miss you always."

But they _hadn't_ missed. At least, he realized as Tank moved his hand down to the data spike, not yet.

"Stop!" Could it really be possible? Could they really still have a chance, no matter what kind of odds were stacked against them? "I don't believe this is happening," he whispered as if in a trance.

"Neo, this has to be done."

_No_. "Does it? I don't know, it..." How had his whole philosophy been changed so quickly? Just hours ago, he had professed his die-hard disbelief in the Oracle's prophecies. It was all supposed to be a big mindgame con. Wasn't it? "This can't be just a coincidence, it can't be." There was no way, no _possible_ way that she could have known about this if she was a fraud.

"What are you talking about?" he asked impatiently.

"The Oracle," he stammered, mind barely able to keep up with his mouth. "She told me _this _would happen. She told me that I would have to make a choice." A very difficult one, he realized. He could not simply save Morpheus - he could only _die _saving Morpheus. He would loose what little he had in this world, which mostly amounted to his relationship with Trinity - however it could be defined. She hadn't given him a response yet, never mind the fact that there had been almost no opportunities - if she really wanted to say something to him, she would have. So, she would not miss him, and he would be dead, and unable to miss her. This way, at least, he could give her Morpheus again, bring back one of the few remaining things that gave her some little bit of happiness in this awful existence. And anyway, if he was not the One, this was the most good he could possibly do for the Resistance. It was certainly better than being next-to-useless in Zion or as part of the fleet.

"What choice?" Trinity begged.

He stared wide-eyed at her. The Oracle would never have given him such a prophecy if this could never happen, but that was not why he suddenly believed. Maybe it was Morpheus rubbing off on him, but he somehow knew, deep down, that if he just _believed_, with all his heart, it was not impossible.

Saying nothing, he spun on his heel and practically lunged for his chair.

"What are you doing?" Trinity asked, sounding almost frantic.

"I'm going in." His tone left no room for argument, but that did not seem to stop her.

"No you're not." The words were empty and carried no authority, despite the fact that they could usually do so with no effort at all.

She must be so utterly, completely lost. "I have to."

"Neo," she began again, this time with more force, "Morpheus sacrificed himself so we could get you out. There is no _way _that you're going back in."

He was losing his patience. The Agents were working nonstop on breaking Morpheus, and he was running out of time. " Morpheus did what he did because he believed that I'm something I'm not," he snapped.

He could see her fighting for words. "What?"

"I'm not the One, Trinity," he said flatly, trying to be sympathetic. "The Oracle hit me with that, too."

She shook her head slowly, obviously trying to comprehend. "No..." she muttered, though, surprisingly, not in disbelief. "No, you have to be."

"I'm sorry, I'm not," he explained impatiently. "I'm just another guy."

But she was adamant. He could not quite place her expression - like she just _knew_ he was wrong, and was trying to figure out where _he _could have gotten his information mixed up. "No, Neo," she whispered almost happily, "that's not true. It _can't_ be true."

She seemed so certain, impossibly so. How contradictory that she should believe this - it meant believing the Oracle that the One simply existed, and _not_ believing her when she told a person, flat out, that it was not him. "Why?" _If you know something, I'd love to hear it_.

But she fell silent, fear suddenly flashing through her eyes as she turned them down to the floor. Funny. He had always pegged Morpheus as the blind believer, but never Trinity. He continued setting up.

"Neo," Tank said insistently, growing more agitated with each word. "This is loco. Weren't you listening to me a minute ago? They've got Morpheus in a _military-controlled _building, even _if_ you somehow got inside, those are Agents holding him."

Did they all think he was deaf, dumb and blind? Anyone many times more dense than he could see that the odds against him were all but insurmountable. He knew what he was getting into as consciously as he knew he could succeed.

"Three of them. I want Morpheus back too, but what you're talking about is suicide."

_Have a little faith_. He spoke automatically, searching for the right words as he went. "I know that's what it looks like, but it's not. I can't explain to you why it's not. Look, Morpheus believed something, and he was ready to give his life for what he believed, I understand that now. That's why I have to go."

"Why?" Tank yelled, finally fed up.

"Because I believe something."

"What?" Trinity asked, eternally patient.

He spoke without hesitation, knowing that if anyone in the world would have faith in him, it would be her. "I believe I can bring him back."

---

Neo turned and nearly ran for his chair, conscious of hist lost time.

This man had just saved her from breaking down when he stopped Tank from unplugging Morpheus, and now was convinced that he could save him. Was this really happening?

She stared after him as he made the final preparations on his console. He was the One. There was no questioning that, because there was no questioning that she loved him. She couldn't say why the Oracle had told him differently, only that it was a lie. She was a manipulative woman - the surface interpretations of what she said were rarely what she really meant. There had to have been some sort of hidden or double meaning to what he said, something that Neo did not even realize he had overlooked.

He was the One, and he truly believed he could do this. As far as Trinity was concerned, that was all that was needed. Exchanging an apologetic glance with Tank, she followed Neo into the circle of chairs.

He heard her beside him immediately. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going with you."

"No you're not," he asserted, with more force in his voice than she had heard to date.

He was trying to be her chivalrous protector, but Trinity was anything but impressed - she sure as _hell_ wasn't intimidated. There was no way she was about to take orders from him - no matter what he was or what he was doing for her. "'No?'" The man recoiled instantly. "Let me tell you what _I_ believe," she said, taking great pains to keep her face like a stone, concentrating all of her ferocity and determination in her eyes, so that they could bear down on his. "I believe Morpheus means more to me that he does to you. I believe that if you are really serious about saving him you're going to need my help." She willed her gaze to intensify to drive her final point home. "And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, _if _you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell. Because you aren't going anywhere else." He finally managed to avert his eyes from hers, turning them to the ground as much from intimidation as from fear - of what, though, she could not tell. Somehow he did not realize that, without her, he should be much more afraid for himself. "Tank, load us up."

She turned back to the screens, hit two buttons, and her chair shifted into position. Several seconds later, Neo did the same. With blatant reluctance, Tank stepped over to Neo, plugged him in, and loaded him into the construct. He then made his way to Trinity, who sat upright in her chair.

"One last time, Trinity," he pleaded earnestly, pain tinting his voice, "I'm begging you. Please don't make me fly your body back to Zion, too."

"You _won't_, Tank," she reassured him, squeezing his hand tightly. "Ask anyone if Trinity and the One could pull this off, you'd get the same answer every time."

"He's not the One, Trinity, the Oracle said -"

She shook her head quickly. "I don't know why she told him that, Tank, but whatever the reason, she was lying." She guessed what protest was coming next, and answered before he could even open his mouth, "Because she told _me_ that he _is_ the One." She held his gaze strongly, trying to reassure him. When that seemed not to work, she sighed heavily, and her face softened. "You trust me, Tank?"

He still seemed skeptical of her whole plan, or lack thereof, but he nodded anyway.

"Good. Now listen to me." She stared solemnly at their Captain. "You still need to watch his neural patterns. If they change him before we can get there, unplug him, but not a _split_ second before, do you understand?"

"Yeah..." As if she had even needed to ask. He embraced her quickly, and she lay down to be plugged in. "Good luck."

Neo stood before her, waiting and ready, when she awoke in the Construct, and the sight of him was a small shock. Normally, he wore simple and unimposing clothing - his gi, or basic, casual clothing that only conformed with Resistance dress in that they were black. But now, his RSI had completely changed. He wore a full-length trench coat over a military-issue shirt, pants, and combat boots, all black, with holsters strapped to his waist and legs. After looking him up and down once, she asked, "Are there any combat or weapons programs Tank hasn't given you yet?"

He shook his head, pulled out his phone, and dialed Tank. He didn't seem to notice that she was staring at his face as he asked for their weapons. She was fighting that feeling again - that desperate urge to tell him, right here and now, and let the Oracle be damned. After everything - her own love, her fear, her gratefulness to him for not letting Tank pull the plug, for finally believing in himself - she had _earned_ the right to love him. But, for the same old reasons, she restrained herself.

It wasn't easy. He had made it so much harder, back there in that repair shop. He just had to do it. He just had to say it, to confirm what she had logically known for a long time, but had only ever hoped in her heart. He just _had_ to make it hard, to stand there, stare straight into her eyes, and speak what could have easily been his final words with unimaginable sincerity. "I love you, Trinity."


	11. Love

If you're like me and automatically go to the last chapter whenever you get an update alert, know that the chapter prior to this is also new.

Want to know how much I love writing this fic, and how much I love y'all? Aside from the fact that my muse has been working overtime the last week (little bitch is usually so lazy) and that she was able to work through the distraction of a week-long America's Next Top Model mega marathon, she was _really_ working her ass off tonight, when she helped me write 2500 words in 7 hours, which had lots of moments where my mind was off in space. That's a record for both of us. :)

Now, I would like to share with you a scene from The Matrix: Revisited.

Keanu Reeves, Larry Wachowski and Carrie-Anne Moss are standing around, going over the scene on the Neb where Neo exits the Matrix after being resurrected.

_Keanu_: Do I open my eyes before the "now" when Trinity tells Morpheus to turn the EMP or after?

_Larry W_: After.

_Keanu_: _After_ the "now"? How does she know I'm back?

_Larry W_: She's connected to you deeply.

_Keanu_: (Looking confused) So it's not because I open my eyes? Why not?

_Larry W_: Because we want to see your eyes open in darkness.

_Keanu_: (Looking _really_ adorably confused) But, if she pulls the plug, how does she know I'm back?

_Larry W_: (Gesturing with hands) She knows.

_Keanu_: (totally not getting it) Is there some cue from over the phone? How does she know?

_Larry W_: (_really_ gesturing with hands) She _KNOWS!!!!!!_

Reviews are loved and appreciated! (And no, this fic isn't over yet. I've still got stuff to write)

DON'T FORGET, THE CHAPTER BEFORE THIS IS NEW TOO.

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Eleven:

Love

---

Neo let Morpheus slip from his hand the instant they passed over the rooftop. There was a loud thud as he landed, but the quick glance Neo could manage confirmed that he was otherwise all right.

The helicopter was swinging wildly, and despite her best efforts, it seemed that Trinity could no longer control it. It was only through the force of gravity that Neo was lowered to the rooftop safely. It took him a mere instant to realize this and the fatal danger it put her in. He had no time to think of a good idea, and went with the first plan that entered his head, hoping that Trinity would know her part. He threw up the extra slack in the rope still connected to his belt, wrapping his arm once, and waited - within a second he was on his back, being dragged across the uneven cement blocks with the tremendous weight of the helicopter. Approaching the edge, he believed for a moment that he had made a horrendous mistake, that perhaps Trinity had made the dangerous jump to the ground. But he reached the ledge, the weight pulled him to his feet - and nothing. He looked frantically downward to see only Trinity on the end of the rope, with the helicopter continuing it's spiral into the neighboring building. Through the massive explosion on impact, he gave silent thanks that she, too, was all right; and somewhere beyond that, some tiny shadow of a thought considered the feeling that perhaps it was more than luck or mutual logic that told Trinity what to do.

The explosion took its course, sending glass to the street and smoke to the sky, before Neo began to pull her up. Though by no means easy, it was surprisingly less difficult than he would have expected. But he could guess why. Nothing was more important to him in that moment than saving her.

---

Trinity reached for his hand and allowed herself to be pulled the last few feet to the rooftop. He helped perhaps more than was necessary, but she was grateful - especially when his assistance resulted in her arms finding their way to his shoulders, and his around her waist. Her feet were solidly on the rooftop, but they did not move from these positions. The last time they had been this close was when the first met in that dirty club, months before. Now they knew each other, they had gone through so much together, and she loved him so much more, and he loved her, and -

"Do you believe it now, Trinity?"

Morpheus. She remembered his presence now, and the relief of his successful rescue overcame her, masking her mild anger at his interruption. She made a nod so tiny, even she was not sure if it was real. Why did everyone keep asking her that question?

"Morpheus..." Neo began hesitantly. She wished he wouldn't say it, wouldn't choose _this_ moment to dash her mentor's hopes, but let him go on. She was fairly certain it wouldn't affect the man, anyway. "The Oracle... she told me -"

"She _told_ you..." he interrupted, as though he could read Neo's mind. But reading his face was the only necessary skill in this situation. "Exactly what you needed to hear, that's all."

He was so entirely confused. It was almost funny. Trinity wondered what must be going through his head. He was a doubter in prophecies, like she, yet strangely believed in the old Seer enough to have difficulty with the idea that she was lying to him.

"Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize, just as I did, there's a difference between _knowing_ the path, and _walking_ the path."

He was speaking to Neo, but his words applied to her as well. Trinity's entire life had changed that day. It was only amongst everything that she was finally beginning not only to understand what she must do, but to actually follow through, no matter how difficult. She was so grateful that Morpheus was alive, well, and back in their hands. She was so grateful to _Neo_ for making it possible.

After another moment, a siren blared far off in the distance, and she remembered their vulnerable situation. "They'll be sending helicopters to search the area. We need to go."

---

Somewhere, hidden deep beneath the relief and happiness, Neo could still see her pain. It had been pushed to the side for the moment, but it held hard and fast. She caught his eye, and became suddenly self-conscious and guarded. She turned away and lifted one hand to her head. After an awkward movement, she ran her fingers through her hair, as she often did under stress. But Neo knew better. He suspected she was searching for her sunglasses, one of her many emotional shields - which she had left back on the government rooftop. "Let's go," she mumbled before moving off towards the stairwell access door.

"Neo," Morpheus began suddenly, stopping him with a hand to his shoulder. "Where are the others?"

From the corner of his eye, he could see Trinity's pace quicken. He sighed heavily, trying to think of gentle words. "Except for Tank... it's just us, Morhpeus." Neo had never seen the older man so shocked, or so frightened, as he was just then. "Cypher," he explained quietly. "He sold us out."

"We need to go," Trinity called across the rooftop. She stood by the door, holding it ajar expectantly. Neo briefly gave Morpheus an apologetic and sympathetic look before they both followed Trinity.

As they traveled down the stairs, Morpheus took Neo's phone and dialed Tank, insistent that he do so himself. Neo could hear Tank's elated voice on the other end as he gave them directions to their exit. It was very close, only three short blocks, and they reached it without incident.

The subway station at State and Balboa was tiny, dirty and disintegrating before their very eyes, all but abandoned. The payphone began to ring as soon as their feet hit the first descending step. He quickly ushered Morpheus towards it, not about to let something ruin their rescue after so much success. "You first," he instructed as he slid the door open and ushered the man inside with a brief smile. Morpheus nodded in thanks before lifting the receiver, and disappearing back into reality. He hung the phone back on its hook, and waited for the ring again.

"Neo I want to tell you something," Trinity spoke in a rush, as if she was trying to get her words out before she could convince herself not to.

---

_You deserve this Trinity. Just tell him_. If only it were ever that simple. Instead of her intended words, however, a frightened confession escaped her lips instead. "But I'm afraid of what it could mean if I do." Even to her, it seemed a strange thing to say - she wasn't even certain what she was most afraid of. Was it fear of losing him, what the pain of that would do to her; of where they would go beyond this point if he was all right, what his love might do to her. Her uncertainty now was not for whether he was the One, or whether she loved him, but of the rest of her prophecy. She looked back up to his eyes again, truly connecting for the second time. She saw everything - his love, his concern and compassion, his fear, his pain. _Tell him, Trinity. You love him, he loves you. Tell him_. She felt her self-control and caution dying quickly, and she felt the words forming in her mouth, her lips opening -

The phone rang shrilly. Tank was ready for them. This bit of reality resurrected her logical mind, the memory of the Oracle. She was uncertain again, of what was true and what was not. "Everything the Oracle told me has come true," she told him, as much as she reminded herself - everything else, so why on earth would this bit of prophecy be false. "Everything but this." The third ring. She wanted so badly to just finally let it all out. _Tell him, don't tell him_? "I've tried telling you, but -"

A subway train whizzed by them without warning, this time drawing her attention back more effectively than the phone.

"But what?" Neo asked patiently.

_Don't tell him_. There was no point. Why tell him that she loved him if her only reward would be a few moments of mutual happiness, and then his death? She still had a choice. Nothing was forcing her to conform to the Oracle's prophecy. She could do things differently. Maybe this moment was what had been predicted. Maybe the Oracle expected her to loose her self control, as she nearly _had_ done, and tell him, setting off some chain of events that would lead to his death. But she didn't have to choose that path. She didn't have to tell him now. She could wait. She could get him safely in Zion, away from all danger, and tell him then. That would change what the Oracle had expected, and change the outcome.

Yes. That was it. Patience. Just wait, and he would live.

She gently shook her head, and stepped into the booth, taking up the ringing phone. She slowly opened her eyes as she set it to her ear, relieved to have found a way out of this. But when her eyes were fully open and focused, she saw only an Agent, and a bullet rushing towards her.

It was then that she realized she had been horribly, horribly wrong.

---

"Neo!"

"What the hell just happened?"

"An Agent!" she told Tank frantically. _No, no, no!_ "You have to send me back!"

"I can't!"

"Tank," she yelled desperately, turning towards him as much as the data spike would allow, "you don't understand - he's going to die -"

"Trinity, I _can't_!"

"Shit!" She reached around chaotically, trying fruitlessly to pull the plug out herself, and Morpheus came to do it for her.

"Calm down, Trinity, he won't die, you don't know that -"

"Yes I do!" she whispered, almost to herself as she ran to the operator's console. She was wrong, she was so, so, so wrong - she hadn't cheated the Oracle, she had lost the one and only true chance she would ever be given. She could have told him, told him not ten seconds ago, and at least have had those few instants to share, to love him, to kiss him just once, for real, before he was killed by that Agent - but instead, he would die in this scenario, the same as he would have in the other, except now, she had not had even a single moment of happiness.

The only thing Trinity had changed was what happened to herself.

---

The phone swayed slowly back and forth, the earpiece hanging from the end by nothing but frayed wires. Another faint ring tried to get through, but died after letting out the briefest of sounds, and was followed by silence. He turned his head to the right, slowly, as if moving through water. The Agent sauntered slowly towards him, as if preparing to savor the battle and Neo's death, like a human.

"Mr. Anderson," he taunted. He was the same Agent who had interrogated him, the same Agent from the training program, the same Agent who had captured Morpheus in the hotel just hours before.

He turned his head the other way, faster now, and his eyes fell on the stairs to the street above. It was a short flight of dingy steps, a few pieces of newspaper strew over them. It would take him only a few strides to reach the top.

Agent, or stairs. Fight or flight.

_You see an Agent, you do what we do - run. You run your ass off._

His leg was taking the first step out of the station when another person's words entered his mind. _One of you is going to die - which one will be up to you_. But that wasn't what had happened - Morpheus was alive, Neo was alive. He hadn't died in the rescue, he had barely suffered a few cuts and bruises. The Oracle was wrong. Her prophecy was _wrong_. And if she had been wrong about that, what was there to give a single word she said any credence? He turned back towards the Agent, as a profound realization hit him. Morpheus believed. Trinity believed. Everyone believed he was the One, everyone said he had skill never before seen in someone so newly unplugged, everyone said it was a miracle he even survived a single night in the real world.

The Oracle was wrong. Neo hadn't found the great and wonderful powers of the One yet, but maybe - just maybe - it really was him. And maybe this moment, here, fighting this Agent, would be his turning point.

He faced the Agent squarely, staring past the sunglasses into his virtual eyes, fists clenched tightly.

---

"What is he doing?" Trinity asked incredulously as she gaped at Neo's encoded image.

"He's beginning to believe," Morpheus answered in awe.

Her head shook slowly, of its own accord at the sheer stupidity of the situation. Fumbling for her words, she finally managed, "This is insane - he's going to be killed."

"No, Trinity, he is the -"

"It doesn't do him a damn bit of good to be the One if he hasn't... _figured_ it out yet!" The words made little sense, but it was the only way she could explain in her angered and terrified state. She caught sight of the keyboards set before Tank, and hastily yanked them to her. She slammed her fingers over the proper keys, but nothing changed within the falling code. She studied it, and realized why. "Where's his phone?"

"Morpheus had it," Tank answered grimly. "Doesn't matter, he's not gonna interrupt a fight for his life to chat." But knowing this, even _his_ hands danced nervously over the armrests.

"Where's the nearest exit?" she demanded, even though she had already implemented a search..

"It's no use, Trinity, I already checked when I found you this one. The nearest one is miles away, you'd never get there fast enough to help him."

_No, no, no_ - Her hands could not find a resting place, flitting from her mouth to her hair, to the hem of her shirt. This couldn't happen, it couldn't, _It just can't. _With no other task available to her, no other way to protect him, she found herself suddenly at his side, gently tending to him, checking his vitals on the monitors. His overall normalcy did nothing to calm her.

"Trinity." The sensation of Morpheus' hand covering her shoulder caused her to jump. "He's the One, he's going to be all right."

Her hands gripped Neo's sleeve with great ferocity, an attempt to channel all her tremors away from the rest of her body, and into her hands, where she might be able to hide them. But they were too strong, to deep, and she felt something inside break - some bit of resolve, strength, courage. She _couldn't _loose him.

"Trinity..." He gently put his fingertips beneath her chin, lifting her head towards him. Her eyes, shut tightly just a moment ago, opened only slightly, the beginnings of tears blurring her vision. Blinking, and opening her eyes further, the tears were pushed away, and she was met with a look of shock and astonishment. It was not difficult to figure out why - for once, she could not help being obvious. He finally figured it out, finally understood her protectiveness, her excessive kindness and attention - everything. He could see that _The_ Trinity had fallen in love.

Almost grateful that she no longer had to try to hide it, she shook her head slowly, lower lip trembling in fear. "No he's not..."

"Morpheus."

He gave Trinity one last look, a gentle squeeze on her shoulder, before moving back toward the operator. "He's going to be all right."

Her head began to shake again, slowly, but this time incessantly as a single tear pushed its way from her eye. Her hands fumbled over Neo, searching for something to do, some way to help. But he was not yet hurt yet, there was nothing to do; her hands settled automatically over one of his, squeezing with all her might. It was all wrong, she had done everything wrong. She should have told him and taken her brief moment of happiness for what it was worth, she should have kept her mouth shut and sent him out of the Matrix first, she should have _told_ him and sent him out, she should have told him weeks ago - anything but what she had done. Anything that wasn't so goddamn _stupid_. Anything that wouldn't have taken away her chance.

Nothing made any sense. She didn't know if the Oracle had been right or wrong, she didn't know if she had changed the prophecy or just her own choice - she didn't understand any of it, just like always.

---

It took her several unending moments to compose herself, if she was even calm enough to be described that way. It was more curiosity and concern that drove her back to he monitors with the others, the lack of apparent injury to Neo making her desperate to know what was happening.

Neo and the Agent were in a lull when she came to the monitors. The Agent removed his sunglasses slowly, almost menacingly, tossed them aside and said something before he attacked again. She grimaced when they made contact, biting her lip and clenching fists until she felt as if her nails would break the skin of her palms. Each attacked and counterattacked for several agonizing seconds, and they seemed to be fairly matched. But the Agent caught both of his arms, captured him and took advantage of his position. Neo managed to break free, but he had lost the advantage, and the Agent once again began brutalizing him.

Trinity's eyes whipped back around to his real body just in time to see the first convulsion. In a split second she had returned to his side. Her hand braced against his chest, trying to stop the tremors, and for a brief moment, they stopped on their own. But within an instant came a much worse convulsion, accompanied a sudden cough of blood. Panic surging through her once again, she ripped a scrap off of her ragged sleeve. "Jesus, he's killing him," she muttered to herself as she wiped away the crimson stain from his lips, searching for a spike in his vitals.

"He's getting up, he's all right," Morpheus announced, just loud enough for her to hear.

Trinity spun around, glaring viciously as she continued tending to Neo. Sure enough, Morpheus stared at the screens as if in a trance, completely oblivious to the condition of Neo's physical body. _Why don't you turn around and see how "fine" he really is_! But any words she may have had failed her, and she said nothing as she turned back to wipe the last droplet of blood from Neo's face.

His vital signs became erratic, jumping without warning, and leveling out just as quickly. She tried tending to him, tried to find any conceivable way to help. But she ultimately resigned herself to the fact that, when it was really his mind that was facing the onslaught, there was nothing she could do to his body to protect him. Even during a convulsion that gripped him for several lengthy seconds, she merely let it pass, not wanting to cause him any more harm.

His vitals spiked wildly then, his heart racing, neural patterns working overtime, adrenaline flooding his brain - but his body was still. A barely audible "_Shit_!" from Tank confirmed her fears, that this was it. But she stayed at his side, clutching his hand, refusing to watch the death of his mind in the Matrix. Was _this_ what the Oracle had meant, perhaps? That her admission of love would not set his death in motion, but rather merely coincide with it? Was she supposed to tell him now, when he could not possibly hear her words, and let him perish at the hands of the Agent? She knew life was never easy, but this was nothing more that cruel.

She squeezed his hand, staring down at his pained face as she opened her mouth to speak. "Neo," she whispered weakly, "I -"

"I don't believe it!" Tank exclaimed.

Stunned, Trinity glanced back at the two men, then whipped her head back to Neo and his monitors. She gaped in utter confusion at the still upset - but generally stable - heart rate, breath, brainwaves - everything. His face was the same - stressed, but the fear she saw was not so immediately for his life. Another squeeze of his hand, and she ran back to Tank and Morpheus. "What happened?"

"I don't know, I lost him."

Trinity's eyes scanned the code, attempting to decipher what she had missed. Indeed, Neo - or rather, his body - was nowhere to be found. She just caught the end of an Agent running off the car and out of the subway. "Did he kill the Agent?" she demanded, almost too stunned to speak. It seemed as if things were becoming more confusing by the minute.

"Yeah, but it took over one of the people on the -" A deafening siren cut him off, and the multitude of screens were wiped clear of their maps, charts, and vital monitors, replaced by the same image on each: a distance monitor, and the flashing words PROXIMITY WARNING. "Oh, shit!"

Following another split-second glance at the screens - still no sign of Neo - she was running up to the core after the captain. As she nearly slammed into the chair, Morpheus summoned the sapphire holograms of their machine enemies. "Sentinels..." _Damn it! Not now!_ "How long?" She was certain the fearful plea came through in her face as well as her voice.

"Five, maybe six minutes if we're lucky."

Her eyes turned again to the blue ghosts, willing them to be like voodoo dolls, so that she could reach out and shred the tiny images, rip each tentacle away, and later fly through the tunnels to find piles of metal, mangled in the same fashion as the holograms -

"Tank, charge the EMP."

The hand that reached out to the images started, braced against the console in terror. The words that generated in her mind carried anger and disgust at the proposition, but when they reached her mouth they were laced only with fear. "We can't use that until he's out..."

Even as he gave the order, he clutched the mike as if in prayer - prayer that he was right, that Neo really could find a way out, that the sentinels really were that far away? "I know, Trinity, don't worry." Maybe it was all of those things. "He's gonna make it." But his lackluster assurance did nothing to soothe Trinity - had he forgotten how easily she could read emotion? Or could he really be so afraid, so doubtful after everything he had seen and told them? But Trinity was given no chance to find out - he shut down as many systems as they could afford, put the rest at a minimum, all with a stoic face that rivaled her own. Then he was gone, down the ladder. Down the rabbit hole, where anything could happen, where nothing made any sense.

Five minutes. _Miles_ to the nearest exit, presuming he had gone in the right direction. Even at a dead run, in a straight line through whatever buildings lay in his path, it was all but impossible.

The holograms shattered, destroyed by a hand moving faster than it ever had in the Matrix before it slammed onto the off button. "_Fuck!_" she hissed fiercely, before rushing back down to the Core, trying to feel something besides terror and rage.

She fell in line beside her Operator and Captain, staring past the falling code, but seeing nothing. Neo was not found until he snatched a phone from a coppertop, dialed the ship. The code zoomed in on the origin, and stayed with it, the central line of code on the screen always Neo, running like a madman as Tank instructed him, "Forward -- right -- left - no your _other_ left!"

As Trinity watched Neo run through markets, buildings, up staircases, clutching the chair's armrest tightly enough to forever ingrain the wrinkles in the fabric on her skin like tattoos, her mind raced through the day twelve years earlier. Her journey in the back of the dark sedan, the endless ride up the graffiti-ridden elevator. Her Prophecy. She racked the deepest, darkest corners of her memory with whatever self-control and concentration remained in her, searching for something that she had missed, something seen but ignored, some new interpretation that might shed the most minute bit of light on this insane moment in time, with Neo running for his life, and all of their enemies running faster.

She entered the antique kitchen and came face to face with the crazy bird lady from Central Park. She was told that she had not been separated from Switch - dear Switch - forever. "You'll see her soon enough." True. She was told that she was not the One Morpheus had been searching for. Clearly. She was asked about love, and told to overcome the notion that it would tie her down. "Unrequited love is not the kind of thing I think you'd enjoy." It certainly wasn't - it was on the brink of killing her. And finally - not her death, but Neo's. "When you tell him you love him, he will die."

She had not mis-spoken, then, back in the subway with Neo. Every piece of her Prophecy, save for this last one, had indeed come true. Her eyes shifted from the code to the proximity warning screen. The sentinels were halfway there. It seemed it that it was only a matter of minutes before the Oracle's last words became truth as well.

Even now, the meaning of those words, so simple at first glance, eluded her to the point of madness.

A different alarm emanated from the console now, a quiet, complacent sound, as if the ship was admitting defeat because her caretakers had let the sentinels come too close. As if, by now, there was no hope. "Oh, no..." Trinity felt the words spill from her mouth automatically, without her knowledge or consent.

"Here they come," Morpheus whispered, an instant before a dozen thundering clangs sounded on the roof and reverberated throughout the ship. Her eyes were drawn by the motion of his hand over the EMP switch, lifting the clear covering, to be prepared to set off the weapon in the split second interval between Neo's escape and the machine's entrance into this room. To be prepared for the moment he still seemed - almost - certain would come. She looked up at his eyes just as he looked up into hers. "He's _going _to make it."

But he had misinterpreted her expression. It held palpable uncertainty, no doubt, but not the fear he believed should have been present. Somewhere, deep in her mind, a tiny, meek memory was whispering, "You missed me. I tricked you. Catch me if you can."

Her heart raced faster than it already was, faster than Trinity had ever believed possible, threatening to pound right out of her chest with this miraculous, inexplicable trickling away of her fear. She returned to his side, racking her brain yet again for the little trickster thought.

The high-pitched sound, something like nails on a chalkboard, announced the hull breach. Tank clutched the keyboard tighter, fingers hovering above specific keys, ready to strike in a split second. Morpheus gripped the EMP switch tighter, though ever-mindful not to actually turn it. But with her still-searching mind and growing sense of calm, Trinity's hands lay carefully over Neo's arm, squeezing gently as she whispered, "Hurry Neo."

---

_Hurry, Neo_, he chanted to himself. _Hurry. Room 303. Third floor, third room_. He ascended the first three flights, and slammed through the door, trailed closely by the three Agents. Three, three, three. _Trinity_. The one thing waiting for him, the only thing he really had in Reality. _Follow her, find home_. Right - right seemed a promising direction to turn. Yes! 306... 305... Odd numbers on the left, so... Not twenty feet down the hall, on the left, a ringing sound filtered through the crack beneath a door. Salvation lay behind that door. He reached out, just there, and felt the knob on the skin of his palm. Just turn and push and reach and then -

His mind was not even given time to process and comprehend the sight of the Agent before the loud exploding sound echoed through his ears. His mind was not given time to process the sound before he felt a sting through the center of his abdomen. Curious, and too dazed to understand the meaning of the sentient program's presence, he lifted one hand to the place where his skin tingled warmly. When he brought the hand away, the fingers were stained red. Why? He looked back to the man in the suit - perhaps he would know what this meant - but before he could open his mouth, the same sound rang through the air (and behind it, a telephone), and this time, a raging fire pierced his chest.

Reeling back towards the other side of the hallway, he was released from his daze by the searing pain of the gunshot wound. He glared menacingly at the Agent, determined to get back up and fight again, but before a single muscle could even twitch, the Program emptied another dozen bullets into his chest, each infinitely more painful than the last. He slumped down against the wall, trying desperately to stay standing, to ignore the virtual bullets - they were not even real! - and run to the phone, whose rings he could still hear. But he could not find the strength to stand, and felt his mind leaving his body, the way it did when he plugged into the Matrix, except this was slow, and he had no specific destination.

He had failed. He let down all of them, Trinity and Morpheus and Tank. They all believed in him, that he was the One, and he let his ego get the better of him. He should have run, back in the subway. He never should have stayed to fight the Agent. He had brought this on himself.

After a moment, when he could no longer see the Agent or the run-down hallway, he realized that he was _letting_ himself slip away, the shame of it all overtaking him. But why should he do any different? He had been shot so many times, he would die whether he fought it or not. He was not the savior they had been looking for - the One wouldn't die before he had ever done anything. There as no point in trying to stay.

---

She did not need to be told what was happening. The choked silence form the two men, the rapid convulsions, much more severe than the ones before. The sudden stillness, and the high-pitched scream of the EKG. The Agents had caught up to him, shot him, and killed him.

Logically, her mind was aware of this, that he was dead and she should be on her knees in tears, but instead her entire mind and body was permeated by an intense calm. She was not afraid at all. She was not afraid, because Neo was not dead. The thought was not denial, not some desperate last-ditch effort to hold on to her sanity and her weak happiness - this she knew without question. Somehow, in some way that she could never explain in words and could just barely comprehend herself, she _knew_, in the deepest and strongest part of her soul, that no matter what his vitals said, Neo was still alive. There was that little memory, still dancing about in her mind, taunting Trinity to find it. But this was not the source of her assurance - it was only the explanation, the reason why she was right, not the source of the knowledge itself. But what was it? What had she missed?

Somewhere above them, a large piece of metal fell to the floor, brining the stunned Morpheus out of his shock enough to be Captain. "The EMP..." she heard him whisper, as if he had just woken from a deep sleep.

_No, no, he's all right, I know he is... somehow_... She studied his face carefully, as if the answer could be found there. His features were still, not contorted into any particular expression, but she could still see a trace of something - disappointment, maybe. It was as if he were merely asleep, dreaming something, and the emotion of the illusion found its way onto his real face. In a way, of course, he _was_ merely dreaming, and she needed only to find a way of waking him up, giving him a second life -

And then in an instant, everything clicked, made sense, the little memory revealed itself and gave up its secret. And how very simple that secret was, how obvious, hiding in plain sight for twelve years. And how very, very manipulative on the part of the Oracle, even by her normal standards.

Her body snapped around to see the two men, both in despaired shock; Morpheus' hand still covered the EMP switch, and she could just see his fingers beginning to flex to turn it.

Here cry was loud and instinctive, one more part of saving Neo's life. "Don't!"

Morpheus was not startled by her voice, did not jump, but rather lifted his head, showing the broken spirit visible in his eyes. "Trinity," he spoke meekly, fighting through hell to find a voice, "the sentinels are inside -"

"Morpheus, _don't_," she commanded, invoking a strength she had not been able to find for months, if it had ever existed before this moment in time. "Not until I say so."

Trinity turned back to Neo, focusing in on his face, oblivious to the noise of the sentinels, the bitter cold air, the laser cutters reaching through to the core now. She felt her elation creep onto her face as a smile as she opened her mouth to speak, knowing that he could hear her just as surely as she knew he was alive. "Neo..." she loved the feel of his name as she spoke. "I'm not afraid anymore." There was nothing _to_ be afraid of. He was not dead. He would not be dead for a very long time. She had not cheated the Oracle, she had not missed her chance. This was what the Oracle had meant from the very beginning. "The Oracle told me that I would fall in love and that that man... the man that I _loved_ would be the One." It was all hidden in a double meaning of the Oracle's words, so tricky. They had not even been spoken about Neo, or so she had thought for twelve years. "So you see... you can't be dead." She had not spoken of conventional death, though she surely knew that was how it would be interpreted. _ That's how it is. One time in your life ends, another begins. Death and rebirth_. "You can't be... because I love you, Neo." So it seemed that her words would _cause_ his death after all, not merely coincide with them. "You hear me?" _Yes, of course you do. I can feel it_. Her words permeated his dream, and his new emotions appeared on his face, wiping away the shame - relief, happiness, love. Never mind the fact that no one but she could ever have seen the ever so subtle difference. "_I love you_."

But this of course was not enough - the spell needed to be sealed. She could not be more happy to oblige - she would have done it even if he had awoken in her arms with her final words. Already, her face hovered only inches above his, to whisper her words straight into his soul, for no one else but him to hear. It was only a short, languid drop from her position to bring their lips together. She had imagined kissing him, had dreamt of it in many dreams, and every single time, without fail, she had completely underestimated the feel of his lips on hers. Her heart raced, fluttering like a butterfly in her chest as she kissed him. After a those few seconds that seemed like years, she ended the kiss as gently as she began it, lifting her head away as slowly as could be possible. Their noses brushed against one another as she did, and at the last moment, when the tips parted, her own heartbeat steadied instantly, and it felt as if the butterfly flew out from her chest, and right into his. It would seem so, as at that moment he inhaled deeply, and his hear beat regularly again.

He was back from the dead. Back because he loved her.

---

Somewhere, he heard a voice very far away. Someone trying to tell him not to give up, no doubt. Morpheus, telling him he was the One, that they were just bits of code in a false chest, he could overcome them, blah, blah. _Sorry, but it's not gonna happen_. He ignored the words, and let his spirit slip farther into the unknown.

But then there came something else, something that he felt rather than experienced with his senses. It was as if he was thinking, his mind was talking to him... except it was not his mind. And anyway, it felt more and more like a _heart_ than a mind. He could not understand at first, he was too far away, but something drew him to it, some warmth that was as familiar as if he had known it forever, though he could not quite place it. He forced himself to stop, to stay in this world just a few moments longer, and sought out this heart. When he found it, so to speak, somehow, in some way that he could never explain in words and could just barely comprehend himself, he _knew_, in the deepest and strongest part of his soul, that it was Trinity, that she was calling him, that she _wanted_ him with her. Her presence was inviting, open, and he could not help but embrace it. He felt emotions pouring straight from her soul into his. He felt love, and there was no doubt that it was the same love he felt for her. Her heart beckoned him, guiding him back to life. How could he do anything but follow?

He found his mind, his body again, waiting just where he had left them. He tried to reunited with them, go back the same way he had left, but he couldn't seem to do so. There was something, some barrier keeping him away. He thought hard, tried to recall what had happened just seconds before, and finally remembered the bullets, a dozen or more, sitting in his virtual chest. Killing him. A tiny piece of him felt defeated, that he could not overcome this. One bullet, maybe, but so many...

She was kissing him. He was close enough to life that he could feel that physically. She was _kissing him_. This woman loved him as much as he loved her. He had never seen it, in all these months, had never, _ever_ believed it could be possible, and yet here they were.

She loved him... _No way. No FUCKING_ _way!_ Trinity loved him, and all he had to do to be with her was return to his physical body. What was he letting stand in the way? A few lousy strands of code? Was he really going to let a tiny, simple _computer program_ kill him and keep this happiness from him? _No fucking way._

Not another word passed through his mind before he felt air rush into his lungs, and his eyes opened to a dark, moldy carpet an inch from his face. The Matrix held no power over him. None of it felt real anymore. Never had it felt more false. _Now, get up_. Trinity. That was her voice, not his, and he obeyed. As he stood, the words she had spoken as she opened her heart to him rushed into his mind. She said that she would love the One. She loved him. So logic would dictate that _he_ was the One, right? After all, they had been saying it from the beginning. And he had just brought himself back from death by a gunfull of bullets. Everyone always said that even one was usually impossible. _Hmm. Must be true then_. If Trinity believed in him, after all...

—

"Tank!" she yelled over her shoulder, trying to snap them out of a certain stupor. "Make the call!"

"He's alive," the operator sputtered mindlessly. Clearly she hadn't been loud enough.

"Tank, call him! He has to get out!"

"He stopped the bullets! They shot at him and the bullets just stopped right in front of his face! How?"

Morpheus' face lit up in reverent awe, a mix of every positive emotion it was humanly possible to feel. "He is the One."

"_Tank_!!"

"Alright, alright! Making the call."

"Morpheus, be ready to blow the EMP on my mark." He nodded firmly, making eye contact for just a second as he did. Trinity turned back to Neo, watching his vitals - perfectly, inhumanly calm, like the eye of the hurricane - and then lowered her eyes to watch his face. There was a look of awe, like disbelief that was just overcome in that very second in time. She allowed herself a smile, grateful that he could finally see himself as he truly was.

"He killed him! Neo killed the fucking Agent! Just -" He was cut off by a glowing scarlet laser passing just behind the console, barely missing them and sending a large piece of walkway tumbling to the ground.

"Neo!" She willed the cry to pass through their bond, to make him hurry. Her hand reached up to the data spike. She pressed the lever and turned it, leaving only the task of pulling it free. A large shard of metal fell in a spray of sparks not ten feet in front of her face. They only had seconds left. _Hurry, Neo, hurry_. A sentinel descended into the Core, tentacles reaching every which way, ripping machinery out of its path. She gripped the data spike tighter, _Hurry, hurry_ -

There - he was out. She did not see it or hear it anything else - their connection had not yet faded. He was out, safe.

"_Now_!" She ripped the spike from his head at the very instant the electricity ran through her body and the ship, plunging them into darkness, surrounded by the thuds of massive, dead machines falling to the metal floor.

---

His perception went from a cold phone against his ear to nothingness instantaneously, and he wondered for a split second if he was dead. But that could not be it - he had been dead not a minute before, and this was different.

He waited in black silence for several agonizing seconds, not really knowing what was going on, before he felt something shift on his chest, a weight he had not known was there. It lifted away, and a gentle hand came to rest on his chest. Somewhere, an emergency light flicked on, casting a pale blue hue over Trinity's face. The last of the fear washed away as she came fully into view, and she smiled, more with her beautiful eyes than anything else. His hands automatically found their way to her body, one over her shoulder, the other encircling her waist, squeezing lightly. Her knuckles brushed his cheek lovingly - _lovingly_ - and then he simply couldn't take it anymore. He cupped his hand around the back of her neck, and raised his head up to hers. Neo had imagined kissing her, had dreamt of it in many dreams, and every single time, without fail, he had completely underestimated the feel of her lips on his. He kissed her harder, as deeply as he could, telling her with this touch everything that she had told him with her heart.


	12. Aftermath

Okay. Sorry this took so long, but I wanted to totally finish this thing, which I have, except for the epilogue, which shouldn't take too long. So I figure I'll post this now, because I know some people are really anxious to read it, and the other two chapters and the epilogue will follow shortly. Also, I haven't edidted this much, so if there's any mistakes, I aplogize, and I'll try to go back and fix them. Enjoy!

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Twelve

Aftermath

---

It was different, kissing this way, with him kissing back, massaging her neck with his fingertips. It was both of them, together, kissing each other, not just her kissing him. It was infinitely better this way. She noticed, as she pressed harder (or maybe it was he who pulled her closer) the softness of his lips. Only newborns had such soft lips, and they would not stay that way for much longer. A month, maybe two at the most. A desire seeped into her at the notion, that she should savor this feeling now, that she should kiss him as long and as hard as she could. Neo concurred wholeheartedly, rubbing little circles around the plugs left exposed above her sweater, pulling her closer so their torsos pressed together -

"Trinity."

For a moment, she thought it was Neo who uttered her name, but they were still kissing firmly. She pulled away barely an inch, letting her eyes drift open to Neo's shadowed, perplexed face.

"Trinity, we need to get moving."

She blinked once, and his face became more focused. _I'm sorry_, she whispered across their fading bond. _He's right. We're in danger like this_. She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, letting her hand drift sensuously over his chest as she stood straight. A half turn towards the other men showed her Morpheus, his captain's demeanor back in full, and Tank, gaping slightly as he looked between her and Neo. "Yeah, um..." She forcibly cleared her thoughts, and glanced back to Neo. He still seemed too dazed to sit up, and somehow she felt that was the result of more than just their kiss. "Tank, did I turn off everything in the infirmary, before?" Her words were slow, and slurred as she came out of her own daze, trying to call back her strength.

"Yeah, I think so. Should be working fine."

She gave a firm nod in response, standing up straighter, and helping Neo do the same. "Take him and make sure he's all right. Mentally, too. Full brain scan." He used her arm for support as he stood from the chair, wobbling slightly. He was nervous, didn't want to leave her, certainly not for medical tests. He gave her a pleading look.

She nearly changed her mind, and was about to tell Tank that she would do the tests, when the freezing air blew in from above. She caught the gaping hole in the ship at the top of her vision, then turned down to Tank. The bandage was showing through the hole in his sweater, the edges blackened by burns and blood. The damage to the hull and to the power system could not be repaired with that kind of injury, not alone.

Trinity rubbed small circles on Neo's arm with her thumb, beckoning him to look to her, to let her give him one last bit of assurance before she ushered him away with Tank. Even before they were gone, she told Morpheus she would take the hull, and let him take the electrical system, and set off to work.

She didn't see any of them again for perhaps an hour. Maybe longer. She was so wrapped up by the repairs and dealing with the pain of working with half-frozen fingers that she wasn't keeping track of the time. Regardless, Tank eventually joined her, offering help. He also came with news of a surprisingly clean bill of health for Neo, who had just been sent to bed. She stifled an immense sigh of relief, instead giving another firm, authoritarian nod. But this did not stop Tank's questioning and incredulous glances, and she should have known better than to think they would. But she ignored the looks, continuing to work as fast as possible on the repairs. As it turned out, it was for the best, as when she looked to him again, his demeanor had shifted to one of despair. Tank was the kind of man who needed to be left alone with his pain.

"We need more sheet metal," she declared, gaining his attention. She softened considerably as he turned to her. "Can you take care of this for a few minutes?" He nodded with an expressionless sort of face, even though she could still see his sadness.

Trinity moved down from the catwalks into the Core, walking briskly. She moved across the room to the ladder connecting her to the lower levels, passing the motionless machines as she did. Beside each, all five, lay a square of jagged metal surrounded by frayed wires and scratched circuits that had been ripped out of the hole in their bodies. It was generally unnecessary, but it was often still done, to stop other machines from coming back, and quickly fixing the electrical systems of their fallen counterparts, making them a threat once again. Only Tank could have done it, she mused. She must have been working longer and with more concentration than she thought; she never even heard him working down here.

Forcing her eyes away, she hurried down the ladder to the lower deck. She was a few steps beyond the closed mess hall door when she heard a quiet thud from within. Certain that it must be another sentinel that had somehow snuck in, she ran back to the ladder as quickly and silently as she could, only to hear, a moment later, an even quieter "Shit" muttered on the other side of the door.

With her hands clutching either side of the ladder, she sighed, leaning her head against the nearest rung with the hope that it might help slow her heart. It didn't work as well as she hoped.

She disengaged her cold, stiff fingers from the bars and returned to the door, trying to open it with as little sound as possible. There was no use in trying to turn the handle slowly or gently - twelve years had taught her that it would screech like a banshee no matter what - but she tried her best not to scare Neo anyway.

She found him down on the floor, shuffling around a compressed pillow and threadbare blue and white striped sheets in the light of a dim lantern. The small light she had clipped to her belt illuminated the room much better, and she could see him stand too hastily and awkwardly when she came in, and hit his head on the edge of the counter. "Shit." It was an exact auditory replica from just a moment before.

"Neo." Her voice came out raspy and weak, and she quickly cleared her throat. When he looked up and saw her, he froze in shock, then took his hand away from the side of his head, and left the sheets alone. He had expected Tank, with one more test before he went to bed. "What are you doing down here?" But still, she was raspy and weak.

"I, uh..." He heard it too, and stood to fish a cup from the overhead cabinet. "My room was really damaged," he explained as he filled the cup from the faucet - which, by some miracle, was still flowing. "Too far gone to sleep in, but..." he trailed off suddenly, avoiding her eyes as he handed over the cup. He did not need to explain to her that the other rooms were off-limits. "So... just wound up here, I guess."

He looked up, and she looked down, staring lamely into the rippling water in her hands. Nonetheless, she could sense emotions radiating from him through some mix of their newfound bond and her ability to read people. He began as expectant of some response or show of affection, but shifted immediately to hoping, and almost afraid.

"Neo," she began again, not knowing what she would say, only that something must be said. "I... my bed is bigger than the others. Room's bigger... first officer's cabin. I don't think the room was damaged, and it's a lot warmer than in here." Her eyes darted to his face just in time to see him swallow a lump out of his throat. If only that really was her suggestion. "You can rest there instead. If you want."

She looked up again to see his current state. He did not seem disappointed as she was expecting, but relieved and grateful. But then, she noted, seeing the painfully hard metal floor, that's no surprise. But he seemed grateful because, though the gesture was small, there was compassion and love in it.

"Yeah. Thanks. I will."

They exchanged a half-smile and nod for their goodbyes, parting without another word. It was awkward to separate without even so much as a kiss, but doing otherwise would have been even more awkward. They had been in a relationship all of two hours now. A quick peck on the lips was not yet an appropriate parting gesture. Still, it was good to see him for a few moments, and her heart was left fluttering as she walked out the door and towards the cargo bay.

---

The three black screens of flowing green code were ignored and unwatched. Niobe and Ghost were in a virtually deserted area of the city, an even more desolate, narrow street. The closest street lights in every direction were burned out anyway. They were almost invisible in their black clothes. There wasn't a shot in hell anyone would see them. He hadn't intended on paying the least bit of attention as his two superior officers repaired the damaged hardline. But now that plan seemed to be backfiring on him, as there were only so many times a man could twirl a cord around his fingers, spin in his chair or loose interest in a game of computer solitaire at the first sign of difficulty before he was bored out of his skull.

He patched in and listened to the Niobe and Ghost for a moment, only to find they were talking all business and repairs. He took one of the screens away from them (only one, he wasn't about to break protocol _that_ badly - not with Niobe as a captain, anyway) to search out anyone nearby who might be more interesting - another crew on assignment, a few people in the middle of a juicy argument, a woman in the shower somewhere...

Suddenly his ears were assaulted by a sound something like a giant, demonic cricket coming from the headset he still wore. He rarely heard the sound, but instantly recognized it as an emergency call out of Zion. He snapped out of his thoughts and answered the call.

---

Her dutiful instincts as first officer told her to keep going, that Tank was working alone in the frigid air with an injury, and he needed her help more than Morpheus did. But still, when she saw him, working alone in visible confusion, pain and exhaustion, wiping sweat from his forehead in spite of the cold, her human heart forced her to stop.

"Morpheus, stop," she ordered as she pulled his hands away form the electrical converter. She felt more than she had seen their tremors when she moved them out of the way to see what he was doing. Many of the circuits had been damaged from being active during the EMP blast. Morpheus, in his state, had not managed to make much of a dent in the problem. "Did you turn on the distress beacon?" she prompted, trying to engage him and keep him alert.

"Yes." He nodded weakly. "A few minutes ago. It wasn't damaged."

His words were slurred together. His eyelids were drooping with dark circles beneath them. Trinity's hands paused as she studied him more closely. The stress of the day (and what a long day it had been) coupled with the aftereffects of whatever the Agents had done to him was visibly taking its toll on him. "I need more sheet metal and welder fuel for the hull," she explained, gently drawing back his attention. "Bring me that and I'll finish this." He was too exhausted, or perhaps she was too assertive, for him to refuse. She finished in about five or six minutes, and he came back with her supplies just as she was coming up from the engine room. This only made her more concerned about the minimal results that had come from so much of his time and effort. "Morpheus, go to bed."

He tried to decline with a captain's authority, but he did not have it in him.

"Listen, I have Tank helping me upstairs. And Neo's doing his part," she lied. "We'll be fine without you. And in your condition," she went on, lifting her hands to show the completely repaired circuitry, "I think you're more help to us in bed." She tried to smile, and he was just dazed enough to believe it was genuine. He ultimately resigned, and turned toward the sleeping quarters. She sighed, and knelt down to pick up the supplies.

"Trinity," he called quietly, and turned to find him a few feet farther down the hallway, but still facing her. She stood upright, watching him intently. There was another moment of silence as he considered his words. "Is this what the Oracle told you?" She gave him a quizzical sort of look. "That you would love him?"

Oh. That. She tried to smirk, but her efforts gave her no more than a twitch of the muscles at the corners of her mouth. "I thought that information was for me to keep." But he wasn't in a joking mood, and, honestly, neither was she. "Yes, she did." He nodded once, tiredly, and continued on his way.

When she returned to Tank, it did not take long for her to realize he was in much the same condition as Morpheus, and she was able to convince him to go to bed with even less effort. She did not care that she was left to work alone. It was better this way, as she was the only one in decent condition, who could work without causing even _more_ damage to herself or the ship. Then, of course, there was the simple, glaring fact, the one she did not think she was capable of acknowledging at the moment, but could not escape as she thought of the three men sleeping below deck. Of seven that she loved, only these three remained, and even they had nearly been ripped away from her. The prospect of pushing their bodies and minds any further tonight inevitably dragged around with it the prospect of pushing them _too_ far, and losing them just hours after their narrow escape.

The distress signal had been activated. The emergency power was up and running and the EMP was charged, just in case the machines sent reinforcements. Sacrificing sleep and most sensation in her fingertips was a small price to pay for the safety and well-being of Neo, Morpheus and Tank.

---

No one said a word as Niobe guided their tiny ship through the tunnels. There was nothing much _to_ say, or even do, except keep flying. The only information they had was that the Nebuchadnezzar had activated its distress signal, and their radio was down. Speculating, Niobe had reminded them sternly as they took off, did no one any good. They could not alter whatever events had already transpired, so there was no point in worrying - or grieving - until they knew anything for certain.

But Ghost could not help it. He and Trinity had not spoken in months, and he did not want their last words to be ones spoken in anger and bitterness. As much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he had good reason to worry. Trinity was relentless, and it was a miracle she had survived twelve years with a spirit that was always ready to die fighting. The fact that the distress signal was on and the radio was completely down could only mean that they had fallen prey to sentinels while someone was inside, and that someone was unable to get out before the ship sustained serious damage. That someone may not have gotten out at all, could have been trapped, forcing to the crew to detonate the EMP before they got out. It did not take a great leap of the imagination to know that it may very well have been Trinity inside the Matrix, and he could not stop his mind from making that leap.

Despite the tough, calm surface, Ghost knew better than to believe that Niobe was not terrified as well. And Sparks had passed up several opportunities to make some mood-lifting, wisecrack jokes since they had received their rescue orders from Zion, so if nothing else, he understood the severity of the situation.

_This is the fastest ship in the whole damn fleet, can't we get there any faster_? He soon caught Niobe giving him a look, some strange mix of some annoyance and a much greater amount of sympathy, and he realized that he had in fact spoken his last thoughts aloud.

After over three hours in the tunnels, Ghost was almost beginning to believe that time was warping, slowing more and more with each kilometer closer to the Neb. But when they came close enough to see it on the sensors, and know the damage that had been done, everything stopped, and he was convinced. A massive hole through the top of the hull had been roughly patched with uselessly thin sheet metal, and the damage extended further into the ship, into the core and several of the lower rooms. The radio had been sliced in two, hanging over the side by a few frayed wires, and three hover pads had been cut clear from the ship. Several more were too damaged to function. Whatever battle the crew had been caught in must have been vastly worse than -

"Captain," Sparks said, in a voice so serious and quiet it made Ghost's blood run cold. "I did a heat scan of the ship - twice, I made sure it wasn't a fluke or a malfunction -"

"Sparks," she snapped, as afraid of what was about to come out of his mouth as Ghost.

"Niobe... there's only four heat signatures anywhere near the ship." Ghost felt a sizeable lurch in the ship as they heard this, and it was only a moment later that the ship came into view.

None of it felt real. As the ship landed, everything shut down, EMP left armed, out into the cold, around the side of the Neb - the usual back door would not work without power - and into the dead - _dead_ - silence, it all felt fake. None of it was real, really happening, all just a dream, an off-day as a child in the Matrix, when he was tired and dreamy and disconnected enough to see through the code, enough to know that it was all wrong. That was how it felt, up the few steps - not three, and he wasn't sure if that was a good sign or bad - and into the Core, where it smelled cold and stale, and blood and burnt skin if he focused. As he was walking up, one ship to another, he had sheltered himself from the reality, hadn't thought about which four were alive and which four - no, five, five now - worse odds, but he wasn't thinking about that - were dead. But then they kept going and it was colder and quieter with each footstep and those vile smells were stronger and still _nothing_ met his ears except three sets of footsteps, theirs, and the terror began creeping in that Sparks was wrong and the scans just saw residual engine warmth, that they were all gone, _she_ was gone, and he would turn that corner, just there in the Core, and see -

Four bodies (but shouldn't it be five?), neatly wrapped, in a row, largest to smallest. Only four. And someone had to wrap them, something reminded him - not himself - and someone had to set off the distress signal. And something else told him - fear, probably - that there were two attacks and she had not survived the second. Or maybe she was one of the four white mummies on the floor there. He did not know, would never know, and he felt it slowly, with all the speed of light, driving him mad. His sanity flowed out and off from his body and through the floor and to the center of the earth because he wanted, had to know but he didn't and couldn't and wouldn't ever know where she was or if she was in pain or her last thoughts or apologize - - _Trinity!_

- - and again out loud, because there she was, forever's worth of seconds later, climbing up the ladder from below with a light on her hip and a light in her hand to guide him, and a whispered foghorn voice for extra guidance. And his lantern dropped - tempered plastic or it would shatter like his sanity, but the light still went out - and he was with her alive and well and right there and everything from before disappeared forever but would eternally haunt him, right there telling him what should have happened, had he not interfered with her name from his lips - but that reality was destroyed and didn't matter. But still it terrified him and he hugged her tightly, as protection, to ingrain her feeling and living scent in his memory and to destroy all of that reality of death except what insisted on haunting his memory (those few moments when he knew she was dead and he would never see her again), and he hugged her tighter, like she was frostbitten and needed his warmth (though really she warmed him and he knew it and was forever grateful to his living and loved sister).

---

Trinity stood there limply, with her arms contorted into painful positions by Ghost's tight embrace. She knew she was supposed to move, but her mind was too fatigued and confused to move her when it should have. There was that feeling again - emotions that were known but not experienced. Even as she managed to gently lower her own lantern to the ground, and maneuver her arms to encircle him, she felt shy and uncertain. The last time they had spoken had been terrible, and months ago at that, and this day had gone on forever, and everything was so complicated - understanding what the last twelve years had been leading up to, caring for everyone, coping... She couldn't quite comprehend that something could be so simple. Even so, she was not particularly grateful to see him, or any of them, but she knew the feeling would break through her state and greet her soon enough.

"Trinity -" he whispered suddenly, holding her just closer than arms' length. "You're freezing. How long have you been like this?"

The thought absently passed through her mind, as he rubbed his hands over her arms, that she was not shivering despite the cold, but that could not be a bad sign - she was never shivering in the first place. Nonetheless, his hands managed to do some tiny bit of good.

"Trinity -" She was almost certain could see something there, behind the exterior of her impending words. "- who else is alive?"

She must have been more out of it than she first thought, since any other time, she would have seen that particular ulterior motive coming a mile off, but now she barely caught it as the words ceased vibrating through the air. Couldn't she just come out and ask the real question, after six years and her own new life? They all knew, but she should have known she had the perfect cover. "He's fine," she mumbled, hoping to pass on her thoughts. She was far too relieved to fool anyone that he was just a fellow captain she didn't get along with. "And Tank," a little louder for the other two, "and... Neo." She was confused by her own hesitation for a microsecond, until she remembered the relationship she once held with the man now rubbing circles on her back.

She could see them doing that math from what she had told them, determining who was left. Dozer, Switch, Apoc, Mouse, and - she stopped involuntarily as the memory of the utility knife in one hand and his throat in the other resurfaced. Those were their losses. "They're asleep."

Ghost's hand stopped. "All of them?" Or, as she knew better, _They left you to do all the work yourself_?

"They were all hurt." She became still, staring down at her boots in avoidance of the inevitable question she foolishly tried to avoid. But she hoped for their grace, that Ghost wouldn't be the only one to realize this was the last question she wanted to ans -

"What happened here?"

No such luck.. There was an awkward silence as the seconds ticked by, as she tried to find some change of subject - she knew she could never recollect the days events for them herself. "There's still a lot that needs to be repaired," she mumbled quietly, turning so that only Ghost could see her face, but even his gaze was avoided. Even with his blatant pain and concern, however, he understood and granted her request. She caught a half-syllable stuttered behind her, and with superhuman speed Ghost was shooting a glare that could rival one of her own in that same direction. Her protector against her own memories. "We have a lot of work to do," she said again. "Most of the systems were still on when we blew the EMP and the sentinels did a lot of damage." She retrieved the lantern from the floor, and, without looking to anyone or commenting further, descended the nearby ladder. She was not surprised to hear Ghost follow.

"Trinity." He took her shoulder only a few steps into the hallway, pulling her back to a stop. The other hand on the other shoulder forcibly turned her towards him. "Trinity, you're exhausted." He brushed a lock of oily hair off of her forehead, and she weakly pulled away from his touch, as a child would. "You've been up all day, and whatever happened obviously took its toll -"

"I'm fine!" she hissed, weakly but angrily. She had been through... and then she realized that, in fact, this really had been the most horrific day of her life.

"No, you're not. You need to sleep." His hands slid down to hold both of hers. "Go to bed. We can take care of everything out here."

She pulled her hands away with the same half-hearted anger. She did not like being ordered around or told she was in a weak state, even if it was true. Nonetheless, he pulled her back and hugged her again, kissing her on the cheek and forehead before he would let her go. "I'm glad you're all right, Trin." And he gently pushed her down the hallway.

---

He rolled over, yet again, one step closer to making a hole clear down to the metal slab on which the mattress rested. First mate, it seemed, was granted bigger, not better. He must have changed positions on this damn bed fifty times by now, and still, despite his mental and physical exhaustion, he still did not sleep. There was just too much of everything to sleep. He met the Oracle, who told him a blatant lie (though as the others had told him, it was not a lie at all); half the crew was dead, betrayed by one of their own, and Morpheus had nearly made number five; he had killed someone, another human being for the very first time; he went on his first real mission, and not killed, but deleted an Agent program; he died, he came back to life; he became the One. But none of that was worth a thing, he thought, running his hand through the depression in the center of the mattress, because Trinity, _The _Trinity, who once cracked the IRS D-Base, who had saved his life a million times, and, just hours ago, brought him back from the dead, told him that she loved him. She had hovered over him, brushed her gentle hands over his body and face, and kissed him like the world was crumbling around her, and made him forget that it really was. He wished the ship were not so damaged, that she did not have to spend her time with repairs instead of him, or that he was well enough to help her, side by side. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough, he could convince the spirit of the Neb to release her, to find some other way to repair itself, and let her come crawl under the blankets with him.

And then he could hear a footstep outside, quiet, and slow, and the squeak of the turning door wheel, and there she was, like a battle-worn angel, features illuminated from below by the portable light she carried. He could not help but marvel at the incredible timing; maybe there was something to being the One, after all.

He presumed it was fatigue that kept her silent, but he waited patiently for her to come to him. The lantern was left on the floor in a corner, and she perched on the edge of the bed. Her shoelaces were loosened slightly, and her boots slid from her feet. Socks came off next, then the belt, then sweaters, both layers. All of these were set in a little, neat pile along the wall. But then, following a sigh, her hands moved to the hem of her shirt - sleeveless, and he could see no substantial clothing underneath - and he realized that she had not seen him as she entered, and did not remember her invitation to let him use her bed.

He propped himself up on one elbow, and reached out the other hand to gently brush her shoulder. "Tri -" Stinging pain flared through his forearm as she snapped around with lightning fast instincts to grab and twist his wrist, and her other arm was raised in a fist, and he could see that every muscle in her body was tense.

Suddenly it all stopped, and she was leaning forward and away form him, gasping loudly for air as she clutched one hand over her chest. "Neo..." Her head fell into her hands, and she took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry -" he stuttered, his hand hovering over her shoulder, unsure whether it was safe to touch her again. He sat up behind her, staring at her tense back. "I'm so sorry, Trinity, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I didn't know you were there," she whispered, threading her fingers through the hair above her forehead. She grasped the hair tightly, rubbing the heels of her hands over her eyes.

Neo finally worked up the courage to touch her, placing the hand back on her shoulder, and squeezing gently. It shouldn't have been so hard to touch her, not now that they both knew they loved each other.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Her hands still covered her face, and she had not embraced his touch.

"Just... couldn't. Can't clear my head." She said nothing in response, and the silence stretched out and fast became awkward. He lifted his hand away from her shoulder. This was her room, and her bed, and as mentally fatigued as he was, she was physically exhausted. She truly needed to sleep. "I should go." He couldn't keep the pain of rejection out of his voice. "I'm sorry I scared you." He was almost babbling, embarrassed and trying to leave her in peace as quickly as possible. He lifted the sheets off of his body, and began to swing his legs over the side of the bed. "You need to sleep, I'll just -"

"You can stay if you want." The whisper was so quiet, and her body was so still that he needed a moment to realize that the words had not been a trick of his mind. He listened to the words again in his head, dissecting every syllable and tone. He wished she had spoken louder, so he would have a better idea of whether or not he was imagining things. She sounded tired, but not angry, upset by the day, not him. He heard in her voice just now, the same thing he had heard back in the core, in whatever way he had heard her voice between worlds. There was something of the voice she held when she told him she loved him, and a plea - that he stay, for her, because she wanted him to.

He settled back into the bed, closer to the wall this time. Leaning on one arm, he lifted the corner of the blanket, leaving enough room for her to lie comfortably down beneath it. His heart was racing in anticipation, but he couldn't help feeling excited. She sat up finally, and looked at the empty space on the mattress from over her shoulder. She seemed to contemplate for a moment, or perhaps fight off her own nerves, but eventually she lay down beside him. What worried him, what _hurt_ him, really, was that she lay down facing away from him, on her far side of the bed, and kept her face turned in to the pillow so he could not see it. He said nothing, though, and settled down beside her, and drew the blanket over both of their bodies.

There was several inches of space between their bodies, but he could nonetheless feel her tension. This, and her almost frightened silence remained, even as the minutes passed them by, and he became more worried. What made this so difficult for her, and why now? What possessed her as she lay beside him that had not been there a few hours ago, or even in most of the time he had known her? Was she afraid of him? Was she afraid of loving him? Did she even know herself?

Whatever it was, he could not let her go on feeling that way. He moved his hand to her arm, gently resting it there, being extremely careful to make it feel not as though he were expecting anything, only that he wished to quietly express his love for her as he went to sleep.

---

She had sat up and thrown the blanket off within an instant, and was reaching for her boots on the floor. "There's still a lot of work to do, I should be helping - I have to go -"

"No, Trinity -"

She had to get away, she didn't know why. "I shouldn't have left in the first place, I have to -"

"No, Trinity!" He moved faster than she did, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and burying his head in the back of her neck. "Please don't go!" He sounded so desperate, as if he would cry if she left him. "I'm so sorry, Trinity -" He kept saying her name like it was a prayer. "- I didn't mean to upset you." She tugged at his arms, trying to make him release her so she could run away. "Please don't leave, Trinity, I love you -" Something snapped, and she stopped fighting against him. "I love you, Trinity."

She didn't understand why this was affecting her so strongly. This was not the first time he had spoken the words to her - he had said it just this afternoon, in the repair shop, as he believed he was about to be murdered by Cypher. And it was not as if she had not known of his feelings already - they had been plainly obvious for weeks and became undeniable in the aftermath of the sentinel attack. But it was different to hear it whispered in her ear in perfect safety, when they were alone and able to act on their feelings, to feel the shiver the words sent through her and the closeness of their bodies in such an intimate setting. She barely felt her lips whisper "Neo," as her hands tightened around his arms.

He urged her back into the bed with a tug to her hands, gentle but insistent. She let herself fall back in beside him and he captured her lips in a kiss before her head even hit the pillow. She let herself fall deeper and deeper into the kiss, pulling him as close as she could, wrapping her whole body around his.

It was amazing how quickly he learned how to kiss and caress her, and within mere minutes he was doing everything perfectly. They were so closely synched that he did not let a hand slip under her shirt or over any other intimate places, or did anything that even hinted that they should make love that night. Somehow, maybe that connection of theirs again, she knew that this had nothing to do with his level of exhaustion, but that he simply knew that now, after everything, was not the right time for them.

Eventually, after some amount of time that was impossible to determine, their passion waned, and the exhaustion resurfaced in both of them. There was one last long, tender kiss, and both whispered "I love you" simultaneously as it broke, and after tangling themselves comfortably around each other once again, they finally managed to sleep.

---

She woke up in this same position. Instinctively, her eyes turned up to the alarm clock on the wall, only to be reminded by the dark black panel of the events of the previous night, and the lack of power in the ship. The tiny emergency bulb in the corner cast a faint green light across the room. She wondered briefly, in her drowsy state, why the builders of this ship, or perhaps one of countless repairmen since the year 2069, would have chosen such a light, that cast the color of the Matrix. It seemed only a cruel reminder, in the wake of an attack, of that which oppressed them, of the thing that, in any event where the light might be activated, had defeated them in battle.

But soon, as she awakened more fully and her eyes adjusted to the light, she realized that she had not slept alone. As she carefully studied Neo's sleeping face, she realized that she had never seen him as serene and peaceful as he did now.

She lay in the bed for several minutes, careful not to move or make a sound, just studying his face. After so many months of trepidation, fear and denial, it felt so easy and calm to love him this way, to finally, truly be in love _with_ him. She almost did not know what to do with herself, if she wasn't trying to pretend her feelings away, worry about his fate, or fight against the ever-increasing hopelessness of the situation. Her body seemed to figure that out for her, because she suddenly found herself kissing those unnaturally soft lips, gently, but as hard as she could without waking him. She reveled in the feeling, imprinting it onto her memory.

But these were not the only instincts vying for her attention, and the ones born from the soldier soon became loud and insistent of her attention. She could not help but sigh as she brushed her fingertips over the side of his face and neck as she gently pulled her arms and legs away from his body. She knew she really should wake him up, that he was in all likelihood well enough to help with the repairs by now, but... She had no way to tell for certain, but she knew she had not even slept six hours. It would get her through the day, but not him. She could spare him another hour of much-needed rest. She hurried to put on new socks, her boots, a few sweaters and a pair of gloves, and left with as little noise as possible. She assumed by the continued silence within the room once she closed the door behind her that she had not woken him. Flashlight in hand, she ventured to the mess hall for a quick breakfast.

The main door was open perhaps six inches; as she came within a few feet, she heard quiet voices speaking within. She was right at the edge of the door frame before she identified them as Morpheus and Niobe. "Trinity and I got out, but there was an Agent who trapped Neo before he could escape. He was able to fight it off all the way to the other exit, even killed it once. When he got to the hardline, it was waiting in the room, shot him a dozen times. He flatlined, and I was about to blow the EMP, but..." Trinity tensed up, hoping he would not go into too much detail about what had happened. But he mentioned nothing she would not have said. "I can't explain it." Normally, she would not have listened without announcing her presence, but there was no harm in overhearing a story she herself could have told, and she was curious as to what he would say to such a staunch disbeliever as Niobe. "All of a sudden he was fine, and he stopped all of their bullets when they tried to shoot him again... deleted one of them, the other two fled, and he got out just in time."

"What are you talking about, Morpheus?" she retorted with an exasperated sigh. "And please don't say -"

"But he is, Niobe, he's the One."

Trinity heard another sigh, and maneuvered so that she could just see the other woman through the crack in the door. "Morpheus, a member of your crew just betrayed you, you lost half of the rest, and your mind was fucked around with by Agents." She was trying to be as gentle as she could, trying to bring him back to his senses before his heart was broken. If only she could see how unnecessary that was. "You're not thinking straight -"

"Niobe -"

"And this is not a time to be denying reality and getting your hopes up, Morpheus, this man -"

"He's the One, Niobe," she interrupted as she let herself in. She closed the door behind her, all the way before repeating, "He's the One. I guarantee it as the sanest person onboard at the time. Believe me, he's the One."

Trinity could see the shock in the other woman's eyes as she stared at her. _YOU believe_? she read. _You were as much of a disbeliever as I am_. Trinity said nothing, but she wondered, as she moved towards the cupboard and food, if that had ever really been true. They were all quiet for a minute or two, but Trinity felt eyes shift to and away from her back.

"I need to get back to work," Morpheus finally said, standing from his seat. "Trinity, when you're done, there's still a lot of work to be done on the electrical systems in the engine room." She nodded once over her shoulder, giving him a little smile as he left.

"Why are you suddenly such a believer?" Niobe demanded before Trinity was even seated.

The tone did not intimidate her, but, unfortunately, it also did not surprise her. "Because it's true. He is the One. I wish I could show you the Matrix feed, but the records were erased by the EMP," she explained, shrouded cynicism creeping into her voice. "But I don't expect you would believe it even then." If she could not have faith in Morpheus, if she could not believe in the One, could she at least have some faith in Trinity?

"Were you even watching the screens when all of these things supposedly happened?"

"No."

"Then how do you -"

"Because I was standing beside him when he was shot. I've watched enough bodies of people being shot inside the Matrix to know what all those convulsions were. I saw him flatline and die right there in front of me."

"Then what exactly brought him back from the dead?" she continued relentlessly.

Trinity had never quite understood the difference in belief between Niobe and Morpheus as she understood it just now. Morpheus had blind, unyielding faith that the One was real, and was out there, waiting to be found and shown his purpose. Niobe had blind, unyielding faith that the One was a myth created to give people the hope to keep fighting. Her beliefs had no more foundation to support them than Morpheus'. In a way, all of this was more of a difference in their glass-half-full or glass-half-empty personalities than their actual beliefs. "I did."

Niobe stayed as silent as if Trinity had never even spoken. Surely it could not have been the simplicity of the statement that had confused her. Trinity ate quietly for several minutes, her thoughts drifting back to Neo, asleep in _her_ bed.

This train of thought and her earlier one merged ad she started to wonder. Morpheus' feelings, she knew without question, but Niobe was another story. Even after the two had broken up they had stayed reasonably close. They talked when they could, often went out for drinks when they were both in Zion at the same time. Niobe became Trinity's stepmother when she was first unplugged, and with the exception of the last few months, that had never changed. Even so, she had never quite been sure what the woman felt for Morpheus, at least after they had both cooled off after their breakup. She was with Locke now, but Trinity knew better than to assume that changed anything about her feelings towards Morpheus.

"Did you even notice what he was wearing a minute ago?" Niobe shook her head, looking perplexed. "The stone necklace. The one you gave him." Niobe's eyes widened considerably. "He never got rid of it. As a matter of fact, the only days I _don't_ see him wearing it are the days he knows he's going to see you. I can only assume," she continued, finishing off her breakfast, "that he left it on just now because he either forgot because of everything that's been going on, or..."

"Or what?"

Trinity stood and carried the tray and spork back to the sink. "He never stopped loving you, even now. You broke his heart by leaving."

"He never tried to stop me."

"He had to look for the One. It was a compulsion, he knew he could never fight it, and he knew he couldn't make you happy as long as he was searching. So..." The clean tray was put away, and she turned back around, and leaned against the counter. "I guess the 'or' is that he found the One, and he can stop searching now, so, if you want, he can try to make you happy again." She expected some sort of response, a dismissal, backlash, a reminder that she was with Locke now. But none of it came, so she made her way out the door to start her work.

"Trinity -" One foot was already out the door. "What do you mean, you brought him back to life?"

"I mean," she explained, choosing her words carefully, "that he was shot, he died, I told him I loved him, and he wasn't dead anymore." Not wanting to open up that particular can of worms just yet, she left the room and closed the door before Niobe could get another word in.


	13. Understanding

Here's 13... Last chapter and epilogue to follow shortly. However, tomorrow I have my AP stats test, then in 2 days it's AP English, so those'll take a lot out of me, but I'm not going to school on Friday (my own personal senior ditch day) and if it's not done by then it will be by the time I go to bed that night. :)

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Thirteen

Understanding

---

So it seemed that Neo's crazy days were not yet over. Yesterday was worse, no doubt, but today still found him doing repairs while a man who was far too quiet, as if he was trying to contain his true chatterbox nature. This man gave him, after an hour or so, an order to go find "the short woman" and tell her to give him "the big blowtorch."

This was fairly difficult, as this man - Sparks, was it? - was the only member of this other crew that Neo had seen so far, and he wasn't sure where to find "the short woman." He had already been searching for several minutes, and he had no luck. But maybe he was about to get a break, as he could finally hear the voice of another human being down the hall. He didn't recognize the voice (a man, so unfortunately he had not quite reached "the short woman") so it must be someone from the other crew.

He followed the sounds down the hall, and they stopped just as he reached the corner, which he turned, and found -

The owner of the voice, with Trinity, kissing her on the cheek, and enveloping her in a tight hug. But what was worse was, she hugged him back.

---

"Hey." A gentle tug on her elbow accompanied the greeting, and she turned to find Ghost, smiling gently.

"Hey." She was very nervous all of a sudden. She had no idea what she was supposed to say, about anything. For all of his care and concern, last night had not been much of an icebreaker. Would she have to bring up their argument, months ago, tell him about Cypher's betrayal, how the others had been killed, about Neo's miraculous actions, or... what he meant to her now? God only knew how that would turn out...

The silence stretched out for a few seconds more, and his demeanor became more serious. "Trinity, I'm sorry about what happened, the last time we were in Zion. I shouldn't have told Niobe about Neo -"

Yes, that was what they had fought about, wasn't it?

"It wasn't any of her business, and I should have known better than to trust her with that information. It's a miracle she didn't say anything to Locke or the council."

And again, she had no idea what to say. There was just a few more awkward seconds before she said a quiet, generic, "It's okay. You were just doing what you thought was best." She shrugged, and really looked up into his eyes for the first time, even including last night, since their dinner in Zion, and remembering how to act. "It backfired, we survived. No harm done."

He grinned in thanks for her forgiveness, and she could not help but grin back. "So... are you going to be all right?" She was no fool, and she could hear his meaning in his voice. But still, perhaps in some subconscious attempt to make him retract the question, she looked up at him with confused eyes. It stalled him, made him rethink the wisdom of asking, but only for a moment. "I talked to Tank, a little while ago. He told me what happened yesterday."

"I'm fine, Ghost."

It was a lie. She knew it, she knew he knew it. But it was a lie he would know she needed to tell herself. It was the only way to get by when the reality of the situation bearing down upon them demanded all of her strength, concentration and attention. One day, perhaps it would be true, but today was not that day.

His sudden hug startled her, and she realized that she had averted her eyes from his long ago, to avoid whatever power they might hold over her. He sighed heavily, and she could hear, and feel, his pain and fear for her. "I'm really glad you're safe, Trin." She remembered thinking, last night, that her gratitude for his presence had not yet surfaced, remembered feeling ast though that occurrence would take a long time. But now as she stood in the hallway, her head buried in his shoulder, involuntarily squeezing tighter, she felt that gratitude overwhelming her now.

He took her by the shoulders and held her out at arm's length, looking straight into her eyes as he said, with nothing but love and sincerity, "If you need _anything_, you know I'm here for you, right?"

She nodded with a little smile, which was reflected in his face. He kissed her check, and pulled her back into his arms again, and she hugged him back tightly, her chin resting back on his shoulder. She saw a movement out of the corner of her half-opened eyes and she caught just enough bristly-short hair moving past the corner to know who it was. "Neo!" she called out, a little excitement and only a tiny ounce of worry in her voice. She and Ghost separated just as Trinity was beginning to fear that he had gotten to much of the wrong idea to come to her - but then he shyly poked his head around the corner, and slowly made his way over to them. She smiled at him, and she could not help that it was brighter than the one she had given Ghost. She held out her hand to him as he approached, and tugged him to her side as he took it.

"Neo, this is Ghost." She could not for the life of her predict which man would be the first to offer his hand. It was Ghost. Neo took it, shaking slowly. He gave one quick glance down to Trinity, and whatever he saw in her face seemed to calm him somewhat. "He's the first officer on the Logos." Somehow, she did not think the two of them were very likely to fill the silence, so she did it for them. "He and I were actually unplugged from the Matrix on the same day. We're pretty much brother and sister." She was very careful not to say "we've been very close." With anyone else, she would have told him outright that he had misunderstood their intimacy, that Neo had absolutely nothing to worry about. But with Ghost, she knew doing so would have been only a half-truth.

"Nice to meet you," Neo said, more assertively than Trinity was expecting. "I should get going." He began to leave, but stopped short. "The guy in the engine room, Sparks, I think, he said to ask 'the short woman' -" Ghost shook his head slowly, and Trinity could not help but giggle a little. "- for something. What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Trinity muttered. "Don't ever tell her he said that."

"Her name is Niobe. Last time I saw her was in the cockpit."

He muttered a quiet "Thanks" to Ghost, and caught Trinity's eye and gave her one of his little, goofy grins as he continued on down the hallway. Trinity watched him go until he was out of sight.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" She didn't say anything, just stared up at him awkwardly. "Tank told me about that part, too." He was smiling, but she could hear the pain in his voice. "So? Do you love him? Are you happy?"

She finally managed to smile back. "Yeah. I'm happy." She truly believed that was all he wanted for her, even if it meant that he was not the one she loved.

---

She did not understand where the time had gone. She and the rest of the Neb's crew had been working nonstop for close to fourteen hours, and the crew of the Logos had been working through the night until they went to bed a few hours ago. All of that, and still so little had actually been completed. But she resolved to put it all out of her mind, at least long enough to eat dinner.

"Hey. How's the work coming?" So much for that thought. It was Tank, who greeted her as she entered the mess hall, looking tired and worn as he divided his attention between some goop of his own and a small piece of equipment he was trying to fix.

"It's fine. Won't be flying any time soon, though," she muttered absently as she prepared her meal. Then, as she was sitting down, "Leave that alone, Tank. It can wait five minutes while you eat."

He set it down reluctantly, and continued eating without saying anything to Trinity, or even looking at her. He stayed that way for a while, with his face turned down and his head propped up weakly with one hand, pushing the goop around in the bowl.. "Tank," she said gently, nudging his foot with her own. "Are you okay?"

He huffed sarcastically at the suggestion, and took his time in answering. "No."

She said nothing, and gave him his time. "Mom said, back when she was in the military, working here -" He nodded his head in a random direction, indicating the Nebuchadnezzar. "- she said she always practiced telling people someone had died, in her head. Always ready whenever it happened. They always had her make the calls to the families back in Zion." He fell quiet again for about a minute, but she kept her mouth shut. He needed to do this on his own time. "I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell them, Trinity. I know I have to, I just don't know how."

Trinity herself stayed quiet for a long time, trying to think of something that would comfort him. "She was lying, Tank," she whispered gently. His eyes turned up to her, looking perplexed. "A lot of ranking officers on ships say that to people. I never understood why. I guess they think it makes losing someone easier on everyone else, somehow. As if being so comfortable and at peace with the idea of death made it easier to let go. But I guarantee you, it's a lie. It was as hard on her to do that as it was on anyone else." The room fell silent again, and she studied Tank very carefully. She could certainly see that the though of breaking the news of Dozer's death to his family terrified him. But, knowing Tank as well as she did, it was keeping the knowledge to himself that was more painful than anything else.

It took a long time to form her next words, and even longer to work up the courage to speak them aloud. "Do you want to do it now?" The single nod he gave in response was so small that she nearly did not see it.

She took care of their empty dishes, and led him away, out of the nebuchadnezzar and into the Logos. She sat him down in the copilot's chair, and she took the pilot's. She established the link with Zion, and had them connect her to Zee's house. As it rang, she gave the headset over to Tank, and knelt on the floor beside him, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Hey, Zee," he finally greeted as the line was picked up. "It's me." As difficult as the next words would be to speak, she could already see that his burden was being released.

---

As the streetlight turned green and she propelled the black Ducati forward, she tried to remember why she had wanted to do this. Coming into the Matrix and just driving aimlessly around New York City had been intended to relax her, let her clear her head and stop worrying about the repairs that were still left to do. But now, after twenty minutes of riding and no change in her mood, she was beginning to wish she had taken Morpheus up on his original suggestion that she sleep for a while after things finally seemed to be getting to her. She had been working more hours with less sleep than any of the others, anyway, she could have used the rest. It didn't help that she had never really given herself a chance to properly process everything that had happened, that she had to suppress all of that if she wanted to be a functioning, useful member of the crew right now. A though entered her mind and it managed to get some part of her to entertain it - that she should go find a shrink in one of these skyscrapers - surely there must be plenty - and have herself a little chat, just this once. But she quickly dismissed the idea once it reached that stage. Ignoring the stupidity of the idea because of the obvious peril of locking herself up in a small room with a coppertop, of being in a building and a city full of them. She did not want to talk about those things. Even with everything that had happened to her in almost thirteen years with the Resistance, she only went to the psychological evaluations and counseling mandated by the military. She would deal with this on her own, and when _she_ felt like it, she told herself.

She finally managed to force those issues to the back of her mind and focus on the road. She kept on going for several minutes without hitting a red light. When she finally did, she found herself on the edge of Central Park. It was a part she had never spent much time in, but she recognized ti nonetheless. It was a long red light, giving her plenty of time to look around. It was a beautiful place, and everything was normal and as it should be, until she noticed a woman, sitting on a far bench, feeding the birds. It seemed, she conceded, that there was no point in lying to herself - not inside the Matrix, anyway. There was no point in telling herself that she did not want to deal with these things now. _You must_, her mind whispered as she looked back to the woman. _Otherwise she wouldn't be here_. The light turned green, and instead of continuing on down the road, she turned around and parked the motorcycle along the curb at the edge of the park. She had to take a long, deep breath to focus herself as much as she could before she stood from the bike, and mad her way over to the bench.

The Oracle said nothing as Trinity sad down on the very edge of the bench, leaving as much space between them as possible. She said nothing for two or three minutes, just watched the digital birds, controlled from somewhere by an AI program, meant to simulate a creature long extinct.

"You lied to me."

"Oh, come on," she retorted, chiding her with that Grandmother voice for something she had allowed to be said. "Now, you know that's not true."

"A half-truth then, and one I suffered miserably for," she amended, being very careful to reign in her anger. "And you manipulated the hell out of me, _that_ you cannot deny."

"Is this really what you wanted to talk about?"

Trinity made no response.

"You cannot blame yourself, Trinity. Cypher was crazy, and I mean _crazy_. Best mental hospital in here couldn't have changed that. You certainly couldn't have done it."

"But you could've told me. You had the power to stop him by telling me he was trying to go back, and now four people I loved are dead because of you." Her words were growing quieter, weaker, and her anger was fading away into sheer emotional exhaustion.

"Things are more complicated than that, Trinity, you know it. I do what I can to make things happen in the best possible way. And as for this little bit of history, it would have ended up just about the same whether I had any hand in it or not."

Despite her best efforts, her emotions, her memories, the ghosts of the four she had lost all broke free from their cages and attacked her all at once, and it was all she could do not to let them beat her into submission.

"But I promise you one thing, Trinity,"said the Oracle as the younger woman fought back all but one tear, which rolled slowly down her cheek. "I promise you will be happy again. Even happier than you have ever been before in your life. No single person, no matter how much you love him, or how much he loves you - and believe me, he does - can replace four who have been lost. But you will learn to move on, and live without them. I remember you told me, the last time we spoke, that you didn't want to fall in love because you didn't want to be held back or become dependent on someone else. But I think you've figured out by now that that isn't how it is. If anything, I think you know that having him in your life will make you stronger. As for the rest of it, sooner or later, Ghost will start giving you quotes to the effect of 'all wounds heal in time.'"

Despite her pain, Trinity could not help but smile a little at the truth of that statement. The Oracle closed up the bag of birdseed, just as she had done some fourteen years earlier. She placed it back into her purse, and came back out with a business card, as she had before, but this time the card was clipped to a few sheets of paper and an envelope with a pen.

"You'll be wanting these," she said as she stood. "Best of luck, Kiddo." She left with only a pat on the shoulder.

The card had an address written on it in blue ink. She didn't have to ask whose address it was. She thought for a moment, then pulled out her phone and dialed the Logos. "Tank, I need a favor."

---

She took the envelope up to the apartment herself. This was too important to just shove into a mailbox and let take two days to arrive. It was amazing, that there was hardly anything in that envelope, and it still felt like it weighed a thousand pounds in her hands. Finally, the elevator doors opened and she hesitantly stepped into the hallway. She needed the one around the corner, at the very end of the hall. It seemed as though that hallway was a mile long, and even when she reached the end, she could barely convince herself to set the envelope, marked only "Miller" on the doorstep. Her hand seemed glued to the envelope, or perhaps it was a frozen hand that refused to let the envelope fall to the floor. But eventually she stood up, and continued, empty-handed, to the elevator.

She wasn't sure if her trepidation was for herself, what the contents of that envelope meant to her, or what they would do to the three people it was meant for. Those two sheets of paper - and damn the Oracle, she had needed _exactly_ that much paper for her message - and nine photographs, the only suitable ones Tank had managed to find on her personal computer... they were so pitiful, just ink and paper fibers, and nothing more than ones and zeros, if she felt like getting technical - which she could not stand right now. So pitiful, for all that they had to do.

She saw the photographs again in her mind, all featuring Switch, one for each floor she descended. There were three with just Apoc, one with Switch alone, a semi-formal portrait, two with Trinity - she wondered briefly if they would tear her half away and burn it - and three with groups of people. One of those three was a shot of the entire crews of the Neb and Logos, minus Sparks and Cypher, who had chosen not to attend that night.

All the photos were taken in the real world. They would see plugs, strange rooms and tattered clothing. They would wonder at all of those things, and they would never understand or guess the truth, but it didn't really matter. This was all they would ever see of her again, all she could show them. They deserved that much at least.

---

_I honestly have no idea how to begin this letter. I know what I need to say to you, but I can't think of any gentle way to do it. But I feel I owe it to you to tell you what has happened._

_Kelly is dead. I don't know how much of a shock this will be to you. I imagine you've thought that was the case for most of the last seven years. I understand if you blame me for it. In many ways, I blame myself._

_I wish I could explain everything to you, but it's impossible. Even if you didn't think I was crazy, simply knowing would put your lives at risk. But what Kelly has been doing isn't what you've probably come up with in your minds over the years. She left because of me, I'm sure that much was easy to figure out. As much as I'm sure you denied it, to them and yourselves, the agents who came to you after I disappeared were right - it was me who hacked into the IRS database. Kelly lied for me - she knew all about it. She spent those four years trying to find me again, and then we found her by coincidence. She has been with me since she left. As I said, I can't tell you what it is we've been doing. But know that she worked hard for an honorable cause. She saved many lives over the last seven years, including mine. What she was doing, what many people continue to do, is for the betterment of every human being in the entire world. I wish I could tell you more, something that would convince you that she did not work for a cult or a terrorist organization or any of the terrible things I'm sure you will begin to imagine. But I cannot. You can only take me on my word, and I hope that you do, for the sake of Kelly's memory._

_You will not want to know how she died, but I feel that you deserve to know, so I will tell you. She was killed by a traitor, a man in our close-knit team. He did not have the courage to deal with the difficulties of the lives that we lead. He tried to use us as a bargaining chip to buy his old life back, and unfortunately, Kelly was killed before we could stop him. But I hope you can take comfort in the fact that this man is now dead as well._

_I want you to know that Kelly was in love. He was a member of our team as well, who was killed just seconds before she was. They met when Kelly left with me. I can honestly tell you that I have never seen two people more closely connected, better suited for one another or with a better relationship than the two of them. I fell in love myself, not very long ago. I was afraid of it, and had no idea how to handle it. Kelly got me through that, and although I thanked her, I don't think I ever mad her understand how much it meant to me. I never would have gotten through it if it wasn't for her._

_Please believe me when I tell you that I am truly sorry for everything that has happened. I hope you can forgive me for all of the pain I have caused by taking her away. I loved Kelly as much as you do. Despite those four years apart and everything that happened, she was my best friend. Despite everything, she was by far the happiest person I have ever had the honor of knowing._

_–Amelia Harper_

---

It was late when they got into Zion, maybe ten, a little before eleven. As they landed, she could see that the dock was virtually deserted of all but the bare minimum of technicians and personnel. When the Neb followed the Logos into the dock, every last one of them stopped what they were doing to stare at the half-destroyed ship, which they had barely managed to fly here in the first place. Even from so far away, Trinity could see a look of pity on the face of each and every person below.

They landed the ship - far from gracefully - and she and Morpheus went down to retrieve their bags. Neo was there, in her room - or _their_ room, maybe - putting a few last things in his duffle bag.

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah." He looked up with a little smirk, but it quickly disappeared. "I think this is everything." She nodded, and reached for her own bag on the floor. But he beat her to it, grabbing the strap and lifting it up to her, even though it was a clear strain on his underdeveloped muscles.

She took the bag almost hesitantly as she said a surprised, quiet "Thank you" to him. He had done many similar things over the past three days, as a way to show his affection. It was unnerving; she wasn't used to it, and didn't quite know what to do, except to thank him. "Come on." She held a hand out to him, and he took it by the fingertips. She led him out the door and down to the lower deck, and through the door of the ship. Once she stepped out onto the dock, she pulled him along behind her, walking as fast as she could without making it obvious that she was trying to get away from that place as fast as her body could carry her. The looks of pity were even more apparent and glaring up close, and the eyes followed her as she moved closer and closer to the secluded check-in station. The tiny alcove was a sanctuary, just big enough for herself, Neo, and Tank and Morpheus, who were the only other ones there. Morpheus had just finished, and gave Trinity a gentle smile as he left.

"Hey, Trin," Tank greeted weakly as he quickly checked in as well. "You're coming over, right?"

"Yeah. Just as soon as we get settled in." The two embraced for a moment before Tank continued on as well. "See you soon." She returned her attention to the task, and approached the computer screen and keyboard on its simple stone platform. She pressed her index finger to the scanner, and confirmed that she was indeed Trinity when her information appeared on the screen. She hesitated for a moment at the next obvious task, weighing her options. A glance behind her revealed Neo, standing just outside the entrance to the alcove, looking around at what little there was to see from that vantage point. She turned back to the computer, staring at the icon to the side of the screen labeled "Register".

She could not hide him forever. Even if she did manage to keep the council from noticing him for a time, even if the story of Morpheus' rescue did not raise eyebrows, Neo was the One. He had a job to do, a purpose to fulfil, and sooner or later, rumors would drift back to Zion from the soldiers, of a man who could stop bullets, win any battle, and whatever else he may be able to do, and the dazzled soldiers would not forget to mention that this mysterious fighter was always seen with a soldier from the Nebuchadnezzar. And after that, he would still be forced to contend with endless barrages of questions, never-ending demands for tests and demonstrations and whatever kind of proof they thought Neo could show them, and she and Morpheus would still be forced to answer to his age. And if she waited, they would then have to deal with the added questions and punishments for not reporting a new free mind.

Not much of a choice. She sighed quietly as she touched the icon on the screen. _Name_, _Date unplugged (Zion)_, _Location_, _Date of birth (Matrix)_. "There'll be hell to pay for that one..." _Residence_ had both an icon and a data field, _Assign_ and _Chosen residence_, respectively. She had forgotten that part of it, and had not given it any thought before now. She had been able to think and plan only hours, sometimes just minutes, into the future for nearly three days. Normally she would have asked him what he wanted to do, but she lacked the energy to ask a question whose answer she already knew, and entered her own level and apartment numbers. She entered all of this, and it prompted her to scan her finger. "Neo," she called over her shoulder. He had stepped backwards some, presumably to see a little more, and was more afraid than startled when she called his name. She gestured him over, and he instantly relaxed. _Oh, Neo_... "Put your finger here." She pointed to the scanner, and he put his finger on the machine, just as she had. Once that was done, she entered her own ID number, confirming his identity as his superior officer, and the screen switched to a confirmation message she had seen a thousand times.

Trinity retrieved her bag, and led Neo out of the room. The path to the elevators took them back out to the main dock before it wound through a long hallway that was a ways off. The painful part of it was, the thing she had heard from many other soldiers, was that the paramedics always seemed to have the worst timing when someone had died on board a ship. Somehow, those left alive never seemed to get through check-in fast enough or slow enough to miss the sight of the stretchers, covered in once-white sheets, being wheeled away.

It took all of her strength to tear her eyes away, and she groped behind her for Neo's hand, pulling him away even faster than before. Now, she didn't really care if the people on the dock knew she was running away.

Even when they reached the elevator, pressed the call button, it decided to take it's sweet time and force them to stand there, waiting. Their hands were still clasped together, and she focused on the feeling, on Neo's gentle squeeze and his thumb rubbing little circles, for whatever comfort it could bring her. And that, surprisingly, was more than she was expecting.

She heard the footsteps behind her for a few seconds before a voice accompanied them. "Trinity, Neo. Hello." Ghost smiled at the pair as he came to stand beside her. She was a little surprised by how comfortable he seemed to be around Neo. Perhaps she had underestimated him... He gave Trinity alone a little extra smile to accompany the comforting squeeze of her shoulder. "How are you doing?"

The elevator doors opened then, and she stepped inside. After a second, the two men followed her. All three turned around to face the door, and it slid shut again. "I'm going over to see Tank's family as soon as I have everything settled. You should come." She wished it was not so blatantly obvious that she was avoiding his question, but a lie would have been even more apparent.

She glanced over her shoulder at him, and saw that he was worried. She wished he wouldn't be. It made her uncomfortable to be looked at in such a way. "I have a thought," he said, a little more upbeat. "We both need to pick up some food before the stores close. There's no sense in both of us going. Why don't you go home and get settled, and I'll pick up a few things for you?"

She could have kissed him for his kindness, but instead just stared back at him with an immensely gratefully, almost sad smile. "Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you, Ghost," she sighed, letting her eyes fall closed as her head turned down towards the floor. What she would do without all these people -

And she stopped herself there, but the thought had already stolen away some of her happiness. She would have to come to terms with these things eventually. She might as well be well rested and have some decent food in her when she finally did.

---

Ghost deboarded the elevator before they did, and Neo was left alone with Trinity to ride the rest of the way.

"Neo," she whispered, staring at a dent in the metal floor. "I'm not going to be mad at you for being excited about seeing Zion." He must not have been as inconspicuous as he thought. "I know you're curious, you have every right to be. There's no reason to pretend you're not."

No matter what she said, it did not assuage his guilt - there was enough sadness still obvious in her voice to prevent that. _There's plenty of reason to pretend, Trinity. You don't need me getting all worked up and excited when you're feeling so miserable. That's not fair to you._ He wished he had the balls to say it out loud, but he knew that would only make her worse. So he settled on taking away whatever pain he could by taking her hand again, squeezing tightly, and massaging little circles with his thumb.

The elevator doors opened again, and she led him out across the catwalk. Despite his guilt, he decided to believe her just for a moment, and took a good look around Zion from this new perspective.

She suddenly stopped, a ways around the outer circle, and he very nearly bumped into her. She fished out her keys, which were hanging from an antique motorcycle-shaped keychain, and opened the front door. It didn't squeak like the ones on the ship; this one was quiet, like the squeak made by a little - but he stopped that analogy before it brought up another pang of guilt over their - or rather, _her_ - fallen comrades. He did his best to push the thought away as she let him inside and flipped on the light.

Her apartment seemed small, maybe twelve feet wide. The first room had an old couch and some chairs around a small coffee table - or perhaps it was known by another name here - and a little rectangular dining table in the other corner. Beyond that was a narrow walkway with a refrigerator, oven and cabinets on one side, and what he assumed was the bathroom on the other. Past both of these was another door, and he followed her through it. As he expected, this was her bedroom. He felt a little nervous as he entered, despite the fact that they had been sharing a bed for the last three nights.

Trinity did not seem to notice, and her steps continued unfaltered to the bedside, where she set down her duffle with a little thump. He followed the same path, and set his own, lighter bag beside hers. She was already opening the door to the one tiny closet, which he had not even noticed until he saw her remove a frayed towel from within. "You can put your things in here. The dresser's over there," she added, pointing to the opposite wall. "You can move things around a little to free up a drawer." She barely managed to force a weak smile as she turned back toward the door. "If I'm not out when Ghost comes, you can let him in." She was so drained, in every possible way, and now that she was safely back in Zion, she seemed to have eased up her iron control on her emotions, and they were finally being allowed to take their toll. He felt compelled to say something to her, something normal that might help her feel more relaxed. "So, Trinity." She stopped a few feet before the doorway, looking back over her shoulder. "You said we were going to see Tank's family, later?" She inhaled sharply, and her lips pursed together as he spoke. "I'd really like to meet them..." He trailed off as it became more apparent that he was not succeeding in relaxing her. In fact, he seemed to be making her worse.

"Neo..." Her face turned down to the floor - she had done that so many times today, her neck must be killing her. "I'm going to see Tank's family alone. Tonight isn't a good time for you to meet them." Her voice grew weaker and less assertive with each word. "Some other time." She did not say another word, and Neo could not think of any more himself before she staggered away into the bathroom.

_Trinity_...


	14. Fall Into Place

The epilogue is nearly written... it will follow next.

---

Knowing and Walking

Chapter Fourteen

Fall Into Place

---

_Still on duty mode_, she thought, hearing the tiny noise of a knock at the front door. _You're in Zion, relax_. She eyed Neo, still asleep beside her, and slowly extricated from the sheets, leaving them totally undisturbed around him. He slept on as she stepped quietly out of the bedroom and to the front door, while whoever was at the door knocked a third time, much louder and insistent. She recognized the man she found on the other side, tall, dark blond, muscular with a square face - one of Commander Locke's subordinates, though she had never quite learned his name. She tried to avoid the man enough to be sure of that.

"Lieutenant," he began, glaring at her menacingly, almost as menacingly as she might have glared at him. "I am to inform you that you have been ordered to report to a council meeting today at ten o'clock." He backed up a step, and began to leave.

"Regarding?" She knew the answer, but still she asked.

"The Commander -" He spoke the word as if he were talking about God, and it infuriated her immensely. "- spoke with your captain this morning about your newest recruit. He has requested a follow-up council meeting."

She glanced quickly at the clock - just before nine - and then met his glare head on. "I can only imagine the Commander exaggerated the situation tremendously in order to receive a full-council meeting within hours of his own."

"Commander Locke was rightly concerned by your captain's blatant disregard for simple and obvious laws, regulations and precautions, as he has been for years. The Commander feels that such behavior cannot be allowed to continue."

"Of course not," she replied coldly. "I'll be there." He seemed about to say something, but was cut off by a door slamming in his face.

---

The council chambers were surprisingly empty, even though she entered only minutes before the meeting was set to begin. Commander Locke sat at his table with an aide - different from the one who had summoned her - reviewing something on his computer. Morpheus was there as well, at the other table, speaking sporadically with Tank, sitting behind him. The crew of the Logos - Niobe especially - sat in the ascending bleachers, several rows up and away from both Locke and Morpheus. She moved slowly down the steps, settling in beside Morpheus.

"Long time no see," Tank greeted wryly. "Where's Neo?"

"He won't be joining us," she said quickly, standing with the rest of them as the door on the far wall opened and the council began filing in. Councilor Hamann, in the center as always, called the meeting to order, and they all sat again.

"It has been brought to our attention by Commander Locke," he began, "that Captain Morpheus has allegedly violated Zion law and fleet protocol by freeing a mind that is well above the maximum age limit. Correct?"

Locke stood again, with very formal posture. "Yes, Councilor." Trinity caught the quiet glare that was sent their way - barely detectable, but there. "This man is approaching 31 years of age. Both Captain Morpheus and Lieutenant Trinity were aware of this fact when they first began monitoring him as a potential for unplugging. Furthermore, both officers failed to file a preliminary report, despite having planned his extraction for several months. They also failed to file a report after the fact. I'm recommending a removal from active duty for both officers as well as -"

Hamann cut him off. "Thank you, Commander, that's all we needed to know." It was good to know that they had at least one ally on the council, even if that was only because Hamann once served on the Nebuchadnezzar himself. "Lets hold off on the prison sentences for the time-being, shall we? Captain, is the Commander incorrect in any of his statements?"

Morpheus stood as well. He seemed to be trying to stand just a little taller and straighter than Locke. "No, Councilor. All of that is accurate."

"I see." Then he turned to Trinity. "Lieutenant." And she stood, just beside Morpheus. "You were aware of this as well?" She nodded firmly, but remained quiet. "And the rest of your crew, they knew?"

"Yes, sir."

"Anyone else, outside of your crew?"

She sighed quietly, wishing she did not have to involve anyone else in this, but knowing there was no point in lying. "I told the lieutenant of the Logos in confidence, councilor, as a personal matter between friends. He later informed Captain Niobe of Neo and his age -"

"_What_?!" Locke exclaimed suddenly. Nearly everyone in the chamber turned to find him staring, stunned and outraged at Niobe, who merely returned the look with a fierce one of her own.

Trinity turned slowly away, and continued speaking as if there had been no interruption. "We also enlisted the help of the Icarus. One of their crewmen was an old acquaintance of Neo's, we asked him to help arrange a meeting."

Councilor West was next to speak, in the haggard but authoritative voice that was so distinctly his. "That's an awful lot of people not doing their jobs, Lieutenant."

Sparks blurted suddenly, "Your honors?" It would seem that in those three days on the Neb, morally obligated to keep quiet, he had a lot of wisecracks backed up that needed to get out. "I just want to make it clear to everyone that I had no idea about this until skinny little grandpa popped his head up when we went to help the Neb, so I don't -"

"Shut up, Sparks!"

"I just want to let everyone know who's done what, Captain."

"I think we've all established that," Councilor Grace said loudly, bringing the room back under control. "But we have yet to get an explanation at to _why_ so many people would violate such important laws and protocols." No one spoke for several seconds, and everyone looked around at each other. "Feel free to start at any time."

Trinity eyed Morpheus carefully, waiting and watching as he gathered the nerve to explain himself. "I chose to unplug Neo because he is the One, Councilors."

Locke's muttered immediately, "Not this bullshit again." But the room was otherwise silent.

The councilors glanced amongst each other, exchanging looks of worry, doubt, surprise, and a few of hope. Hamann was the first to speak, finally. "Morpheus, I would be very careful about choosing your next words. Would you care to clarify?"

"There is nothing to clarify, Councilor." All of his confidence and certainty had returned. "Neo is the One, as prophesied by the Oracle."

"Council, I would like to add to my recommendation for punishment a very long stay in the mental ward of the hospital for the Captain -"

"Commander -"

Locke was getting more and more livid by the second, and his voice grew vicious at the same time. "Must I remind the Council of this man's previous claims regarding his precious One?"

Morpheus' calm was almost unnatural. "Whatever I have said before is -"

"This man has unplugged five persons he believed to be the One -"

"I was very wrong about them, and -"

"And you may also recall that only one of those five lived even three months out of the Matrix -"

But Morpheus was still human, and his patience was waning quickly. "And became one of, if not _the_ best fighter this city has ever seen. But they are irrelevant to Neo -"

Well, that part wasn't entirely true, she thought with a tiny smile.

"You forget, Captain, that in this room, you are in the minority with your beliefs -"

It was, in all likelihood, simple fascination that kept the Councilors quiet. Trinity was certainly curious to see how this increasingly childish bickering would turn out.

"The truth of something is not decided by how many people believe in it. Neo is the One. That much has been proven."

"_How_?!"

"Jason, do us all a favor for a few minutes, and _can it_. You may proceed Captain, same question."

The triumphant, _I told you so_ smirk Morpheus shot Locke was perhaps the first one she had ever seen cross his face. "Neo was trapped inside the Matrix when the sentinels were attacking our ship. During that time, he fought off an Agent and killed it once. As he reached the exit he was cornered and shot nearly a dozen times in the chest by that same Agent." Ever the dramatist, Morpheus paused there, surveying the myriad of looks from around the room - looks of mere surprise, or disbelief, some searching desperately for comprehension, and one - only one, surprisingly - that accused him of lying. "He stood up as if nothing had happened. The three Agents attempted to shoot him again, and he stopped dozens of bullets in midair. He then proceeded to delete - not merely kill, but permanently _delete_ - the Agent. And if the Commander should choose not to believe me," he continued, glaring at the man firmly and unwaveringly now, "as I suspect will no doubt be the case, he is free to simply wait until he notices that he has suddenly stopped hearing Agent Smith's name in mission reports."

Locke was seething, arms braced rigidly against the table before him once he could no longer bear to look at Morpheus, or Trinity, or any of them. Raging blood quickly turned his face a lethal shade of red. "I don't supposed you have any documented proof of this?" he muttered ferociously.

"No, I do not. Our short-term logs were destroyed in the EMP blast."

"How _convenient_ for you." He finally erected himself again, eyes fixated on some point beyond the Councilor's heads, but speaking directly to Morpheus. "How convenient also that this Neon -"

"_Neo_." The menacing, threatening correction was out of Trinity's mouth before she even realized she was the one speaking.

"- is not here to testify on the matter himself."

_Getting desperate, are we?_ "Councilors, Neo is absent on _my_ orders, not the Captain's," she explained, much more calm now. "I felt it would be best that we deal with all of this without him present, for his own protection."

"Protection from _what_, exactly?"

"Well," she mused, turning from Hamann to Locke, all spite gone from her expression, just a smooth, matter-of-fact surface. "You, mostly." He faltered instantly, though he should have been expecting that answer.

"Lieutenant," spoke West, "we have yet to hear your opinion."

"My opinion of what, sir?"

"Of Neo, if what Morpheus says is really true."

Trinity stood her ground in somber silence, debating and weighing her options. She thought of Neo, back in her apartment, probably eating by now, bored senseless. (Perhaps she should borrow some books from Ghost, but that was not the point.) She could never hope to hide him, not the One. People would find out about him eventually, and so, some time after that, they would inevitably find out about her. But still, she could hold out as long as she possibly could, and they could be together in peace, for a little while, before the worshiping masses set up camp at their - or his, maybe - doorstep. Perhaps the white lie of a merely acceptable reason for her belief would suffice, for now, anyway.

"Well? What's your verdict?"

Locke smirked this time, half in relief and half in triumph. "I can tell you myself what she'll say, Councilor. At least one person in this room seems to be on my -"

_How dare you_ - "He is the One, Councilors." _How dare you presume to know my mind. I've never told you what I think before, how dare you presume to know._ "There is not a doubt in my mind, he is the One."

Councilor Hamann - he knew her better than any of the others - studied her carefully for a long moment. "I must admit, Trinity, I never would have thought you the type. What prompted this new faith of yours?"

She sighed quietly. "I'm not speaking of matters of faith, sir -" _Oh, yes you are, that's just no concern of theirs_. "- this is a simple matter of fact."

"I'm very curious as to how you came to that conclusion."

This man was really beginning to try her patience. How did Niobe stand him? "Morpheus has given you all the explanation that you need," she began with inhuman stillness, the quiet fury that was apparent only in her eyes. Still on duty mode, maybe, but duty mode was what gave her the most control over herself and her own power. "I will gladly attest to everything he has told you - as a matter of fact I was standing right beside Neo when he died, and when came back over a minute and a half later. He stopped bullets in midair and deleted an Agent. If that is not enough evidence for you that a Believer, at least, would call him the One, I suggest you go down to the Temple and ask the first person you see praying about the last One and the Prophecy."

No one seemed to know how to respond, and the room was plunged into an immediate silence.

Locke - surprise, surprise - was the first to break out of the communal daze. "Council... while I am _highly_ disinclined to believe what either of these two are saying, especially given what has happened to the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar -"

"_Don't you dare bring them into this_ -"

"- clearly we cannot ignore the possibility that there is something severely wrong with this man." If only that old cliche were true, the one about the look that kills. If he had even managed to survive this far, after this many encounters, by tonight he certainly would be dead and buried. "It is imperative that we interrogate and test this man to determine -"

"Pardon the interruption, _Commander_, but there are a few ground rules concerning Neo that I forgot to mention." Had she not been so preoccupied and enraged, she might have taken pleasure in the look on Locke's face, that stunned look, amazed (wrongly, of course) that she would dare go _this_ far. "Anything regarding Neo, at least until he is able to make such decisions for himself, must be cleared through me. Any questioning, tests, training, or whatever else you may decide is necessary will not be done without my knowledge or consent, and anyone who dares cross the line will be dealing with me. You want to know how I'll protect him, Commander?" Every last bit of fury was channeled directly from her eyes into his. "Push me just far enough and you'll find out."

"Trinity," Councilor Grace chided with a mother's tone, silencing whatever the younger woman may have wanted to say next. " I suggest you step back for a moment and consider that what you are saying is severe insubordination and is punishable by court-marshal."

Trinity's calm returned, but this time without the fiery core. She sighed deeply. "I'm sure the Council has had enough experience with me to know that threat of a court-marshal will not prevent me from speaking my mind. I would also expect some of you in particular to know that I am only doing this for Neo's protection."

The twelve aged men and women leaned back in their chairs, whispering to each other in hushed tones and small lip movements. As the seconds ticked by, it became apparent to all those in the room that they were slowly taking up Trinity's side.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," Locke seethed. "Is the council really about to let these two off for such serious crimes and insubordination just because the Captain thinks he can get away with it if he _claims_ yet _again_ that his latest pod-born -"

Something snapped. She felt it snap, heard it rip through her inhibitions as if they suddenly had no more strength than tissue paper. Control was left alone, though, left strong and vibrant. It felt strange, to have control but no inhibitions to be ruled and reigned in, a paradox of sorts. And it was that incongruous mixture that flowed through her veins like fire as she shouted, suddenly, loudly, "I love him." And let the masses and their alone time, the war and their privacy be damned. "You want proof? There it is. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love with the One, and I have fallen in love with Neo. No amount of disbelief or ridicule from you or anyone else will change that. _I_ have final control over what happens to him, _period_. If anyone else has control, they will go _too far_. Neo has barely begun to comprehend this himself and the last thing he needs is pressure and tests and _interrogations_ from anyone, or whatever potential he may have could be compromised or lost completely because of people with too much faith or too little. You want to see what he can do, fine, but it will be on my terms. And I _guarantee_ that the Council has known me long enough to know that I will do what I _know_ is right, no matter what the consequences."

In the long, drawn-out moments that followed, as the Councilors - and everyone else, for that matter - tried to pull themselves out of their shock, the fire in Trinity's blood faded quickly, the last little spark settling deep within her, hell-bent on staying right there. Her inhibitions stitched themselves back together, wrapped around her once again. The Councilors, once they pulled themselves out of their own reverie, exchanged sidelong glances amongst themselves, silently debating. It was Hamann who finally looked up, who finally eyed Trinity for a long time, shook his head as a father might, and sighed. "Well, clearly, we have a lot to consider. The Council will adjourn -"

"Councilor Hamann!"

"That's _enough_ Commander, we are all aware of the legal charges and your opinions - professional and otherwise - of Morpheus and Trinity, and they will be taken into consideration, but so will everything else." He gave Locke a little glare of his own, to try to silence him for good this time, before turning back to her. "Trinity, we will need to meet this man and see what he can do sooner or later. Yes?"

"Of course, sir."

"All right. We'll discuss that later on. This meeting is adjourned. Don't kill each other on the way home." They all rose at once, and filed out as perfectly as they had filed in, as if this had been any other routine, all-fleet meeting.

They all managed to follow the order - only a few menacing glances and glares were exchanged, intermixed with a few smiling ones. Locke skulked off, presumably back to his offices, and the two crews seemed to be converging - to talk, to go get some food, she would never know. She, too, slipped away through a side door, blending into the morning crowd once she hit the main streets, and beginning the journey back up to her quarters, and to Neo. Somehow, by some means that she did not totally understand but that did not surprise her one bit, speaking about him like that, defending him, declaring her love to the most powerful people in the Real World, made her want to be with him, to crawl into bed beside him if he still slept, and to kiss him and melt into him if he was awake. When she rounded the curve of the street and came to the catwalk that would carry her to the elevator, she found herself sprinting across to join the small group already waiting before the closed doors. She could barely contain this sudden elation, and could barely keep a ridiculous smile from her lips. The doors finally parted, and after one group left the elevator, Trinity's group entered it, and they began their ascent.

With each floor they rose, she became more and more convinced that this elevator was hexed, because with each floor they rose, more and more of her happiness slipped away. No, not just her happiness - all emotion, everything she felt inside, great or small. Little by little, it all disappeared, blown away by the wind passing outside the elevator, a bit trapped on each floor, until she reached her own level with almost nothing left. And even then, each step took a little bit more, left a little bit more of her heart in her dusty footsteps. She tried to stop, to hold on to whatever was let, but the hex had already worked its magic, and was intent on stripping her bare no matter what she did to fight it.

When she finally made it to her door, the hand that pulled out her keys was nearly as numb as her heart, and she felt as though she were dreaming when stepped inside and closed the door, and fell to the chair just to the left of the entrance. Eventually, her eyes forced their way up to the farthest door, the one leading to the bedroom. To Neo. How could it be that only minutes ago, she had wanted nothing but to run through that door to him, and now, she felt nothing? Not love, not sadness, not anger... Just numbness, with little desire to do anything but lay there on that couch until something forced her to move or until she simply died. If she had been thinking, if she had been focusing on any one thing enough to care, she would have realized that she would have chosen the horrific pain and sadness of loss to this numbness without a second thought.

---

He didn't feel so stiff when he woke up.

He also noticed, as he slowly opened his eyes to the curved ceiling above him, that in the back of his mind there was no lurking and instinctual fear. He only felt calm, and drowsy. It was a good feeling.

He turned onto his side, and his eyes focused on the other pillow, the one that had originally been there when he crawled into this bed the night before. She had chosen that pillow to sleep on, he had reasoned; he should let her keep it, find a new one for himself. There was no head resting upon it. He wondered if, perhaps, it was not morning as he had thought, but still night, and he had only been asleep for an hour or two. Maybe Trinity was still with Tank and his family. But no - as he shifted again, sitting up slowly, he found the clock, mounted into the wall just beside the pillows, as it was in her cabin on the Neb. Staring into the glow of the green numbers hurt his eyes after such prolonged darkness, but they read 11:51 Morning after all. He wondered briefly why she would have opted for so little sleep, after - in all likelihood - being out for several hours, and being so deprived of her rest in the nights since the attack.

He brushed the thoughts away as he stood from the bed, and headed to the closet for a sweater - only to realize that, possibly for the first time in the real world, he didn't need one. Padding towards the door, he came to hear a quiet sound emanating from the other side. He couldn't help but smile, knowing she was awake, and here, and he could talk to her. He missed talking to her, the few lengthy conversations they had shared before... before everything, really. And how much better talking would be now, now that he could take her hand, sit close or, just maybe, kiss her as they spoke to each other.

Past the door, the bathroom on the left and the makeshift kitchen on the right, and into the living room, he did not see her immediately. The sound came from a computer monitor - and suddenly, the processor, mouse and keyboard sitting lonely on her desk did not seem so strange - placed in front of the couch, playing what looked like a news show. Another step showed him a few locks of black hair resting across the arm of the couch. A few more, and he found her curled up on her side, staring at the screen with a tired, mindless expression he had never seen her wear before. It made him stop abruptly and stare, swallowing a sudden lump out of his throat. She was usually so passionate and strong, and whatever emotion she held could be seen in her eyes by anyone who dared look close enough, whether it was anger, sadness, happiness, determination... But now her eyes were empty, like someone had gone into her mind and flipped the switch to off.

"In other news, a tragic report coming from military command this morning," came a man's voice, drawing his attention to the screen again. "Over half the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar was lost to us nearly four days ago -"

"I thought you didn't have TV in Zion," he blurted out suddenly, trying to cover up the anchor's voice with his own. But her eyes did not shift to him.

"Most people don't," she said coldly.

The TV prattled on. "Some initial reports say the crewmen were lost in a sentinel attack, others that the deaths occurred in the Matrix, but we have not been able to confirm either of those reports yet. We will bring you more information as the story develops..."

Even watching that - if she was really even focusing on it at all - her face remained stoic. He stood helplessly beside the couch, staring at her still body, radiating tension and ice, wanting desperately to go to her, wrap himself around her until she melted and everything was okay again - but as warmly as she had responded to him before, he could tell that any contact or intrusion now would drive her away. He kept his distance. "Trinity..." he whispered quietly, his throat suddenly dry. "Do you need anything?"

"No."

As much as he racked his brain, he could find nothing else to say or do, and turned awkwardly away, heading back toward the kitchen.

"The funeral is at two," she mumbled. "For all four of them."

It wasn't the kind of statement that expected a response, and he didn't have one anyway, so it was left at that.

He dug around in her cabinets and refrigerator for a few minutes, pulling out whatever looked interesting. He put it all on one of her few plates, and ate at the desk in her room, alone. His eyes remained at the door, and his ears beyond it, the entire time. When he was finished - 12:27, said the green glow of the clock - he stayed in that room, bored and wide awake though he was. She wanted her privacy, her space, and he would give it to her for as long as she needed it.

Just after one o'clock, he snuck into the bathroom - at the very least, she was sitting up now - to shower, and shave away what little stubble had actually begun to grow in. When he reemerged, the TV was off, and he caught a glimpse of Trinity, eating at the table. She had changed her clothes. Back in the bedroom, he toweled off as quickly as possible, and went in search of the right clothes - somehow he couldn't seem to remember where he had put anything the night before. He finally managed to dig out a black t-shirt and sweater, and black pants as well - they were unusually frayed at the cuffs, and had a few noticeable holes, but they would have to do. As he was doing all of this, there was a knock at the front door, which Trinity answered.

When he came out of the bedroom, he found her curled up on the couch again, and in the chair across from her sat Ghost. She was saying something to him, quietly, with that pained voice of hers. Neo was struck by a twinge of jealousy - she would not talk to him, the man she said she loved, but she willingly shared her feelings with Ghost? The thought was stopped abruptly as the other man saw him, studied him for a moment, and told Trinity of his presence with a silent nod of his head.

She sat up straighter and craned her neck around to see him. Dead eyes, still. She glanced over him, sighed almost imperceptibly, and turned away. "You can't wear that," she told him bluntly. She stood, and he saw that she was not wearing black, as he was, and, as a matter of fact, neither was Ghost. Trinity's dress - and that was the first shock to his system - was sleeveless, just sweeping past her knees with a sash tied at her waist. The lightweight fabric that fluttered gently as she walked was a pure, light blue that suited her beautifully. Ghost's shirt was the same color. She brushed by him without making eye contact, or even lifting her head any higher than was necessary to walk. He hesitantly followed her into the bedroom as she began flipping through the few items of his in the closet.

"What's wrong with what I have?"

Her voice was tired as she responded. "No black at funerals, at least not all black. Just isn't what we do." She finally reemerged with a different sweater, but he recognized it as hers - and it was the same color as her dress. She handed it over, and went back out to sit with Ghost. And in an instant, Neo understood - her dress, this shirt - they were Sky Blue.

---

The three of them walked to the elevator in silence, and traveled down to the bottom level in silence. She stood apart from both of them as they rode, keeping as much distance between herself and everyone else in the elevator as possible. She stood mere inches from the door, as if ready to leap out and run as soon as they reached the bottom level.

"No, she's the first officer of the Neb," she heard someone whisper, way back in the corner. How she heard it over the white noise within the elevator she didn't know, and she had hoped no one else heard, either. "A friend of mine is a mechanic up on the docks, he said the ship was half-destroyed. He says it could take over a month before it's in working order again." But no such luck. The more that woman spoke, the more she felt eyes boring into her back, gliding over the color of her dress, and Neo and Ghost's shirts. Anyone who had not known their destination before could certainly tell now. She kept still, maintaining her official stance, and her face remained as passive as it had been all day. Only her eyes moved pleadingly up, to the dials indicating the current floor. Six levels to go, and she was free.

Each second in that elevator was longer and more painful than the last. No one mentioned the trio or where they were headed after the woman in the back stopped speaking, but Trinity knew better. They were watching, thinking that they would have a story to tell their friends after work - "I saw the first officer of the Neb and her two friends going to the funeral today. She didn't even look upset, just cold and indifferent as always. You know, I just don't understand why she even bothered going to the funeral if she didn't care -"

_Shut up!_ her mind screamed as the doors finally began to crawl open. _You don't know what I think!_ She bolted from the elevator as soon as there was enough room to clear the doors, but forced herself to slow to an inconspicuous speed after just a few steps. Even so, her pace was quick, and Ghost and Neo had to jog lightly to keep up. They were staring now, both of them, in concern. But her eyes held fast to the path before her, ignoring their looks and walking just half a step ahead of them both. As they approached the entrance to the Temple, Ghost finally seemed to get it, and let his eyes fall away from her, but Neo still didn't know her so well. He followed just at her heel, as if he were trying to work up the nerve to ask her, again, if there was anything he could do. So desperate was he to comfort her that when she stopped just outside the temple opening, his face lit up, and was just about to speak, until she cut him off. "Shoes," she said flatly, but at a normal volume, as if she was trying to convince him she was fine. She slid her feet from her sandals, leaving them beside perhaps twenty other pairs, and Neo stooped, watching her carefully as he did, and undid the straps on his boots.

Ghost waited for the two at the mouth of the cave, and this time he led them away.

—

Even now, her numbness persisted, and he could not see any pain in her. That feeling was gaining strength again, that desperate urge to go to her and hold her tightly until something changed in her, something became better, but still she was too tense, too distant to accept him. He could only stare longingly at the back of her head as he followed her deeper into the cave.

They moved through a long and tunnel, the soles of his feet gathering dust as he moved over the smooth rock. They emerged into a massive cavern, and despite his worries, Neo could not help but stare in awe. The sheer size of it was like no other enclosed space he had ever seen before, even in the Matrix, and he wondered how they managed to keep it from collapsing in on itself. Those pillars of rock - he'd never been able to remember what they were called - didn't seem nearly strong enough to keep it up. There were dozens of alcoves all around the edges of the cavern, and each one somehow emitted a softly glowing yellow light. It made the cavern beautiful.

"Neo."

She was waiting, her tired eyes staring at him over her shoulder just ahead of him, and he realized that he had stopped to admire this Temple of Zion, and that had been a mistake. Same problem as last night, and she no longer seemed to have the energy to tell him the little white lie that it was all right. He jogged after her, and she led him away into one of the many alcoves.

There were already a few people mingling around, Morpheus and Tank, Niobe and Sparks, some people he did not know. He looked around, counted as best he could with people moving around. There were perhaps a dozen people he did not know, and, counting himself, that meant only twenty or so people there at all. He looked around for a clock, but he could not find one, and he did not remember what time it had been when they left her apartment. Still, he hoped that it was still early, that there were more people coming. This couldn't possibly be it, could it? Twenty people to mourn four? Dozer was easily the kindest most lovable man he had ever met, Mouse had been out three years and was exactly the kind of kid to have plenty of like-minded friends, and Switch and Apoc, despite their intensity and soldier mindsets, were good people, good friends. Surely there must be more people on the way...

He turned around to ask Trinity that very question, only to find himself alone. With a quick look around, he found her with Niobe, talking quietly. Jealousy hit him again, until she turned enough to see her face. It was just small talk - she looked like she'd much rather be sitting alone in a corner somewhere until they got started.

"There's some people you should meet," Ghost said politely, formally as he stopped beside Neo.

He said nothing at first. Just kept staring at Trinity, trying desperately to understand her. He failed miserably, and he sighed heavily. _Fuck the smalltalk_. "Why is she being like this?" he asked, not realizing how much anger he carried toward her until the words came out.

"What do you mean?" He sounded defensive, like he'd heard the tone in Neo's voice.

It felt like betraying her to feel like this, to be angry at her coldness. But it made no sense - she always felt _something_ whether she let the rest of the world see it or not, and now, no matter how hard he looked, he could not even find the tiniest shred of emotion. He felt, in all honesty, that she had absolutely no right to shun and shut out the memories of some of her closest friends. "Why is Trinity acting the way she is?"

This seemed to clarify for Ghost, and he sighed as well, searching for the words to explain. "That's just... Trinity. It's how she's always been, at times like this."

That didn't help him much, not with understanding or gaining sympathy. "But she's not acting like anything has happened, she's just... completely shut down."

"Listen, Neo..." He could suddenly tell that this man was about as worried about Trinity as he was, and cared as much, too. "I've known her for over twelve years. This happens every single time she loses someone. It's just how she copes. She's always so intense that if she lets it all go at once it'll completely overwhelm her." From the way he was staring at her, Neo could tell he had the same urge to go take care of her, if only she'd let him. "She has to let it all cool off for a while before she can deal with it. Normally, you can barely tell she's trying to cope at first and then... everything comes crashing down at once."

His anger toward her attitude had faded significantly - not totally gone, but severely weakened if nothing else. "How long does that take?"

He shrugged. "The initial sadness is usually pretty immediate, but that's tame compared to the real thing. That part? Depends. I've seen it take two days, I've seen it take two months. Kind of ironic - the more she cared, the less you'll be able to tell, and the longer it takes. With these four..." he shook his head, staring at her turned back intently. "I can't imagine. She's never lost so many people she loved so much at once. If it took her years to truly come to terms with it, it wouldn't surprise me one bit."

He watched Trinity as she moved away from Niobe and on to Tank and a few of the people he didn't know. She mindlessly hugged each of them, clearly no more interested in being with them than she was with Niobe, and as he watched the last of his anger ebbed away, replaced by guilt. This was _her_ life, this was _her_ family - she had every right to feel however she wanted about them. He left her alone to talk - even if he gave her an out, he knew her well enough to know that she would never take it; she had a duty to these people, a responsibility, and she would not shun it for anything.

Over the next few minutes, several more people entered, none of whom he recognized (and still he could not believe how empty this room really was) and the last three, two women and one man, he guessed were the ones performing the ceremony. Everyone moved off to one side of the cavern, surrounding a small alter he had not noticed before. As he drew closer, finding himself between one of those women he didn't know and Trinity, he saw four simple, clay jars set in a row on the table, and though he was surprised to see them, he knew instantly what they were. "They cremated them already?" he asked before he remembered the state of the woman he was asking. Thankfully, though, his words did not seem to damage her any more than she already was. She nodded without saying anything, and one of the priestesses began the ceremony by lighting four white candles - and these were the first things in the real world he had see that truly were white.

Neo paid little attention to the actual ceremony, or to the people who spoke. He couldn't quite understand or follow the Zionist ritual, anyway. His focus was almost exclusively on Trinity, watching her face. Her eyes were either downcast, staring at the reddish stone of the floor, or closed. At first, he thought that maybe she was praying when she did this - because even though she did not seem the religious type, it was so easy to imagine her praying - but he slowly began to realize that she was breaking, that initial breaking and pain Ghost was talking about, and she was trying to keep it in; or, maybe, she was just trying to keep everyone from seeing it, from looking into her eyes and knowing just how weak she truly was now. It was so easy to imagine her doing that, too. Her body was still tense, her arms folded over one another with each hand clutching the opposite elbow tightly enough for the knuckles to turn white. It was the same kind of tension and ice that kept him away all afternoon, and he wished it would go away so he could comfort her.

He watched her for a good twenty minutes during the lengthy funeral, waiting for her to open up just enough, to give him the opportunity to give her whatever comfort he could. Somewhere towards the end of the end of the ritual, after she had not moved, opened her eyes or changed her demeanor at all for almost five minutes, he realized that he would never get such an opportunity. He took those two steps to stand behind her, molded himself into her back, with his arms wrapped firmly around her waist and his chin resting in the crook of her neck, and let anyone who might look at them with wide eyes be damned.

It probably took another five minutes of stillness, but she finally let go of her own arms and let her hands drift down to cover his.

---

Trinity did not drink at the wake, like many - most - of the others were. She had always had mixed results with drinking through pain, and fighting a hangover through pain, in the past, and she really didn't feel like dealing with that this time. So she took Neo around, introduced him to everyone - Dozer's parents, his sister, brother-in-law, his wife, his twins - and she nearly broke down at that, thinking of the future these three-year-olds had lost with Dozer's death, how few memories they had to choose from with a fleet medic for a father, how, being so young, they would probably not even remember those. There were some of Tank and Dozer's family friends there, a few of Switch and Apoc's friends from the fleet, and two teenagers she didn't know who turned out to be here for Mouse. The boy said he was Mouse's roommate during his brief stay at the orphanage, and the girl said she had been his girlfriend for a whole two weeks around the same time. Both admitted they hadn't known him all that well, but still felt they should pay their respects anyway.

Once that had been taken care of, she felt a bit lost. She had never been horribly fond of parties or gatherings such as this, where there was little else to do but talk. It didn't help matters that talking was the last thing she felt like doing then, and even having Neo by her side didn't help. She found herself dragged into a small conversation group a few times, talking about one person or another. She told her own stories when she had to, but kept them brief, explained that Neo had not known them very long - though he did have one little anecdote to share about his first meeting with Switch - and bow out as soon as she could. After an hour or so, she found herself sitting alone on the couch, waiting for Neo to bring them more water and a little plate of food to share. As her eyes moved from person to person around the room, trying not to let her ears pick up the conversations, she suddenly felt so exhausted, and it took all her effort to keep her eyes open. Neo, who was turning out to be far more perceptive than she thought, noticed it from halfway across the room when he first saw her. The plate and two cups were abandoned on the end table, and he busied his free hand by tangling it with hers.

"You tired?"

"Yeah," she smiled wryly, her voice coming out just above a whisper.

"You want to go home?" She inhaled, about to protest when he cut her off. "And forget about what you're _supposed_ to do, Trin." That was the first time he ever called her that, and she was just alert enough to love the way it sounded form him, the way he said it with love - for her. "You've done more than anyone else could ever be expected to, and you've barely slept in four days, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was even longer than that." Yes, much more perceptive than she thought. "Do you _want_ to go home?"

She glanced around the room again, and decided they would all be okay without her. "Yeah. Let's go."

They said goodbye to no one, just slipped out the door unnoticed. He slipped his arm around her back and under hers to support her as they walked, and she surprised herself by accepting the help. The family level, where Tank and Dozer's parents lived, was many stories away from the military level, and she dreaded the long trip. He kept her standing as they waited for the elevator, and as they stepped inside, by some miracle getting the place all to themselves. As the doors closed and she leaned on him even more heavily, she vowed to demand that the Council place benches inside the elevator and at each waiting area.

The movement of the elevator was soothing, and talking was the only thing she could think of to keep herself awake. "I should tell you... I'm probably going to have to take you to meet some people tomorrow, some of the military advisors and the High Council." She lifted her head as much as she could - somehow, it had found her way onto his shoulder - and found him with a confused look on his face. She couldn't help grinning. "Sorry, but we had to rat you out today. Council wasn't too happy about Morpheus unplugging a thirty-year-old, they dragged us in to explain ourselves. They're probably going to want to see what you can do, but if you don't feel comfortable with anything that they ask, let me know and I'll get you out of it." She looked up again - because somehow her head had drifted back to his shoulder and her eyes had closed themselves. This time he was a bit bewildered, shocked by some memory. She grinned wider. " Don't tell me you forgot you're the One?"

He let out a goofy, embarrassed little laugh, rubbing his hand over his bristly head. "Yeah... guess I sorta did."

She was amazed to find, suddenly, that he was putting her in a joking mood - she hadn't been in a mood like that in a very long time. Standing here beside him was relaxing her, forcibly stripping away the soldier in duty mode until she was just any other woman, heading home with the man she loved. "Hmm," she smiled, sarcastically shaking her head. "And after I brought you back from the dead and everything."

"Well... _that_ part I remember perfectly."

Trinity studied Neo carefully, watching him as his eyes turned down to meet hers. She never kissed him since they docked here in Zion. Even on the ship, they had had their first night, and then practically nothing but gentle smiles and caresses. She decided suddenly and without a second thought that that needed to be changed, and she slipped her free hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to her.

It was different kissing him this way, too, when they were totally alone, when there was no danger lurking in the tunnels around them, no work that needed to be done, and a full night to sleep as long as they wanted, undisturbed in a warm, soft bed. It was different to kiss him while thinking of just how wrong she had been. She remembered what she had once said to the Oracle, what she had always told herself and everyone else. I don't _want_ to fall in love. I never _will_ fall in love. Love will tie me down and steal my strength and make me a weak soldier who can't do her job and lets everyone around her die because of her own weakness. She realized now, as he moved those newborn-soft lips against hers, more than any time in the last four days, how wrong and... _stupid_ she had been, how afraid she must have been to say and think those things. Just four days in, and love was doing more for her than anything else ever had, relaxing her more thoroughly, despite everything, making her happier than she had ever been...

As the elevator began grinding to a halt, she kissed him one last time before pulling away, more exhausted - but happier - than she had been all day. Her head fell down to his chest, and it stayed that way, as he supported her half-sleeping form the rest of the way home.


	15. Epilogue

So here it is, folks and loyal fans... the epilogue!!! And on a side note, lets just say that this chapter is... _adults only_. winkwink (Some of you really need to be more patient about these sorts of things.) On that note, let me just say that this is my first real attempt at writing smut, so I would love all the feedback you would be willing to give me, even if it's just a two word review. Am I good at smut, do I suck at smut (no pun intended)...? It's the kind of thing a writer needs to know for future reference.

Happy reading!

---

Knowing and Walking

Epilogue

---

The thud of the closing door was louder than usual, with his weight pushing it into place. _Poor thing_, she thought, glancing at him over her shoulder as she flipped on the harsh light. _Real world's not easy_. She leaned against the table, watching for a moment as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Most of his morning had been spent sitting around with the Council in their private chambers, and most of his afternoon in the Construct. Trinity had almost forgotten that such a lack of physical activity could leave one as tired as a day of work, but that just went to show how long - too long - she had been unplugged, and how many days she spent motionless in a chair. But so it was, and so it had been today, as his mind used all of his energy.

There had been the standard introductions, and he probably didn't remember the name of even one of the Councilors by now. And then Councilor Grace - just moments after the introduction - had the audacity and damn _nerve_ to say that they should talk to Neo alone, for a while at least, even after all that she had said the day before. Hadn't this woman been listening? But then there was this little feeling in her mind, like a child tugging at the hem of her shirt, one that she had felt a few times by then, and she looked to Neo, only to find him nodding reassuringly. _I can handle a few minutes alone with them_, he seemed to tell her. So she left the room quietly, without protest, only whispering to Neo as she left that the Council already knew about them. She waited outside, quietly curled up against the wall, for about an hour and a half, and when she was finally invited back in, Neo seemed none the worse for wear.

Then they had spoken to the two of them together, about everything and nothing, new topics and ones she could tell they had already covered with Neo, or ones that had already asked Trinity herself. They talked about Neo's life, the nearly year-long investigation of him (and hadn't his eyes grown wide at that revelation), his resurrection and everything in between. She had to fight the urge to tell them, when they asked, that their relationship was strictly private, and was instead forced to reassure them that a ship-board romance would not jeopardize anyone, least of all Neo and Trinity themselves.

That was probably it, and if she asked him, she knew he would tell her the same thing. That moment, when the swore to the Council that their love could do only good, was the moment when they first began to feel like a team, like there was more to them and their relationship, something that made them different from every other couple in the world. That their love was no mere coincidence but the source of their power and potential, even though she knew they had not even scratched the surface of Neo's ability. And maybe, she could not help but think, the Oracle's manipulation really did have its purpose, as the old woman was always saying things did.

After a while of that, some of the Councilors decided that tests were in order, and Trinity was surprised when, once again, Neo had no problem with this. She wondered, as they all made their way to the nearest Core, if she had underestimated him in this regard as well, if maybe he was just a bit more self-confident and independent than he had shown her since she first began watching him. Though he did seem grateful when she explained, just before they went in, that he had not been plugged in since the sentinel attack on their ship, and had only been the One for mere seconds before that. Expectations should remain reasonable.

The two of them and the pod-born Councilors had stayed there for hours, she had lost track of exactly how many. They started out slowly, with little things, but Trinity was quite certain that had she not been there to keep them in check, in their excitement they would have demanded he begin his demonstration by stopping real bullets. But she was with him, his guardian, so they started with simple telekinesis, and went from there. Of course, they did get to the bullets eventually. They were training bullets at her insistence, designed to pass right through a human RSI, on the off-chance that he couldn't stop them today. But of course he did stop them, each and every one, and his power did not fatigue even though they made him do it dozens of times.

She showed him the gardens when they were finally done, as she had promised this morning. As they walked about, hand in hand, quietly enjoying the simplicity, he leaned in close to her, and shyly admitted that he never would have been able to do it if she hadn't been there, that he was terrified and nervous and was only able to do it because she was there watching him, encouraging him. She smiled a little, half hiding her face from him, and then they had come home.

He moved away from the door now, dragging his feet across the floor of the living room and into the bedroom. She followed, kicking her sandals off just inside the door. Neo was sitting on the bed, tugging at his shoelaces until they were just loose enough to allow him to slip his boots off. "We need to get you some shoes to wear around the city." He scoffed quietly, and once both feet were free, he fell flat on the bed, draping one arm over his eyes.

His adorable demeanor almost made her want to laugh, but she kept quiet, knowing how tired he was, that he needed to relax. She sat on the edge of the bed, disturbing the mattress as little as possible. She kept staring at him, she had been all day. She couldn't help it. "You did well today," she whispered, careful to give his ears a rest as well.

He scoffed again, but weaker this time. "How many more times are they gonna make me do that shit?" He pulled his hand away from his eyes, let them stare at the curvature of the stone above him.

She smiled. "Hopefully not many."

Neo laughed at something in her voice, quietly but beautifully, and his eyes were closed again. She shifted on the bed, kneeling just beside him, and bent over his body, an arm on either side of his head. She kissed him, gently but firmly, bringing him fully back into consciousness as he kissed back. Her hands brushed over the fuzz on his head, massaging it as though the hair had grown out already, and his hands responded by finding a niche around her waist. Their bodies stayed connected at all of these points as Trinity shifted, throwing one leg to the other side of his body to straddle his hips. He gasped quietly as she did so, but after that just kept on kissing her. Their lips were held tightly together for several minutes, until they came to a natural pause, taking the opportunity to catch their breath. They both opened their eyes as they panted, in an eerie sort of sync with each other.

God, she loved him. She came to that startling realization many times a day, at the moments when he took her breath away. It was almost like she would forget, for a time - though that wasn't really the case, and never would be - that she loved him, that he loved her. It was an amazing feeling when she remembered, like falling in love for the very first time. They were in love, alive, safe... and most importantly at the moment, _alone_, in her bed, with no one to interrupt and nowhere to be.

Their eyes remained locked as their breathing slowed, and he rubbed her hip a little, urging her back down. The impulse inside her was incessant, and in an instant, just as Neo was lifting his head to resume the kiss, she pushed herself up, sitting straight as Neo sported a bewildered, dejected look. The smirk on her face was almost imperceptible, though she watched his face for a moment, with some amusement, before sliding her hands just below his field of vision to the hem of her dark blue lieutenant's shirt, and lifted.

Once the sweater was off, and her face was unobstructed, her eyes returned to Neo, and the look he wore now was very different. His eyes were wide, mouth gaping, and the only part of his body not frozen were his hands, which were clenching at her hips compulsively. She let him see her coy smile now, and made certain he noticed the lovingly seductive look in her eye. He shifted beneath her, a little uncomfortably, and she could feel him growing hard. Her hands slid down again, now to the hem of the plain, grey undershirt she wore. There was nothing else beneath this layer of fabric, and she knew Neo could tell. The thought made her heart race as she began to lift the shirt, slowly, revealing a inch of skin at a time, arching and contracting her back a just the right times for maximum effect. She felt him writhing beneath her, his breath coming out shorter and his hands clenching at her thighs, begging her to speed up. But she chose the different scenario, and instead, the fabric that covered her breasts was removed more slowly than the rest.

Neo didn't like that. As he was forced to wait, his hips were continually shifting beneath her, trying to relieve some of his tension, and his hands rubbed the exposed skin along the sides of her waist, begging her to _hurry up_! This almost made her go slower, to prolong his suffering and make him want her more - although she was well aware that was probably impossible. She took her sweet time, tossing the shirt gracefully to the center of the room when it was free. When she looked back down to Neo, she felt herself blush profusely. No one had ever really looked at her the way he was now. Some of the men she had slept with in her life wore similar looks when they first saw her body, but those were just lonely, sex-starved fleet boys who were just immensely grateful to get laid. Neo was different. His was a gaze of admiration and awe at her beauty, joy at his luck that she had ever chosen him, and love. As her cheeks cooled, she smiled at him, not a coy or seductive look, but a genuine smile to return the love he was showing her.

His hands, so eager before, now kept themselves firmly over her hipbones, as though he had not expected her to be so beautiful, or was suddenly afraid she'd change her mind - about sex, or even about him. It made him so endearing, but she was not about to have any of that. Quickly stripping off his shirt to leave his pale and underdeveloped chest exposed, she took his hands in hers and lifted, pressing one palm to each breast. His breath hitched in his throat, and he began caressing her skin gently, as if his hands were moving on their own. She let him continue for a few moments, savoring this feeling, before lowering herself back down to him, pressing their bodies together once again. He immediately shifted his hands to her back, learning the feel of her smooth skin and pressing her close at the same time. They kissed fervently as their bodies began to move in tandem, rocking on the bed.

After a few moments, one of his hands slid between them, picking at the button on her pants in a futile attempt to remove them. Feeling that he was getting himself nowhere, she sat up just far enough to do it herself. "Trin..." The desire in his voice sparked something that made her move faster. She pulled herself off of him, just long enough to take here pants off herself. Neo pulled his own off almost faster than she did.

Once that was done, and after a quick once-over of him, she moved her body over his again, propping herself up on her elbows, and kissed him. It was slow, deep and long, and all the while she was sure he could feel her racing heart - she could certainly feel his. "I love you, Neo," she whispered, and with a deep breath to settle her nerves, slowly lowered her body, and let it sink down onto his.

Neither of them moved for a moment after they were connected. Trinity was breathing hard as she gave herself a moment to get used to the feeling, both emotionally and physically. Of the many thoughts clouding her mind at the moment, the clearest one was that this felt right, that she loved Neo and Neo loved her, and now was the right time for them, and no number of even the most heartfelt words could ever express how much she loved him right now.

Even with her head clearer, she did not begin to move immediately. She now lowered her torso down to him, pressing light kisses to his lips, cheek, jaw, and down to his neck. Once he was distracted by that, focused on her lips, she rolled her hips slowly, and was granted a quiet moan into her ear. She smiled against the dip between his collarbones and repeated the motion, a bit more strongly this time. She nestled her face in the crook of his shoulder now, draping her arms around their heads like halos. She made sure to move slowly, to draw out the sensations for him. Neo, on the other hand, could barely keep himself still. He was unconsciously meeting her motions with small thrusts of his own. His hands were everywhere, caressing every inch of skin he could reach - her back, legs, arms, the sides of her stomach and breasts - trying to learn where she was most sensitive, what touches felt best. But she refused to allow him to distract her, and continued her slow and steady motions until he came, squeezing her tightly and gasping her name.

When he had stilled again, she lifted her head and kissed a line back up his neck, ending with his lips. She let her forehead rest against his as she waited for his eyes to open, and when they finally did, she was smiling again. It amazed her, still, how much she had to love Neo to smile more now, just days after her world fell apart, than during even the most peaceful and happy times of her life. He was blushing a little, but he smiled back.

---

Trinity sat up a little, slowly separating their bodies, and lay down beside him. With a hand across his chest, she urged him to turn on his side to face her, and he did, albeit reluctantly, not meeting her eyes directly.

Damn real-world body... He may not have been the most stellar lover in the Matrix, but at least there he could last more than a lousy _minute_ - but Trinity cut off the thought, cupping his face with both hands and pulling him back for another kiss. It was as sensuous and deep as the ones before it, and as she gently pushed his tongue with hers, he decided she must not be mad about it. That was exactly the reason why he loved her, why this beautiful, loving woman, who had seen him through all his hardships in this new life made his limbs weak and his heart pound every time he saw her.

The long day was catching up with him even while they were still kissing, and he felt himself beginning to nod off. But just as he was about to surrender to sleep, separating from her with one more languid kiss, he realized (feeling like a totally incompetent moron for not noticing immediately) that Trinity had not come herself. Forcing his mind back into consciousness enough to scold himself for almost letting her go unsatisfied, he made himself focus, and come up with a plan.

One hand caressed the skin along her side and hipbone, Neo's way of telling her his plan, as he was far too nervous to say the words out loud. She responded well, moaning softly and making him shiver with the slight vibration of her lips. He pushed gently on this same hip, and she gladly turned to lie on her back. Their lips were still tightly bound together, and Neo tried to take a discreet glance down at her body, even though he could barely see her this way. But when his hand made its way into the dip between her hip and abdomen, and she bent her opposite leg up, expressing her willingness and desire all at once, he felt a sudden surge of courage and boldness, and tore his mouth away so he could admire her properly. _Beautiful_. When he looked into her eyes, they were filled with lust and love, and he couldn't tell where one of those desires began and the other ended.

He did not kiss her again, but rested their foreheads together, watching her eyes closely as he gathered his nerve, and let his hand drift downward those last few inches. Her eyes snapped shut, and she bit her bottom lip tightly. She let him continue on his own for a moment or two, so he was disheartened when she placed her own hand over his, each of her fingers over one of his, and began leading his motions. But he quickly realized she was doing them both a favor in teaching him now, in showing him the exact steps of the dance as she had learned them over her many years. After a few moments, she took her hand away, and let him take control again. He certainly seemed to have learned to do properly - after a minute or two of his ministrations, she was writhing gently on the blankets, tightly clutching his shoulders, arms and back. "_Faster _-" she gasped once, and he did, and soon after an expression of ecstacy passed over her face, and she froze with a soft cry s she came in his arms.

He tucked her hair out of her face as she came down from her high, kissing her damp temples as he waited for her. When her heart beat slowly again, she caught his eyes and held them, and there he could see all her love for him, spoken without words.

She always kept an extra blanket folded across the foot of the bed, and he pulled it up and draped it over their bodies. Beneath the worn, soft cotton, the pair settled themselves in a comfortable position, with him on his back, and her curled up along side him, taking his shoulder for her pillow. As they began drifting off, Neo decided that his eyes did not have the power of hers, and that words would suit him just fine. "I love you, Trinity." Her tiny, tired kiss, just over his heart, was the last sensation he felt before he fell into a peaceful sleep.

---

---

And that, my dear readers, is the end of Knowing and Walking. I thank you all very much for reading, and hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. While I have no plans for yet another sequel detailing our favorite couple's adventures between this point and Reloaded, I will keep writing, and some of those ficlets will involve these two during that timeframe. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, there's another big Matrix Fanfic floating around in my head somewhere. :)

Again, I thank you for your support.


End file.
